A Culture of Rape

We live in a time where there seems to be a culture of rape. This behavior has somehow become acceptable. Instead of the acts being shunned for being deplorable, women are made to be victims twice over. Politicians and media would have us believe that a woman is at fault for her rape. There is nothing I could wear or not wear, say or do that would warrant getting raped. If I say no, then it means no. If I say stop, then it means stop. The attack on women has been in high gear for the last almost 2 years. Women have been victimized again and again. there has been a lot of slut shaming going on. Newsflash: a woman who is sure of her sexuality and likes to have sex isn't a slut. She is still a woman. And, if I like to have sex, so be it. None of that makes it ok for some man to rape me. My body is my own. My choices are my own. 

The above picture is very accurate. "Society teaches (women) don't get raped rather than don't rape." People should be taught at a young age that this behavior is wrong and illegal. Rape is wrong. No one has the right to take what does not belong to them. Rape is less about sex and more about power. No one has the right to take my power from me by force. It is not yours to take. This ridiculous culture of rape in America is unbelievable to me. I should not be afraid to wear what i want, go where I want and do what I want. I should not live with the fear of some man, known or unknown, attacking and raping me. This is not right. No woman asked to be raped. Nor should she be. Women need to be protected by the laws and the lawmakers. A rape culture should be shunned. I don't know how anyone could feel any other way.

Political Rant: VAWA

There are many things I do not understand about Republicans. Plenty. But, what I cannot get is how any woman, Democrat or Republican, could vote against the Violence Against Women Act. This act covers The White House issued an official pdf of what VAWA is. It is very detailed. Quite simply, it protects women. End of discussion. So as a woman, how could you vote against it? There has to be a special place in hell for the women who did not stand up for this particular act to be made into law. I don't even have the energy to go in on this subject. And, I truly don't have to. Thankfully, it was passed and President Obama signed it into law. Below are the main points of the new law. Happy that it exists. 

The Violence Against Women laws provide programs and services, including:

• Federal rape shield law.
• Community violence prevention programs.
• Protections for victims who are evicted from their homes because of events related to domestic violence or stalking.
• Funding for victim assistance services, like rape crisis centers and hotlines.
• Programs to meet the needs of immigrant women & women of different races or ethnicities.
• Programs and services for victims with disabilities.
• Legal aid for survivors of domestic violence.

The Scenario: Facebook Status

*STATUS JACKED* Females, lets be clear....and REAL....a man isn't cheating with you because you are so good at being the other woman....he's cheating with you because you aren't good enough to be THE woman. I laugh at women that brag about being the "go to" woman when the man gets bored at home, & you try to put down a submissive woman for being who God designed her to be. Learn what submission really means. A submissive woman is far from weak, because a true submissive woman knows how to carry the load for him and her both without him even having to know it. She knows how to speak to his spirit & not his lusts. She knows how to push him to his dreams instead of pulling him to destruction. She knows how to pray with him and not play with him. She knows how to be quiet even when her flesh wants to speak. She knows the value of his hard work & not just his dollar. A submissive woman is his "LIFETIME" but you are just a "GOOD TIME"...and that's all you will ever be. He knows that he can throw a few dollars & material possessions your way & that's all you will ever expect. The other woman makes it easy for a man, the submissive woman makes it easy for herself by making him EARN & not buy her. You are the O.T.H.E.R. woman...an Overplayed Toy He Eventually Releases.....#YOUAREOFFICIALLY RELEASED

The above is a Facebook status that has popped up over my timeline for about a week now. It is, in my opinion, one of the stupidest things I've seen on Facebook. And, I have seen some foolish things on that site. When I first read this, I thought to myself "How ridiculous is this?" I didn't give it another thought...until 2 days later, when this same status popped up again and again. Now, I am not a married woman but I have common sense. I am also a woman who's been cheated on and I grew up in a house where my Father cheated. So, I think I have a really good grasp of the situation from a few standpoints. My conclusion is that the "wife" who proclaimed the above is a sad woman. That's all I was thinking while reading it.

In an attempt to put "the other woman" in her place, "the wife" exposes her insecurities and what's going on in her marriage. I do not condone cheating ever. But, as a woman, I do not fall in line with the thought that addressing the other woman fixes the problem. If my husband was cheating on me, he is who I will address. He is the one who violated our vows. He is the only guilty party in my mind since he is the one I married. The status above spends a lot of time trying to talk down to the other woman instead of facing the real issue. The real issue is her husband cheated. For whatever reason, he decided to step outside of the marriage. Everything about that status irks me. There is nothing noble, good or right about being a man's #1 woman, especially if there are other women in his life, standing in line behind you. I have to be the ONLY woman in a man's life. I do not play well with others when it comes to my relationship. I'm not into sharing a man.

My response: There is so much wrong with this post. This is a woman's insane attempt at "reading" her HUSBAND's side chick. The problem is that her husband is cheating on her. No matter how wrong the other woman is (and yes she is dead wrong) the person she should be handling is her husband, you know the guy who made vows to her. This does not make the wife look good. It makes all parties involved look stupid.

If the other woman is nothing more than a play thing, then why did this woman feel the need to post this? I would never put my intimate business on Facebook and I cannot understand those that do. What good would that do? What really bothers me about this is the way it spread like wildfire. There were women and men alike were posting this like it was the golden gospel. I was literally speechless at this. I mean, these are intelligent people. And, most of them agreed with this nonsense. I could not be quiet about it. It was stupid and I surely said so. Marriages are between two people. If one of them decides to bring a 3rd in, that is an issue that a husband and wife need to work out. It is not fodder for a social network. It's not something that everyone needs to discuss. Private things need to be kept private. We have become a community of people who are living our private lives publicly. This is a sad state of affairs. I know waaaaayyy too much about certain people. I do not like this. Bottom line, it is never a good idea to invite others opinions into your relationship in any capacity. We, as a whole, need to get back to the days of keeping our private lives private.

July 9th is...

I do not know who comes up with this stuff. I have never ever heard of National No Bra Day. I personally think this is a holiday for the women who fall into the "itty bitty titty committee" which I haven't been a member of since I was 13. I could not in good faith go out on public braless. It would surely cause a scene. I just learned of this "holiday" via Facebook last night. I do not know any woman who's going to participate just because. The women who can go braless do it all the time. The rest of us save the braless moments for the house. I know I come out of mine as soon as I walk through the door. I hate bras. Hate them. They were designed just to torture women. Either way, today's the day we should go sans bra. Do it up! Happy July 9th, Ladies!!

Equality...For Some?

Today, the Republicans showed women how much we matter. Not one Republican voted for the passage of the pay equity bill. "The bill, which Democrats said would close loopholes in the 1963 Equal Pay Act, would require employers to prove that differences in pay were related to job performance, not gender; would prevent employers from forbidding employees from sharing salary information with each other; and would allow women who believe they were discriminated against to sue for damages." (www.cnn.com) From all that I've read about this bill passing it seemed like a no brainer.



In 2012, women still aren't paid the same as men. The consensus is that for every $1 a man makes, a woman is only paid .77¢. Now how fair is that? It isn't. And, if the only reason that a woman is paid less has to do with her sex that is morally wrong. I do not see how anyone can say that this is right. It seems as though the Republican war on women is still on. That disturbs me on so many levels. I don't see how the Republicans can defend any moves they have made in the last 3 years. Every thing has been to stop all moves by President Obama. And, the only people who consitiently lose are the citizens. This is a big blow to women. It's only June. November a long way from now. What else can happen between now and then? I'm not sure but I know it won't be pretty. Keep your eyes open, people.

Did He Really Just Say That?

“One of the primary reasons…is because women are taking over…They’re in high, so-called powerful positions, they’re running companies, they’re making decisions, and not all, not all, not all….[I'm getting] a funny face now…There are some, a few logical women who can make sound decision[s], but most cannot. And the unfortunate thing is they’re in powerful positions…The one thing I know for sure without a doubt [is that] women cannot handle power…It’s not real power anyway. Power that the world give you is not power. It’s all ego-building.” - Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson.

Sir, really? The above quote came from a Black man. Yes, it did. And, yes he said that. And, honestly, no I cannot believe he said it. I came across a link on Twitter to this site and I was floored. IS it not 2012? Has he as well as the Republicans forgotten that? I am so completely stupefied that someone could say something so utterly ignorant in this day and age.



If you need more, please feel free to watch the video above. It is as much of a hate speech as anything else I've ever heard. Its hard for me to believe that a Black man could say this. I guess he forgot that it wasn't that long ago that he wasn't allowed a vote wither. Hell, he wasn't even counted as a whole person. Why would you want to disenfranchise a group of people when you yourself has been disenfranchised? I do not get that. That kind of backwards hatred really makes no sense. I know how hard people fought for civil rights and women's rights. I am thankful for both of those plights. Without them, I wouldn't be allowed to have a voice. Where would I be if I couldn't voice my opinions and feelings? I deserve to be heard. Thankfully its 2012 and I have that right. I also fully exercise that right.

I cannot believe that the women in this congregation sat and listened to this crap. There was no uproar or outcry of the ridiculousness of this. "Women cannot handle power." Really sir? How the hell did you come to this conclusion? This man said that God gave man the power. But, correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Eve taken from Adam's rib? Wouldn't that mean that she has power as well? Women cannot handle power says who? Women birth and raise men. Sometimes alone. Women, especially Black women, have been the backbone of this country for years and years. I am disgusted by this so called Reverend. How are you a man of the cloth and you are degrading women and disgusing it as the word. It isn't. I am embarrassed by this Black man and his entire platform. I cannot even write about it anymore.

This is the world we live in. Everyone is allowed to have their opinions, no matter how simple or small minded they are. Women are people too. We deserve the right to say, vote, do, whatever we please with our minds, mouths and bodies. They belong to us. I am sick of men trying to dictate what and how a woman should act, be do or behave. I had a Father. I don't need another one in the form of some misguided, misogynistic reverend behind the pulpit. Thanks but no thanks. I'd vote no on that referendum, Rev. Peterson. I would like for him and men like him to all take a seat and shut up already. If you do not have something intelligent to add to the dialogue, do us all a favor and zip it. We don't care to know anymore. Maybe if there were more women in power positions things would be a whole lot different, better.This educated, voting, sexual woman will continue to do all of the above and then some. And, you sir, will deal!!

"You Female!"

There is a discussion that has been taking place online for some time now. It is about the word "Female" and how degrading it is. Really? The Republicans are waging war against women's equality, fair pay and reproductive rights. And, this is what people want to harp on? Come on women, we have bigger, better fights to conquer. A "female" is defined as "a person bearing two x chromosomes in the cell nuclei and normally having a vagina, a uterus, and ovaries," or "An organism of the sex or sexual phase that normally produces egg cells." (dictionary.com) I'm confused. Does that definition not define who women are? I know that it defines me as a woman. So how did a simple term become so degrading?

I find the discussion utterly ridiculous. As women, don't we have other things to discuss? I cannot even muster up a *excuse my language* fcuk to give about it. Being called a bitch is degrading. Being called a nigger is degrading. Being called a female, which I am, is not. I am not hurt by that word. There are no negative connatations associated with this word. And, the ones I have seen seem to be particularly to the writer. Women are we that starved for drama that we have to make it up now? And, what's even more bizarre is the fact that its Black women who are having the biggest problem with the word. In 2012, Black women have so many other things to worry about. A word shouldn't be one of them. It just makes no sense.

Let me be clear, I am many things. Female and woman are always at the head of that list. They are who I am biologically. Why would that be degrading or offensive to me? It isn't nor could it truly be. I think people are up in arms behind the wrong thing. A woman is a female as is a female is a woman. They are one in the same. It's not a fight that needs to be fought. Those who are doing so should quickly have a seat. I find myself laughing as I type this. Because it is comical to say the least. We, as women, as females, need to focus our energies on other plights. If we stop paying attention to the world, the Republicans will have taken away all of our rights. Pay attemtion to what's really real, females!

Hyper-emotional Week

What is it about women's hormones that makes us extra emotional once a month? I hate this part about being a woman. I hate that my body and my usually sensible emotions betray me every 28 days. It's like the tiniest things set me off. So far this week, I've cried every day. Over things that normally wouldn't get me all amped up. It's almost as if I'm a different person right before my cycle shows up.

Why is this our lives, women? How unfair is it? In general, I am a strong, brassy woman. I have a pretty good poker face. I've learned how to hold my emotions in. I only allow some to see me that way. But, for the last 3 days, I've been this other side of me. This soft and pink and weepy side of me. I do not like. I literally cried over the picture of a baby. Yes, I did. I'm not proud of this. But, clearly I cannot help it. I would love it if I could though.

I find myself a bit irrational. So I try no to project that on to others. It's all my pms related emotions. They are all over the place. So its hard to deal sometimes. I'd rather just get in bed and bury my head under the comforter. I know that it is just the way life is. I blame those weaklings Adam and Eve for this. It'll all be over soon so there's that. I know it could be worse. It actually has been worse before. Tomorrow's another day for me to fight the good fight.

Just Say No to the GOP & Their War Against Women

As the race for President 2012 heats up, I wonder if women are paying attention. The GOP has been waging war on women. In Arizona, they are signing a bill into law that outlaws abortions after 20 weeks. This is 4 weeks earlier than the federal standard. This is the slippery slope to overturning Roe vs Wade. If we don't stay on top of this diligently, this will happen. The GOP wants to redefine "rape" while also changing calling rape victims by that name. They want to call them "accusers." That significant change seems to lessen the reality of what happened. It's like accusing the victim. Since when are victims the guilty ones?

I am amazed that no one seems to be paying attention to what the Republicans are trying to do. If they keep regulating women's rights, we won't have any. Are these the kind of people we really want in power? This election is beyond crucial. We need to go out and vote in epic numbers. We have to let the Republicans know that we, as women, will not stand by idly as they reduce us back to nothing. I feel like I could rant about this forever. But, I won't. Just pay attention ladies before we find ourselves back in the olden days. This website lists some of the things that the GOP is attempting to "change." Take a stand women. We have to. Our livelihood is on the line. So, come November, let's all just say NO to Mitt Romney, the GOP, & their war against women.

Platonically Speaking

I have heard more than once than men and women cannot be truly just be friends. Some people believe that one person in the friendship will end up catching feelings for the other. Platonic friendships can happen either organically or by default. Organically a man and woman met and there's no physical attraction. When I say by default, I mean that one wanted a relationship and the other didn't. Either way, they end up in the friend zone.

I'm on the fence about the subject. I have platonic male friends. We are just friends. I don't see them in any other way than that. I'm almost 100% sure that the feeling is mutual. These two guys are more than my friends, they are my family. We are always there for each other. They have my back and vice versa. I know I wouldn't even entertain the notion of going down that road with either of them, even if I wasn't in love. The friendship I share with them means too much to me. Our friendship is the epitome of platonic. I believe that we are a great example of a platonic friendship working out. I mean, I we are into a 22 year friendship. It must be working.

I have seen friends cross that line. It has never worked out in the end. A small attraction could kill a great friendship. I don't think it's worth it. Great friends are hard to come by. Why would one want to sacrifice it for something fleeting or purely physical? That makes no sense to me. I value my friends too much. I would hate for them to the think of me negatively or as a former friend. Boundaries are set early. Platonic friendships should always adhere to them.

Platonic friendships benefit both parties involved. Both get the opposite sex's opinión on life and love. That alone is invaluable. I believe that men and women need platonic friendships. We need the balance. I sometimes seek out the advice of my male friends for a different perspective. It's helped me so much in life. I would actually be kind of lost without it. So, what do you guys think? Can men and women just be friends? Or is platonic friendships an oxymoron to you? Let's discuss.

Where's The Justice?

Is Justice really blind? I used to believe this wholeheartedly. Now? Not so much. For as long as I could remember, I was enthralled with the legal system. I wanted to be an attorney for the longest time. Lately, I have become very disillusioned with the United States' idea of what justice really is. I've seen people go to jail for long periods of time for small infractions. I've watched people walk away scott-free when they were guilty as sin. Where is the justice in any of that? I do not see it because it is not there.

Case in point: Casey Anthony. Her daughter, Caylee, was supposedly "missing" for 31 days before her mother, Cindy reported it. Casey did not report it. Her daughter was later found dead. Casey Anthony lied at every given turn. The only facts of this case are simple: Caylee was dead. After years, the trial finally started. There were allegations of sexual misconduct, outrageous lies, ridiculous testimonies, and even more ridiculous scenarios. In the end, the just decided that Casey was not guilty. What??? How is it that this woman is now free to walk the earth while her child is dead and was treated like trash? Where is the justice in this? Clearly, I believe that the jury got it dead wrong. Casey should have been found guilty and been en route to a needle in her arm. I have no tolerance for murderers. I am a fatherless woman because of a murderer. And, people who do anything to harm children are the absolute worst. They are the scum of the earth in my eyes. I also know that Casey has to live with what she did. And, she also will have to atone for it as well.

On the flip side of justice, there is Raquel Nelson. A 30 year old mother who crossed the street with her two kids in Georgia. A man struck and killed her son. The man, Jerry Guy, has a past of hit and run incidents. He was originally charged with hit and run, cruelty to children, and second degree murder. The charges were later amended to just a hit and run. Her served a 6 month sentence and will have five years probation for murder. What?? How is that justice? It isn't and the story gets even worse. Ms. Nelson could possibly serve more time than her son's killer. She is being charged with second degree vehicular homicide. This means she is at fault for jaywalking which led to her sons death. There is a possibility that she will have to serve a 36 month sentence. The woman is grieving her son and has to deal with this. Again I ask where is the justice in any of this?? The answer is simple there is none.

One other major point I have to bring up in these cases is race. Casey is a white woman, Raquel is a Black woman. Apparently, that matters. Because how could a woman who definitely killed her child is walking free while a mother who crossed the street with her child and he was killed is facing jail time? My mind can only come to one conclusion. It's racial. Clean and simple. That makes me so angry. Yes, we have a Black President. But, we are not a post-racial nation. Racism is still alive and well. One only has to take a look at the forming of the Tea Party or the way the Republican Party has behaved since 2008. These two cases have literally made me sick. I cannot blindly believe in justice after hearing about these cases. I think the picture I found for this blog is absolutely perfect. Justice is clearly not blind. What do you guys thinks? Talk to me!

Right Side Vs. Left Side of the Brain

I had a epiphany tonight. While watching one of my favorite shows SATC, Carrie Bradshaw wrote "It’s a pretty common belief that women tend to use the left, more emotional side of their brain, and men the right, more logical side. But is it really that cut and dry? It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart, there’s a battle between what we know and what we feel. So, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation that leaps back and forth between the left and right side?” That made me think about the fundamental differences between women and men and the way we approach and handle things. I'm not here to claim that women are superior to men or vice versa. We're just different. We see things slightly differently and react to them that way. I do not fall into the category of believing that women are from venus and men are from mars. We have a lot in common but there are differences.

I can be very emotional. I also know how to control how much of that I show to people. I've been in a plethora of situations where I've wondered how could the man involved not see what I see. Or how could he not know how pissed I was. Even if I did not verbally admit it, everything about my demeanor screamed anger. I get quiet, my body is tense, arms crossed, I would be literally radiating heat from my body. Yet, he would look so bewildered when I would say I was mad. I'm not on to hold my tongue when I'm mad. I like to express myself fully. Men on the other hand are not like that. It's like pulling teeth to get to the root of a problem. They are generally never too forthcoming about feelings and emotions. Even when talking to my brother, I know I have to ask a very specific question to get anything out of him. It's draining.

Women are usually talkative. We like to share. We're expressive and emotional. We feel deeply. And we're used to discussing it with our girls. Men aren't usually like that. Yes, they can and will open up about certain things. But, I do not believe that they will ever be as quick to share as women are. It's taken me a long time to understand that fundamental difference between men and women. I've learned what questions to ask or not ask. I pay attention to the nonverbal communication as well. And, I know that sometimes the talker needs to just be the listener. It's easier to hear what the man is feeling that way. What do you guys think?

Typecasting Per Se?!?

Do you have a type? Are you conscious of it? I was randomly having a conversation with an associate about types. People always make a big deal about types. One likes what one likes, I suppose. I said I didn't have one really. She said she def did and that her husband was def not it. This kinda surprised me for a few reasons. they have one of the best relationships I've ever witnessed. They are best friends. But, then she responded to my look of disbelief with this golden nugget "when I met him, I realized that the reason no other relationship worked was because my type was no good for me and this man was just right for me." That one sentence put some things in perspective.

That led me to this question. Is not having a type qualified as a type? Could you possibly fall in love with someone who didn't fit into the box entitled "your type?" I think that sometimes we box ourselves into a certain box and it makes it hard for us to climb up out of it. I also began to wonder about how one begins to learn what their type is. I like chocolate men. There are really no other factors that connect my ex beau's. I've never been moved by any one else. I know that I've been that way since my first crush on Ralph Tresvant of New Edition fame. And, even then, no one could tell that there was anything cuter than a brown skinned boy. I can apreciate the handsomeness of men in general. But, I fancy what/whom I fancy.

I'm certain that I don't really have a type. But I've also noticed that the older I get, the more my outlook changes. They say with age comes wisdom. And, I def have to agree with that. I've changed a lot since entering my 30's. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, I realize that I have to look past what is evident and see what isn't as evident in a man. It's less physical beauty and clearly more inner beauty. Now don't get me wrong, my eyes have to be interested in the man. But, intelligence is number one on my list. A sense of humor, a great sense of self, love for family, spiritual, are on my list as well. That describes my non-type to a "T." Maybe stepping outside of one's proverbial box could put us all on the path to our destiny.