Monday, July 16, 2012

Holding On

Is it healthy or even necessary to hold on to people from one's past? I know I used to be the girl who was cool with staying friends after the relationship ran its course. I think I wanted to prove how adult I was about the relationship ending. For the most part, I've had no problem with ex's staying in their respectable places in my life. I haven't had too many instances where me and a guy have had a truly bad break up. I am Facebook friends with ex's. I have only had one time where an ex came at me sideways via FB messaging. I promptly told him off and deleted him. I'm not here for that drama. I've actually gotten into more drama when an ex has a new boo. That has been the issue for me when it came to maintaining some sort of relationship with these men.

I know that not everyone I meet on this journey are meant to stay. Just like I'm not meant to stay in theirs. Why do some people hold on? Granted there are some that I geniunely miss the friendship. But, the reality is that once that line has been crossed, it's close to impossible to go back the other way. I no longer feel the need to hold on to that connection from my past. It's quite irrelevant to my life right now. I don't pick up the phone to call or text the way I used to. Hell, I have even cut out all of the mass emailing I used to do. I don't want to misrepresent myself as available to my past. I've lived it. I know what happened there, good or bad. It's a chapter in my story but it is not the whole thing. I may get a random text or two. And, any man who attempts to communicate with me already know who I am and what I'm about.

I'm not impressed anymore with the emotions of the past. I dealt with any lingering feelings in the proper and improper ways a long time ago. Before I allowed myself to move up & on, I knew in my heart that I was not holding a torch for any man. I was completely over everything in 2009. It took me a long time to actually deal with what was in my heart then. But, I did. And, I was a better woman for it. In the end, I wish no one in my past dating life any harm. If I see them, I'll speak. May even hold a conversation. Hope they know not to take anything I do as flirting at this stage. I'm not here for that. The girl that I was years ago grew up. She became a woman in her own right, at her own pace. I thought keeping lines of communication open made me seem more adult, more mature. When, in fact, it just kept me chained to my past. I learned that lesson the hard way. But, I learned it!! That was the most important part. In hindsight, I've learned that some people just do not deserve a place in my present day life. That isn't mean. It just shows that they were season or reason people and not lifetime people. No more holding on.

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