Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Point Of It All: Randoms


° I HATE that I'm still sad. HATE that my heart was broken by the person I trusted the most. HATE that the entire situation makes me question my own judgment (I mean, how could I be so wrong?). HATE that I carry these feelings, this burden around with me. But, most of all, I don't hate the person who did this to me, who caused me to doubt so much, especially the existence of love. And, this is why I feel stupid. I'm not accustomed to that feeling. It's foreign and uncomfortable.

° The Trayvon Martin rallies I've attended the last two weekends have given me something to set my mind on. The verdict was wrong. I will do what I can to effect change. It's needed. From the "Stand Your Ground" law to gun control laws, they all need to be reevaluated.

° I had a dream about my future daughter. That's significant because I haven't dreamed about kids this year. It made me smile. Even if it was just a dream, for that moment little Ms. YK_ existed.

° My sister and my cousin are both pregnant. Both were surprise announcements. Babies make me happy. Happiness is needed in my life.

° I'm thinking about unplugging for a while. No Twitter or Tumblr or Blogger or Facebook. Just no contact for a moment. A break is needed. I'm really thinking about that. It's all too easily accessible.

° I really hate hearing songs that bring me back to a specific moment. I heard "At This Time" by Algebra followed by MJ's "Heaven Can Wait" and literally broke down crying. I forgot I still had that playlist. I deleted it swiftly. ¡No más!

° I did something huge the other day. I deleted my online journal. Every single post. I was up to 200 posts for the year. I just didn't see where it was helping instead of harming. I need to focus on what's in front of me and stop questioning what's behind me. The journal is no more. And I'm ok with that.

° It's Sunday & it's rainy. So, I'm going to watch episodes of "The Newsroom" while eating kettle corn popcorn & sea salt caramel Gelato. I'll enjoy every moment of it

2 comments:

  1. I hate that there is so much negativity in your life right now! That first post was me for a long time but I'm slowly getting back to myself again and I hope the same happens for you! The Zimmerman verdict gave me heart palpitations (I almost kicked a damn puppy lol) Such bullshit! Maybe no need to delete but just take a break from your online life at this time. I will miss you!

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    1. Girl, me too. I'm working my way through it. But, I'm impatient and want to be at the end of the "grieving" process. It doesn't work that way though. I wouldn't delete any of my pages (again). Breaks will probably come soon though. Thanks for your kind words and comment, BB!!

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