This was the topic of discussion in one of my Facebook groups last night. I was told that most Black women grow up very conservative in regards to sex. A few men said that Black women are late to the game when it comes to certain aspects of sex. It's an interesting concept. One I don't necessarily agree with. I don't necessarily believe conservatism is the reason. As young Black girls, we are fed a lot of rules and regulations. The good girls grow up with the fear of being labeled a "whore" or becoming pregnant as a teenager. That fear is real. I blame my Mom for both.
Once a young woman crosses that line and voluntarily gives her virginity away, she's faced with a new set of fears. These fall along the lines of what she will or won't do. How far is too far? What is too freaky? Where does she draw the line? All of these questions are heavy on a good girl's mind. I know that I never wanted to be labeled as a "freak." That title was just as bad as whore or slut to me back then. I think that now I can say that I wasn't mentally mature enough for sex at 17. I wish I would've waited. But, there comes a time that clears all of that up for most of us. That moment of clarity is an epiphany.
Around the age of 25, I learned a few wonderful things about myself. I let go of that fear. Basically, I decided to define me for me. I learned what I liked, what my body wanted. I also wasn't shy about getting it either. I embraced my thoughts on sex and sexuality. I defined my own levels of freakiness. Not a man or any gossipy women. I was finally ok with me. I had to shed that image that I'd perfected of being this eternal good girl. I was a grown woman with a mind of her own and needs that had to be fed. I was more than ok with who I was. I am traditional in a lot of ways. Most of which do not translate into the bedroom. I know exactly what is right for me. No one can take that from me. There is nothing conservative about me in that way.