Wednesday, November 09, 2011

All Access Pass

How much access is too much? Does your significant other know your email passwords? Lock code on your cell? I don't believe that this is too much access. If this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, then why wouldn't they be privy to the that info. I believe that it's appropriate. I also feel if they aren't allowed that access that maybe there is a deeper issue at play. If you have nothing to hide, then the access should be provided. When it isn't, seeds of doubt could slip into an otherwise great relationship. I'm not about to let that happen.

I have a lock code on my cell. No, it's not because I have anything to hide. It's basically to protect me in case I lose my cell. I wouldn't have any problem telling my significant other my password or lock codes. He can have that access. My texts are mainly from him, my cousin and my brother. They are the three people I am in contact with the most. I don't hold on to old emails from people in my past. I just feel that it has no place in my present. I do have a lot of old pictures in photo albums. The pictures tell my life's journey. I've had the same phone number for almost 7 years. So it's quite possible that I might get a random call or text from an ex or former friend. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a damn good friend and girlfriend. For the most part, I'm cool with almost all of my exes.

I don't have panic attacks when someone picks up my cell. I used to be so guarded about it. Now, not as much. I think it comes with age. Maturity plays a great part in it. I wonder if it's a trust issue. Do you not trust your significant other? If so, maybe you need to look further into your objections. So there's that. Trust is a big thing. It's hard to gain and easy to lose. I trust that he trusts me. I am friends with a lot of guys. Like genuinely friends. So there are a lot of male phone numbers in my contact list. But my s/o knows this. I've been very upfront about that. There will be no surprises to be found in my phone. Actually it probably wouldn't be that interesting.

The reality is, in a relationship, we all have pasts. One can be sentimental about some things in their past. I get that. I used to be that girl. Until a few years ago, I had emails from like 98 saved. I still had all my love notes from high school as well as cards and other things. One day, I had an epiphany. Holding on to all of that was the thing keeping me in the same spot. So I got rid of it all. Deleted emails, shredded letters, disposed of cards. Everything had to go. But that's just me. So there is no past on my computer or cell. I don't feel the need to hold on to the woman I was then. She has developed into some one brand new.

In the end, it's a personal choice. I know which side of the fence I am when it comes to this issue. Others may not agree. But I know that beliefs aren't the same as other folks. I actually don't know many women who believe in the same traditions that I do. I am more than ok with being in a class of my own. Go through my phone, I don't care. There isn't anything to find there. I'm good on that issue. What did you guys think? How much access are you giving your s/o? Let's dish!


  1. You know, for me/ us, it mattered at first. Accessing this information was a no-no. But after 5 years, it's not a big deal. We don't access each others stuff but we do know each others stuff (if that makes sense).

  2. I have no issue with him having access. Now if I wasn't privy to his, it would be an issue. I respect a person's privacy though.