Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Right About Now...

When I started this blog, my purpose was just get myself writing again. It has since become about more than just writing for me. It's like an online journal of my life now. My happiness, my sadness, my trials and tribulations are all bared here on my blog for the world to see. Writing keeps me accountable for my actions. So with that thought in mind, I decided to blog about the things I cannot shake no matter how right and good my life is. These are the things I fear the most about the uncertainty of life and the unknown. I don't know if this is courageous or crazy at this point. But, in all honesty, it's what's on my heart at this moment. So I'm going with it. i think that maybe if I write about it, I can abolish or alleviate them. either way, here I go.

My Fears:

* Writing this blog right now.

* That despite my best efforts that I will end up alone. Being alone is my biggest deepest fear. I am sure this stems from the people I've loved the most leaving.

* That I will never live up to my full potential.

* That I will hurt those who love me and that I love.

* That I will squander my God given talent away.

* That I will never have children. I mean, I am almost 31 1/2 years old. I hear my biological clock ticking LOUDLY.

* And on the other side of the above, I have long feared that I would be a single parent. I'm guessing that is why I have been so diligent with birth control methods. I did not think I was strong enough to raise a child on my own.

* That in the end, none of it will matter anyway.

(this list will grow and shrink depending on my mood...which sucks by the way right now)

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