The Point Of It All: Randoms

° I HATE that I'm still sad. HATE that my heart was broken by the person I trusted the most. HATE that the entire situation makes me question my own judgment (I mean, how could I be so wrong?). HATE that I carry these feelings, this burden around with me. But, most of all, I don't hate the person who did this to me, who caused me to doubt so much, especially the existence of love. And, this is why I feel stupid. I'm not accustomed to that feeling. It's foreign and uncomfortable.

° The Trayvon Martin rallies I've attended the last two weekends have given me something to set my mind on. The verdict was wrong. I will do what I can to effect change. It's needed. From the "Stand Your Ground" law to gun control laws, they all need to be reevaluated.

° I had a dream about my future daughter. That's significant because I haven't dreamed about kids this year. It made me smile. Even if it was just a dream, for that moment little Ms. YK_ existed.

° My sister and my cousin are both pregnant. Both were surprise announcements. Babies make me happy. Happiness is needed in my life.

° I'm thinking about unplugging for a while. No Twitter or Tumblr or Blogger or Facebook. Just no contact for a moment. A break is needed. I'm really thinking about that. It's all too easily accessible.

° I really hate hearing songs that bring me back to a specific moment. I heard "At This Time" by Algebra followed by MJ's "Heaven Can Wait" and literally broke down crying. I forgot I still had that playlist. I deleted it swiftly. ¡No más!

° I did something huge the other day. I deleted my online journal. Every single post. I was up to 200 posts for the year. I just didn't see where it was helping instead of harming. I need to focus on what's in front of me and stop questioning what's behind me. The journal is no more. And I'm ok with that.

° It's Sunday & it's rainy. So, I'm going to watch episodes of "The Newsroom" while eating kettle corn popcorn & sea salt caramel Gelato. I'll enjoy every moment of it

It's Just July

° Jay-Z heard my cry from last month's random thoughts. He released new music!! His "Magna Carta Holy Grail" is here. And, I couldn't be more excited. It is awesomeness in a song. It's lyrically superb to almost every big Hip-Hop release this year. It's some of Jay's best work. He gave me everything I needed here. It features Beyonce', Pharrell, Timbaland, Swizz Beats, Justin Timberlake and Rick Ross. It's just extremely good. Get into it. 

° There is nothing like peace. Mine has been uneasy for a while now. But, I've decided that just won't do. Peace be still indeed. I've allowed to many outside factors to affect what's inside of me. And, the reality is that is dumb. No one cares about my peace and happiness as much as I do. I cannot expect no one else to give it to me. Anyone who is standing in my way is in for an awakening. I'm simply not doing that anymore.   

° BET showed a documentary entitled "Imagine A Future." It was about a dark skinned Black girl and her plight with her skin tone. She travelled to Africa to learn some history. It was very informative. It was also backed by Beverly Bond and her "Black Girls Rock" foundation. It was worlds better than OWN's "Dark Girls" documentary. 

° I'm going to be a Teedy again for the 9th time. It's a girl. I cannot wait to meet her. I know she is going to be gorgeous. And, we will love up on her just like the rest. I do love babies. They seem like heaven. Well, until they poop or spit up. But, you know what I mean. Babies are awesome and I love them. 

° This past week, I did something I haven't done in years. I went to visit my Dad. That probably wouldn't mean much to many but my Dad died in 1998. I hate cemetaries. But, I needed to go. I sat at his grave and just talked to him. I cried a lot. It was spiritually cleansing. I don't think that I'll need to go back again. 

° The Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman trial is a headache to keep up with. I do it because it's important to me. I have no patience or tolerance for anyone who wants to blame the weaponless teenager for his own deal. If you are one of those people, you couldn't be in my circle. I will not tolerate that level of ignorance. The defense attorneys are annoying. I also hate how stoic and unaffected Zimmerman seems to be about killing a kid. No remorse at all it seems. Ugh. I truly hate his face. I cannot wait for it to be over.  

° Was gifted some new natural hair products. I am loving all of them. Will have to blog about them soon. I do love free things. And, any product that helps me on my natural hair journey, I am with it. 

° Things are changing. I am not exactly sure if I'm comfortable with it. But, I'm in it. Change is inevitable. I know I need to grow. I just want to be better alreadyy. It's the thing I want the most. I've been wishing for something to happen for a while now. I finally get it. God could be telling me no because it isn't for me. That's a huge truth to accept. That what you thought was yours won't ever be again. But, it is what it is. I cannot continue to fight whatever my fate is. I'm open to it.