There are always things and situations which I sit and ponder the what ifs. I don't do it often. Because I try to live my life with no real regrets. But, in hindsight, aren't things so much clear than they were when you were going through it? I sometimes let my feelings for someone or something cloud my thinking. It's a small character flaw.
I had a conversation with someone that led me to this topic. It's funny how two people in the same situation can remember things totally different. The years may have distorted both of our memories. Both parties involved were hurt in the end. Neither of us willing to stand up for our own wrong doings. That was years ago. It was finally time to just let go of it all. The resentment, the hurt, the pain, the guilt and the disdain. I apologized for the hurt I caused. And I finally got an apology as well. I didn't realize I still needed it. It was time to close that chapter of my life. It's all in my past now. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't all bad. There were some good things that came from this situation.
I try to be as objective as I can be when it comes to my life. But I can't help but sit and wonder sometimes. I'm not perfect nor do I claim to be. I'm not without fault. I try to be the best me I can be. Try not to do wrong to anyone because I'm a give believer in karma. But I haven't always been so enlightened. I've done wrong. I've prayed about my past as I forge my way into my future. All I can do is continue to be a better me. And hopefully, in hindsight, I'll see myself clearly.