Sunday, December 29, 2013

About 2013...

If you've been following my blog, I am sure you've noticed a change in me this year. I've been sad most of this year. Those emotions have spilled over into everything I've touched. That is a negative for me. It's something I could not control. I did not care for it or how I've been this year. In looking back, I do not like what I see. I believe that 2013 was a character development year for me. I was humbled in some ways. I was broken and forced to take a good in depth look at who Kenda really is. Introspective for life, indeed. I wrote a lot, maybe even too much. I worked through a lot of things this year. I had to deal with myself in a way that I wasn't truly prepared for. 2013 was a challenging year on multiple levels. 

I learned so much about myself this year. Some lessons were tougher than others because I was blindsided. I've realized I am far more vulnerable to certain things and people than I knew. I didn't think I would make it. Didn't think that this pain and hurt would ever go away. I won't say that I'm 100% better. But, I don't cry at the drop of a hat anymore. I've dismissed the idea that I have to be a "Strong Black woman" because fuck that. I am human. I do not have to be strong. I allowed myself to wallow in my brokenness. I am ok with that decision because I needed it. I realized that I tied my future plans to another person and that was wrong. I am the only person responsible for making me happy and making things happen. No one else will make sure that I am ok, taken care of, loved and protected. I am my own biggest fan and supporter. I knew this before but my vision was cloudy for a moment. 

I've made some huge decisions for 2014. There are dreams that had to be reassessed and/or thrown out. Some don't work in my world anymore. I'm not completely ok with that but I am praying I will be. There are certain things that I need to happen in the following year. December has been very good to me, mentally, emotionally and physically. I've felt more like myself this month than I have all year. I love that. I'm excited about my future again. I think that dark cloud has lifted cause I can see the sun shining again. Nothing but positivity from me from now own. I've written out my plan and I've prayed on it. I am certain that the things I am asking the Creator for already belong to me. So, in summation, 2013 was literally a trash year, one I will gladly forget. But, the outlook for 2014 is huge and bright and sunny. All good things are going to make their way to me . I can just feel it. I wish the same for any one reading this! Happy New Year!!

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