Thursday, August 15, 2013

#31WriteNow: Forgive And Forget?

Forgive and forget is something I simply cannot do. I haven't found the right balance yet. How do you forgive those who have hurt you? Better yet, how do you forget the hurt you felt? It's not easily done. Forgiving is simple. Especially with time. I can pray on forgiveness. I can forgive anyone almost anything. That's the easy part for me. Oh but forgetting is another topic. Forgetting is something that my brain won't allow my heart to do. I remember every slight, every word, every action that caused me pain. I remember distinctly what that pain felt like. My brain will not allow me to let go of those moments. I wish I could remember to forget. Wish it were as easy as saying "just forget it."

My problem is that I internalize so much. And, when you hold so much inside, you're bound to explode. My "explosions" usually happen here on my blog or on my Tumblr. Or even worse, when I'm feeling rather low, text messages are sent. In hindsight, I know it's not the most productive way to work through my stuff. But, it's the most readily available way. I write to heal myself. It's therapeutic for me. Sometimes I'm not too proud of the work I create when I read it back. Other days, I couldn't be more prouder of myself. I'll think I've finally conquered the forgiving aspect. I can forgive you & still not want a thing to do with you. It's the forgetting that I struggle with. It's the letting go of it that pains me. I'm desperately trying to conquer it as well. It's all that I can do for now.

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