#31WriteNow: It's My Hair Summertime

My natural hair journey has hit a snag. This summer has been brtual on my hair. The New Orleans heat mixed with my own stress has become an issue. My hair is shedding. A lot. Too much for my liking. I've straightened my hair 3 or 4 different times this summer. I am sure I won't be doing it anytime soon. I need to give my hair a huge break. This is the moment when I really miss having relaxed hair. I would just rod my hair and wear it curly for weeks. It doesn't work that way with natural hair. I spend more time on my hair now than I ever did before. I am more aware of what's going on with my hair now than when it was relaxed. I cannot go to sleep without it being tied down with a silk scarf. I make sure to use the LOC (liquid-oil-cream) method before I go to sleep. Every little bit helps when it comes to my hair.

I really do not know what to do. Someone suggested a sew in. I have never been big on weaves. I like to touch my scalp too much for that. But, I have to do something soon. I'd hate to have to cut my hair. That's the reason I didn't do big chop. The pics are just a few of my styles this summer. My hair has been beyond thirsty this summer. This heat has not been kind to me. Harsh on my hair and on my heart. I've just been spending moe time with my hair care. I'm also back to pre-pooing my hair once a week. I've also started to do more hot oil treatments. Anything to help my hair. I'm not really complaining about my natural hair. I'm still loving the process. There is nothing like feeling the true texture of your hair. I love playing in my own head. So, for now, I'm just wading these natural hair streets searching for what works for me. 

A Culture of Rape

We live in a time where there seems to be a culture of rape. This behavior has somehow become acceptable. Instead of the acts being shunned for being deplorable, women are made to be victims twice over. Politicians and media would have us believe that a woman is at fault for her rape. There is nothing I could wear or not wear, say or do that would warrant getting raped. If I say no, then it means no. If I say stop, then it means stop. The attack on women has been in high gear for the last almost 2 years. Women have been victimized again and again. there has been a lot of slut shaming going on. Newsflash: a woman who is sure of her sexuality and likes to have sex isn't a slut. She is still a woman. And, if I like to have sex, so be it. None of that makes it ok for some man to rape me. My body is my own. My choices are my own. 

The above picture is very accurate. "Society teaches (women) don't get raped rather than don't rape." People should be taught at a young age that this behavior is wrong and illegal. Rape is wrong. No one has the right to take what does not belong to them. Rape is less about sex and more about power. No one has the right to take my power from me by force. It is not yours to take. This ridiculous culture of rape in America is unbelievable to me. I should not be afraid to wear what i want, go where I want and do what I want. I should not live with the fear of some man, known or unknown, attacking and raping me. This is not right. No woman asked to be raped. Nor should she be. Women need to be protected by the laws and the lawmakers. A rape culture should be shunned. I don't know how anyone could feel any other way.

It's My Hair: Shrinkage Sucks

It's that time again. I have to discuss my hair issues. The one thing that I cannot fight is shrinkage. Shrinkage is the pits. I love this look. I love the way my hair feels. But, this shrinkage is awful. I have not fully grasped the concept of stretching my hair yet. I've worn this hairstyle a lot in the last year. But, this is the first time that I have truly experienced shrinkage. If the hairstyle wasn't cute, I would really be over shrinkage. I have said time and time again that this journey is about relearning how to manage my hair. I haven't been to a beauty salon in well over a year. The only people who have handled my hair are my sister and I. I've done this almost all by myself with only the help of Youtube natural hair vloggers and natural hair blogs. This has been a journey of faith and love. Even on a bad day, I am still loving my hair in its natural state.

The only thing I am upset about is that I didn't do this sooner. But, I also don't think I was mentally ready to do it before a year & a half ago. So, the weather is rather chilly and my hair reflects that. I washed it and braided it wet. This is something new as well. I usually get it braided damp or dry. I see a huge difference in the outcome. I like this look better as far as the texture. I do not like the shrinkage. My hair looks so short and it isn't. But, it is what it is. I'm just happy that it looks good. No bad hair days this way for a while. Have any of you dealt with shrinkage or stretching your natural hair? If so, what worked for you? Tell me something good. This is where I am right now with my hair. And, I'm happy with my progress. I think I will be cutting the last of my relaxed ends off next month.

In The News

There has been so many things going on in the news lately. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in CNN and the like. None of its good for my blood pressure. I am a recovering news junkie. I try not to take in too much because I get so upset. So, I just want to touch on a few topics quickly.



* James Holmes is an evil mass murderer. He shot 70 people in a dark theater for no reason. I do not care about his mental state. I do not care why he did it. There is no reason he can give to make his heinous crime ok. I also hate the way the media is covering this. It's like they want him to be mentally unstable. If he were a Arab or Muslim, he would've been labeled a terrorist from the first report. If Holmes were any other race other than white, this story would be slanted in a total different direction. Also, the fact that a man who was caught in head to toe protective gear and guns is constantly being referred to as a suspect drives me insane. A suspect really? He is guilty as surely that I'm a woman. He is the perpetrator. He is the murderer. He is guilty. I'm disgusted. And, incredibly sad for the people who lost their lives and were injured.

* The whole Penn State/Sansusky/Joe Paterno scandal has been one of the sickest things I've ever heard of. I'm not sad that the school & its football program were so severely punished. It's never ok to harm kids and to cover it up. Everyone who helped hid this scandal deserves to be punished. I'm sorry I don't feel sorry for the program. Penn State made a great amount of money via their football program. The victims deserve to be compensated for their pain, silence and their years.

* The Westboro Church has no morals. These "Christians" will boycott any and every thing as long as there is a television camera there. What is the point if showing up in Aurora, Colorado to protest? I do not get there agenda at all.

There are other political things that have me riled up. But they deserve their own blog post. The above mentioned items are the ones most pressing on my mind. I'm sure there will be more about these things. The Holmes case is just starting. It will be headline news for a while. It will be national news. Ok, my wrap up is done.

He Said, She Said

Word of mouth can be a dangerous thing. It can harm as well as help. The words can sometimes become distorted, misinterpreted as they pass from person to person. What truly constitutes gossip per se? Is it gossip if it's true? Or only when it is mean and malicious? What about telling secrets? I think people have gossip and general conversation confused. They are not the same thing.

He said, she said can cause one a world of trouble. People hardly ever own up to what they said in the beginning. I know that if what I said was the truth I have no problem repeating it to whomever. What it is will never change. Things can get lost in translation when it leaves your mouth and reaches the ears of another. One's perception of said words can mean a world of difference. I live by the creed of never saying something that I can't repeat or backup.

The bottom line is that gossip travels quickly in this modern technology era. Once it's out there, it basically takes on a life of its own. It grows exponentially as the seconds pass. It's just that simple. People talk, people listen. What they think is a monster of a different name. This entire blog was sparked by something I was told today. It's funny the way information will always find its way back home. What have you said today that you would want to take back? Anything? Hopefully, we were all impeccable with our words and thoughts today.

Blogging Is...

Blogging is a great outlet. Being that this is a personal blog, I fight one major battle daily. How much is too much? Where do I draw the line? I walk the fine line of when not to over share. This is my place to discuss my feelings on the world, music, books, life, love, relationships and family. I've touched on a lot of these issues. Sometimes I write things that I feel are too personal to share in this space. I love the freedom that blogging allows me in my writing. I can vent or rant or praise anything here. It's what makes me happy.

I would never want to write something that I wasn't proud of here. I have posted about topics that have been difficult for me. But I felt that I needed to tackle them here. I try to not write about my family in detail because they did not ask for their lives to be put on display. The same goes for my Love and my friends. I wrote an awesome blog that I feel is too centered on one person in my life. I realize that I have to protect certain parts of my life in this space. I think that comes with the territory though. I just felt the need to discuss this. I wonder if other bloggers/writers struggle with this fine line as well. I love my blog. It's been a labor of love for almost 2 years now. I will continue to write what's on my heart and mind. That will never change. I have to write what I know.

All Access Pass

How much access is too much? Does your significant other know your email passwords? Lock code on your cell? I don't believe that this is too much access. If this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, then why wouldn't they be privy to the that info. I believe that it's appropriate. I also feel if they aren't allowed that access that maybe there is a deeper issue at play. If you have nothing to hide, then the access should be provided. When it isn't, seeds of doubt could slip into an otherwise great relationship. I'm not about to let that happen.

I have a lock code on my cell. No, it's not because I have anything to hide. It's basically to protect me in case I lose my cell. I wouldn't have any problem telling my significant other my password or lock codes. He can have that access. My texts are mainly from him, my cousin and my brother. They are the three people I am in contact with the most. I don't hold on to old emails from people in my past. I just feel that it has no place in my present. I do have a lot of old pictures in photo albums. The pictures tell my life's journey. I've had the same phone number for almost 7 years. So it's quite possible that I might get a random call or text from an ex or former friend. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a damn good friend and girlfriend. For the most part, I'm cool with almost all of my exes.

I don't have panic attacks when someone picks up my cell. I used to be so guarded about it. Now, not as much. I think it comes with age. Maturity plays a great part in it. I wonder if it's a trust issue. Do you not trust your significant other? If so, maybe you need to look further into your objections. So there's that. Trust is a big thing. It's hard to gain and easy to lose. I trust that he trusts me. I am friends with a lot of guys. Like genuinely friends. So there are a lot of male phone numbers in my contact list. But my s/o knows this. I've been very upfront about that. There will be no surprises to be found in my phone. Actually it probably wouldn't be that interesting.

The reality is, in a relationship, we all have pasts. One can be sentimental about some things in their past. I get that. I used to be that girl. Until a few years ago, I had emails from like 98 saved. I still had all my love notes from high school as well as cards and other things. One day, I had an epiphany. Holding on to all of that was the thing keeping me in the same spot. So I got rid of it all. Deleted emails, shredded letters, disposed of cards. Everything had to go. But that's just me. So there is no past on my computer or cell. I don't feel the need to hold on to the woman I was then. She has developed into some one brand new.

In the end, it's a personal choice. I know which side of the fence I am when it comes to this issue. Others may not agree. But I know that beliefs aren't the same as other folks. I actually don't know many women who believe in the same traditions that I do. I am more than ok with being in a class of my own. Go through my phone, I don't care. There isn't anything to find there. I'm good on that issue. What did you guys think? How much access are you giving your s/o? Let's dish!

Rant: Evo Issues!!

I am having huge issues with my HTC Evo. And that makes me super sad. I love this phone. I waited patiently for it to be released. I waited even longer for my upgrade to come up. I have had it less than a year and I am not happy with it right now. Let me preface this by saying that I do not want to change to another brand or style of phone. I want my Evo. I am spoiled with all the amenities that come with it. I love the look and feel of it. I am overly ecstatic behind the apps and specs of it. The Android system is always being upgraded. It is actually a great phone.

But, in the last few weeks, I have been having a huge issue. My Evo is powering off and on by itself. It happens sometimes when I am using apps or the web. It mostly happens when I am talking to one person in particular. This is an absolute killjoy. What makes it even worse is that I have gone into a Sprint location and had a tech look at it. I was told there is nothing wrong with it. Yeah, you read right. I know that I am not imagining it. This is an issue. I have had conversations on Sprint.com and Twitter with Sprint associates. They "claim" that this isn't a normal issue. Which I know is not the truth. I have family and friends who have an Evo and who have the same issue. That just makes me mad. I don't like for reps to make me seem like my issue is unique. If there is a bug/problem with the Evo, just let me know and fix it.

I need a solution to my problem. ASAP. I have to go to another location to get it fixed. What makes me even more upset is I know what the outcome will be. Sprint techs are not great at fixing anything. They will just get me another Evo. My issue with that is it will be a refurbished one. I purchased a brand new Evo, that is what I should get back. The problem is not something of my doing. It has to be a in-house error on either Sprint or HTC's part. I am just ranting here to calm myself down. I do like my cell phone provider. They are much better than Verzion and AT&T to me. I'd hate to have to leave over this. Ugh!! I just want my cell to work when I need it to work. Just like Sprint wants my bill to be paid on time, right?

How To Deal

When things are at their lowest, what do you do to cope? What methods are useful to you? I think that everyone has their one tried and true way to deal with things. Some get angry, some get silent and reflective while some cry. There are those who throw themselves into work or a project so they won't have to deal with things. Others let the issue consume their entire being or isolated themselves from the world. I can't say that any of these are better than the other. Or even if any of them are healthy. We're humans. We find some way to creatively deal with our stuff.

Over the years, my coping mechanisms have changed. I used to be the girl who threw herself into anything else to avoid feeling that pain. I didn't want to face things that would hurt and ultimately change me. I saw so much at such a young age that I internalized my pain. Hell, I still do that. It's a very hard habit to break. I was the oldest and the strong one so breaking wasn't an option. I dealt through writing in my journal and my poetry. As a teenager, that helped me tremendously. It was my way through it all. I'm thankful for that.

Now I know internalizing isn't the healthiest option. But I also know for me it's the easiest. I hate to burden anyone with my stuff. I don't like to ask for help. Handling my issues is a personal thing for me. When I get truly overwhelmed, there are a couple of people I can talk to. I try not to let life consume. I try my best to stay above the fray. Some days are much easier than others. But life is all about forward progression right? That's the only direction. How do you cope? Tell me about it.

Ms. Insomniac

I cannot count the number of nights that I have laid awake in bed. Tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling or out the window with sleep no where in sight. Sleep was alluding me once again. Sleep is not my friend. I've had really bad sleeping habits since college. Staying up way too late is normal for me. I can lay in bed for hours and not fall asleep. Sometimes I actually fall asleep at a decent hour only to wake up hourly. I don't really know what the problem could be. Getting a full 8 hours of sleep is a luxury I'm just not afforded. It's become a part of my life these days.

Insomnia is no joke. Not being able to sleep sucks. It's not a good time for me. I am great at functioning on a few hours of sleep now. I'm accustomed to it. This has been going on for almost 15 years now. I do know that it isn't healthy for me. Sleep is a very important factor in life. I don't want to get used to taking a sleeping aid. I'm afraid of developing an addiction. I try to only get in bed when it time to me to go to sleep. I was told to drink some chamomile team before bed as well. I'm open to any and all holistic remedies for sleeplessness. I'm also taking into consideration other aspects of my life that can be affecting my sleeping pattern.

My mind is always so busy at night. It takes me so long to settle down. I'm sure this is why sleep alludes me. I'm sure now that I'm paying more attention to the problem that a solution will be forthcoming. I know sleeping a full 8 hours is possible and obtainable for me. I'm confident that I will get one. I need to sleep more. It will make me a more productive human being. How are you guys sleeping? Any problems? Better yet, send me solutions!!

Be You!

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I respectfully disagree. That's not flattery to me. It's just weird and disturbing. I don't copy any one's style. I am uniquely me. I've been thinking about this for a few days now. What is it about a person that makes them wanna emulate another all the time? Really, like who does that? I will never, ever get that.

I really hate when a female friend/acquaintance/ member copies me. I have my own sayings and colloquialisms, my own fashion style and tastes. I like the woman I've crafted myself into. I march to my own beat and drummer. I think outside of the norm and have an ill sense of humor that is an acquired taste. I don't want that kind of flattery. Definitely don't need that sort of attention.



I find it weird and concerning when I notice that behavior. If I see, hear, or read something that distinctly sounds like me, I do a double take especially if I know the person. It's very sad to me that anyone would want to be a second rate version of someone else instead of being a first rate version of themselves. It makes me wonder about their lack of self-esteem and theory upbringing. I think about what was missing in them to make them pretend to be someone else.

It's sad when the woman playing someone else is an adult over the age of 21. But even sadder if the woman is over 30. Any person over 30 should know who they are by now. Or they could possibly spend the rest of their life searching. But this search should not be through someone else. Find your identity. Be yourself. No one else can be you. This behavior is just so odd to me. I was raised to be an individual and a leader. Being a copycat is clearly contradictory to my fundamentals. I could never be that chick. I love being me too much to even consider playing another.

It's really funny because no one can do me the way I do. All of my little things make me distinctly me as yours make you you. I think these copycat's just don't get that. No matter how hard they try, they could never truly be the person they are trying to be. Have you ever encountered such a person? Is this behavior more prevalent in females? Talk to me!