Saturday, December 31, 2011

Saying Adieu

2011 is done. I cannot believe how quickly this year has passed. It doesn't seem like it's been a year. This year has come and gone. 2011 was, for the most part, good. It started off pretty great, fell into an abyss of awfulness and rebounded nicely. There are things that happened this year that I wouldn't dare to change. There are other things that occurred that still make me sad when I think of them. I know that life is all about accepting the good with the bad. All things considered, I survived 2011. I cannot lie though, at one point I wasn't too sure if that was going to happen. This year was all about introspection. I'm never too concerned about how people (minus a few) view me. I like to look at myself clearly. I spent a lot of time doing that this year.

I've learned a lot about myself. I know now that I still have the annoying habit of standing in my own way. When things are not going the way I want them to, I still tend to overthink. My imagination is ill, always has been. I spent way too much time this summer playing out the most outlandish scenarios because I was worried, petrified and lost. Too many times this year, I allowed my emotions to move me. I cut people out because I didn't want to deal. I know better and I've done better. I don't like acknowledging my faults but I have to in order to grow. I stopped diligently reading the Bible. But I've rectified that lately. I think that there are some areas of my life that I'm not doing enough. I just want to be a better woman.

I opened my heart so much this year. I allowed love to just live in me. I worked on the relationships that meant the most to me. I couldn't be any happier about that. I tried my hardest to write/blog every day. It wasn't easy. But, I wrote more this year than I have in a long time. I also tackled somr issues on my blog that I didn't plan to. But, I was told a writer should always write what's on their heart. I followed that advice, especially when it felt uncomfortable. That's when I think I wrote the best. I plan on continuing that. I reconnected with family members at our first family reunion in almost 30 years. It was the highlight of my summer. I finally took the jump into going natural. I'm not sure where this will lead but I'm trying.

Sometimes in life, we spend so much time reacting instead of acting. I hate letting anyones action determine my reactions. I've don't that too much this year. I vow to be an actionary woman in the new year. I've grown so much in the last year. I'm so proud of the many areas that I've allowed myself to grow. I stay in my head a lot because I love for things to be right. This year was amazing in many ways but one area stands out. I've been a woman in love this year. That love has changed me forever. I have become a woman I never knew existed. Just the mere thought of him makes me so happy at any given moment. There aren't enough words to fully explain how I feel. I tell him often, daily, subconsciously. I can't even stop myself from saying it. That's how deep it is. I have no clue what I did to deserve him, this. But, Lord knows I'm so grateful. Highlight of 2011 for me has been this love, his love.

Writing has been my saving grace this year. I completely forgot how freeing it was for me. Committing myself to writing everyday helped me remember this. I love to write. I love the written word. For me, starting with a simple idea and fleshing it out isn't work. It's my passion. Expressing myself through words is nothing new. But, sharing those words with all of you is. It's as scary as it is exciting. When I hit that "publish post" button, I am always holding my breath a little. It's an experience that I thoroughly enjoy though. Last year, I said that I wanted to blog every day. I hate that I fell short on my goal, even though it wasn't by much. This year, I have posted 318 blogs. That is three times as many blogs than I did in 2010! That's such a huge feat for me. I am so proud of myself. I think my writing has expanded so much. I am excited about what topics I will touch on in the future. Sometimes, I cannot find inspiration anywhere. And there are times when I find it everywhere. I write about the things that affect me. I love having this medium as an outlet. Whether if I was happy or sad or whatever, I wrote through it. I'm thankful for everyone who took the time out to read my words, even if you didn't comment. I will continue to write because it makes me happy. I hope to continue doing what makes my heart happy.

2011 has been one for the books. It was good, bad, and indifferent at any given time. I can't say that I'm sad to see it go though. I've never been big on new years resolutions. I just always strive to be better than I was before in all areas. I'm looking forward to 2012. I will continue to work on me. Continue to work towards what I want. I know that everything that I've experienced this year will just make me stronger and more appreciative of everything. I hope I made your year a little brighter through my words here. And, hopefully, I can continue to do so in the coming year. Thank you for coming in to my world. Happy New Year to everyone reading this!!!

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