Tuesday, March 05, 2013

In The Mirror

I sometimes talk to myself. Not neccessarily outlloud. But, in my head, I have full on discussions. I do not find this weird at all. This year, I've started doing something that is very weird. Even to me. Every morning, I get in front of the bathroom mirror and tell myself some hard truths. Actually, some of the things I say to  myself aren't neccessarily true but they are things I need to hear in order to prepare myself for what may come. I tell myself good things about myself as well as bad. I acknowledge my faults and things I've done wrong. I hold myself accountable. Maybe a bit too much. But, I do it. No one is going to be that truthful with me. I also know that I'm my own worst critic. I'm harder on myself than I am on anyone else.

When I first started this experiment, I made myself cry everyday. Now, weeks later, the words hurt much less. There aren't nearily as many tears. I talk to myself to make myself accountable for everything I do, think or say. I am very conscious of the things I say and do. My thoughts, however, have a mind of their own. I think my mind races because I am a creative person. I imagine some of the worst case scenarios becuase I like to be fully prepared for any and everything. This might make me a little pessimistic about some things. But, I like to call myself a realist. I want to be able to look in the mirror and always like what I see. I also want to always be able to look myself in the eyes. My Mom says I'm too hard on myself. I know that she is right. I just don't know any other way to be. Being tough has helped me grow. The mirror can be your friend or your foe. I want it to be my friend.

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