In the midst of a very odd week, this gif sums it up. I am the sum of all my triumphs and all my failures. Every single thing I've done in my life has made me me. I have to be ok with it all. Feeling the full spectrum of emotions this week for reasons. I get so caught up in what I haven't accomplished or what I can't have that I forget to be thankful for all I do. It's so easy to be hard on myself. It's something I'm trying to shake off. So, what did I do? I sat down and did what I do best: wrote myself a letter. I wrote to myself about my good qualities and what I think I deserve. It instantly made me feel better and more calm about what will come. So, I challenge any of you having a bad dayto do the same. You are all beautiful in your own way. You have a gift unique to you. We all have a place and purpose in this life. So, no matter what has happened, how many times you've failed, who left, who doesn't get you, you are needed, wanted, loved. I say this to you because I had to say it to myself. Sometimes we need to be our own cheerleader. And, in the words of Mr. West,
"Everything saying what's not for him
Everything I'm not made me everything.
Damn here we go again.
People talk shit but when shit hits the fan.
Everything I'm not made me everything I am."
I sometimes talk to myself. Not neccessarily outlloud. But, in my head, I have full on discussions. I do not find this weird at all. This year, I've started doing something that is very weird. Even to me. Every morning, I get in front of the bathroom mirror and tell myself some hard truths. Actually, some of the things I say to myself aren't neccessarily true but they are things I need to hear in order to prepare myself for what may come. I tell myself good things about myself as well as bad. I acknowledge my faults and things I've done wrong. I hold myself accountable. Maybe a bit too much. But, I do it. No one is going to be that truthful with me. I also know that I'm my own worst critic. I'm harder on myself than I am on anyone else.
When I first started this experiment, I made myself cry everyday. Now, weeks later, the words hurt much less. There aren't nearily as many tears. I talk to myself to make myself accountable for everything I do, think or say. I am very conscious of the things I say and do. My thoughts, however, have a mind of their own. I think my mind races because I am a creative person. I imagine some of the worst case scenarios becuase I like to be fully prepared for any and everything. This might make me a little pessimistic about some things. But, I like to call myself a realist. I want to be able to look in the mirror and always like what I see. I also want to always be able to look myself in the eyes. My Mom says I'm too hard on myself. I know that she is right. I just don't know any other way to be. Being tough has helped me grow. The mirror can be your friend or your foe. I want it to be my friend.
