Let's Talk About Randoms

01) Essence 2015 was epic. It was e-very-thing & more. I truly enjoyed myself. Maybe a little too much 😆

02) Kevin Hart is ridiculous! I haven’t laughed that hard or that much in a long time. Def needed that. 

03) Mother Nature is trying to kill me. My allergies have been giving me the absolute blues for days now. I’m over it 

04) “Magic Mike XL" was e-very-thing to me. Channing can do no wrong. I’m a new fan of Twitch. Joe & Matt are swoon-worthy. Jada was hella dope in this movie as well. I loved it. 
 
05) My boobs are killing me softly. Just thought I would share. 

06)  Disloyal people don't deserve your loyalty. They don't understand it nor will they, Show the disloyal ones the door.

07) Donald Trump & Bobby Jindal have thrown their hats into the ring for a Presidential bid. I find it hilarious and sad at the same time. 

08) It truly took an act of the current Congress to get me outta bed this morning. I’m super  I need a nap por favor.

09) The flag came down in Charleston. It should have been done a long time ago. Sad it took 9 lives been taken for this historic moment to happen. 

10) My sister told me I was glowing. She said there was happiness radiating out of my pores. . That truly made my day. Happy Kenda is happy! 

May I Speak Randomly?!

• I have fallen more in love with my natural hair. I have perfected my two strand twist out a few weeks ago. I am loving it. Natural hair ftw!!
• I have been introduced to some really great music in the past few weeks. All of it has been inspiring me. I am thankful for it. 
• For weeks, I have been having the best sleep ever. And, for me, that's a huge deal because insomnia has been an issue for a while for me. I couldn't be happier about it. Sleep is always a great thing. 
• I have a bad case of word vomit. It's usually aided by alcohol. Word vomit is the act of saying way too much & usually to the wrong person. I am trying to get over this affliction. Ayudame, por favor. 
• I've been a bad blogger/writer lately. I think I was taking my talent for granted. I need to do better and I will. I also haven't really read anything in a minute either. It's all bad. I need something new to read desperately. 

• In honor of sundress season, I have purchased no less than 6 sundresses &/or maxi dresses in the last week. They are basically all I want to exist in this summer. Sundresses & sandals & big hoop earrings. That's it. That's my goal. 
• I used to be the biggest phone person. Loved to talk on the phone. Now, I hate it. I only want to talk to you if it's deemed necessary. I prefer to text. But, here's the caveat, you have to be able to hold a decent conversation via text. I don't want to do all the asking. Engage me damn it. Not to toot my own horn but I am  highly intelligent, sarcastic, funny as hell and a wordsmith. So, I can literally talk/text with anyone about anything. It's a gift. But, I will bow out if I feel like you can't carry your end. Trust me. I'm so sincere. 
• Redbox is my new bae. I am actively cheating on Netflix. I have watched no less than 10 movies in the last few weeks. The Wedding Ringer was hilarious. But, I enjoyed all of them.
• I  am the Queen of deletion. I get rid of things mainly so I won't obsess over them. Which, in theory, is a great thing. Until I need them again. I just deleted about 100 photos off of my Instagram. Just as many from my Tumblr. For reasons. I really have to break myself out of this terrible habit. Because right now I am kicking myself for getting rid of a certain email. I have no way of getting it back. I really have to do better. 
• I think I have forgotten how to flirt and how to date. It's been so long since I've felt anything other than this overwhelming sadness from my last heartbreak. I'd really love to feel the butterflies again. Would love to feel wanted and needed and desired again. This is the year for me to go get it. I'm trusting the universe to give me what I want. Because I deserve it. 

Random Thoughts of Pi

• This has been the longest week. Insomnia has showed up again. I hate her with a passion. I haven't slept much in days. It doesn't bode well for my demeanor. Today has been the first day I've been in a great mood since last weekend. Grateful for it. 
• #BlackoutDay was such a huge success!! I loved seeing so many Black people on my dash. It was a great way to just celebrate us and our melanin. Can't wait to do it again.
• The winter weather has finally given us a break in the N.O. It's 73 today. I have on shorts and sandals and I'm loving it.Now, if this weather can just stick around, I would be so happy.
• Drake's "If You're Reading This It's Too Late" mixtape has grown on me. I listen to it daily. My new fave is "You & the 6." I am reading to hear "Views From The 6" though. Oh, I am also digging Raheem Devaughn's "Love Sex & Passion" as well.
• "Empire" has quickly become my fave new show. I'm a huge fan of Cookie and Jamal (Taraji P. Henson & Jussie Smollett). They are the best parts of the show. I am looking forward to the finale next week. If you haven't watched it, do yourself a favor and get into it. 

• I've been living on a high from a few weekends ago. I had the best time with my family at a party. Sometimes you just need a moment to have a great time with the best people. 
• I am so sick of  Black people being killed with no consequences for their killers. The Department of Justice hasn't been in the justice business lately. No indictments for Tryavon Martin or Mike Brown's killers. It's as if they are telling us that we don't matter. Our lives nor our deaths do not matter. It's truly awful to feel that our skin color makes us guilty. 
• I am not a fan of the term "cis." I'm a Black woman. I don't need any more terms to define myself. It's annoying to me. I don't get it and I don't really care too.
• The "50 Shades of Grey" trilogy was literary trash. And, because of that I wouldn't go see the movie. BUT, the soundtrack is so good. Sad that it's the soundtrack for such an awful project but I respect the music. 
• I do believe that I'm spent more than enough time mourning the life that I thought was going to be mine. Now, it's time to start living the life I have. And, appreciating all the people who are in it, that love me and more importantly, that stayed true. I get so caught up in the things I don't have that I forget to take the time to be thankful for the things that I do have. I need to work on that for me. 
• Today is Pi day. It's March 14th. 3.1415. I love nerdy things like this. Oh, and tomorrow is the Ides of March. Hope you all are having a great weekend. I've been a bad & neglectful blogger. I promise to do better. 

Ran-dumb

• This winter weather is going to kill me. It should not be 73 one day and 40 the next in February!! That is insane. And, of course, now I have the cold from hell. I just want to breathe normally and sleep through the night. Last night, Nyquil became my new best friend. Let's pray that I can shake it soon. Oh, and that this weather regulates itself accordingly. 
• Sometimes we get the answers to the questions in our heart and they leave even more questions. This happened to me this week. My questions left more questions. I hate when I cannot figure something out. Hate when I cannot get to a logical conclusion. But, the reality is the answers don't make sense still. One cannot say I love strawberries, they are my fave AND I've decided to never eat them again. Why would one do that? It's illogical at best. So, the very analytical part of me has given up on trying to make the answers work. 
• I've been emotionally drained for weeks now. I am so tired of it. Life would be so much easier if I didn't care so much. I haven't figured out how to be that version of myself though.
• Rediscovering old music you've forgotten about is like running into an old friend you haven't seen in a while. It's been the best part of my week. I am obsessed with Anthony Hamilton's "Broken Man" and Justin Timberlake's "Still On My Brain." They've both been played a ridiculous amount of times this week.
• So, I am an old school NKOTB fan. They were my group in elementary school They are coming here in May. I have to be there. For nostalgia sakes. I have to see Jordan with my own eyes again.

• The older I get, the more in love with my Blackness I become. To me, there is nothing better than melanin. I love our skin. I love being Black. I'd love it if people would realize that I can be pro-Black (aka "All BLACK everything") and still not be anti-white. They two can coexist. i am eternally thankful for God making me Black. You can take that anyway you want but I am so amazed by the skin I am in. 
• And, I have to admit that there is a small part of me that still holds on to a certain dream. The dream of me falling in love, marrying and building a life with a Black man. Having Black kids and living a very dope life. I may be skeptical about the whole falling in love again thing but I know my end game leads me to a life where Blackness is the center. It's the one thing I've always dreamed of.
• With age comes wisdom. I have become more involved with things that affect the state of Blacks in the U.S. today. Maybe I have more activist in me than I thought. 
• OAN, I am simply over the white washing of everything. I am not watching the Grammy's or the Oscar's because of it this year. I am just done with white folks columbusing everything that Black people have created. It's annoying and it's never as good as the originals. Just stop it, 2520's. 
• Been listening a lot more than talking lately. It's worked out tremendously for me. I don't want to talk about my issues. I just want to listen and offer help when I can. That's it. At least for right now. 

Thoughts of a Random Thinking Woman

• One week into #NoBareLips30 & I am still going strong. I am loving playing in my lipsticks and rocking them daily. I have about 20 new lipsticks which is more than enough for the moment. So, I won't be buying another for a minute, I swear.
• Being super critical of yourself is tiresome. It is a habit that I have decided must go in 2015. I need to cut myself some slack on a lot of things. I 
• It is very hard to not feel negatively towards anyone who see or hears #BlackLivesMatter and feels the need to interject with #AllLivesMatter. Because if you do not see why the first is relevant, you are so lost. Yes, all lives matter but the police are only executing Black people and leaving their blood and bodies on the streets for hours. I've lost respect for so many of my former classmates who have shown their true colors in the last few months on FB. But, it also helps cut my friends list down. I have no problem unfriending, deleting, unfollowing people I know in real life on social media. 
• Today has been a bad hair day. Isabella (my hair) is being unruly and rude. I do not like it. Bad hair days affect my mood in the worst way. 
• I started another blog. It's private and password protected. I need that space to get some things off my chest. I am purging. And, I do not need everyone knowing these particular thoughts. It feels great to get them out though. 
• My friends are hilarious. I cannot stop laughing at "pass the peas like we used to do" which is a quote from the show "Martin." It makes no sense but it has had me giggling for days. Laughter is chicken soup for the soul.

• Strangely enough, my sleeping patterns has improved tremendously. I am so thankful for that. I needed this.
• I am missing the old Kanye. Been listening to his entire catalogue (sans Yeezy because it sucks) all year. I am not a fan of his new song. The sentiment is cute, the lyrics are nice but the song is mediocre at best. I am concerned about the direction he is moving in musically. It makes me sad. 
• The moment you realize that your prayers have been answered and your feelings have changed is a great one. Especially because you know that without it, you would have been in line for more heartache. I am thankful.
• I hate to admit how scared I am about so many things. Especially my uncertain, cloudy future. I don't like this feeling. But, I do not know how to shake them. 
• I cannot remember the last time I was told I love you by a certain someone. I don't know why it's bothering me so much today. Because it really doesn't matter anymore. I used to think that love was a forever type of thing. I've learned that forever means different things to different folks. In the words of Jazmine Sullivan, "forever doesn't last too long these days."
• I want to go on a trip somewhere. Not an international one but to a city I've never been for a few days. I need a break from everyone and everything I know and am used to. 

My Last Random Thoughts of 2014

• I had the absolute best Thanksgiving holiday! I enjoyed my family so much. It was good to see them and hang out. The holiday was filled with so much laughter, which I can never get enough of. It was chicken soup for the soul. 
• I took some time Thanksgiving morning to reflect on all the things I have to be thankful for. I need to do that more often. It's far too easy to get caught up in all the things that I want and do not have yet. I am so thankful. 
• When my hair looks good, I feel great. Which is why my weekend was so dope. My perfect braid out was perfect. And, even on day 4, it was still fab. You gotta love natural hair, right?
• This week, I fell off my emotionless wagon. I'm sad because I was doing so well with it. It's hard for a woman like me to hold all of my emotions in. But, I have been doing just that. I slipped. I'll live. 
• Mary J. Blige's new cd "The London Sessions" was released today. It's a new sound for her. "Whole Damn Year" is still my absolute fave. I'm not totally sold on the whole project. I gotta give it another listen or two. You should def get into it. 

• I really need something to read. A series preferably. Something good. I haven't read in a few weeks and I'm annoyed by that. I have to correct that soon.
• There is a quote that reads "Remember you were beautiful before he told you" and I swear I repeat it to myself a lot. When you are used to hearing terms of endearment and being compliment daily by one person and then it ends, there is a part of you that will always long for it. I hate that I yearn for it because it makes me feel weak in a way. But, honestly, who doesn't want to be seen in the best light by people? It is an ongoing battle. 
• Mike Brown's killer was allowed to walk free without an indictment or a trial. He killed a boy and got a paid vacation. Eric Garner's killer, also a cop, wasn't indicted either. His death was ruled a homicide, the choke hold was illegal and yet his killer walked free. I do not feel safe here. I don't feel that my brothers, nephews, friends are safe here. I am the epitome of an angry Black woman today and I have every right to be.
• A Charlie Brown Christmas was on last night. I watched it because I love it. I saw Frosty the Snowman last week. All I need to see is Rudolph and Frosty returns to complete my Christmas cartoon trip down memory lane. I still love them all. 
• It's been a hard lesson to learn when you realize other Black folks are not as concerned with certain Black issues. There is nothing worse than a self hating Black person. I can never understand it. Nor can one reason with that level of ridiculousness. All you can do is pray for them to be enlightened and to stay 100 feet from around me. Please. 

On A Tuesday...

1.  I hate when I wake up from a dream don't fully understand. Because it tends to haunt me. I cannot shake the one I had yesterday. It wasn't a nightmare, it was just odd. I don't like it.
2. As a natural fixer and nurturer, it bothers me when I am in a situation when I cannot do that. When the people in my life won't let me do what is as common to me as breathing. But, I am learning that it's not my place to fix everything and everyone. Hard lesson but a much needed one at this phase of my life. 
3. There is something I say to myself every morning. It hurts me to say it but I have to. Even though, there is a part of me that knows it isn't true. I have to say it and make myself believe it. It's needed in order for me to get through to the next phase. This is weird, I know but necessary.
4. Teyana Taylor's "VII" was released last week. It is an R&B hit. I haven't listened to much else. "Business," "Dreams," and "Broken Hearted Girl" are my standout favorites. But, I adore the whole project. Awesome work. Get into it.
5. Rum punch may quite possibly be my favorite thing to drink now. It was my drink of choice this past weekend via the open bar at the surprise party.
   
6. This gif depicts my entire life. Because it is accurate and relevant to so many things. Need. A mighty one. #FixItJesus
7. This grand jury ruling is 95 days too late and they still haven't rendered one yet. The people of Ferguson are bracing for war. I do not believe that Michael Brown will get justice. It's so sad, wrong and pathetic. 
8. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE random compliments, giving and receiving them. Last week in Target, I saw a gorgeous Black woman with the most glorious natural hair and cutest coat. I had to stop her to tell her. Her face lit up. Made us both feel good. Similarly, a Black girl stopped me in the mall to compliment my hair and lipstick. Made my day. And, not for nothing, being told you are dope as fuck or fine as fuck (albeit vulgar) will forever be the best kind of compliments in my book. 
9. Everything is changing. Some things in the right, good direction and for that I am grateful. Other things are fading away. It's sad but necessary. And, I am thankful for those as well. I know that whatever is for me will be mine because God says so. I am staying prayerful. That is all I can do.
10. The itch to cut all of my hair off is real. I love the length it is now. but, I keep seeing fly short natural cuts that I dig. I might have to do something different for my birthday. I'm not sure yet. 

And, One More Random Thing...

• The hot button topic on Twitter this week has been street harassment. It made me remember some moments I always push away. There is no greater fear than the one that accompanies being accosted by a strange man on the street. I've learned to be nice but firm with my "no" replies. I shouldn't fear for my life when turning down a guy. Nor should it be a given that a strange man has the right to hold up my progression in the middle of the street or have some man I do not know touch me. But, all of that has happened to me. I've had men berate me for not stopping to talk or saying no. I've had men refuse to get out of my way until I gave them my "phone number." None of this is ok. It's barbaric and rude and reeks of male privilege. It sickens me. Nothing scares me more than a group of men on the street. Doesn't matter what race they are, they all give me moments of anxiety. I wish more people (read: men) would hear our (read:women) stories and take it seriously. Just two weeks ago, two different women were killed for turning down men on the street. Where is the righteousness in that? Men (yeah yeah, not all men), do better por favor. If a woman turns you down, take that "L," respect that curve and move on. That's it.
• The older I get, the more conscious I am about my Blackness. I do not want to live in a world where people don't see color. I am a Black woman. Both of those are important to me. The more I hear about and read about feminism, the more I am drawn to womanism. White feminists have not been inclusive of Black women from the beginning. It disgusts me to be honest. Alice Walker coined the term "womanism" as a place for Black feminists. It's hard to not see color when the color of my skin is seen as a negative in so many circles. I love being Black and I love Black people. 
• It's been 82 days since Darren Wilson shot and killed Mike Brown. He is still on a "paid vacation." There have been 2 other police involved killings in the St. Louis area (Kajieme Powell and VonDerritt Myers) since then. There have been no arrest. There has been no justice. This pisses me off. Black lives matter. 
• Sometimes I ask questions I shouldn't. But, I've always been a curious person. I have a thirst for knowledge. I need to know things, even if they may hurt me. If I do not question everything, I won't know anything. And, that doesn't work for me. 
• I may be slightly addicted to lipsticks now. I've purchased about 6 in the last 3 weeks. I love them all. I think it makes me look grown up. And, seeing that 35 is fast approaching, that may be a good thing.
• The inside of my left ankle is swollen. I do not know how this occurred. It's weird because I don't remember hitting it. It doesn't hurt though so I guess that's a good thing.
• I am working on bettering myself. In doing so, I realize I need to work on my facial expressions. I have this habit of letting my face speak for me. It's not a god thing, especially when I am not happy about certain things. I am a work in progress.
• Danity Kane's last cd "DK3" was released this week. I've been bumping it all week. I really like it. I've been a fan since "Making the Band." Dawn has always been my favorite. Her voice reminds me of Brandy's. 

Randomly in October

• Something is seriously wrong with the judicial system. The police who are paid to protect and serve are just killing folks for being Black. There have been over two months of protesting in Ferguson, Missouri. Cops who have outright executed young Black men are still walking free and getting paid. Where is the justice in that? I am disgusted.
• I swear I read some of the dumbest logic on social media. Some things I just have to shake my head at because of the levels of stupidity of it. I learned a long time ago to not let the world define or label me. That right only belongs to me. I can be intelligent and sexual, a homemaker and a woman on the scene. I have the right to be all the things that I feel deeply. There is a world inside of me and none of it can be easily defined. Folks need to broaden their minds and views of the world. It would make things so much easier. Also, all the time one spends trying to label me will be a loss because I am in a constant state of change.
• The BET Hip Hop Awards were on earlier tonight. I officially know that I'm getting old. So much of today's Hip-Hop is trash. I don't even understand most of these dudes. The "I Wanna Be Down Remix" performance was the best thing ever though. Live tweeting it made it more enjoyable.
• The fact that some folks expect more from me than they themselves would be willing to give is astounding. You cannot hold me to a higher standard than you do yourself. I am bound to disappoint you. But, you also need to know that my reactions stem from your actions. So maybe your actions should have been handled better. Just a thought. I'm only human. I'm only a woman, a helluva one but I digress.
• I am slowly getting back to myself. I am a different woman than before. I changed. Hopefully for the better. I declare there will be no more tears about people/places/things I cannot control. I have to put me first. That's the new rules.

• I saw Addicted last weekend. It was pretty good. Wanted to see Gone Girl but there was an issue with the film reel. I got a refund and free passes.
• Redefining what I want, need, deserve out of life. I am at a fork in the road. Still cannot believe that I'll be 35 in exactly 2 months. Where did the time go? So many thoughts. So many things to do.
• I  have been playing Jhene Aiko's "Souled Out and Luke James' debut cds out. They have both been on repeat all week. I love good lyrics and both projects have them. Check them out.
• It's amazing to me how much I've grown. My temper is so in check now. There is an old saying that states "maturity is when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation and don't hurt them back." I think I am a living testament to that to everyone in my life except one person. But, she is the spawn of Satan so she gets no sympathy from me. But, I digress. I no longer feel the need to strike back. That's a good thing
• Some days I think I have it all figured out, other days I know I have not a clue. Such is life, right? Eh.

That's Seaux Random!

• My Saints lost their season opener. I am super sad about it. Especially since we lost to the freaking Falcons. I HATE the Falcons. They are our division rivals. Oh well, still a Saints fan, still yelling "Who Dat!"
• While food shopping in Sam's this weekend, I ran into my hs/college ex's Mom & Grandfather. This woman hated me the entire time I was dating her son. I haven't seen her in years. She hugged me & I was so shocked. She was actually happy to see me. We had a conversation. She told me that she missed seeing and talking to me. And, that she didn't know I was back here. It was odd but interesting. It was the weekend of random encounters. There is another one below. 
• I randomly met this man Saturday. He was looking for my apartment manager. He told me his whole life story in a matter 10 minutes. Told me that I have a nice aura and that I was beautiful. It caught me off guard but it made me smile. It wasn't a situation where he was trying to get at me but just an honest exchange between two folks. 
• I had a really good weekend. Slept like a baby. Spent time with my family. Reconnected with some friends. Just a really good few days and I am appreciative of it.
• I think the above took place because I did something I've known for months that I should have. It's not always easy to do the thing that must be done. But, I have to look out for my well being because there is no one else who will do it for me. Loving myself more and more every day. It's my life and I'm gonna live it for me and me alone. 

• My legs got the tan they've needed all year while laying out by the pool early Saturday morning. I love it when the color of my legs matches the rest of me. It doesn't happen nearly enough. I had to take photos to remember this lol.
• I am taking this online modern poetry class. It started yesterday. This first assignment is about Emily Dickinson & Walt Whitman, two of my favorite poets. The class is ten weeks. I cannot wait to see what I will learn from it. 
• Two different people told me that I seem sad and that I don't seem happy. To a point, they were both correct. It's been a very long 20 months for me. I don't feel the overwhelming hurt and pain and sadness that I once did. I also do not feel like there is a dark cloud over me anymore. Am I 100% better? No. And, I honestly don't think I'll ever be. I loved someone deeply and I was hurt just as deeply. That changes you. It changed me in ways I can't even begin to explain. But, I'm better. I still haven't learned how not to cry over it. I'm working on that. But, I'm on my way back to me. That's all I could pray for at this point. I'm taking care of me first, last and always. 
• The fact that Michael Brown's killer Darren Wilson has not been seen or heard from in a month is ridiculous. The fact that he hasn't been charged or arrested is in-damn-sane. There is no justice here if you're Black. This country has no use for us. We seem to be disposable. It makes me sick.
• I have been severely neglecting my blog :( I feel bad about it but the words in my head are ones I don't want to write out or share with the world. They are better left unwritten. I am trying to motivate myself to write more and be better about the upkeep here. I'm trying my best. I promise to be a better blogger, writer, woman. 

A Little Saturday Randomness

• This week has been way too much emotionally. I am drained. I am tired of all of the insane and unjust things occurring right here in America. Being Black is not a crime.
• I am really liking "The Killing" so far. The storyline is very interesting. It's a show set in Seattle. The only thing I hate is that it rains all the time. I mean all the time. That makes the background of every scene dreary and miserable. Other than that, it's a dope show. 
• I was tweeting about the Mike Brown shooting yesterday and used the term white privilege. That brought some certified idiots to my mentions. I love reported people as "spam" on Twitter. It's like voting them off the island. I don't argue with fools. 
• Strangely, I keep waking up with odd bruises on my thighs. I do not know why. Maybe I am running into the door in the middle of the night when I get up to use the bathroom. I am not sure but it's the weirdest thing. 

• I was talking to an associate about long distance relationships. She's concerned about her bf potentially cheating because they are not in the same area. I was in an ldr. Cheating was never a concern for me. That never crossed my mind with him. I don't know if it was confidence in him or confidence in myself but it was never an issue. 
• I'm going to a baby shower today for triplets. I kinda feel some kinda way about it. And, I know rationally I shouldn't. But, the older I get, the louder my biological clock is ticking. I really don't like it. I just don't know how to make it go away.
• On a brighter note, I get to see my favorite cousin tomorrow. Which is always a great time and I need it.
• It's one o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Insomnia has returned in a huge way. I am so tired but cannot get rest. I have some Ambien that I'm gonna take. Because I have too much to do later.
• Cramps are a gift from Lucifer and the pits of hell. I do not deserve such pain & anguish every. single. month. Fix It, Jesus!!

These Are Just My Thoughts

• There were three nights in the last week that my body said "enough!" I was sleep before 8p.m. all three nights. I needed that rest truly. I slept so good. 
• But, then last night, the insomnia came back. I was up until after 5a.m. I slept almost 7 hours. Been in a good mood all day. Smiling cause I'm alive and the sun is shining. Good day has been good.
• Not for nothing but Silk Almond Milk and fresh strawberries are the perfect combo for a summer smoothie. Makes this hot day even better. Sipping in the sunshine. Loving this summery Saturday evening. 
• When I get hooked on a song, I never get tired of it. The current song is "Y.A.S." by Trey Songz. It stays on repeat. Because why not? Good music never goes out of style. 

• I need a tan. Yes, Black girls can tan too. This brown skin goddess needs more sun on her skin. I need to be two shades darker ASAPtually. *prays to the sun Gods for this to happen*
• I have been neglecting reading my Bible. For a few reasons. But, I need to rectify that. I need clarification about some things that I cannot figure out on my own. I need guidance. Gonna read to get it. 
• I have been trying my best to avoid all the engagement, wedding and baby announcements. Because in all honesty, they make me feel some kind of way. And, it's not a necessarily a good feeling. 
• But, no matter what, I am loving me. That is my most important act everyday. No one else opinion matters. In my mind, Kenda is dope as hell and that's that. My only plan is to...

                                      

These Are Just My July Thoughts

• It's July. Already. Half of the year of 2014 is gone. It flew by. I don't know how I feel about that. The days seem to be passing faster than I can keep up. Either way, it's half over. I'll be 35 before the year ends. *le sigh*
• This Supreme Court ruling on Hobby Lobby is one of the dumbest things ever. It's as if the justices value corporations more than women. That war on women that the Republicans keep denying is REAL. Pay attention. This is the beginning of a very slippery slope. I'm disgusted. 
• The BET Awards were good. I do think they ran way too long at almost 4 hours. Loved the throwback R&B group performances from Silk, Troop & Color Me Badd. Chris Rock was cool as a host. I enjoyed most of it. 
• I am a pessimistic optimist. This means that I see things as they are. My sarcastic nature does not allow me to be too optimistic. I cannot allow myself to get too caught up on the "what if's" cause I've been burned by that life too often. I just want the future and life that belongs to me. Whatever it is. I pray that it's good because I think I truly deserve it.
• I pray a lot. Little prayers that silently take me through my day. They are usually done without me really thinking a lot about it. I know what I want to pray for and do it. I pray for my family and friends. Some are specific and others are broadly general. I cover the spectrum with them. It's a habit I hope to never break. I don't know when or where or why this started but it's a keeper in my book.

• I promised myself that I would blog every day this month. I am out of practice so this will be tough. I pray that I can stick to it. *fingers crossed*
• There is a quote about learning the right distance between people. I am currently fighting this battle of leaning to close or pulling too far back. I'm really conflicted in this one area. The rules have changed and we're no longer the same. Yo no se'.
• So, when exactly is season three of Netflix's "House of Cards" returning?!? Cause I need it now. I guess I could rewatch seasons 1 and 2. It's not the same but it'll have to do. I need my HOC and Underwoods fix.
• If you did not peep this yesterday,  you should def do so. VH1 decided to give Robin Thicke free reign of their Twitter for a Q&A session entitled #AskThicke. The questions were hilarious. He was dragged all through the tweets. You will laugh your ass off truly. Get into it. 
• How is it possible to miss something you almost had? Like, there were plans made that didn't come to be but I miss what was supposed to occur. I miss the life I was supposed to have. It's kinda depressing to be honest. I find myself longing for that version of my life because it's better than my reality. That is a bad habit I desperately need to break. But, it;s so hard to let go. I have issues. Don't mind me. I'm venting here. 

May I Proceed?

• I had the best time this weekend in Atlanta for my mini-vacay. My family came together to celebrate my baby sister's high school graduation. I am so tired but I needed that getaway.
• This weekend reinforces the fact that I really need to stop being so anti-social. There is no reason that I should be stuck in the house all the time. I've let life happen around for over a year. I'm sick of it. I don't have a desire to be in the club every weekend. But, there has to be more to life than this. And, I'm going to get it. 
• Also, I am now thinking about moving to Atlanta. I need a major life change. The life I thought was destined to belong to me doesn't exist anymore. It is time for me to find out exactly what that is. I do not think it's here for me. 
• I am being a bum today. My feet are swollen for some strange reasons.I'm thankful that they don't hurt but this swollenness is kinda freaking me out a bit. I cannot go anywhere because of this. So, I am currently on the sick and shut in list. Pray for me, people. 
• I also have a angry and unexplainable ugly bruise on the inside of my right thigh. I don't remember how I got it or where. My sister is a great bartender and I am attributing this war wound to her mixology skills this weekend. 

• I want food. That requires two things I am not willing to do: putting on clothes and leaving the house. I am unable to do either. 
• As tiring as my weekend was, I cannot sleep. And, I am ok with that. Tonight's sleep will be glorious. 
• This whole Donald Sterling/NBA stuff is crazy. I am anxious to see exactly how it's going to play out. I've heard some ramblings of extreme measures being taken. I def think I'm gonna like Adam Silver more than David Stern. He is not playing. OAN, the playoffs have been very good this season. Really wanna see a Heat/OKC finals matchup. I would not be interested in a Finals that includes the Spurs. Yes, they are a great team. They are also the most boring team in the league. They put me to sleep.
• In general, if I feel like I need to fall back from you, I do it instantly. I don't like to put myself in a position to get my feelings hurt. I am also not in the market for any situation that's going to end badly for me. Falling back is a defense mechanism. I have perfected it. 
• Happy Memorial Day! I am thankful and grateful for all those who are currently serving, have served and those who have given their lives while serving. They are all a blessing to each of us and our sense of freedom. Thank an armed services member today! Happy Monday people!!

Because it's Tuesday...

• New music makes me happy. If you are looking for something new and different, check out SZA's "Z" EP. I love it. Also, random but she is gorgeous. Her hair and those freckles are everything. I gave Kelis' "Food" project a listen. I wasn't that impressed with it. 
  
  
  
  
• I finally saw "Captain America The Winter Soldier" a few weekends ago. And,  loved it!!! I am a huge fan of the Marvel Superheroes movies. Love them all. I was particularly interested in this one because of Anthony Mackie as Sam Hill aka "The Falcon." Great movie. 

• I also read Chimamanda Adichie's "Americanah." It was a wonderful book. I loved the storyline and the two main characters. I loved the writing style of Adichie. She is awesome. It was a love story but there were so many other layers. It was interesting to read about the experience of a Non-American Black's experience in America. Love transcends all groups and labels. Adichie's book exemplifies this. I would suggest this book to everyone. Great read. 

                                                

• Last night's season premiere of the final season of "The Boondocks" was a tad disappointing for me. I am a fan. I have been since it was a comic strip. The absence of Aaron McGruder was felt heavily. The episode was entitled "Pretty Boy Flizzy" and it is Chris Brown inspired. The episode seemed dated and lame. Also, it wasn't even as good as the Usher/A Pimp Named Slickback episode of season 2. There wasn't many scenes with Huey, Riley or Granddad. I will watch another episode but I am sad. I feel like the show is going to go out without a bang. No McGruder snarky sarcasm and quick wit makes for a slower paced show.            
  
• Saw a pic on FB and felt like I needed to see it. Also, felt like I should pass it on. Get into it and your goals for this year. 
  
• I am severely annoyed and I really need to shake this feeling. I'm just not really sure how to do so. Also, I have the overwhelming feeling that a certain conversation is going to happen sooner than later. And, I won't like the content. I think I have to start mentally preparing myself for the fuckery because it is coming. 
                                           
• So, to shake all of this off, I am gonna soak in a hot bubble bath, drink a glass or three of wine and turn the music up loud. That will change my mood. Happy Tuesday again.