Ever have a dream that you're drowning? I had one a couple of nights ago. Well, I've actually been having this particular dream for weeks. One important part was only revealed to me a couple of nights ago. I was in the middle of a body of water drowning. I could actually feel myself flailing around and hear myself screaming for help. There was a person on a boat not to far from me. This person could clearly see & hear me. But, made no effort to come towards me. I was taking in water. I kept slipping under the surface. I was frightened. I just knew I was going to drown, which is a huge fear of mine. The person on the boat is someone I love. But, the person on the boat would not save me.
Drowning (via Dreammoods):To dream that you are drowning indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions. Repressed issues may be coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your subconscious thoughts. You should proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then it means that a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil.
And, in my dream, I heard a voice say "Stand up, child." It calmed me down. I found my footing and stood up. I realized that the water isn't that deep. I was doing it to myself. The person in the boat kept calling my name & beckoning me towards the boat. I turned around & walked in the other direction. Then, I woke up. I got it. I feel like God has been trying to tell me something all along. I finally got the message. I was drowning & waiting on the person I love to save me. That wasn't a part of the plan. I had to do it myself. No man/woman could ever be my savior. Message received.
I had a dream tonight. So real that it woke me up out of a Theraflu/Tylenol Cold & Sinus induced slumber. I passed out before 8pm last night. My dream was so vivid. The colors were shiny and beautiful. I couldn't wait to get some of the main points on paper. I feel inspired by it. Words means things (cc: Crissles). The words that were repeated throughout my dream were: vulnerable, They are words I normally don't associate myself with. But, if I am to be honest with myself, they are relevant. "Vulnerable" means capable or susceptible of being hurt, wounded; open to moral attack, criticism, temptation." I feel vulnerable at this point in my life. Totally open, raw and exposed to the world. It is one of the worst feelings. I can't cover it up or fake it. Every day, I try to overcompensate for this feeling. It is a fairly new emotion. I hate it.
The other word that kept showing itself in my dream was "option." I've been feeling that I was out of options. I know now that I'm not. I just let myself become consumed by what I was feeling. The reality is I have a plethora of options available to me. The world is still my oyster. Finally, someone in my dream who is actually not alive any more asked me this "what do you want?" That question was the point where I woke up. I wrote down a list of things that I want. My list scares me for many reasons. The list came from my heart. I do not know if I can have all the things on my list but they are what I want. My main objective is to make sure that I protect myself, my life and my heart at all costs. That may sound a little selfish. I'm ok with that. I am the most important person inn my life. And, no one else will take care of me or make me the priority that I will. It's ok for me to be selfish and take care of me. My dream actually made me feel really good about a lot of things. Things that I wasn't too sure of before. I may be rambling because of the Threaflu. But, I wanted to get this out while my dream was fresh in my mind. Happy Saturday people. I'm about to doctor on myself and go back to sleep.
What happens when you realize your dream may not be obtainable anymore? I feel lost. There was a dream I had that I am pretty sure won't be mine. So, now I have to find a new dream or something. But, what do I do with all the plans I made? Or the feelings I have about that particular dream? I have no idea how to move pass this dream. "A Dream Deferred" by Langston Hughes came to mind when I start writing this. It def explains where I am mentally. I do not know what comes next or where I'm supposed to go. This particular dream was gargantuan. It was the biggest dream I've ever allowed myself to dream. And, it's no longer an option. At least not at this moment. That really makes me truly sad. I've kinda accepted the fact that this may never be. I didn't really have a choice. I know none of us can predict the future. I know that all of it lays in God's hands. Since I am no longer on that dream's path, I feel myself drifting. It's hard to let go of something that it took me forever to admit that I wanted, truly wanted. I think it will be beneficial to me to let it go. I can't hold onto a dream that doesn't belong to me anymore. Maybe I should focus my attention on other dreams. I read somewhere that dreams are sometimes deferred because they aren't what God wants for us at that time. That is all I have to hold on in this matter. I know what I want. I'm just not sure how to get it yet. And, maybe that's the point. That this dream isn't mine to have yet. So, all I can do is pray and let it go and hope it comes back to me.
