Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Party & Bullshit

I heard this Biggie song today and it made me reminisce. Mainly because it's one of the few Biggie songs I actually like. I may get stoned for that statement but I'm a Tupac fan. Anyway, I digress. I think that life can fall into the two categories in the title of the song. All great things will end up in the "party" pile while everything else ends up in the "bullshit" pile. We all want, need, desire more of the "party" pile. As we all should.

I'm beginning to believe that all things in life come in waves. When things are good, they are very, very good. Every day is a bright and sunny day. I'm in a great mood. No one or nothing can handcuff my joy. It's as if I'm having a great hair day and my wrap is hanging just right. Everything is going my way. I feel really lucky. You know that euphoric feeling you get when you find money in the street or get something for free. That's the party aspect of things.

However, when things are bad, they are worse. I feel like a dark Cumuleus cloud is right on top of me. Everything that is bad just rains down on me. Its hard to come from under that torrential downpour to see the light. Its just not good. The "bullshit" comes in many forms. Be it small or large, it all has the ability to drain my good energy. Those days are never ones I desire.

I'm leaving my bad days behind me. I'm focused on all the good things in my life. Embracing good and light into my life while cutting off anything negative. Life's too short to wallow in the "bullshit." Someone else can have all of that. There is too much good in life to get stuck in a rut. As I bobbed my head to "Party & Bullshit," it reminded me of a simpler time. I'm claiming all the great things in life. Simply because I deserve it. Now, I'm ready to finish my "party" pile.

Monday, May 30, 2011

It's Memorial Day!

I am so thankful on today and everyday to all the men and women in the armed services. Thank you for your service. Thank you for fighting for us and protecting us. We all know that freedom isn't free. We can sleep peacefully at night because of the work all of you do. I don't think we say it enough.

Happy Memorial Day!!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Two Sides To Every Coin

There are only two categories a person can fall into. They are nice or mean. There really isn't a happy medium between the two. I think that a person can be both at any given time due to the situation. Being too much of either can be a bad thing.

I have definitely been a victim of being too nice. When it comes to my family, I have often over-extended myself. The problem with being too nice is people tend to either take you to granted or use you. Neither of those actions feel good to the recipient. I have learned how to be nice without compromising myself. It started with being able to say no and mean it. Being able to say goodbye to any situation that isn't beneficial to me in any way. My niceness now has a barometer. I had to learn when to say when and when to say "leave me the hell alone." My sanity is better for it.

On the converse side of that, I can be mean. But, it's never unwarranted. When I've been wronged, I definitely have a mean streak. Once a person is on that side of me, it's a bad situation. My brother says I have a way of looking at people that makes them cringe if I'm mad. I am so good at keeping that size of me in check. My temper has calmed down a lot. I'm grateful for that. It needed too. My mouth, however, is still very slick. I'm working on it though.

I've learned that my words are better when I use them efficiently. I am genuinely nice to the people I come in contact with. There are exceptions to every rule though. I try to be the best method is can be at any given time. Losing my cool is not an option any more. I'm a 31 year old woman who wants to be defined by my good characteristics. So I'm working on that. Besides, nice Kenda I so much more fun to be around. How nice or mean are you? Which side do you prefer? Let me know!

Friday, May 27, 2011

6 Minutes, 6 Challenges, 36 Words

Sometimes six-word stories can communicate more than a full paragraph can.

In 6 words describe:

# 1: Your childhood -
*Carefree happiness always reminds of home*

# 2: Your deepest regret -
*Not saying goodbye to my Dad*

# 3: Your biggest aspiration -
*To happily live my life outloud*

# 4: What you fear most -
*Never being enough and dying alone*

# 5: Yourself -
*Simply complex woman who writes nostalgia*

# 6: Love -
*Best gift God gave the world*

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Unpopular Opinion Challenge

To be answered and completed with grace and understanding on both sides of opinions expressed: Let your opinions pour out.Here I go...

1. A selection of television programs you do not care for.
The Bachelor/ette, any Kardashian show.

2. A selection of musical artists you do not care for.
Taylor Swift, Ke$ha, T-Pain, Soulja boy, YC, pretty much anyone who makes dumb music.

3. A selection of celebrities you couldn’t care less about.
All the Kardashians.

4. A hobby you “don’t get”.
Stamp collecting.

5. A habit you find disgusting.
Smoking & chewing tobacco.

6. Something in school you really liked doing that everyone else bitched over.
Writing term papers.

7. Your favorite household chore.

8. Popular video games that make you go “meh”.
Almost all of them. I don't really rock with video games anymore.

9. PC or MAC?
PC for now. But I really want a MAC.

10. A sport you don’t like, for whatever reason.
Bull fighting.

11. A sport you really like, for whatever reason.

12. Television programs you love but have gotten shit for liking.
Housewives franchise.

13. Musical artists you love but have gotten shit for liking.
Beyonce' and any other random music I happen to like.

14. A hobby you have/find interesting that other people bother you over/make fun of.

15. A habit you have that other people bug you over.
Eating Ice.

16. Something in school you hating doing and it felt like everyone else loved.

17. The household chore that makes you want to shoot your own face off.
Washing dishes.

18. A selection of video games that you enjoy that perhaps you really shouldn’t.

19. A celebrity crush that maybe even you don’t understand.
None I can think of right now.

20. Free rant on whatever grinds your gears at the moment.
A few things but I refuse to give the bs the energy that it clearly wants. I'm good on that.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Inside My Head

Blogging wise, this has been a very slow week. After pouring my heart and soul into my Father Files: Part I and Father Files: Part II, I was not in a good writing space. I did not think that I would get so emotional bringing up the past or my Dad. It was huge. It made me think a lot about growing up. The things I did and did not get. After a lot of introspection, I came to a conclusion. I am more than happy with the woman that I've become.

Every thing that has happened in my life has happened for a reason. All the good, bad, and in between shaped me into myself. That is something that I cannot deny. I could hold onto all of that hurt and let it kill me inside. Or, I can do what I've done. And that is live my life. I know what I want for my children. I also know that there is no way to get everything in life right. We are here to experience it all. We're gonna mess up. Sometimes, these mistakes will be huge. Sometimes, they will just feel huge. No matter what, we have another day to get it as close to right as we can. That is the beauty of life. We are not our parents or our upbringings or our surroundings. We have the free will to be whomever we chose to be.

So, I decided to be happy, to smile, to live, to just be me. I cannot dwell on my Father's shortcomings or how hard life can be at times. I live for the good times and good days. I love to laugh. Sometimes, I forget that because I stay in my head so much. We have to embrace life. It is ours for the taking. Life is for the living. I will not stop living because something isn't going exactly as planned. I do believe that God laughs at our best laid plans. Live and let live. So, I've gotten myself out of my emotionally drained head space. I have done my best to lay my ghosts to rest. the only movement is forward from here on out.

*R.I.P. Kenneth Jerome Hawkins Sr. I love you.*

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A Perfect Love Song

I love a great love song. The right melody with the right lyrics laid carefully on top of it is a wonderful thing. It is happiness personified to my ears. And, whether I'm in love or not, an awesome love song will always be acknowledged. there is just something about them that makes me feel hopeful and happy from the first note. In a world filled with raunchy, simple, and verbally abusive music, a song about love is rare. A great song about love is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Love songs have the ability to touch us all. I think the reason is that we all want love, have love, need love and/or want to stay optimistic about love. That is an undeniable trait in all humans. We crave love. We crave the intimacy. I think a person who can intelligently evoke those emotions through any medium of writing are special. It takes a lot to tap into those emotions and evoke a response from people. Writers do that. It is our basic foundation. Love songs make the world a happier, cheerful place. I can be an emotional woman at times. A wonderful song will definitely take me there.

What makes a perfect love song to you? Is it about the lyrics or the melody? Or does it have more to do with the artist singing the song? I think it's a combination of the first two. The artist is always an after thought to me. I am usually to caught up in the words to notice the artist. After hearing a really beautiful song the other day, I wanted to share a few of my favorite love songs. I hope that you will share your favorites with me as well.

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Father Files: Part II "Elusive Houdini"

There are things about myself that are unchangeable. My Father being a revolving door character in my life is one. They say that a girls first love is her father. In my life, this was so true. I was such a Daddys girl. He was the light of my life. I was his twin. A little chocolate colored version of Kenneth. I never knew how far away from those feelings I would get.

My parents married young at 19 & 20 years old. In hindsight, my Father was not ready for the family he had. By the time my brother Kendrick was born (almost 6 years after me), the marriage was irretrievably broken. They had failed at marriage. My Mom moved forward. My Father would become, for the next 12 years, an elusive figure in my life. He was never really around for any of scholarly accomplishments. He did not contribute financially or emotionally. My Mom worked 2 & 3 jobs to provide for my brother & I. I became disillusioned with my Father. The love fest was over. I did not understand how he could feel good living his life when his kids were struggling. He always seemed so nonchalant about it all.

His Houdini-like acts always left me angry and emotional. By the time I got to high school, my relationship with him was laughable. I challenged him at every given chance. I loved him but had no respect for him. I just didn't understand how he could claim to love us but not do anything to help us survive. He was not the man I once believed him to be. That saddened me on so many levels. In between all of this, I called myself falling in love. I did not have a clue as to what that was or about. I thank my Father to my distorted views.

The bottom line was that I needed him and he wasn't available. He didn't school me on boys or life or love. But I learned major lessons by watching his actions. I was broken then and didn't know it. His thoughtless action caused deep seeded consequences. I'm old enough to recognize it now. I took his nonchalantness as callous and careless. He simply did not care. How could he not care about his firstborn, his daughter? I did not comprehend that.

My Father not being in my house growing up affected me negatively. His not being a constant presence in my life made me feel less than. It took me a long time to admit any of this. I think that I am a better woman for recognizing the problem. I'm not searching for a Father figure in a man. I was blessed with a few great Father-like men in my life. My Father, who came from his own dysfunctional family, did the best he could. I do not hold it against him anymore. I'm not angry at him. I just know how differently if must do things for my kids to break the cycle. Father's are a huge part of a child's life. They are needed in the house and in their life. All children deserve that.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Father Files: Part I "Lack of a Father"

For the last month or so, I have been trying to get this blog down. Since I could not figure which way to go with it, I decided to scrap it. This took a lot out of me to write this. The topic was about the lack of fathers in families and/or single parent homes. Most of the people I know either grew up with their father in and out of their lives or with their dad never being involved. It's also as if that has become the new norm. I don't like that stigma. The lack of my father not being a prominent figure in my life has definitely shaped me and my outlook.

Because of my upbringing in a single parent home with a father who was more out than in my life, I'm sure that has influenced many of my decisions. I never had a positive look on marriage, parenthood and more importantly, single parenthood. My Mom did a great job raising my brother and I. but, I watched her work two and three jobs and sacrifice it all for us. I know she doesn't regret it because we are her greatest accomplishment. I hated that we had to struggle and that my father did not seem to care enough to provide for us. As much as I loved him, I hated him for that. So I decided as a teen that I was never getting married or having kids. I was deathly afraid of having to raise a child by myself.

The more I played around with topic, the more I realized something about myself. I stayed in my last relationship because I was afraid to be alone. The relationship was dysfunctional. I took his shit because I did not know how to function without him. Strangely enough, he was eerily like my Dad. We were both young and broken. Both grew up with no Fathers in our life. It was puppy love that never grew up. We were playing at an adult love. In hindsight, I see that I held on to the idea of the boy I once knew. I was too blinded to see that the boy I once loved did not reside inside this man who I was with on and off. When I finally had a light bulb moment, I got it. I truly got it. I walked away without looking back. It was over. I was free from it.

But, this is where the real work started. I had to find my way out of that dark place. I believed that I wasn't lovable. That there had to be something wrong with me. I was not in a good place. I had to deal with the fact that I had to fix some things. My childish out look on love for one. And, my issue with needing security in the form of a man. Otherwise known as Daddy issues. I was that woman. So, I wrote a lot. I prayed, I read the Bible. I got back to me. I did not call, text or email my ex. I had no reason to. He was finally out of my system and out of my life. It's crazy how clear things become when you are not in them anymore.

I hope that my Dad is proud of me. That he is happy with the woman I am. He is no longer here, I am no longer angry at him. I'm just his daughter. I finally realized that I deserve love. But, he was only going to come when it was time. I swear that God has an intense sense of humor and timing. I always wondered if the lack of my Father not being in my life would help or harm me. I have come to the conclusion that it was a little bit of both. I do know that I will do everything in my power to make sure my future kids get the American dream. A happy, functioning household with two parents who are married and who love each other. That's my biggest dream. If I don't do anything else, that is the one goal I am determined to reach and conquer.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Ladies Love Lyrics: Case "Happily Ever After"

I am a huge Case fan. His voice is everything to me. I miss him. this is just about my favorite song by him. the lyrics and the video are just a perfect fit. I cannot lie though, I was not a fan of the random Beyonce appearance in it. Back then I was not a Bey fan. (What a difference a solo career makes! I am an uber fan now) Anywho, I love, love the chorus of the song the most. This is a throwback to when R&B was so much more soulful than it is now. I swear I have been all sappy and hyper emotional all week. So forgive me :) Anyway, enjoy this Case track!

"Happily Ever After"

Guess what I did today
Those were the words I said to you
It was last May, don't know the exact day
In my hand there was a ring
And you told me that you loved me
More than anything in your life
And I asked you would you do me
The honor of being my wife (yes I will)
I will be your man, your protector, your best friend
'Til my humble life is ended
Then time begins again (couldn't we)

Couldn't we please be happily ever after
We can be strong together for so long (our love goes strong so long)
Couldn't we please be happily ever after (couldn't we be, baby)
Leaving you never stays forever strong

When I was away (umm...hmm)
Some friends became just faces
Some people grew apart
But you stayed right in my heart
In so many times, could picture this day inside my mind
And for so many years, ooh
I knew it would be you here with me, ooh (yes I will)
Take you for my wife, the center of my life
And I will never ever fade
From this choice I've made, ooh...oh

Couldn't we please be happily ever after (come on)
We could be strong together for so long (said my love is strong)
Couldn't we please be happily ever after (Couldn't we please baby)
Leaving you never stays forever strong (hey...ooh...hey yeah)

You don't have to look no further than me (don't look no further, baby yeah)
You don't need much more than my lovin' to make you happy (I'm so happy I'm so happy, babe)
Beneath the side of God, I will make this vow to you (come on baby)
I'll be right here, stay with me (stay with me, baby hey)

Couldn't we please be happily ever after (Said I wanna be...said I wanna be)
We could be strong together for so long (Our love is...)
Couldn't we please be happily ever after (Couldn't we please baby)
Leaving you never stays forever strong (No, No...Said No, No I will never leave you, ooh)

Friday, May 20, 2011

That's So Random!

* I am totally uninterested in the NBA playoffs now. Still bitter about my Celtics early exit. :(

* Am I the only one who isn't the least bit surprised that Huckabee or Trump aren't running for President in 2012? I'm sorry but the GOP looks weak and lost. Clearly, President Obama is a lock for reelection.

* Life can be funny as a comedy or as ridiculous as a soap opera. I prefer the comedy any day hands down. Save the Young & the Restless drama for someone other than me.

* My niece is quite entertaining and intelligent for a 4 year old.

* You never know how much people really care about you until you're at your lowest point.

* I have rediscovered my love for Apple Jacks in the last two weeks.

* The past is the past for a reason. I'd really like for it to stop randomly popping the hell up. When goodbye is said, it's final. Get into that.

* Miss me with the bullshit, alright? I'm not in the mood to deal.

* I was told that there is no such thing as writers block, it's just an excuse not to write. That resonated with me.

* Things are changing. I'm just not sure if I like the direction in which they are going. I'm reserving my assessment for now.

* I really have begun to hate talking on the phone...unless I'm talking to HIM :)

* OPI Shatter is my newest nail polish obsession. All shatter everything is my summer goal.

* This week as been one long ass emotional roller coaster *cue Vivian Green* I'm over it. Just wanna be happy.

* I want so many varied things. I'm just not sure how to obtain them... yet. But I'm working on them.

*I have been slacking big time on my Bible reading. I will rectify this soon.

* If you come to me for advice, don't expect nothing less than me & my full on Sagittarian bluntness. I do not claim to know everything but I know some things. And remember that you asked me.

* Just because I'm silent does not mean I'm shy. I'm listening and watching everyone. It's what I do. I learn more than way.

* In general, I don't rock with females. Outside of my family & friends, I don't do females. There's a lot to be said about women.

* My eyes are in my face. They are not nestled in between my DD's. So please look up when addressing me!!

* I don't know why it's such a turn on when he speaks to me with authority and force. It just takes me there. I'm like a little girl ;-)

* I'm cool as hell until a person decides to test me. I'm gonna win, there's no other option. It's that protective older sister, "mother" in me. In other words, do yourself a fovor, don't try me.

* I really miss the smell of the ocean wafting through my window in SoCal :-(

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Outside of My (Movie) Box: Part 3

Once again, I'm stepping outside of my movie box. This has been an interesting journey. I am thankful to my baby for many things. One specific thing is his love for movies that I would never normally watch. In the past, his choices have all been wins. I have even come to call "300" a favorite of mine. His favorite movie(s) are the Matrix trilogy. He has been talking about them since we first met. Much to his chagrin, I had never really seen them. I sort of watched the first one. I never attempted to watching 2 or 3. I do believe that he was slightly disappointed to find out that I did not share his love of this film. I had planned on watching them with him at some point. AMC channel helped me out with this one.

I have to thank AMC for showing the Matrix trilogy this week. He has been trying to get me to watch this series for a while now. I just was not into it. I (barely) watched the first one years ago. From what I do remember, I wasn't impressed. But, I have to say that I was interacting with others while the movie was on. I'm sure this is why the brilliance of it was lost on me years ago. I gave up my regular Monday night tv watching to get into his movie. "The Matrix" pulled me into it quickly. I was intrigued and compelled to finish the movie. I have to admit that he was right. It was a great movie. I love Neo and Morpheus but Trinity is my girl. Her scenes are amazing.

Tuesday night led us to part two "Matrix Reloaded." This is his favorite movie of the three. After watching it, I can see why. there is so much information in this film. I love the fighting scenes in this one as well. My love for Trinity grew with this film. The introduction of Jada Pinkett-Smith and Nona Gaye's character made this film even better to me. Finally, "Matrix Revolutions" was our movie of choice on Wednesday night. This was the culmination of the series. Before watching it, I was apprehensive and conflicted. I clearly wanted to know how it will all end. But, I didn't really want it to end yet. I was enjoying sharing his movie with him. I like this. I enjoyed the 3rd movie as well. I did not like the fact that Trinity died. She was my girl. The final fight scene was awesome. And, I was just informed that there is a script in play now for a 4th installment. I'm intrigued and would definitely watch it.

So far, all of his suggestions have been awesome. I am really enjoying that he likes movies that are so opposite to what is my normal viewing pleasure. I think that it is a great thing. He clearly loves that I love his picks. Who knew I would like movies such as "Lord of the Ring," or "The Passion of the Christ," or "Gladiator." I know I didn't. But, that is one of the great things about us, we are so much alike that our differences are special. I do not know what he will having me watching next. I just know that now I am open to it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Love Letters

Letter writing is become a lost art. Technology has taken over. It has basically corrupted us. Communication is different now. This is the catch 22. We've gotten so caught up in the matrix that we're losing touch with each other. I cannot remember the last time I actually wrote and mailed a letter. Email, texts, tweets and IM's are our modes of communication. I think we should take a step back every now and then. I am a lover of words. So of course, letters will always have a special place in my heart. I blog to get all of these words and feelings out of me. It's my "free therapy." I text extremely long messages to friends to fully express myself. I just love words. Love letters are as close to your heart as the person you love. I got to thinking about new age love letters. I don't think I've ever written a serious love letter. Probably because I've never had a serious love. A love letter in any form is a great thing. I'm a lover of words and emotions. If the two are poured into the same letter, one can never go wrong. Have you ever written a love letter? How long ago? Ever received one? Tell me. Let's talk about love letters.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

This Reader's Review: Part III "Midnight: A Gangster Love Story" & "Summer & the City"

"There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is NOT reading them." - Ray Bradbury

Reading is fundamental. Cliche saying but it's so true. I have been reading as usual. I wanted to share with you guys a review of the books. Reading is always a great way to spend some time. It takes me on a journey through the author's words. I decided to do a small review of the last few books I've read. I'm also wondering if anyone else has read them.

Sister Souljah released the follow to "Midnight: A Gangster Love Story," it is titled "Midnight and the Meaning of Love." Midnight is a character who was first introduced in "The Coldest Winter Ever." He was a very quiet, stoic, cute chocolate man whose eyes held a story. The response to him was immediate and loud. Sister Souljah decided to finally tell us his story. The first book tells of how Midnight is basically the patriarch of his family. He's new to New York but takes to the city quickly. The first book ends in a cliffhanger. The second book picks up right where the first one left off. "Midnight and the Meaning of Love" is a good book. The first half is very descriptive and a bit to superfluous. It just seemed a bit excessive in the minute details. The heart of this book is a rescue mission of love. I loved Midnight and Chiassa's character. It was an amazing tale. It is mostly set in Japan. There is a scene set in Harajuku that I absolutely loved. The author described everything perfectly. If you are a fan of the first book, this one is a must read. I believe that there could actually be a third installment. I need to know how Midnight got from the life he was living to working under Ricky Santiaga in TCWE. I have my fingers crossed for another book.

The other book that I just finished is Candace Bushnell's "Summer & the City." This is a follow-up to last years "The Carrie Diaries." By now, most have guessed that this series is about Carrie Bradshaw of "Sex & the City" fame. This book tells the tale of Carrie's first summer in NYC. Carrie is straight out of a little town and has just graduated. The first person she meets in New York is Samantha Jones. She becomes her first friend. Carrie is in NYC to take a summer writing course before starting at Brown in the fall. Carrie meets a interesting set of friends over the course of the summer, including Miranda Hobbs. Carrie falls in love twice during this summer, helps Samantha through a major change, and gets to understand Miranda. At the very end of the book, she meets Charlotte York. I love that this series is giving a fan like me some insight into how Carrie became the Carrie I loved on the show & movies. It's a great coming of age story.

I am currently searching for the next book to catch my eye. Until I find something, I will be back on my Bible reading. I have been slacking big time. I need to remedy that. What are you guys reading? I need some suggestions. I am open to just about anything except for sci-fi. I cannot get into, I tried and failed. Send me suggestions, people!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

All's Fair In Love and War, Right?

I'm a lover not a fighter. But, I will fight for what/who I love. That's a given. I try to keep the peace. Try being the operative word. I have a lot of fight in me. I wish people realized how feisty I can get. If tested, I will prevail. I'm not even speaking on actual physical fights. I'm a smart ass and my words can be my sword. Going up against me when I totally believe in the cause is a losing situation. I don't give up and I refuse to back down. I wasn't built that way. I'm a Sagittarius, I love hard and can fight just as hard. That is just my way.

Sometimes I'll argue but I've curved that instinct too. I don't like drama. I avoid it at all costs. In the end, it's not worth it. I have a temper. I've learned how to control it. But, if you get on the wrong side of me, I can be a bitch. I'm ok with that admission. I own it. And, honestly after that, you and your argument have no chance. I go into attack mode. Being on the receiving end of that is not the best place to be. I am not this woman normally but when pushed I go there. I will definitely put a person in their place for messing with me and all that I perceive to be mine. Its a fine line to walk. I used to be so much more hot headed and quick tongued as a teenager and in my early 20's. I am thankful for the growth and maturity that I have experienced. Because the 21 year old version of me would snap quickly. I did not care. If you hurt my feelings, I crushed yours. That was a very immature way to handle hurt, betrayal or just plain miscommunication. Simply stated, I had to grow up. I had to realize that I was not handling things in the correct manner.

I have learned to not voice every thought or feeling I have. That is a tough feat for a blunt person. I hold back a lot of things to avoid situations. I try to not let others issues affect me. That is a daily struggle. I have no problem being quiet. It gives me time to think of less abrasive ways of saying things. I think in too old to be fighting physically. I leave that to the kids. My confrontations are few and far between, which is a great thing. Are you a lover of a fighter? Or quite possibly a mix of the two? Let me know.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Pink and Girly Moment

A woman in love is quite a beautiful creature. She glows. Everything in her life is brighter, better. I'm starting to realize something about myself. I'm a totally different me now that I'm in love. I know that it shouldn't surprise me. But it does. Things that would even matter to me before matter so much more now. I care about everything concerning my Love.

In love, I'm more possessive than I've ever been. Maybe it's because I know that he's mine and I'm his. I don't flirt because I don't need to. I'm slow to respond to the random texts from men I used to know, used to date. I'm quick to send those calls to voicemail. They know me. I'm a respectful chick. When I'm in a relationship, I demand that everyone in my life respects it. With HIM, it's so much deeper. I don't feel the need to keep in touch with folks. Because where I am right now is so much more important. We're building towards a future.

Everything in the world is still the same yet I'm completely brand new. How wonderful is that? I can't truly describe it. Its just amazing what true real love feels like. His love is all encompassing. He holds my heart in his hand and vice versa. Because of love, I'm a changed woman. I can only hope that my love affects him the same way. I'm up late or early feeling all extra girly and pink. This is what's on my heart right now. So, I decided to share it with you.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Art of Flirting

Are you a flirt? Do you even know how to flirt? I can honestly say that I am. I always say that it is learned behavior. My Dad was the ultimate flirt. The man was smooth. I have to give him that. There is an art to flirting. If done right, there will be nothing one can't get. I think that people get things misconstrued when it comes to flirting. i can flirt with someone I have no vested interest in. Flirting is supposed to be light and fun. It is not always a serious "I'm trying to get at you" act. I flirt because I can. I know how far to go. I also know that most people do not get that.

In all honesty, when I really like someone I can be really shy. I hold back some on the flirting. Why? because I like dude. There is something about him that peaks my interest. Therefore, I don't wanna treat him like everyone else. He is different. He has my eye. That is something special to me. I'm never really flirting to get the guy. That is not the end goal to me. Flirting is about making the time pass quicker, enjoying a party more, and getting a laugh from a man or two. I like to have fun, I love to laugh. Flirting is a sure way to get that.

I also flirt to see what I can get. A free drink or two in the club, comped whatever wherever, something extra in a store. That gives me a rush. It's a little bit of a high for me. I do not consider flirting playing with someones emotions. If you take flirting super serious, then what's left? Flirting is about the possibilities of things. Maybe I'll give you my number, hell maybe I'll tell you my real name. Flirting is a part of my personality and charm. It's who I am. I flirt a lot more when I'm single and out and about. When I'm in a relationship, I know that I have to curb some of that out of respect for my significant other. I have no problem with that.

I love to flirt with a man who can hang with me. One who can give as good as he gets. That is a great thing. It's not very often I come upon that. And even less frequently with someone I would consider dating. But, sometimes the stars align and you meet that one who complements you in flirting. That is something unique and special. A connection that is not to be taken lightly. That person is a kindred spirit, a cosmic twin. I found that. And, I'm holding on for life. Flirting is a sport. It's a fun exercise. Just know that everyone you flirt with will not have the same mindset as you. Flirt with caution people!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Get Into It: WordFeud & Words With Friends

I love words. You guys know this. Scrabble is just about my favorite board game...next to Monopoly. So, when I discovered Scrabble-like games on my Evo, I was ecstatic!!! I love both games because I can either play my friends or random people. I love to win. I hate to lose. Especially @ a word game. The game forces you to think which is a favorite pastime of mine. I love taking the letters and making them work in ways they would not have before. I am always thinking about how I can configure a word to get the Triple and Double word scores. They are the best. I once got a 140 point word. That was the best. I also love that I can chat with my opponent during the game. I like to trash talk. It makes the game even more interesting. There are a few people who I always have continuous games with. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I never give up though. If you enjoy games and words, either of these are a good look for you. Get Into It!!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Dream Realized

One of my favorite people in the world is my aunt Gina. She has been more like a big sister to me than an aunt. I am her oldest niece. So we have been on a journey for the last 31 1/2 years. She is smart and funny and silly. She loves to read like me and sing her own made up songs, much to the chagrin of her daughter and I. This past Saturday, I was in attendance as she achieved her dream. My Aunt graduated from college. She received a Bachelor's in Social Work. She was also Magna Cum Laude of her college. I have watched her fight her way from a life that many said she couldn't recover from. Her history is important because it pushed her into her future. Her story does not define who she has become. I am so proud of her. She never let any one or any thing stop her from achieving this goal. Gina is a success story on so many levels. I love her spirit. Congrats, Gina!!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

An Untold Story

This picture stroke a chord with me. It expresses my exact feelings about writing. Also the main reason why I started this blog. Writers write. It's just that simple. I write because it's what I am meant to do. I fancy myself a writer. It's my thing. I've been doing this since the 4th grade. When I was a freshman in college, I had a dream. That dream prompted me to begin a novel. My initial premise has changed drastically. I still have a story to tell.

I've been throwing around this book idea for a while now. These characters have been formed in my mind. I know some of their stories. I'm not sure where they are going yet. I'm dedicated to telling this story. I've been trying to keep as much of myself out of the picture. That's been the hardest part. I also need to really focus and write it all down. I believe I could write a story that is different and unique. That's my ultimate goal.

Poetry is easy for me. I can do an editorial piece with my eyes closed. Writing a novel is different. It's harder. I have to dig deep inside of me for it. It's much more creative than anything else I've ever written. But I'm committed to it. I feel that it's my destiny. It's time I get serious about "A Woman's Way."

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Politics and Religion

There are two topics that can get even the best of friends riled up. Wars have been waged and friendships lost behind these topics. They are politics and religion. People feel so strongly about the two. And, in general, you are either with them or against them. I an strong in my beliefs on the two. I will always state my position on either of them. I will not dismiss someone who has a strong argument for their beliefs. I also won't lose a friend over a difference of beliefs. Our differences are what make us unique and who we are. That is blueprint to who we all are. Religion and politics are just aspects of us.

Politics are a very tricky, slippery slope. Democrat or Republican or Independent. I am a Democrat. I registered as one because that's what my Mom was. After that, I began researching the party on my own. I looked into all of them. I was sure that my choice was correct. I was a Democrat because my beliefs lined up well with those of the party. I did not have anything in common with the platforms of the Republican party. And, the Independent party seemed too loose and unorganized to me. The campaign and election of President Barack Obama brought a lot of issues to light. Never before had race and politics been so closely aligned. I had numerous conversations and debates with people about my choice.

I became aware of Mr. Obama during the DNC in 2004. Then, he was a little known Senator out of Chicago. He gave a speech that just captured my attention. There was a light in his eyes. He looked like a star. To me, it was feasible that he would be a contender in 2008. Facebook friends and coworkers all seemed to be against him. And, the bottom line was they didn't want a Black President. That thought was astounding to me. I could not truly believe that in 2007/2008, race was an ultimate issue. After I had that epiphany, I stop battling. I showed my support for candidate Obama with pins, shirts, and informing those who didn't know about his appeal. I can definitely say that a small part of me voted for the Black man. Overall, I voted for the best candidate whose platform closely resembled my beliefs. Nothing else mattered more to me. My political standings are my own.

Another hot button topic is religion. I was raised a Baptist. I believe in God. I was baptized as a kid and then again as an adult. My spirituality is important to me. More important than any organized religion. My relationship with God is my own. Religion has always been a sore spot within countries. Wars have been waged and carried on for years behind it. I do not get that with the diversity of religions that there isn't more compassion between them. I believe there is only one God. I do not see how he could be different from religion to religion. He is the alpha and the omega. That should be a universal truth.

I do not debate religion with people any more. It is a lost cause I believe. A person's religious beliefs are usually very strong, deep and true. It's hard to change some one's mind about their God. That is a personal issue. I cannot comprehend how one's religious beliefs would lead them to strapping a bomb on their body and killing themselves and others because of religion. My God doe not operate like that. It appears very cultish to me. Religion has existed for centuries. It hasn't changed fundamentally in eons. The Bible or the Koran both are the word of God with a little bit of man mixed in. To me, those words carry much weight. Religious differences have led to strive and discourse for years. It's a touchy subject when the people aren't like-minded. I love to be engaged by people who are knowledgeable about the Word. Religious conversations are not always easy and simple. Sometimes they get heated and quickly. cooler heads have to prevail for both sides to learn anything.

With all the things going on in the world, religion and politics have been on my mind. It's clear that the world will never be one big "We Are The World" song. I just wish there was a little more understanding and compassion from all of us to people who are different and think different than us. We are all here fighting to live one more day. We pray and we vote. Well, some of us do. Being able to appreciate some one's differences shows a more human side of all of us. I'm a Democratic Baptist who focuses on the issues and my own spirituality. That is my own truth. That may not work for others. But, my ideology works for me. I am open to what people have to say. I take in what feel is useful. I leave the rest for the next person. I'm just me - not overly religious or staunchly political. But, I do have a stance on both issues. Do you?

Monday, May 09, 2011

These Words

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! I love my Mommie. She is and has always been my biggest supporter. She is the person who taught me so much. She was always there with a hug, a kiss, a kind word whenever I needed them or not. She has always been my protector, my friend, my sounding board. I celebrate her every day, not just today. I love that we are friends now. My teenage years were tough on both of us. But, we made it through. There is no one else in the world who knows the girl I was and the woman whom I've become so completely. She is my Mother and i am so proud to have her in my life.

I was also blessed with a bunch of Aunts, two Grandmothers and a StepMom as well. There was no lack of female influences in my life growing up. These women all played a great part in my journey to womanhood. I am grateful for all of them. They are the women who have made me laugh, cry, smile, joke, think, explore and grow. I salute and celebrate them today as well. There are not enough words in the dictionary to fully express how much I love my Mommie. I will spend the rest of my life attempting to tell her. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there!

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." - Abraham Lincoln

"A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled." - Emily Dickinson

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." - Rajneesh

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Ladies Love Lyrics: Eric Benet "Never Want To Live Without You"

I know to have a heart that love couldn’t find
I used to come and go no matter what I left behind
But now somehow I’m grown to see the world through brand new eyes
A better world that you showed to me
When you were gone
Felt like the stars were pointless to shine
And my days dragged on
Without a cause or reason to find babe
I’m on my own
I’m just a lonely waste of time
That should be spent with you faithfully

(Chorus)So I never wanna live without you
Never gonna live without you
I never wanna live without you
Never wanna live
Cause you’re the biggest part of my life
All of my world is built around you

Never make it through without you
All the love you bring to me

I was blind
Such a fool but now I see
Just hold my hand
Wherever we are it’s all me
And now the second chance to start a life and family
I thank the Lord and you for this gift to me


Thank you for the love
When you knew I was wrong
Thank you for the chance
To run back to your arms
Where I belong
I don’t need to see
What is there on the other side
Cause you are my love
My life
Until the day I die

Friday, May 06, 2011


This blog is a labor of love and struggle. I did not want to write this. I had to write this. I have been searching for the words for this blog all week. I still don't know if this will sum up all of my feelings on the subject. Babies or rather the lack of them in my life. I have been disturbed for the last 6 years about family and friends questioning me about them. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be a Mom. I think I would be great at it. I've had more than enough practice.

I can't believe that some folks would have the audacity to question my choices. It's as if me not having children makes me less of a woman. Or that a life without children, if I chose that, would be unfulfilled or not worth living. I hate that I allow the people I love to make me feel that way. I also hate that they feel the need to even go there. I have a family member who shall remain nameless who asked me "So, Kenda, when are you gonna have a baby? You know you're getting up there in age." The look on my face was priceless. What I wanted to say was so to the point but what have ended in me calling her a bitch. However, I refrained and responded "I guess that will happen after I get a husband. Seeing as though I've waited this long, I might as well do things in the right order." That was a dog but it was justified. Clearly, she pissed me off!! My response was indeed how I feel.

Maybe loved ones should think before they speak. It's just rude. I know that my age has a lot to do with their questioning. But I'm not ancient. Hell, I'm only 31 years old. I've never been pregnant. Only thought I really was once before. I was relieved when the test was negative. I was 22 and didn't want any part of motherhood. Now almost 10 years later, that feeling is totally opposite of what I feel now. I don't express that thought with many. I don't think I can. Yes, I know I'm blogging about it. But this is different. This is for me and my readers.

I don't think that my existence will only be validated if and when I have a child. I cannot let myself believe that. I don't think I've ever been pregnant because it wasn't time. I wasn't ready before. I wasn't in the right relationship before. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe this. I love kids. My nephews, nieces and Godchildren all hold special spots in my heart. I think it will happen when it's supposed to. And, in the event that it doesn't happen naturally, I will have to be ok with it. Adoption or surrogacy are both viable options. I just know that my children are a part of my future. I already have them named.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

My Poetry Corner VI: "In The Quiet Moments"

There are times that I am just suddenly inspired. When this happens, I write no matter what. I love those times when the words just pour out of me. I had one of those moments the other night. So here is a freestyle poem for you. Enjoy!

in the quiet moments
I just allow myself to be
not to think
or to worry
or to even feel
I just exist
in that moment
It calms me
saves me
settles me into me
I need more of those moments in my life
less of the hectic ones

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

My Truth!

I think this is so true of all writers. The words have to come out!

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Teacher's Teach Us

Happy National Teacher's Day! The first Tuesday of May is always National Teachers Day. This is the day to celebrate all of our wonderful educators in the world. I personally believe that teachers should be celebrated on a daily basis. But, I do think this holiday is a great one. I have a group of friends who are educators. They are so dedicated to their craft. It is not their job, it is who they are. That is a great thing. The students can only benefit from great teachers like this.

Without teachers, good teachers, where would any of us be? Teachers help mold young and old minds alike. They are some of the best driving forces in our lives. I've always believed that it takes a special someone to be a teacher. One has to have a fire for children and education. It is not a profession that one should enter into lightly. I remember the teachers who pushed me and help me discover my talents. Mrs. Rodriguez, Mr. Williams, Mr. Block (RIP), Mrs. Valente (RIP), Mr. Shannon, Ms. Barousse are the ones I will never forget. Happy National Teacher's Day to all the wonderful teachers...

...especially Mr. Benson. This certificate is for you. Your students are so lucky to have a teacher as dedicated as you :)

Monday, May 02, 2011

American Victory

"Justice has been done," - President Barack Obama

Osama Bin Laden is dead. The number one terrorist on our list has been taken care of. All of this under the direction of our President Obama. As an American, I can feel a slight relief with this development. But, I cannot be happy about any one's death. That just isn't in me. This news was sudden to me. I did not know what to expect when the President broke into tv programming Sunday night. I was of the belief that Bin Laden would die before we ever caught him. This announcement caught me off guard. The above front page was in the New York Daily Post. The headline expresses the way most if not all feel about Osama Bin Laden.

Life post-9/11 has been different. I know I will forever remember where I was when the planes went into the Twin Towers. I can recall clearly how I felt about what I was watching. Things were so surreal. The thought that my country was under attack was insane. I do not think that my generation ever thought that something like this could happen. It just felt like we were living a movie...a horror film. At the time, I thought nothing could ever be so horrible. I was stunned and shocked. Those images will forever be ingrained into my head. Those two planes going into the Twin Towers forever changed American life. Too many souls were lost that day. Bin Laden claimed that he was responsible. For that admission, his death is deserved.

After President Obama announced the news, Americans gathered in the streets, waving the flag, and chanting "USA" in glee. I was disturbed by that. It reminded me of the people overseas doing the same manner. It just wasn't a good feeling. Still isn't. This is not a reason to rejoice. There is something inhumane about this. Americans also need to realize that Bin Laden's death does not signal the end of the war on terrorism. Al Queda is still strong and alive. I will not feel 100% safe until the threat is completely gone. Bin Laden's death could make the U.S. more susceptible to an act of terrorism. The world is a crazy place. His death is an American victory. There is no denying this. Osama Bin Laden is dead and the world is a better place for it.

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy." Martin Luther King Jr

Sunday, May 01, 2011

End Of An Era

It is the end of an era. This summer, all of this will come to a conclusion. No more Harry or Hermoine or Ron or Hogwarts or Voldmert or Snape. Things will never be the same. The Harry Potter movies are about to come to an end. It is a very sad thing for a fan like me. The final movie will be released this summer. I am excited to see it. This is their first trailer from the movie. It is filmed kind of dark like Part 1. All of that is to be expected. I am full of anticipation for this film.

I was a very reluctant Harry Potter fan. I just could not see what I would get out of books and movies about a wizard and magic. I was wrong. The movies were greatly written and superbly depicted. I have watched the characters grow up before my eyes. I have been pulling for Harry to win from day one. The main cast of characters are more than wizards and good and evil. They have depth and they emote everything to us via the screen. I have read the last book "Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows" twice already. So, yes, I know what happens and how it all wraps up. I am still anticipating seeing those words being brought to life by these awesome actors.

What will become of Harry Potter and his motley crew? In my mind, nothing bad ever happens to any f them. I do believe that they have all earned their happily ever after. I am thankful for that random day that I sat down and watched the first film on HBO. That was the day my love affair began with this series. It's gonna be hard to say goodbye to a series that always managed to place a smile on my face. I know that I am not alone. The sales for the books and films are astronomical. The world fell in love with Harry Potter. The world will miss them as well.