Tuesday, August 13, 2013
#31WriteNow: Powerful or Powerless
Power is defined as "the ability to act or do; capability of doing or accomplishing; the possession of control or command over others. Authority." Power can be intoxicating. For the purpose of this blog, I am looking at power as exchangeable. If a person, place or thing can make you act outside of your morn then you are giving them your power. That person or situation now has control of you and your emotions. When you're in the midst of a situation, you can lose sight of this. It's not easy to calm yourself down once you've become emotional. Emotions can be a nuisance. They betray our rational minds. I am a lot of things, powerful is one of them. I do not like to feel like I'm not in control of my life or what's going on. Any situation like that makes me feel unbalanced and weird. I don't feel like myself because I am not myself. This exchange of power is always negative. I do not care to be in any situation that takes me out of my element.
The reality is that I keep giving away my power willingly. Every single time I give into my emotions and engage in the same cyclical conversation. I am searching for answers and explanations from someone who decided months ago that I wasn't worth them. Every time I act outside of myself, I am giving this person the power over me, my emotions. Why would a smart woman keep doing such insane things? One word, four letters is the only reason. L-O-V-E. It's also the reason that I cannot go any further down this road. I'm tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results. I am sick of feeling less than. That's what love has done to me. It has changed me, for better or worse. I don't want to be powerless. But, this situation keeps bringing me back to the same results. So, I quit. I give up. I concede to the fact that I will never get the answers that I need. So, I'm going to mentally put a top on this box and kick it to the deepest, darkest corner of my mind. I have to. Power is freedom. Power is knowledge. I need more of it. The road back to me isn't that long. I know who I am. Strong, intelligent and thoughtful. I've been powerful before. I will be again. Because it's a part of who I am.