Strong Enough For Me To Be Weak

"No matter how strong the woman is , she wishes a for man to be stronger than herself ....not in order to give him the right to limit her freedom, but to give her the right." - Stolen from the Facebook status of my girl Aisha.

This status stroke a chord with me. Probably because it describes me. I've spoken about my strength on my blog before. I think Black women are raised to be strong. It's something inherent in us. I grew up watching my Mom being the epitome of a strong woman. She worked 2 & 3 jobs as well as taking care of us & home. She personified strength tovme all my life. Being the oldest of 6, being strong was the only option for me. I used to think that my strength could be seen as a con. I had to learn how to allow myself to be weak when I needed to be. It was a tough lesson to learn.

This internal struggle between strength and weakness was intense. It's most apparent in relationships to me. Sometimes women can be so strong and so independent that they can make a man feel unwanted, unneeded, and less than. No good can come from that. This isn't about stroking a man's ego. It's about respecting him and allowing a man to be a man in the relationship. I'm also not a big believer in the whole "I (as a woman) can do everything a man can. " I can't. Nor can any man do everything a woman can. If they could, I'd love to see a man go through pregnancy and give birth.

After thinking about the status, I felt I had to respond. So, I said "This is golden!!! Sometimes when you've been the strong woman, all you want is someone to help ease the load. And when you find a man who allows you to be weak without compromising who you are, it is the most wonderful thing. It's absolutely amazing to have someone who wants to be strong for you even if he knows you can handle it." Finding a man who can just allow you to note strong all the time is amazing. It's about letting go of control for a while. That is a gift in itself.

The conversation that followed Aisha's status was full of insightful gems. My girl Kenyatta made a few great points about not dealing with a weak man. She said " A women could NEVER take the place of a man....and being independent is good when your single..you have no choice. But trying to be super woman and run shit while I'm in a relationship...NOT. That would never work." I totally agree. This wasn't about bashing men. It was more about celebrating the great ones. Being a strong Black woman can be the gift and the curse sometimes. But, if and when a woman can find a man strong enough for her to be weak, she better hold on. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to allow someone else to lead for a while. There is beauty in strength. Embrace it.

Gender Specific

I believe in traditions. I think some things that are tried and true just work. I am a woman who can take care of herself. I'm independent and I think for myself. But I think I may be a little bit sexist. And, I'm ok with that. Gender specific roles are very real in my life. I think that's ok because it works for me and my life.

I have no problem with taking care of a home. I don't mind cleaning or cooking. I could deal without washing dishes but I don't despise it. I absolutely love doing laundry. These are all duties that traditionally fall under the female umbrella. I'm ok with that. Just don't ask me to cut the grass or do any major lifting. I don't think I'm prissy but I am a girly girl. I'm not big on getting dirty.

I know feminist would look down on my beliefs. But I don't care. I can't even truly pinpoint where this specific line of thinking came from. It def wasn't a part of my home life growing up. It is what I believe and hold true. Traditional gender roles have been around for ages. They have changed throughout the years. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but as for me and my house, it will probably be law. This woman is more than alright with that.

Man, I Love Being A Woman!!

Since birth, I have been into everything girly. I was born into a world of pink. Everything was pink. I loved it. I was the little girl who loved dresses, hair bows, sandals, and barrettes. You would always catch me with a "pocketbook" as my Grandmother Frances called them. I was the first grandchild and a girl to boot. I was spoiled beyond measure. I was the epitome of a girl then and now. I may have a tough exterior but I am super sensitive once you get past it. Getting all dolled up for a night out makes me happy. It's just something about all of it that makes the night more special. I am definitely super girly. While brainstorming about this blog, I started looking at pictures of me from the last few years.

I love getting pampered. I am all about a spa pedicure. Massages are wonderful. I love lipgloss and eye shadow and mascara and polishes. I have always loved these things. I love pink and purple and yellow and most of all blue. I prefer dresses to pants, heels to flats, and I never go anywhere without a purse. I love the way my eyes get really slanted when I am very happy. I have big cheeks and a great smile. I love to laugh. I share the pampering with my nieces, god daughter and little cousins. I think that girls would be girls. They love it as much as I do. My God-daughter is addicted to the type of lipgloss I love and the lipbrush as well. And, what's even funnier is that I got none of this from my Mom. She is so not into all of this. She always says she doesn't know where my love for these things came from. I do not know either. I just know it's a big part of me.

On a daily, women are bombarded with society's idea of what beauty is and what size is sexy. We deal with a lot. As a Black woman, I also have to deal with the Light/Dark skin issue. I am so glad that I do not buy into the whole "skinny, light skinned, long haired perception of beauty." I thank my mother for instilling me with my own sense of self worth and idea of beauty. I absolutely love my brown skin. I have never wanted to be any lighter. there was a time when I wanted to be darker. I absolutely love my breasts and my legs. It took me a long time to be comfortable with my cup size. I developed early and my breast grew quickly. they became a topic of discussion in high school. that was embarrassing. Until I released that the power was mine. So, I took it back. I love the way I look in a low cut top. Cleavage is awesome. I love the way my legs look in a dress and heels. This is what makes me feel womanly and sexy. It's not about anyone else's perception. I feel good about myself because I just do. No image on tv or in a magazine can determine my self-worth. Man, I just love being a woman!

My Favorite Poem

"Woman" Nikki Giovanni

she wanted to be a blade
of grass amid the fields
but he wouldn't agree
to be the dandelion

she wanted to be a robin singing
through the leaves
but he refused to be
her tree

she spun herself into a web
and looking for a place to rest
turned to him
but he stood straight
declining to be her corner

she tried to be a book
but he wouldn't read

she turned herself into a bulb
but he wouldn't let her grow

she decided to become
a woman
and though he still refused
to be a man
she decided it was all
right

Want Versus Need

I consider myself to be a very independent woman. I was raised to do things for myself. I'm good at that. But, I also know that I can bend and let down my guard for the right person. I love to be wanted and needed. It makes me feel alive and vibrant. Why wouldn't I want to be wanted and needed? Love is a verb, an action word. It's more than a feeling. It just is. And to be wanted by someone who loves you is virtually unexplainable.

I've never said I didn't need a man. Who doesn't want to feel needed? That's a part of love being needed. I am mature enough to realize that women need men and vice versa. God created Eve from Adam. To me that implies that men and women are meant for each other. I'm very traditional when it comes to certain things. This whole "I'm too independent so I don't need a man" movement is dumb. I don't get it. I can't condone it or readily stand behind it. Once I realized that I wanted to get married and have kids, I knew I needed a man. I also knew I wanted a good man. I did not look for him. I know enough to know that God would not create my soulmate and not allow me to meet him. I had faith in my faith. Whatever that God has for me, is for me.

I don't need a man for financial reasons or to just share my bed. I need my man to love me, to share my life with, to complement me, to have my back and be my friend. I need that. I want that. I deserve that. And, I want my man to want me in the same ways. That is the lifelong partner that I desired. I've received that love. He is all of that to me and more. I hope he knows how much he is wanted as well as needed. I cherish this love because its precious and its all ours. It does not show a sign of weakness to admit that you want and need someone. It shows that you are alive and living. We all want and need others. It's just that simple to me.

Who Loves Sports?

My name is Kenda & I'm a sports fan. For some, especially men, this admission always garners a second look. That always makes me giggle. Why is it strange that I'm a sports chick? I like what I like. Football and basketball fall into this category. I am passionate about my teams. I love the excitement of the game. I yell at the tv, the players, the refs, and the coaches during games. Especially during the playoffs. I live for it. What's the big deal with women liking sports?

In high school, I was a huge Green Bay Packers fan. Brett Favre was my dude. I could not get enough of that football team. Whenever I watched football, I was only rooting for the Packers. I also loved high school football games. But it was for an entirely different reason. I was on the Flag Team during my freshman & sophomore years and the Pep Squad my junior & senior years. I wanted to be seen performing. I could care less about if we won or lost. Sad but true lol. I liked football then. I've also been a Ravens, Steelers and Saints fan as well. All Superbowl winning teams. I pick great teams to follow. I'm still rooting for the Steelers to pull this out. In the end, my heart, as always, lays with another sport.

Basketball is my favorite sport. It has been since I was in high school. I was never a Jordan or Magic fan. My love of bball started with a team in Florida. I was an uber Orlando Magic fan as well. Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway was my absolute favorite player. Shaq was also a favorite of mine on that squad. This team was it for me. Until I discovered a rookie by the name of Allen Iverson. His skills on the court made me a Sixers fan for ten seasons. He is still my favorite baller hands down. Currently, I am a Boston Celtics fanatic. This is the first time I've loved an entire team. There isn't one person on the squad that I don't like. They are the complete package. I cannot wait to watch my boys get another ring in June.

I always find it funny when men are surprised by this fact about me. I've been told that my being so into sports is sexy by HIM and that makes me smile. And, honestly, his opinion is the one thats matters the most in my world. I'm a woman and I happen to love sports. Yes, I do have my moments when I get caught up in the players' looks & physiques. Cause, hell, they are fine. But, I love the game. No doubt about it. Ladies, are you into sports? Who's your team? Fellas, what's your take on women being into sports? Talk to me!

Letting Go & Giving In: The Battle of Heart Versus Head

In essence, we are all looking for, seeking, searching for love in some way, shape, or force. It is what we are here for. But, if you've been hurt before, giving in to love is a hard mountain to climb. Once you've learned to protect yourself from being hurt, that defense mechanism turns on automatically. I've been hurt before by someone who claimed to love me. The aftermath of that was dreadful. Because of it, I've broken a few hearts as well. I feel awful about that. So, letting go of past hurt and giving into the possibility of a new love is absolutely frightening to me.

I'm a strong chick. This much I know to be true. I'm afraid to fail @love again. Afraid that being hurt again would be harder than the last time. I'm always in my own head contemplating every possible scenario. I'm not sure how I would pick myself back up again. It took everything out of me to mend my broken heart. I know now that I'm a better woman for making it through that situation. I also know what love really is and isn't now. So, I'm thankful for the heartbreak.

Giving into what the heart wants sounds so easy. And, truthfully, it should be. Love is simple. We complicate it. Hell, I def over think it instead of just allowing myself to feel it and be in it for the moment. With age comes wisdom if you're lucky. I count myself in that group. I'm more open to letting go and giving in. I need to feel again. I can't do it by myself. I'm not searching for a man to complete me. I'm already whole. Instead, I need a companion. The ying to my yang. The one other soul on this planet who just gets me, accepts me for the woman that I am & who just simply loves me.


"I don't know why your heart doesn't do what you tell it to." - Sidney Shaw "Brown Sugar"