Saturday, September 17, 2011

Giving Up The "ME" For The "WE"

I was discussing my previous post with Kristopher. The discussion prompted some great follow up questions. He posed a few questions. We talk all the time about the future and our thoughts on things. I just felt like this was a great follow up to yesterday's blog.

1) "Do you think that you have to give up independence once you're married?
-- I think that both people give up some of their independence once they get married. You have to. You have to give up some of your selfishness and think about your union. I also think that the reward is worth that sacrifice.

2) "Can we have independence in our marriage? Give examples."
-- I believe that some independence shall remain. I think both of us still need time for ourselves as well as our friends. We should both be able to exist outside of our marriage. Some independence is given up and replaced by a little bit of codependency. We believe that it's the give and take of what we perceive marriage to be.

3) "If he was taking care of the finances, would I have a problem handing my check to him?"
-- I wouldn't. I trust that he wouldn't use it to control me. He is great with numbers and finance. So why wouldn't I deferred that to him? This is his area of expertise so I wouldn't deprive him of it. I just want to be kept abreast of what's going out of the house & what's in the account.

4) "If I was the only one working & he stayed home & took care of the kids, would I still feel the same about giving him my whole paycheck and letting him handle the finances?"
-- Yes, I would. But it's not because he's a man. Finances & math are both his field. I know that he would have a better understanding of what's the right percent interest and things of that nature. I would just feel more comfortable with him handling it.

5) "Would I feel he was still playing his role if he was a stay @ home Dad? We're both really traditional in thoughts, so would that bother you? And would it effect the structure of co-dependancy we think relationships should be based on?"
-- The reality is that stay @ home Dads are sort of a new normal. If it was more beneficial for me to work & him to stay home then no, I don't think it would bother me. I don't think it would affect that structure. Because our foundation would still be the same. He would still be the head of the household...regardless of where he work. Of course, he would still be playing his role. Being a stay @ home Dad is a job. It's all the time, no time off, and often thankless. Trust me it's a job. We are very traditional but I believe also very flexible as well.

I love discussing things like this with him. It's so interesting to realize how much we have in common. Our morals and values line up on the little as well as the large things. I think that's a great thing. Giving up the "me" for the "we" is what this whole blog is about. The independent woman can change and grow. It's totally possible.

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