You know what I can't stand? All of the hypocrisy and fakeness and fronting that goes on in Black churches. It became to much for me, so I bowed out. It's exhausting to me to deal with all of that when all I want is the word. I don't care about a personal clout in the church. That doesn't impress me much. That isn't why I went to church. I was never there for that. I've been in and out of church all my life. When I got more serious about my walk with God, I realized that I needed more. That was the beginning of a journey for me.
It kills me that some people believe that showing up in church every Sunday will solidly their place in Heaven. How so? What about your actions the rest of the week? I mean, if you're causing hell all week, why would you think that Heaven will be your reward? That is not the way I believe that this works. I find that the biggest hypocrites live in the church. I've seen it with my own eyes in the church I used to attend, with people I know (some in my own family). God does not only see what we do in his house. He watches over us all the time. I think people think they can manipulate God. I don't. We are all supposed to strive to be more Christ-like. I know that I'm not there nor do I claim to be. In the words of a good friend of mine, I am a struggling Christian.
I know my shortcomings. But, I also don't pretend to be holier than others. That is one of my biggest issues with the modern day Black church. It's become a fashion show and a multi-millón dollar business. Somewhere, along the way, the Lord's word & message has gotten lost. It's one of the main reasons I left my church home. I wasn't being fed spiritually. I was empty. So I left in search of more. I took my spiritually into my own hands. I would love to find a church home again. But, I know my standards will make it hard. I need a place that is good for me spiritually.
I know hypocrites are a dime a dozen. I will probably never be free of them. I just would rather they not be in by circle. My spirituality has not been hindered by this. It has actually made me better. This situation has made me more aware. I needed to read and explore the Bible on my own. I need to understand more than a preacher's sermon. And, now I have that for myself. I have a better understanding of the word for myself. That makes me happy. In spite of the reason of why I got here, I'm happy that it has made me better.