Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Question Inspires This Writer

"Can you have a future if your past is present?" Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

While watching an old "Sex and the City" episode, this question by Carrie got me to thinking. I have a past. You have a past. We all have one. But how can you move forward when and/or if your past keeps making an appearance in your present. How exactly does one move on when an ex won't stay in your past? There is a fine line we have to walk when it comes to remaining friends with an ex.

The reality is that at some point the two people who are now exes were friends. Sometimes soul mates dissipate. Love falls apart. Love turns to hate. The road gets really slippery. Love can be a tricky thing. One never really knows what the outcome of a relationship will ever be. People fall in and out of love and relationships easily. Thus is life. Relationships begin and end that quickly. we are humans and we are all seeking our mates.

Even relationships of mine that have ended in anger and fussing and fighting, are now at a point where me and an ex can be cordial. It's been years and what's the point of holding a grudge? I do not feel the need to keep in constant contact with them. It's just not important to me where I am in my life. A phone call, email, or text once in a while to catch up is enough for me. I don't harbor no hate for any of them. No bad feelings or love either. Besides, I think my current life does not need validation or visits from my past. An ex is an ex for a reason. I once had expectations of those men and we failed. "He" was not meant to play a part in my future.

I believe that the answer to Carrie's question is simple. One can not get to their future if they are constantly confronted with their past in their present. There will be no future if one keeps engaging themselves in their past lives. The past is the past. It is nice for the memories and to measure one's growth. It does not determine where one will end up. It has no true bearing on my future and I won't allow it to. So, maybe being friendly with an ex from a distance is the key. Are you or your significant other friends with an ex? Is it causing issues in your current situation?


  1. I don't luh dem hoes so this isn't an issue for me. I keep things real casual and haven't ever really met someone that I felt was worth an emotional investment. So when it was over, it just was over and that was it. I still talk to alot of them and consider a few to be friends; but it wasn't some great emotional entanglement to begin with so being friendly isn't an issue.

    But maybe THAT'S my past being my present?? My 1st real boyfriend showed me how ugly things can be. We're still VERY cool and I never was angry or hated him behind all of the awful things he did to me, but I never forgot it either. I'm not emotionally closed off, but I look at situations and people and wonder if they would really be worth my time and effort. Most of the time, the answer is no. When the answer has been yes, it just wasn't the right time or place so I kept it moving.

    I think right now is the very first time that I am looking at someone and thinking they have potential. Well actually that WE have potential. It's weird but I'm going with it. Even though he is NOTHING like I imagined. But then again, I'm probably nothing like he imagined either lol

  2. I. Just. Can't. With. You. Kimberlie!! Lol @ your entire answer. But, I feel you. I always get the "I wanna keep you in my life" line. And, to a point, I'm cool with that. but, I will not let a dude I used to be with mess up anything with the one I'm currently with. I've seen that movie play out too many times around me. It never ends well. I ain't got time for those shenanigans.