Inside My Head

Blogging wise, this has been a very slow week. After pouring my heart and soul into my Father Files: Part I and Father Files: Part II, I was not in a good writing space. I did not think that I would get so emotional bringing up the past or my Dad. It was huge. It made me think a lot about growing up. The things I did and did not get. After a lot of introspection, I came to a conclusion. I am more than happy with the woman that I've become.

Every thing that has happened in my life has happened for a reason. All the good, bad, and in between shaped me into myself. That is something that I cannot deny. I could hold onto all of that hurt and let it kill me inside. Or, I can do what I've done. And that is live my life. I know what I want for my children. I also know that there is no way to get everything in life right. We are here to experience it all. We're gonna mess up. Sometimes, these mistakes will be huge. Sometimes, they will just feel huge. No matter what, we have another day to get it as close to right as we can. That is the beauty of life. We are not our parents or our upbringings or our surroundings. We have the free will to be whomever we chose to be.

So, I decided to be happy, to smile, to live, to just be me. I cannot dwell on my Father's shortcomings or how hard life can be at times. I live for the good times and good days. I love to laugh. Sometimes, I forget that because I stay in my head so much. We have to embrace life. It is ours for the taking. Life is for the living. I will not stop living because something isn't going exactly as planned. I do believe that God laughs at our best laid plans. Live and let live. So, I've gotten myself out of my emotionally drained head space. I have done my best to lay my ghosts to rest. the only movement is forward from here on out.

*R.I.P. Kenneth Jerome Hawkins Sr. I love you.*