Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Point Of It All: Randoms

° I HATE that I'm still sad. HATE that my heart was broken by the person I trusted the most. HATE that the entire situation makes me question my own judgment (I mean, how could I be so wrong?). HATE that I carry these feelings, this burden around with me. But, most of all, I don't hate the person who did this to me, who caused me to doubt so much, especially the existence of love. And, this is why I feel stupid. I'm not accustomed to that feeling. It's foreign and uncomfortable.

° The Trayvon Martin rallies I've attended the last two weekends have given me something to set my mind on. The verdict was wrong. I will do what I can to effect change. It's needed. From the "Stand Your Ground" law to gun control laws, they all need to be reevaluated.

° I had a dream about my future daughter. That's significant because I haven't dreamed about kids this year. It made me smile. Even if it was just a dream, for that moment little Ms. YK_ existed.

° My sister and my cousin are both pregnant. Both were surprise announcements. Babies make me happy. Happiness is needed in my life.

° I'm thinking about unplugging for a while. No Twitter or Tumblr or Blogger or Facebook. Just no contact for a moment. A break is needed. I'm really thinking about that. It's all too easily accessible.

° I really hate hearing songs that bring me back to a specific moment. I heard "At This Time" by Algebra followed by MJ's "Heaven Can Wait" and literally broke down crying. I forgot I still had that playlist. I deleted it swiftly. ¡No más!

° I did something huge the other day. I deleted my online journal. Every single post. I was up to 200 posts for the year. I just didn't see where it was helping instead of harming. I need to focus on what's in front of me and stop questioning what's behind me. The journal is no more. And I'm ok with that.

° It's Sunday & it's rainy. So, I'm going to watch episodes of "The Newsroom" while eating kettle corn popcorn & sea salt caramel Gelato. I'll enjoy every moment of it


  1. I hate that there is so much negativity in your life right now! That first post was me for a long time but I'm slowly getting back to myself again and I hope the same happens for you! The Zimmerman verdict gave me heart palpitations (I almost kicked a damn puppy lol) Such bullshit! Maybe no need to delete but just take a break from your online life at this time. I will miss you!

    1. Girl, me too. I'm working my way through it. But, I'm impatient and want to be at the end of the "grieving" process. It doesn't work that way though. I wouldn't delete any of my pages (again). Breaks will probably come soon though. Thanks for your kind words and comment, BB!!