Saturday, August 24, 2013

#31WriteNow: Close The Door

Every night, I sit and write. It's the same sentence. The same sentiment nightly. No matter how I word it, I'm saying the same thing. My mind is stuck on repeat. I don't want to think about it or talk about it. And, I damn sure don't want to write about it. But, it consumes me. It's the first and last thing on my mind. So I write about it even when I try not to. How ill is that? I can't control my thoughts or my writing. What I really need is to close the door to a house that I no longer reside in.

I'm more than this. I'm bigger than this. But I can't fight my way out of this. My reality is that I'm searching for answers and a heartfelt apology that I may never get. The problem is this depends solely on one person. This person is unwilling to give me what I need. Hell, give me what I deserve. I'm beyond perplexed by this. I'm tired of trying to figure out the what's and why's. I just really want to be done with this aspect of my life. I need closure on this.

I feel like a broken record repeating the same sentiment. But, unfortunately, I'm a writer who has to write what's on her heart. Tonight, this topic one. I've avoided the this for weeks. I don't know how to move forward. I don't know how to shake this feeling. It's weird because usually I'm the problem solver. Closure, in the past, has always come when I didn't need it anymore. I'm not that patient right now. I just had an epiphany. Maybe that's the lesson here.

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