My Poetry Corner XVII: Poetry Inspired By The Clock

"1:43 am"

A dream awakens me 

Now I’m yearning for the relief only you can bring 

Need to hear your voice, feel your touch 

It’s been far too long since you’ve told me to cum for you 

I need it, need you 

Fingertips glide over wet lips 

Slowly touching the innermost piece of me 

All soft and pink and tight and wet 

It’s your name on my lips as my fingertips bring me closer to ecstasy 

Your voice I hear in my head 

Hard nipples and shallow breaths  

As my fingers go in dry and come out wet  

I am chasing your voice to euphoria 

My body is hot 

I need this release 

Have to do this 

I curse as my leg starts to shake 

Run my thumb over my clit pretending it’s yours 

Panting your name while fucking myself 

I can hear you so clearly talking to me 

coaxing my orgasm from me while I quiver deeply 

"That’s it sweetheart" and then with you in mind, it occurs  

my soul shakes and I am calling out your name 

Sleep comes quickly and I meet you in my dreams 

I guess anything is better than a reality where you no longer exist

********************************************************************************

"2 am..." 

It's 2 o'clock in the morning & I cannot sleep. 

It's 2 o'clock in the morning & all I'm really craving right now is you.  

Your very sleepy voice saying my name. 

That thought really shouldn't comfort me the way it does. 

I am very good at faking how I'm feeling when it comes to you. 

I pray all the time to be free from the ache of you. 

I don't like being this woman. 

I feel less than more often than I should. 

It's been way too long and I should be totally over you, right? 

I shouldn't want you anymore.  

The memory of who you were to me shouldn't haunt me. 

Loving you should be past tense. 

But, it's 2 o'clock in the morning & you're the only person on my mind. 

I can't figure out if this is my definition of heaven or hell. 

My Poetry Corner XVI: "I Told God"

I was reading my Bible this morning

Romans 8:18-27 and I came across something.
There it was in my signature purple ink
my name alongside yours written across the edge of the page.
I write on everything and this isn't the first time 
I’ve found your name in my books
But, this was different, it was in my Bible.
next to the words of God.
I loved you so much I told God about you
I prayed for you.

I wrote down my feelings about you.
Seeing your name in this sacred place haunts me.
Because how could I be so wrong about a love that felt so right?
I put your name in my Bible along with my thoughts, hopes, & dreams.
Because I thought we were meant to be, supposed to last, that forever kind of love.
We did not and now we are past tense.
Now, I'm sitting here cutting your name of this page
Because it no longer feels like home.
It no longer belongs to me.
I still pray for you.
That’s how I know it was real.

                                    -- Kenda

      

My Poetry Corner XV: "Past Tense"

I used to miss you so much that it hurt to breathe

But, I’m breathing more freely these days

I never thought a day would come when I  

wouldn’t be hopelessly and crazy in love with you

but you cured me of that

So when the day comes that me loving you is past tense

you’ll have no one to blame but yourself

and that is the saddest part of it all.

My Poetry Corner XIV: Pieces I Cannot Finish

**2:36 a.m.**

In all honesty, you broke me to fix yourself
And where is the righteousness in that?

**************************************************************************

**Choosing...**

That’s what love is
Consciously choosing each other every day
One day when it was time to choose me
You decided not to
That was the beginning of my end
And that’s really the saddest goodbye to a once great love story

*************************************************************************

**Pieces**

There are parts of me that I can never share with another man
because I gave them to you
and you threw them away
discarded my pieces as if they were trash.

#31WriteNow: My Poetry Corner XIII "Written On My Skin"

I've been fighting writing this for months. But, pieces of this poem kept coming to me. Last night, it demanded to be written so I obliged. I've tried to not write about what I'm feeling and going through and failed. I'm not an abstract writer. I have to write what's on my heart. Unfortunately, the only tune in my heart is one about heartbreak and love shit. So, this is what happens when I follow my heart. Hope this piece moves you like it does me. 

I hid inside my words so they wouldn’t see the hurt
I wrote so that my pain wouldn’t touch anyone else 
I wanted to write the sadness away
All I did was expose my soul 
I’m naked on that page, on this blog 
My head hangs low so I don’t have to meet his eyes 
I know he’s watching me from afar
Reading the words scribbled on my milk chocolate skin 

Every inch of my body is a diary entry to him
Every word, each thought came from knowing and loving him
The love, the pain, all the happiness and eventual sadness  

I recorded it all in my heart 
It pumped through my veins
Everything I wrote was for him
Even when I tried not to, especially when I tried not to  

Water can’t wash him off of me 
I’ve tried to scrub the words away
Love doesn’t come off so easily
I stand here covered in these words
no longer ashamed 
Because I took a chance 
I loved him fiercely
and with my whole heart and it didn’t last
So I’ll write about that until it doesn’t hurt anymore

#31WriteNow: My PoetryCorner XII

"Broken Things"

Broken things cannt be put back together again.

Not the same way. 

There will always be something broken about them.

The same goes for people.

People with broken hearts are never the same

No matter how much time has passed

They loved with all their hearts  and failed.

Their hearts are forever changed by that love

by that heartbreak.

Hearts are fragile like china

Once broken, they are altered. 

Broken people have to find a way to breath again, 

live again, love again.

None of that is an easy feat.

This broken person hasn't even figured out

how to stop the tears or the pain.

I'll always remember the moment 

it happened and who caused it

Forever broken.

My Poetry Corner XI: "We Agree" & "All I Am"

My heart refuses to listen to my head
My heart wants the same thing it has for years
It wants you
Your voice, your laughter, your smile
It craves even the way you used to say my name

My heart is stupid
and foolish
because it desires who hurt it
longs for the person who broke it
My heart does not make sense

My head knows better 
It speaks reality to my unwavering heart
It recalls the words that hurt
that broke us 
that you said

My head remembers everything
and forgets nothing
when it comes to loving you
My head relives those last moments often
And it kills me

My head and my heart don't or
can't see eye to eye
loving you was a gift 
losing you felt like a death
That's the only thing that they can agree on.

********************************************

"All I Am"

Being friends with someone 
you’re still in love with is a farce. 
It’s not possible. 
I don’t want to be just your friend.
Not when I know the way my name sounds coming from your mouth dripping in love. 
I could never accept to hear my name said any other way. 
I never wanted half of you 
And that’s what being your friend means 
It means suppressing the love I feel every time I hear your voice
I couldn’t fake it anymore
I had to love me more
Had to walk away from the deepest love I’ve ever know
And now everything I write is about you or for you
In some way or another
It’s the saddest thing 
Loving you from here
Alone
I couldn’t deal
So I had to do what you couldn’t 
Leave when love wasn’t on the table
You offered friendship as a consolation prize
And, I couldn’t accept those terms and conditions 
I’m an all or nothing type of girl
You used to know that. 
So now we’re nothing
No one
And love is what we used to have
All I am is sad.

My Poetry Corner X: "Between Us"

"Between Us"

The space between us fills up with 

all the words we do not say
the phrases we won’t allow ourselves to utter
supposedly it’s better this way
we talk around the issues
discussing safe topics
that exist outside the perimeter

In between us
lies what’s left of our love
we can no longer touch it
or feel it
because we broke it

We took something beautiful
and turned it dirty

Now we’re forced to act as if
it never existed
as if the remnants of who we used 

to be aren’t scattered
on the ground in front of our feet

So you’ll ask how my day was
and I’ll ask about the weather
as we dance this dance
while continuing to pretend
that we weren’t once a couple
madly in love.

My Poetry Corner IX: "In Places I Can't Reach"

I gave you my heart
You promised to hold it with care
But then our wires got crossed
Communication broke down

Then you fumbled
Were careless with my love
I am now broken in places
I can't reach
Splintered in the corners of my soul
Your love was supposed to be it

I don't know how to pick myself up and go on
Don't know how to exist in a world
where you are not
I have so many questions
And no answers

I'm left here
Still so in love with you
I'm emotionally a mess
Angry one moment
Hurt the next
And through it all

I always feel
stupid
Stupid for believing that I could have it all
That I could grab my dream
That you would be in love with me forever
That I would be your wife, bear your kids

All that's left are all these tears
And the broken splintered pieces of my heart.
How do I fix what I can't see
Places I can't reach
I wish I knew how

So for now
I'll just sit & cry
While praying for my
own personal peace.

Copyright 2013 KatchKenda

My Poetry Corner VIII: "Addiction"

I’m hot 
and I’m cold
I’m tired 
but can’t sleep
My head is full of words
That I can’t write
I have an addiction
You are it
I don’t function well 
when you aren’t around
So what does that say about me 
I’m not so sure
I just know I need you
Crave you
Breathe you
I’m addicted to your "youness"

My Poetry Corner VII: "Dream World"

Sometimes I get inspired at the most random times. I don't fight it anymore, I just write. The words started flowing from one single thought. This is just a small piece of poetry. It's a work in progress.

Maybe it's obtainable
It seems within my reach
What I want is that near me
I'm fighting for it
Trying to grab on to it with both hands
It's mine
I can feel it...

My Poetry Corner VI: "In The Quiet Moments"

There are times that I am just suddenly inspired. When this happens, I write no matter what. I love those times when the words just pour out of me. I had one of those moments the other night. So here is a freestyle poem for you. Enjoy!

Sometimes
in the quiet moments
I just allow myself to be
not to think
or to worry
or to even feel
I just exist
in that moment
It calms me
saves me
settles me into me
I need more of those moments in my life
less of the hectic ones

My Poetry Corner V: "While You Were Sleeping"

So I got inspired since I was up...alone.

You've just fallen asleep tonight
I listen to you as I try to do the same.
I wonder what you dream about
and if I'm involved
I'm curious of the way your subconscious works
Pondering on the thoughts running through your brain
It's insane how I cannot sleep peacefully without you
I dream about you when I'm still awake
I love waking you up from a deep sleep
Because I love the way you say my name in the early morning hours.
I should be asleep as well
Bit I'm too busy thinking about you
while you were sleeping, Love....

My Poetry Corner IV: "Miscommunication"

This is an old poem. It plays into my I'm Sending You Some Text Messages post. Thought I would share it with you guys.

he said
she said
truth becomes distorted
contorted
misrepresented
lies being denied
smile in her face
while stabbing her in the back
people tell the truth
according to themselves
texting her golden lies
because in all honesty
the truth hurts like hell
she and he miscommunicated
about the reality of their situation
she believes that they have a future
because of his smooth words and kind texts
he knows its all just game
people hear what they need to
want to
read texts in their eyes
never acknowledging what is real

My Poetry Corner III: "Intellectual Intercourse"

i wanna have an intelligent conversation with your intellect
spend hours in the deepest corners of your mind
wrapped up in your thoughts draping myself in your opinions
want to romance you with metaphors
impress your psyche with my silly similes
smother your body with amor
this is more than a physical thing
I'm pursuing the idea of being intimate with your inner being
plan on caressing your doubts
in order to put your soul at ease
gotta intertwine your words
with the ones in my mind
so that we can create our own secret exchange
you must lay down your beliefs on top of mine
and maybe you and I could mother-father a new off-spring
been having dreams of incorporating your feelings into my brain
thus, becoming one with you
hope I can erase your insecurities and replace them with faith
I would love to touch the inner-most part of you
wanna pull you so deep within me
need to feel your heart beat in sync with mine
wanna connect with you on every level
wanna speak a language that only you can decipher
play the music that only we know the lyrics to
I wanna speak to you with only my eyes
breathe deep of your essence massage your worries away
and maybe, for now, you and I can live here
in this utopia of true intelligence in your mind
intellectually stimulating each other!

My Poetry Corner II: "Altered Reality"

I wanna love you
a little
wanna hold you close
and keep you warm
maybe if only just for a little while
we could pretend that I was yours
and you were mines
that this right here
right now
is the gospel truth
wish we could exist here
in this world
where nothing matters but
the two of us
the place where
we never let the outside in
if only for a moment
if only for a minute
me loving you would be good
would be fine
would be right
cause in here
we are one
we are it
we are love
but this is all a
fallacy of my imagination
the thing I dream when
I close my eyes
when I hear your voice
feel your touch
but in my bed
in the dark
alone with my thoughts & you
we are what I dreamed
and for that short period of time
I grasp hold to this
altered reality

~Kenda Calandra circa 2005

My Poetry Corner I: "...getting fucked"

I'm a writer. More specifically, I'm a poet. So, I plan on sharing my poetry with the world. Here's one of my favorite pieces that I've ever written and the one I love to perform the most. Enjoy!!

Sometimes things occur in your life that make you take a deeper look at the people you let into your life and into your body. And, the reality is that, most times, those people aren't deserving of what you have to offer!!

"...getting fucked!"

thoughts of how it should be
between you & me
while all the while settling for little that you do give
because it's the only way you say you know how to live
to everything else, you got me playing second best
or 3rd or 4th or 10th, no less
you spit that game
when you claim
that you love me, see
because of you, I now know bout getting fucked
because if it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn't be stuck
here with you
trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do
baby, do you understand that you are fucking me, mentally
raping my trust, my love, & my innocence continuously
see, this ain't no loving intercourse
because when it's all said and done, I am left with only dreaded remorse
you took of me what you needed
then decided that I was useless & depleted
you call this "true" & "real," right?
but only in bed & late at night
you believe that love is only physical
but, see, your love leaves me empty, depressed, & miserable
I know that love ain't supposed to leave you
full of hate & black & blue
every bruise on my broken, blistered heart
are all due to actions on your part
no, no, you never once raised your hands to me
because your "beatings" took place internally
see, I'm being hit with no glove
getting fucked with no love
from you I always get the short end of the stick
knowing that you can't fix this or us with your tongue or your dick
I am so tired of getting fucked with no protection
hopelessly, wishing for some genuine affection
I am desperately, desperately seeking solace from this
knowing that when I'm gone, you will not be missed
I will not cry one single tear
because I have, for too long, lived in fear
of being unloved & alone
but here, with you, is worst, so now I'm gone...