Let Me Tell You About Me

We all have those moments, days when we feel less than. We aren't happy with our bodies or our hair or our jobs or situations. There are days when we feel like nothing will ever be perfect. It's normal. I want to discuss this. It isn't about what anyone else thinks of us or how the world sees us. Because even on my worst day, a compliment can only brighten my mood for a moment. I can be my harshest critic. I do hold myself to a high standard. I am harder on me than anyone else could ever be. But, this rant isn't about that. This is about celebrating myself and all the things I love about me. Because the world is a hard and cold place. But, we all need to stand in the sunshine a little more. So, no I am no where near perfect nor do I want to be. 

I'll begin with the physical. I LOVE my legs. They are a distinctly different color than the rest of me. They hardly ever darken up but I love them. Especially when I have on a dress or skirt or tights or thigh highs. My eyes are interesting. I love them the most when I am smiling so hard that they kinda disappear because of my cheeks. My cheeks are huge and they make me happy. I am obsessed with my eyebrows because, in all honesty, they are perfect. My hair is thick and glorious. My brown skin is always soft and silky. Of course, I really love my boobs. It took me a long time to accept them. When you go from barely having anything to a full C cup over a summer in high school, being overly self conscious about your boobs is normal. They are real and they are fabulous. It is a huge deal to love and accept  yourself.

I love the way I see the world. The way my mind works amazes and terrifies me. I think that I'm a dope person and I have no issues with spending time with myself. I think it's important. My love of reading and music is unmatched by anyone personally know. My thirst for knowledge is insane. I am hella silly and laughing is a must. I love that I don't take myself too seriously and can laugh at myself. I have no issues with being emotional because my feelings are valid. So if I need to cry or wonder or laugh or just stand still, I will and do. I like the fact that my friends and family come to my for advice. And that I am a great listener. There is no one like me on God's green Earth. I am unique. One of one. I was having a moment yesterday and needed to write this for myself. I encourage you all to do the same. There is more good than bad in all of us. Stop being so hard on yourself. Look into the mirror and smile at what God made. Love yourself like Kanye love himself lol. But, seriously, we all need to do this more often. That's my only point. I LOVE ME!!!!

A Culture of Rape

We live in a time where there seems to be a culture of rape. This behavior has somehow become acceptable. Instead of the acts being shunned for being deplorable, women are made to be victims twice over. Politicians and media would have us believe that a woman is at fault for her rape. There is nothing I could wear or not wear, say or do that would warrant getting raped. If I say no, then it means no. If I say stop, then it means stop. The attack on women has been in high gear for the last almost 2 years. Women have been victimized again and again. there has been a lot of slut shaming going on. Newsflash: a woman who is sure of her sexuality and likes to have sex isn't a slut. She is still a woman. And, if I like to have sex, so be it. None of that makes it ok for some man to rape me. My body is my own. My choices are my own. 

The above picture is very accurate. "Society teaches (women) don't get raped rather than don't rape." People should be taught at a young age that this behavior is wrong and illegal. Rape is wrong. No one has the right to take what does not belong to them. Rape is less about sex and more about power. No one has the right to take my power from me by force. It is not yours to take. This ridiculous culture of rape in America is unbelievable to me. I should not be afraid to wear what i want, go where I want and do what I want. I should not live with the fear of some man, known or unknown, attacking and raping me. This is not right. No woman asked to be raped. Nor should she be. Women need to be protected by the laws and the lawmakers. A rape culture should be shunned. I don't know how anyone could feel any other way.

Stunts & Shows: Basketball Wives Edition

I can admit that I was a fan of VH1's "Basketball Wives" at first. The first season was a mix of silliness, fuckery and drink throwing. I watched it for the ridiculousness. I tuned out when it became embarrassing to watch 40 year old women behaving in such a gross manner. I was over it. I have seen all of the talk on Twitter about the stunts of this season. This season was so over the top that a petition to get Evelyn kicked off the show was born. The petition has garnered over 31,000 signatures. The petition's author is bothered by the violence Evelyn has displayed over the seasons of BBW. After the reunion, Shaunie O'Neal, creator/executive producer/co-star of BBW, said that she wanted to change the scope of the shown get away from the violence and shake up the cast. In a turn of events that can only be called ridiculous, the powers that be decided to get rid of Jennifer, Royce, and Kesha. What? Are you serious?

Of the cast members, the ones who should have gotten the ax over their actions are Evelyn and Tami. These two women have been nothing but drink throwing, hair pulling bullies. Every season, these two women have been involved in altercations with each other as well as other cast members. If Shaunie and VH1 really wanted to change the view of the show, getting rid of the problem would have been a solution. This turn of events just solidifies the fact that tptb (the powers that be) do not care about changing the drama. They are only concerned with the ratings. This should be reason enough for more people to simply change the channel. If the ratings drop way off, the show will cancel itself. I do not adhere to the believe that these women represent all Black women. I do not associate with any women who act like these 40 year old high schoolers. I just don't.

Jennifer was smacked on national tv. She was attacked on multiple occasions. By someone who was her friend for 14 years. I will say that verbally, she gave as much as she got. But, she never got physical with anyone. Evelyn was always the aggressor in every instance. But, she has retained her spot on the show. Kesha was only on the show one season. Tami reduced this woman to tears and fears. She berated her constantly. She called her out of name on more than one occasion. Granted, Kesha should have stood off for herself more. But, none of Kesha's actions warranted any of Tami's. I am ashamed of the actions of these bullies. Evelyn threw 2 bottles of wine at Kenya. In a wine bar. In real life. And, then said "Why are y'all always stopping me?" That signifies no remorse. Evelyn and Tami both gave these apologies that I do not believe.

Whatever "Basketball Wives" was supposed to be at the beginning, it never was. I'm sure that it could never be it either. This show from its name alone was a joke. It was more a mixture of baby mommas, ex-fiancee's, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives of basketball players. Jennifer was the only wive on her show. I used to be a huge reality tv fan. I'm starting to get annoyed with it. The faux celebrity and relevance it brings to people we shouldn't even know. It's disgusting and I'm over it. I will not be watching the next season of BBW just like I didn't watch this season. Seems like VH1 and Shaunie pulled a quick one on their viewers. The real question is are you as a viewer willing to be taken for a ride?

Worth The Weight

Weight. It's a topic often discussed and debated amongst women. We stress over it a lot. Being too thin or too fat is something people struggle with. It's an ongoing battle between ones inner and outer selves. The labels can be hurtful as well. No one wants to be called "fat" or "a big girl" because connotations are all super negative. It's a tense and touchy subject that I wanna jump into.

In general, I'm very happy with myself. I love, love, love my legs, breasts, eyes, and my smile. They are my favorite parts of me. I do, however, think there are things I can improve on. I still want to get a breast reduction. And, I have every intention of doing so. It's the only cosmetic surgery that I would ever go for. Every thing else I will work for. If I'm happy with me, then the people who love nothing should be as well. I just want to be toner in some areas. That's my ultimate goal right now.



Herein lies my problem. I'm intimidated by the gym. I'm not motivated in any way. I've changed my eating habits for the better. I've eliminated sodas, fast food and cut back on other things. I'm exercising portion control. I think sweets will always be a weak spot for me. I'm taking baby steps to get there on my own terms. No one can be my motivation but me. So that is what I plan on doing. Just gonna get myself moving in the right direction. Healthy is not a size. I'm just trying to get to there.

Weight woes have not been a determining factor in my life since then. I decided that I loved me at any weight. My concern now is being over 30 and being healthy. When and if weight loss occurs, it will be fine. I got caught up for a while in what others though of me and my body. I let it affect me deeply for a while. I starved myself because of a family members words. I'm thankful for my Mom for pulling her 14 year old daughter out of a downward spiral. I decided then and there to never let anyone determine my worth. Whatever I weigh, I'm worth it. If you love me, you love me. I just wanna be healthy and live my life. So this is the journey I'm on.