Sunday, September 04, 2011

A Sappy Moment

Hi, my name is Kenda and I am a sap. I can admit this now. The word describes me adequately. I am what I am. When you are the oldest of 6 siblings, being soft or weak is clearly not an option. Yes, I am a woman. but, I am also the older sister who held things down and together. I was never big on being overly emotional, especially in public. I was always so closed off when it came to actually showing emotions that I could not control. Letting go of that has lightened the load on my shoulders. I have never been so

The older I have get, the more that has changed. I'm sure that it has more to do with the mental, emotional state I am currently in. I am now the woman who will cry while watching a sappy movie or tv show. Of course, music still resonates deeply with me. I get so teary eyed when my nephews (Kendrick, Philip, Kameran & Kole) and my nieces (Karmen & Kylah) tell me they love me. It's something about being an Auntie that has softened me. I never knew that such small people could capture so much of my heart. Their words affect me. When they call me and say "Teedy Kenda, I miss you" it makes my heart smile.

Introspection can be so freeing. I am still not that comfortable with crying in public. But, I will cry in front of my people. I cannot help it when I get overwhelmed emotionally. I have learned that I cannot carry everything inside of me. I believe that all of this makes me more feminine, more womanly. A lot of things and people have softened me. I like the way it feels to just allow myself to feel. Feeling and going with it is just wonderful. So, yes, I'm a sap. I blush when complimented, I cry when being told I love you, my eyes get filled with tears when i watch romantic comedies. That's just who I am. A huge sap. I am more than alright with that.

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