I had a dream tonight. So real that it woke me up out of a Theraflu/Tylenol Cold & Sinus induced slumber. I passed out before 8pm last night. My dream was so vivid. The colors were shiny and beautiful. I couldn't wait to get some of the main points on paper. I feel inspired by it. Words means things (cc: Crissles). The words that were repeated throughout my dream were: vulnerable, They are words I normally don't associate myself with. But, if I am to be honest with myself, they are relevant. "Vulnerable" means capable or susceptible of being hurt, wounded; open to moral attack, criticism, temptation." I feel vulnerable at this point in my life. Totally open, raw and exposed to the world. It is one of the worst feelings. I can't cover it up or fake it. Every day, I try to overcompensate for this feeling. It is a fairly new emotion. I hate it.
The other word that kept showing itself in my dream was "option." I've been feeling that I was out of options. I know now that I'm not. I just let myself become consumed by what I was feeling. The reality is I have a plethora of options available to me. The world is still my oyster. Finally, someone in my dream who is actually not alive any more asked me this "what do you want?" That question was the point where I woke up. I wrote down a list of things that I want. My list scares me for many reasons. The list came from my heart. I do not know if I can have all the things on my list but they are what I want. My main objective is to make sure that I protect myself, my life and my heart at all costs. That may sound a little selfish. I'm ok with that. I am the most important person inn my life. And, no one else will take care of me or make me the priority that I will. It's ok for me to be selfish and take care of me. My dream actually made me feel really good about a lot of things. Things that I wasn't too sure of before. I may be rambling because of the Threaflu. But, I wanted to get this out while my dream was fresh in my mind. Happy Saturday people. I'm about to doctor on myself and go back to sleep.