Get Into It: Pandora (Internet Radio)

Pandora has to be one of my favorite discoveries. It is personalized Internet radio. As an avid music lover, I don't think there is anything better. You can make stations for your favorite artists or favorite genres of music. The commercials are minimum at best. The music is endless which I love. IT helps the day go by faster listening to the artists that I wanna hear and not what "radio" has deemed the new hotness. I have been into Pandora for a few years now. I also love it so much I have the app on my Evo as well. I also love that I can share my stations with my friends and vice versa. If you are not currently up on Pandora, I suggest you get into it and soon!

Some of my Pandora stations are:

* Jay-Z
* Teena Marie
* Sunday Morning
* Alternative Soul
* Trey Songz
* Drake

To Snoop Or Not To Snoop?!?

That is really the question. I am a very inquisitive chick. Always have been. Being a reporter/editor for my High School newspaper and yearbook, did not squash this. I want to know things by nature. What can I say? I like to be well informed. This could be the gift and the curse though. This could be the best and/or the worse when my inquisitive nature is peaked. But are we searching for the truth or just looking for trouble?

I do not snoop...anymore. I have been reformed of this habit. I learned my lesson a long time ago. The old adage is true. When you go looking for something, you will def find exactly what you were looking for. That, in the past, has been heartbreaking for me. In actuality, I had a gut feeling that I was being played. I never disregard my feelings. They have never led me astray. The situation is a familiar one to most. I thought my then bf was cheating. A little cell phone scrolling gave me the definitive answer. My gut feeling was so right. Granted, I was hurt. But, I was also glad to have an answer to quell the feeling I had been living with.

I think that lack of trust is the most determining factor when it comes to snooping. When I have a feeling, I am moving on it. That means that internally I know something is off or is not right. When I was a *ahem* snoop, I never felt bad about doing what needed to be done to protect me. Because when I was in that particular relationship, I had to love myself more than that guy. Snooping did not blow up in my face and I didn't get caught. But, I think I'm just too old to play those games any more. I hope that I am never put in that position again. It wasn't a good look. Nor did I like the female I was playing. She wasn't me. She could never be me. Because everything that she stood for was contradictory to everything that I was then or am now.

Snooping is not for the faint of heart. You have to have a strong back when you go looking for trouble so to speak. Isn't it crazy the things we all do for love? I also wonder if women are more prone to snooping. Or are men just as quick to get into the act of finding things out? Oh yeah, this entire post was inspired by the SATC episode, when Carrie searched her new guys entire apartment and eventually found some very interesting dvds. Do any of you snoop? Has it ever blew up in your face? Ever got caught in the act? Talk to me...



"Some people develop eye strain when looking for trouble." - Source Unknown

It's The Little Things

What makes you you? I think its sometimes more about the little things that make a person whole. The little milestones that help us build our character. Simple things. I am a woman who is big on the details. I remember all the little things about my family and friends that are unique to their life story. This is not something I've worked at. It's just something that is in me. I will remember the most random things about people. I say that they are random because they may have only been mentioned once in passing. Things just stand out in my mind when I think that they may mean something deeper about that particular person's story. 

I absolutely love when people remember my little things. The fact that my love for music is deeper than just liking a song, that ?I will always remember the purple house on that back street. My college nickname which has a story that only a handful of folks know. I could go on and on about my building stones. All of these little things have made me into myself. Some are really funny and silly. Some are really deep and dear. They are all my little things. I don't share all of them with everyone. But, sometimes, if you are lucky enough, I let you in close enough to get to know my little things. Trust me, I'm worth the effort.

I like to celebrate the little things in my peoples' lives. It cost me nothing to remember. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to see someone I love light up when I mention one of these, sometimes throw away facts about them. That makes my day. We all possess these secret little things. Sometimes, we let them out without realizing it. Sometimes, we hold them dear until we met a person who makes us want to share. What are some of your little things? How often have you shared them? Let me know.

My Poetry Corner IV: "Miscommunication"

This is an old poem. It plays into my I'm Sending You Some Text Messages post. Thought I would share it with you guys.

he said
she said
truth becomes distorted
contorted
misrepresented
lies being denied
smile in her face
while stabbing her in the back
people tell the truth
according to themselves
texting her golden lies
because in all honesty
the truth hurts like hell
she and he miscommunicated
about the reality of their situation
she believes that they have a future
because of his smooth words and kind texts
he knows its all just game
people hear what they need to
want to
read texts in their eyes
never acknowledging what is real

Get Into It: Jessie J

Her name is Jessie J. Her voice is sick. She's a UK artist who has just dropped her first single entitled "Do It Like A Dude." Her debut cd, "Who You Are," will be released in the UK on March 14th. I am feeling her voice and lyrics. I've been listening to some of her stuff on Youtube. I had heard her name before but never took the time to check her out. That was wrong on my part. I was missing out on this voice. She is kinda awesome to me.

Her debut track "Do It Like A Dude" is lyrically reminiscent of Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" and Ciara's "Like A Boy." While I don't wanna do anything like a dude or a boy, I get the sentiment behind the track. One of my favorites from her has to be "Who You Are." I think it would do great chart-wise. It's one of those empowerment songs for not only women but all people. She also covers Whitney's "I Have Nothing" and does a great job. Her voice is just really amazing. Check her out and get into her.

Shout out to Mahogany Cherrelle for putting me up on this great voice!

I'm Sending You Some Text Messages

Do you remember the world before the introduction of text messaging? It seems so long ago. I can't really remember my world before texting. Isn't that sad? Lol, I think so. We have adapted to this technology and ran with it. I don't know anyone who doesn't love to text. It is quick and easy. We are a nation of texters. I think anyone from the age of 5 -50 is into it, can do it. Texting has replaced a lot of face to face conversation.

Text messaging has completely changed the way we communicate. It's simple and easy. We can get our thoughts and questions out in 169 characters or less. This is essentially the gift and the curse. Sometimes tone can be misconstrued. Sometimes that "lol" seems forced and outta place. Words typed out in a text can sometimes come across as cold and unfeeling. But, on the flip side of this, one text from the right person can change your whole day. One greatly worded text from the right person can literally make one's day. I am always conscious of exactly what I text and to whom. I am a flirt. It's mostly never intentional. But, I do not want any man to think I'm flirting with him, except for HIM :) I can be very blunt and to the point in person and via text. Sometimes I have to alter my responses to people because of this. I never want to hurt my friends or families feelings. Especially not via text.

Some folks have loss the art of true communication. Because if two people can text all day but have no thing to talk about face to face or via the phone, there is a real issue here. Texting is great. I'm not knocking it. I am the queen of texting. Ask Sprint about me lol. But, I do not fall into that group. I love to express myself, my thoughts. I know how, when and why to use my words. I'm a great listener and am no stranger to holding an intellectual/funny/silly/serious/thought-provoking conversations as well. Sometimes, I think we allow technology to take up too much space in our lives. We need to snatch back some of it sometimes. Communication is the ultimate foundation to any good relationship of any kind.

I also feel that some use texting as a way of growing a pair. I mean, there are some texts that I have received in the past that made me take a second look. Because I know the sender would never be so bold as to ask/say such things to my face. I think that is hilarious. Texts give some a green light to be very fresh. I'm me all the time. What you see on this blog is me. Whatever I text, I would say to your face. But, some take real liberties via text. I will always giggle whenever I get such foolish texts. I am the person who will call you and say "What did you text me? I need to hear you say it." It's not about confrontation. I like clarity in my life.

Texting isn't going anywhere. It is simply a part of who we are a s a culture. I like to express myself verbally and textually. What do you guys think? How do you feel about texting? Have you ever had a misunderstanding because of texting? Let me know! Talk to me!

It's My Hair: Decisions

Hair is a big issue and industry for Black women. It is our thing. We will spend all day on a Saturday in the hair shop to get our 'do did. I know that if my hair looks good, then I feel good. It's a great feeling leaving out of the shop with my hair perfect. I fee like the world is my oyster. Yes, a fresh hairdo does all of that for me. Hair is a very big piece of my overall appearance. There is a big movement in the African American culture of women going the natural route. This has intrigued me for some time.

The whole natural movement is very interesting to me. The routes that one can take to get back to their natural state as well. I, however, am not a fan of the Big Chop route. If I do chose to do this, I will def be going the transitioning route. I just don't think I wanna cut all of my hair off to go natural. That is just not gonna happen. I've had my hair cut in a short, Halle Berry-type style about 13 years ago. It was cute but the growing out stage was horrible. I hated it. It wasn't growing fast enough for me. I wore micro braids and a weave for a while. I hate weave. i will never ever have hair sewn in or glued into my head again. It just wasn't for me. The braids were cool and my best option when growing my hair out.

I have read a lot of blogs and forums about the transitioning to natural hair. There is a lot of great information on the web. I absolutely love MopTopMaven and CurlyNikki. These sites are encouraging and very friendly. They are full of natural hair care help and advice. I will say that some of these naturalistas are hardcore. They are usually referred to as the Nazis (not politically correct but still). They believe that in order for one to be completely natural, one should not even straighten their hair or use certain products. I think that's nuts. If I were to go the natural route, I would def be utilizing the Chi iron. I like to wear my hair wrapped. I do not like the negativity that I get from some of these women on the forums. I read those forums to gather more info. This has been a long discovery journey for me. And, I'm still not done yet.

I do like the plethora of natural styles I've seen on African-American women. Locs are gorgeous. Especially when they are neat and tidy and long. I love the look. It's just not the look I would go for. There are also the afros. Big or small, everyone is different. I personally like the braid-outs and twist-outs that I see. They are beautiful and soft. I like soft hair. Because i like to play in my hair. Love for a man to run his fingers through my hair as well. That is one of the best feelings in the world. I always wonder about the naturalistas that I see and their hair story. I'm very curious about that.

My fear in letting go of the chemicals is that I have no idea what my "natural hair state" is. I also do not want to do the Big Chop either. I love the length, thickness and feel of my hair now. Going natural is not like me putting in a rinse. I can not just wash it away. What if I don't like it? What if I can't deal with it? These are the big, huge questions that haunt me about this decision. Granted, I know some will say things like "I am not my hair," but in some actuality, I am sort of my hair. It's a part of me. That may be vain but it's my truth. I am still on the fence about this decision. Are any of you ladies naturalistas? If so, tell me your story. If not, what is your take on this issue? Talk to me!

ETA: My girl Kimberlie has another interesting take in natural hair. Please check it out as well.



Tanika Ray, an Extra correspondent, is my hair inspiration. I love her hair. It's always gorgeous, no matter how she styles it.

Who Loves Sports?

My name is Kenda & I'm a sports fan. For some, especially men, this admission always garners a second look. That always makes me giggle. Why is it strange that I'm a sports chick? I like what I like. Football and basketball fall into this category. I am passionate about my teams. I love the excitement of the game. I yell at the tv, the players, the refs, and the coaches during games. Especially during the playoffs. I live for it. What's the big deal with women liking sports?

In high school, I was a huge Green Bay Packers fan. Brett Favre was my dude. I could not get enough of that football team. Whenever I watched football, I was only rooting for the Packers. I also loved high school football games. But it was for an entirely different reason. I was on the Flag Team during my freshman & sophomore years and the Pep Squad my junior & senior years. I wanted to be seen performing. I could care less about if we won or lost. Sad but true lol. I liked football then. I've also been a Ravens, Steelers and Saints fan as well. All Superbowl winning teams. I pick great teams to follow. I'm still rooting for the Steelers to pull this out. In the end, my heart, as always, lays with another sport.

Basketball is my favorite sport. It has been since I was in high school. I was never a Jordan or Magic fan. My love of bball started with a team in Florida. I was an uber Orlando Magic fan as well. Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway was my absolute favorite player. Shaq was also a favorite of mine on that squad. This team was it for me. Until I discovered a rookie by the name of Allen Iverson. His skills on the court made me a Sixers fan for ten seasons. He is still my favorite baller hands down. Currently, I am a Boston Celtics fanatic. This is the first time I've loved an entire team. There isn't one person on the squad that I don't like. They are the complete package. I cannot wait to watch my boys get another ring in June.

I always find it funny when men are surprised by this fact about me. I've been told that my being so into sports is sexy by HIM and that makes me smile. And, honestly, his opinion is the one thats matters the most in my world. I'm a woman and I happen to love sports. Yes, I do have my moments when I get caught up in the players' looks & physiques. Cause, hell, they are fine. But, I love the game. No doubt about it. Ladies, are you into sports? Who's your team? Fellas, what's your take on women being into sports? Talk to me!

These Are Just My Thoughts

I've been a blog reader for a few years now. I like to read and see others perspectives on life. It gives me something to think about. I believe that it takes a brave and/or fearless soul to be a blogger. One is essentially laying their soul bare for the entire world wide web. That takes guts. I commend every one who has dived into this arena. I know of a few women who have just recently started blogs (Joey, Kimmie, & Diya) and a few who've been here for a minute (Drenna, Nikki). Blogging opens up a whole new world to those who write them as well as those who read them.

I blog just to get these words out of me. I'm writing because I have to. Need to. Want to. Even if i wasn't blogging, I would be writing something, somewhere. Because it is what I think I was meant to do in this life. I decided that I would be as open and as true to myself as I could be with my intended audience and myself. I have no issue expressing my opinions in any thing. That's never been a problem. It's a little harder for me to show my heart. But since starting this particular blog, I've gotten much better at that. Every blog I post, I'm giving you me. All of me. All the time.

I've noticed a trait in other blogs that I will never engage in. Deleting blogs. I don't get that. I won't do that. If I wrote it and posted it, I'm standing by my words. I'm always nervous about expressing my heart. That is right up until I hit the "publish post" button. Once its up, it's up. For better or for worse, my words are out there. I stand by them. They may not always be pretty or politically correct or even what you might expect from me. But they are my words. I don't get why someone would delete a post that's already been read by folks. But I guess to each his own right?

We all write for different varied reasons. I read others blogs and comment because I like to let people know I was there. I'm never ashamed or apologetic about my words. I can't be. I blog from my heart. Good, bad or indifferent, I write what I feel. I feel what I write. I can only give you me. Sometimes blogging helps me work through things in my own life. And, sometimes there are others going through the same exact situations. Life is funny that way. What are your feelings about blogs? What blogs are you reading? Talk to me & let me know!

Ain't No Love in the Heart of the City.

I came across an old story/review of one of the best nights of my life. I decided to share. Enjoy!

"Ain't no love, in the heart of the city..
I said where's the love?
Ain't no love, in the heart of town..
Yeah..

And then the Fugee's gonna break up, now everyday I wake up
Somebody got something to say
What's all the f--king fussing for? Because I'm grubbing more
and I pack heat like I'm the oven door?
Ni--as pray and pray on my downfall
But everytime I hit the ground, I bounce up like roundball
Now I don't wanna have to kill Soundbar
Don't wanna have to cock back the four pound bar
Look scrapper I got nephews to look after
I'm not looking at you dudes, I'm looking past you
I thought I told you characters I'm not a rapper
Can I live? I told you in ninety-six
that I came to take this s--t and I did, handle my biz
I scramble like Randall with his
Cunningham but the only thing running is numbers fam
Jigga held you down six summers; damn, where's the love?"

It was because of verses like this that I was a fan. His truth spoke to my soul. I have been hooked since the day I heard “I’m Feelin It.” I remember being in the back of a black Altima with friends and my boyfriend at the time put this cd on. From the opening chords, I was intrigued. By the chorus, I needed to know this rapper. From that moment, he had me.

I had waited, it seemed, all my life for this one night. For me to be in the same room as he was phenomenal. I was beyond ecstatic. I knew every word to every song on every cd he had released. All of his features, remixes, and mixtape appearances were in my mind too. to say that I am a fan is literally the biggest understatement EVER!! I never, ever bootlegged him. No, not my favorite rapper!! I could never do that to him. I supported this man since day one! Because there is something about him that touches me way down deep in my being. I love his delivery, demeanor, flow, but most of all, his swagger. There is no other rapper who has a swagger any where near the magnitude of his. There is no comparison to any other rappers in my book. He is in my opinion he is true to one of his nicknames: the God MC. He goes by a plethora of names and all of them are befitting of the man. He is HOVA. He is Hov. He is the Jigga Man. He is Shawn Corey Carter. And, most commonly, he is Jay-Z.

The day is April 9, 2008. It happens to be a cool Wednesday evening in New Orleans. The location is the New Orleans Arena. We arrived @ 6:45pm. A few steps from the parking garage at the Superdome to the Arena, and it was official, I was IN THE BUILDING!!! And, according to my guy who is in the know, Jay was in the building as well!!! I seriously had been smiling from the time I woke up until now. The anticipation had been growing ever since I heard that the tour was coming to my city. I already knew that I would never forget tonight.

My girl and I sat and talked. Wasting time until the main event popped off. My cell keeps ringing. And, every time that it would ring, a different Jay song would play. I told you that I am a true fan. "I Know," "Song Cry," "I Made It," "I'd Do Anything," "Hey Papi," "Party Life," "Excuse me (the La,La,La version)," and "Hollywood" just to name a few. I was so ready to see the man hit the stage!!

This would be the concert of a lifetime. And if you are not in the Arena tonight , then it really sucks to be you! Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Jay. From “Reasonable Doubt” to “American Gangster” every album is my favorite!! The Dream performs his 20 minute set. He is good. I really enjoyed his performance of “I Luv Your Girl” because its one of the tracks I listen to often. He then introduces Mary J. Blige once his set is done. The lights drop. The curtains rise. And, there at the top of the stairs, in the center of the stage are Mary and Jay, back to back dressed all in black!! I am instantly out of my seat. They open with a Hip-Hop classic from Jay’s first cd, “Reasonable Doubt”. The intro chords of “Can’t Knock The Hustle” flood my ears as they proceed down the stairs. They would also perform “Song Cry,” “Heart of the City,” and “You All Are Welcome.” Now, granted, Mary’s set was fire, but she was really just lagniappe to me! I was there for one main reason. And his name was Jay-Z.

Mary’s set ended with much applause. Then, it was Shawn Corey's turn. He came out to the chorus of "Say Hello" & it was on. Not saying much, just walked down the stairs, bobbing his head to the beat. “Say hello to the bad guy (hello) they say I’m a bad guy I come from the bottom but now I’m mad fly. They say I’m a menace that’s the picture they paint they say a lot about me let me tell you what I ain’t.” Then he was front and center. In my city, at my Arena, in arms length, Jay stood proudly before me! He is beyond a combination of energetic and laid back cool on stage. He smiles at the crowd. He still seems amazed that we know every bar of every song of his. As a fan, how could I not be well versed in his discography? He clowned with the audience, performed many hits, & even had time for a political shout-out. He was exciting & funny on stage. He performed "I Know" one of my favorite tracks on American Gangster. He performed singles as well as cult classics. The most touching moment, in my honest opinion, was when he did his verse from ''Minority Report" as scenes from "When the Levees Broke" played on the screen. It was like he felt my city's pain.

There aren't enough words for me to explain to you how great it was or how excited I still am. It's something about Jay's flow, delivery, & message that touch me. He makes me think. He makes me stop in my tracks and run the verse back like “Did he say what I think he said?” He personifies music. Some say that his time has passed and I think those people are nuts. He said it best “HOV'S A LIVING LEGEND AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY, EVERYBODY WANNA BE HOV AND HOVS STILL ALIVE!! He is Hip-Hop and there is no one (living) that is greater. I got to experience it firsthand. Wow!! I may not ever go to another concert that is as complete as the one I was at last night & that's just fine!!

“I supposed to be number one on everybody’s list
We'll see what happens when I no longer exist
F--k this (What more can I say?)”

A Question Inspires This Writer

"Can you have a future if your past is present?" Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

While watching an old "Sex and the City" episode, this question by Carrie got me to thinking. I have a past. You have a past. We all have one. But how can you move forward when and/or if your past keeps making an appearance in your present. How exactly does one move on when an ex won't stay in your past? There is a fine line we have to walk when it comes to remaining friends with an ex.

The reality is that at some point the two people who are now exes were friends. Sometimes soul mates dissipate. Love falls apart. Love turns to hate. The road gets really slippery. Love can be a tricky thing. One never really knows what the outcome of a relationship will ever be. People fall in and out of love and relationships easily. Thus is life. Relationships begin and end that quickly. we are humans and we are all seeking our mates.

Even relationships of mine that have ended in anger and fussing and fighting, are now at a point where me and an ex can be cordial. It's been years and what's the point of holding a grudge? I do not feel the need to keep in constant contact with them. It's just not important to me where I am in my life. A phone call, email, or text once in a while to catch up is enough for me. I don't harbor no hate for any of them. No bad feelings or love either. Besides, I think my current life does not need validation or visits from my past. An ex is an ex for a reason. I once had expectations of those men and we failed. "He" was not meant to play a part in my future.

I believe that the answer to Carrie's question is simple. One can not get to their future if they are constantly confronted with their past in their present. There will be no future if one keeps engaging themselves in their past lives. The past is the past. It is nice for the memories and to measure one's growth. It does not determine where one will end up. It has no true bearing on my future and I won't allow it to. So, maybe being friendly with an ex from a distance is the key. Are you or your significant other friends with an ex? Is it causing issues in your current situation?

The Written Word

"The writers, they write." - dream hampton

For as long as I can remember, I have been a writer. It's the thing that brings me the most peace. It started as short stories and poems as a kid. I will never forget the feeling of accomplishment I would get from spinning my words into a tale. I was amazed that it came from me. I wrote in private for a very long time. I kept a journal full of my words. I always had a very healthy and active imagination. That is still the case.

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." - Anaïs Nin

I love to write. I write about everything and nothing all the time. It's part of the reason I started this blog. I needed an outlet to all the things in my head. As a teenager, I started leaning more towards poetry. I became enthralled with it, especially spoken word. Once I got a taste of that, I was all in. I have a bunch of notebooks filled with my poetry. My writing has helped me through a ton of different issues. So in a way, writing has been therapeutic for me.

"I hate writing. I love having written." - Dorothy Parker

I had a dream once about a book I wrote. I am still nurturing this story. It's in me and I need to get it out soon. I always think of the Toni Morrison quote, "If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." I feel like I have a few to tell. I'm excited about my writing. Excited and scared to death to share "my babies" with the public. It's a big step for me to share my heart, my passion with others outside of my circle. But, I know it will be worth it in the end. So, this writer will continue to write until I have no more stories to tell and no more words to write.

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway

Happy "Whisper I Love You" Day

I love when I find out about "holidays" that I didn't know of. As I was perusing www.123greetings.com for e-cards, I came across one of those such holidays. Today is National "Whisper I Love You" Day. As soon as I saw this, the romantic in me smiled. I love the meaning of the day. It's all about letting your sweetheart or loved one know how much you love them. The key is you are to whisper those three words. How sweet is that?? Make sure you whisper I love you to your special someone today. I sure did :)

Ayudame

I don't like to ask for help. Nor do I even like to admit that I may need it. It's just not me. It kinda goes against everything I am. In my rational mind, I know that asking for or needing help is not a sign of weakness. It's a human trait. But, the irrational part of me equates it with weakness. It is something that I am working on diligently. It is not easy to change something that is so dear to me.

As per some of my earlier posts, I'm sure you guys have realized that I am all about control. I like to be in charge and make sure things go accordingly. I've always been the one to help others. The one who made sure that things worked out for others. I have no problem playing that role. As a matter of fact, I relish it. It falls in line with my being the oldest and being somewhat bossy personality.

I am slowly but surely learning that even I need help some times. But, with age, if you're lucky comes wisdom. I now realize that my control issues are not as important as my feelings. Life is about the unexpected and uncontrolled. So I am allowing myself to just be. So I'm gonna try my best to say the words help me or ayudame as often as I feel it is needed. And, know that those words do not make me any less Kenda. I'm still me all day.

I Can See Clearly Now...

Do you see yourself clearly? How do you see yourself? Is it in the same manner in which others do? I am sure that I do. When I look in the mirror or look introspectively, I see me. All of me. My positive, my negative and all of my in betweens. I have a very clear and true view of me. I was having a moment or three yesterday in my head and I was left wondering some things about vision, sight, and perception.

I, admittedly, am a thinker. I am constantly in my head about anything, everything, and nothing. I am also a worrier. That's just the way I handle and process things. I am my own worst critic and I know this. I see myself as the person who has to fix everything for everyone. It can become too much. I internalize things. That is a known fact about me. Even if I never show it, I take things very personally, even when I shouldn't. I took a really good long look at myself yesterday. And I realized that I was wrong in the situation. It wasn't a personal attack against me and what I feel belongs to me. I had to calm myself down and rationalize the issue in front of me. I still felt some kinda way about it. But, I accepted that this is life and things occur. I am still me and life goes on. What's the point of freaking out, inside my own head, about factors I cannot control? That solves nothing and def doesn't help anyone. I addressed a fault in myself head on and squashed it.

I am so accustomed to solving everything myself that it is hard and difficult to allow someone else to help me. I'm working on it though. It's hard to stop carrying the world on your shoulders when its all you know. But, I know I wasn't put here to do it alone. And, it's about time I fully accept the help that's being offered. I cannot constantly shut people out because I feel as if I can do it all. During my epiphany moment yesterday, I was instantly calmed. I felt really silly afterwards. That's another personality flaw of mines. I do not like to feel silly. But, as you can see, I see me clearly. Do you?

Moment of Music

I'm in a mood. Sue me! Enjoy the music that I'm digging right at this moment.

















Oh Em Gee!!! I heard this today and had the illest flashback. I remember being @ the HOB with the krewe when DJ Raj Smmove and Rob Nice dropped this song for the first time. The horns go so hard in the club. We loved it!!! We bumped this song and cd all summer long. Beyonce & Jay-Z "Crazy In Love" classic track in my mind!!

Does The Ring Really Mean A Thing?

After watching BET's "Let's Stay Together" the other night, I began to think about one of the story lines. It involves a man proposing to two different women, supposedly years apart, with the same ring. Say what now? Who does this? I was disturbed and disgusted by this notion. Especially since there was no mention of said ring being an heirloom. This also led to a healthy discussion between HIM and I. Now I wanna know what my people think as well.

Here's the scenario. A guy proposes to Girlfriend A with said ring. Girlfriend A says no. Then, he later proposes to the current Girlfriend B with the same ring. All is well until A meets B randomly at a restaurant. Girlfriend A says to Girlfriend B "Oh, he gave you the ring." What?!? Imagine the shock and awe on my face. Girlfriend B had no idea that she was sporting the ring of technically another woman. Her face said it all. The sister of the guy had to fess up after Girlfriend A walked away. And, it was on.

In my opinion, if Girlfriend A said no to his proposal, then he should've returned the ring. There is no way on God's green Earth that he should have held on to the ring for the next proposal. That is just wrong and dirty. To me, it's like a hand-me-down ring or a used ring. This would be no bueno in my life. That ring in my mind is tainted with the failure of his prior relationship. And, I don't wanna drag that baggage into my marriage. I would be so upset. It isn't special anymore because it wasn't purchased specifically for me.

Girlfriend B eventually went out and got another ring on her own. She did not discuss this with her fiance'. I think that was just wrong. Granted, I get that she was mad, as she should have been. But, going behind his back and getting another ring was not the route to go. Two wrongs will never make a right. There was no real communication between this engaged couple about their feelings. that is a big red flag to me.

When I am proposed to, I want it all specifically designed around me and my relationship with him. I mean from the venue to the ring. In the words of Samantha Jones from SATC "Exactly honey, wrong ring, wrong guy." I would hope that he knows me well enough to know what I'd like and what I would despise (like a gold ring ewww). To me, my engagement ring would be the most important piece of jewelry (along with my wedding band). So, sue me, for wanting something special and specifically for me *Kanye shrug*

Anyway, I would really like to know what you guys think. Was the boyfriend on "Let's Stay Together" right or wrong in re-using the ring? Was his fiancee right or wrong for getting a new ring? Does the ring really mean a thing? Talk to me!!

This is a Tiffany Novo engagement set. It is a brilliant cushion-cut creation with spirit, fire and style. It is retailed at $11,500 (1 ct.) - $42,600 (2.5 ct).

My "The Game" Review

"The Game" premiered last night. And only one word can fully describe it: Whoa!!! It was everything and nothing. It was great and it was not so great. But, the fan in me was ultimately pleased to see the cast back on tv...even if its on BET. The producers made a huge change from the show being a comedy with some drama to a dramedy with some comedy. This will take some people time to get used to. Me, not so much.

There were loads of great points to last night's premiere. Love that Derwin is the new it guy. Love him and Girl Melanie @ the photo shoot. Love Tasha Mack getting her Stella on with Terrence J. Jason being disgruntled is quite funny to see play out. I wonder if he's gonna transition to commentating once he's through with football. The new houses are all great. Malik's house is ridiculously extravagant as it should be since he's such a cliche'. Tee Tee finally manning up to Malik and getting his own life is way overdue. Kelly's reality show is so 2011. I love that aspect since the world is so focused on the lives of celebrities. Tasha and Dante's relationship is def a good look. I like Terrence J. This new dark Malik is gonna take some getting used to. I am intrigued though.

I, however, did not love some things. Med School giving up med school to be the wife of a baller seems silly. Especially since they don't have any kids (DJ has a Mom & I'm sure he isn't with them 24/7). Malik treating Tee Tee like dirt and sleeping with his girl was not a good look. Neither is his affair with his boss' wife. Tasha Mack and Kelly still beefing two years later is wack. As is the fact that Tasha would be scared of Kelly. It's not believable or realistic to me. Tasha smoking a Black & Mild was just all sorts of wrong. The new, older Brit Brat is no bueno. the show was only gone two years and they've aged her at least 5. This bitter, trashy Kelly is def a lot to adjust to. I understand why but I'm not sold on it.

Overall, I am hapy that the show is back. And, apparently so are 7.7 million other people since that's how many of us watched the premiere. Those are awesome numbers. I hope that the numbers stay up. I cannot wait to watch what happens this season week by week. Will Melanie tell Derwin the truth? Will they get DJ another DNA test? What will happen between Melanie and Janay? Melanie and Derwin? Will Tasha and Dante make it? Who else will Malik mess over? Will his boss find out about the affair? Will Tee Tee blow the whistle on the affair? Will Kelly stop being so bitter? Will Jason and Kelly get back together? I swear I have so many questions going forward into the season. I have a feeling that it will get better and better. In the words of Tasha Mack, "Game on, b**ches!!!"

Get Into It: "The Game"

Today is the day. "The Game" is finally back on tv. Thanks to BET and its staff. Season four premieres tonight at 8pm. And, I cannot wait!! I have read some spoilers already. I'm interesting in seeing how things will play out this season. I am still Team Girl Melanie all day. I love every character on this show and have since the first episode. I wanna see how te writers and directors will turn Atlanta into "San Diego." Make sure you guys get into "The Game" tonight and weekly on BET. Check your local listings!

Typecasting Per Se?!?

Do you have a type? Are you conscious of it? I was randomly having a conversation with an associate about types. People always make a big deal about types. One likes what one likes, I suppose. I said I didn't have one really. She said she def did and that her husband was def not it. This kinda surprised me for a few reasons. they have one of the best relationships I've ever witnessed. They are best friends. But, then she responded to my look of disbelief with this golden nugget "when I met him, I realized that the reason no other relationship worked was because my type was no good for me and this man was just right for me." That one sentence put some things in perspective.

That led me to this question. Is not having a type qualified as a type? Could you possibly fall in love with someone who didn't fit into the box entitled "your type?" I think that sometimes we box ourselves into a certain box and it makes it hard for us to climb up out of it. I also began to wonder about how one begins to learn what their type is. I like chocolate men. There are really no other factors that connect my ex beau's. I've never been moved by any one else. I know that I've been that way since my first crush on Ralph Tresvant of New Edition fame. And, even then, no one could tell that there was anything cuter than a brown skinned boy. I can apreciate the handsomeness of men in general. But, I fancy what/whom I fancy.

I'm certain that I don't really have a type. But I've also noticed that the older I get, the more my outlook changes. They say with age comes wisdom. And, I def have to agree with that. I've changed a lot since entering my 30's. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, I realize that I have to look past what is evident and see what isn't as evident in a man. It's less physical beauty and clearly more inner beauty. Now don't get me wrong, my eyes have to be interested in the man. But, intelligence is number one on my list. A sense of humor, a great sense of self, love for family, spiritual, are on my list as well. That describes my non-type to a "T." Maybe stepping outside of one's proverbial box could put us all on the path to our destiny.

Really Random

* Me and sleep have not been the best of friends lately. This needs to change and quickly!

* This little bit of winter weather we have going on is good. But I hate that my allergies always wanna act the fool as soon as the wind blows. #planleaveneworleansisinfulleffect

* The internet is a funny, crazy, wonderful, scary place. You can literally find out anything about anyone. Even when you aren't really trying to. Real talk.

* Sometimes I wonder about the most random things. Things that I really do not need or even really want to know. But, yet, these questions invade my thoughts some nights.

* I've decided this year I will make a more conscious effort to avoid shrimps like the plague they are. I'm allergic but I love them. But, it's really time I start taking care of me better.

* A friend sent me info on a Royal Caribbean Mediterranean cruise on . That sounds like a great trip that I really need to look into. The cruise ports in Italy and Spain I think.

* This shooting in Arizona really has me upset. A 9 year old girl was killed. And, for what? Praying that Rep Giffords makes it.

* Being stuck on things in your past only prevents one from getting to their future. I know this to be inherently true. Just thought that I'd share this tidbit.

* Back on my Bible reading game after a holiday hiatus. I'm just starting First Corinthians. So far, so really good.

* My dreams of babies are getting to be a nightly thing. I cannot wait to met these babies that I keep dreaming about.

* My Mini-Me (nephew Kameran) literally cracks me up. We just had the best 15 minute conversation about his school and education. He loves school, just like his Teedy Kenda!

* One of favorite shows return to tv tomorrow after an almost 2 year hiatus. "The Game" is back on BET. I cannot wait to see what this season holds for the cast.

Get Into It: J. Cole

By now, its evident that I L-O-V-E music. It is my thing. I am currently enthralled with J. Cole. He is a rapper from North Carolina and is the first artist signed to Jay-Z's RocNation. That co-sign alone is everything in my book. It is the reason why I gave J. Cole a listen. I was sold from the first time I heard his voice and delivery. His latest mixtape "Friday Night Lights" and it is as great as a debut cd. I love every track. I've included some of my favorite J. Cole tracks. He has that thing. I have a feeling that he will be very big. This is his year. He is currently on tour in Europe with one of my other favorite rappers, Drake. Below are some of my favorite J. Cole tracks.

Get Into It: Jazmine Sullivan's "Love Me Back"

I just got Jazmine Sullivan's "Love Me Back" yesterday. The MP3 download is currently $3.99 on Amazon.com. Before I could get halfway through it, I came across "Excuse Me" and declared her cd a success in my eyes. This song is the truth. Point blank period. The poet in me fell for the lyrics before I fell for the beat. This is the song a woman sings/plays for her man when she finally gets it. He is it for her. I did listen to the whole thing and I love it. Her voice is awesome and seems to be filled with so much passion. Jazmine actually tweeted that she was leaving the music business last week. I hope she reconsiders. Her voice is needed.

My Poetry Corner III: "Intellectual Intercourse"

i wanna have an intelligent conversation with your intellect
spend hours in the deepest corners of your mind
wrapped up in your thoughts draping myself in your opinions
want to romance you with metaphors
impress your psyche with my silly similes
smother your body with amor
this is more than a physical thing
I'm pursuing the idea of being intimate with your inner being
plan on caressing your doubts
in order to put your soul at ease
gotta intertwine your words
with the ones in my mind
so that we can create our own secret exchange
you must lay down your beliefs on top of mine
and maybe you and I could mother-father a new off-spring
been having dreams of incorporating your feelings into my brain
thus, becoming one with you
hope I can erase your insecurities and replace them with faith
I would love to touch the inner-most part of you
wanna pull you so deep within me
need to feel your heart beat in sync with mine
wanna connect with you on every level
wanna speak a language that only you can decipher
play the music that only we know the lyrics to
I wanna speak to you with only my eyes
breathe deep of your essence massage your worries away
and maybe, for now, you and I can live here
in this utopia of true intelligence in your mind
intellectually stimulating each other!

Q&A

I like to know things. I love to learn and be informed. I'm a Sagittarius so by nature I'm inquisitive. I always have questions running rampant in my mind. Most I tend to answer on my own. We're human so questioning everything is in our DNA. I am always questioning something. Usually in my head. I also tend to write down questions about things I do not understand. I will investigate any and every thing. I love to know things.

Sometimes, there are questions we are afraid to ask. Because the answer scares the hell out of us. But, if a question is heavy on your mind and in your heart, it's impossible to not ask it. Or, maybe it's just me. The outcome could be the exact answer I was looking for which would be awesome. Or it could be something that would hurt me. I'd rather know either way. When I get the answer, I'll know how to proceed.

And, sometimes, I get an even better answer than the one I was hoping for. It's so very easy to expect the worst in people. Sometimes, people can shock you, in a good way. I absolutely love when that happens. It's the best thing ever. I question everyone and everything. It's the only way I know how to function. Now, I'm gonna go back to think about some more questions.

My Poetry Corner II: "Altered Reality"

I wanna love you
a little
wanna hold you close
and keep you warm
maybe if only just for a little while
we could pretend that I was yours
and you were mines
that this right here
right now
is the gospel truth
wish we could exist here
in this world
where nothing matters but
the two of us
the place where
we never let the outside in
if only for a moment
if only for a minute
me loving you would be good
would be fine
would be right
cause in here
we are one
we are it
we are love
but this is all a
fallacy of my imagination
the thing I dream when
I close my eyes
when I hear your voice
feel your touch
but in my bed
in the dark
alone with my thoughts & you
we are what I dreamed
and for that short period of time
I grasp hold to this
altered reality

~Kenda Calandra circa 2005

Just Say No To Reality TV

Hello. My name is Kenda and I am addicted to reality tv. I was a reluctant viewer at first. But now, I am deeply immersed in it. I've come to the conclusion that my intelligence is really being insulted by this dumbing down of American television. I need an exit strategy asap. So, in this very beginning of this new year, I feel the need to ween myself off of it.

The first causalities of this year has been "Brandy & Ray J Family Business." This was an easy decision because Ray J is beyond wack. This is further made obvious by the fact that he has no clue that he thinks he is so cool. This show comes off very scripted and just forced. So, I'm clearly saying bye-bye to the Norwoods. Another one that has to go is Teen mom and 16 & Pregnant. These two shows only make me mad.

Now, there are shows that will be much harder for me to let go off. I am a fanatic behind the Real Housewives franchise. I am currently watching the Atlanta and Beverly Hills seasons. I will finish these seasons and be done with them. The New York and Orange County women will be back on the scene soon. I will not even get back into those franchises. I am a Big Brother, Four Weddings, Bridezilla, Jersey Shore, Top Chef, Say Yes To The Dress, Te Real World, and America's Next Top Model fan as well. These shows will not be watched anymore. I just cannot do it. I am beginning to feel dumber by the day for watching such cleverly disguised trash. I am over it in 2011.

I think I need to spend more time feeding my intelligence. I have to be more conscious of what I take in. I think I need to read more or watch more things on the History Channel. The reality tv explosion does not seem as if it's going anywhere any time soon. I am just respectfully declining from participating. I need more from entertainment. I deserve more for me and my mind in 2011. And, I'm going get it, by any means necessary!

Am I Dreaming?

I have the most vividly realistic dreams. I have for as long as I can remember. I don't know anyone else who dreams like I do. It usually takes me a while to get my mind to settle down enough for my body to go to sleep. My dreams are always so grand and of epic proportions.

My dreams are usually to the point. I dream whole scenes. I love that. Those dreams give me deeper insight into things in my life. I am an admitted over-thinker. I believe my dreams are my way of simplifying things. It's just easier to solve things when my mind isn't contemplating 8360 scenarios. Sometimes I'm confused by the details of my dreams. Mostly, I'm pleasantly surprised by them. I love the ones that seem to play out my future. Those are the best ones.

I'm beginning to believe that me being a writer and creative being plays a part in my dreams. In the past, I never shared my dreams with anyone. But that's changed recently. I almost always tell HIM my dreams. He's always amazed by the details of them. I dream a lot. I think that is a really great thing. Some nights I can't wait to make it to my dreams. I never know what will happened or who will show up. Dream a little dream, people.

Hello 2011!!!

Happy New Year's!!! 2010 is so far gone! Hello and good morning to 2011. I believe that it will be a great year. I am speaking it into existence right now!!