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One Year Later..

It's my Blogaversay! One year ago, I decided to find an outlet for my writing. That is how this blog was born. I felt that I had something the world wide web should hear. My blog has been, for the most part, my solace. It's where I come to work out things, rant about things, wax philosophically and poetically about my opinions. It's helped me through some rough patches. I love how freeing the written word can be. I am a writer. It is the one consistent aspect of my entire life. Writing frees me. It gives me life and hope.

At the beginning of the 2011, I pledged to blog every day. For the first six months, I was able to blog almost every day. That made me proud. Unfortunately, since June, I've been slacking. I feel really bad about that. But, my head hasn't been in the best place lately. I'm just not motivated to blog. There is something preventing me from creating. I'm trying to work through this intense writers block. I hope to be back to my normal blogging self.

Looking back, I can remember the exact space I was in when I wrote and posted each piece. I have laughed so much at myself this past year. My own words give me insight into myself. This blog has gifted me with that. Before, I could only get that level of deep insight from my poetry. I found myself uninspired to write for a while. Starting my blog forced me to be my true self. I love that about it. I plan to write more in the coming weeks. I'm sure I will get political in tone soon because of the state of things. I'm just really proud of myself for sticking to this. I'm also grateful for all who visit my blog. You are appreciated. I'm looking forward to my 2nd year Blogaversay!!! Stay tuned and keep reading. All comments are welcomed!



P.S. - I will take any opportunity to post this classic Tony Toni Tone' track. I love it still.

I also made a minor changes. My web address has changed from "lovemsk.blogspot.com" to "inbtweenthoughts.blogspot.com." So, now my blog title and web addy match.

Ladies Love Lyrics: Frank Ocean/Bridget Kelly "Thinking About Forever"

I am a fan of Frank Ocean. He recently released a track that I love. As always its about the lyrics with me. This is actually a reference track for RocNation's Bridget Kelly. Her version (which you can listen to here) is as great as Frank's. I cannot wait to hear full products from both artists. It seems that Frank has been given the golden ticket since he has now worked with Beyonce, Jay-Z, and Kanye West. Things will be very interesting in the upcoming months. Until then, enjoy this latest offer.

"Thinking About Forever"

A tornado flew around my room before you came
Excuse the mess it made, it usually doesn’t rain
In Southern California, much like Arizona
My eyes don’t shed tears, but, boy, they bawl

When I’m thinkin’ ’bout you (Ooh, no, no, no)
I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout you (You know, know, know)
I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout you
Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya?

Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead)
‘Cause I been thinkin’ ’bout forever (Oooh, oooh)

Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead)
‘Cause I been thinkin’ ’bout forever (Oooh, oooh)

No, I don’t like you,
I just thought you were cool Enough to kick it
Got a beach house I could sell you in Idaho
Since you think I don’t love you,
I just thought you were cute That’s why I kiss you
Got a fighter jet, I don’t get fly it, though...

Pictures Speak Volumes

I am trying so hard to stick to this. But, this has become harder and harder. I will pray and push forward. "The writers, they write." - dream hampton

Love Is A Losing Game: Gone Too Soon

Amy Winehouse is dead. She was only 27. I am saddened to read that this morning. I was a fan. Her voice was so soulful and full of pain. Her lyrics always spoke to me. I remember the first time I heard a song by her. It was "Fuck Me Pumps" off her first cd "Frank." I was hooked from that point on. "Frank" was a cd that wasn't released internationally but it made me a fan. Amy's voice gave me chills. "Stronger Than Me," "You Sent Me Flying," and "I Heard Love Is Blind" were some of my favorite tracks on her debut cd. I also really loved her rendition of "Moody's Mood For Love." Amy was a star in my eyes. As a musichead, I was beyond impressed with her.

When she finally broke into the US market with her smash hit "Rehab" I had huge expectations for her. "Back To Black" was everywhere and it seemed like Amy was on her way. "Back To Black" was full of those emo-type songs that Amy was good for. My favorite is still "Love Is A Losing Game." Then, came the reports of her addiction. It was hard to watch her fall deeper into it. I was still holding out hope for her triumphant return and new material. But, it seems that wasn't meant to be. Amy's addiction had a tighter hold on her than any of us could see.

Truth be told, Amy Winehouse killed Amy Winehouse. The world just watched her do it. Her first hit "Rehab" was a blatant slap in the face to people who tried to help her. Instead, we celebrated it. We listened to it on the radio. Her addiction was on display as she won five Grammys for BTB. She sold millions of records. The record company put millions of dollars in the hands of a known addict. Amy never had a chance. And, now her story is over. Dead at the age of 27 and clearly taken too soon. I will miss who she was and what she could've been. Here are some of my favorite Amy Winehouse tracks.

Where's The Justice?

Is Justice really blind? I used to believe this wholeheartedly. Now? Not so much. For as long as I could remember, I was enthralled with the legal system. I wanted to be an attorney for the longest time. Lately, I have become very disillusioned with the United States' idea of what justice really is. I've seen people go to jail for long periods of time for small infractions. I've watched people walk away scott-free when they were guilty as sin. Where is the justice in any of that? I do not see it because it is not there.

Case in point: Casey Anthony. Her daughter, Caylee, was supposedly "missing" for 31 days before her mother, Cindy reported it. Casey did not report it. Her daughter was later found dead. Casey Anthony lied at every given turn. The only facts of this case are simple: Caylee was dead. After years, the trial finally started. There were allegations of sexual misconduct, outrageous lies, ridiculous testimonies, and even more ridiculous scenarios. In the end, the just decided that Casey was not guilty. What??? How is it that this woman is now free to walk the earth while her child is dead and was treated like trash? Where is the justice in this? Clearly, I believe that the jury got it dead wrong. Casey should have been found guilty and been en route to a needle in her arm. I have no tolerance for murderers. I am a fatherless woman because of a murderer. And, people who do anything to harm children are the absolute worst. They are the scum of the earth in my eyes. I also know that Casey has to live with what she did. And, she also will have to atone for it as well.

On the flip side of justice, there is Raquel Nelson. A 30 year old mother who crossed the street with her two kids in Georgia. A man struck and killed her son. The man, Jerry Guy, has a past of hit and run incidents. He was originally charged with hit and run, cruelty to children, and second degree murder. The charges were later amended to just a hit and run. Her served a 6 month sentence and will have five years probation for murder. What?? How is that justice? It isn't and the story gets even worse. Ms. Nelson could possibly serve more time than her son's killer. She is being charged with second degree vehicular homicide. This means she is at fault for jaywalking which led to her sons death. There is a possibility that she will have to serve a 36 month sentence. The woman is grieving her son and has to deal with this. Again I ask where is the justice in any of this?? The answer is simple there is none.

One other major point I have to bring up in these cases is race. Casey is a white woman, Raquel is a Black woman. Apparently, that matters. Because how could a woman who definitely killed her child is walking free while a mother who crossed the street with her child and he was killed is facing jail time? My mind can only come to one conclusion. It's racial. Clean and simple. That makes me so angry. Yes, we have a Black President. But, we are not a post-racial nation. Racism is still alive and well. One only has to take a look at the forming of the Tea Party or the way the Republican Party has behaved since 2008. These two cases have literally made me sick. I cannot blindly believe in justice after hearing about these cases. I think the picture I found for this blog is absolutely perfect. Justice is clearly not blind. What do you guys thinks? Talk to me!

The Randomness That Resides In Me

*...and my answers will confuse and amuse you. My mind is a complex place.

*"Otis" by Jay-Z and Kanye is 3 minutes of reckless, braggadocious, brilliant one liners. I LOVE!! Cannot wait to get my hands on "Watch The Throne" on 8/1/11. Peep the track here

* I am beyond tired. My head hurts as does my heart. I don't see a resolution in my immediate future.

* (excuse my french but...)People are fucking stupid. There is just no other way to say it.

* I cannot get over the fact that Casey Anthony was found not guilty. Her daughter, Caylee, is still dead. And, justice WAS NOT served in Florida.

* The business of loaning money is a tricky one. It makes you not want to help people. My mindset is this, IF I do loan $, I shouldn't have to ask to BORROW my own $$ back. In the words of Ronnie from "Players Club," "Run Me My Money!!!"

* I feel it deep in my soul that something big has to be on the horizon. *praying for peace until it does*

* I've tried not to wonder/worry about someone. I've failed horribly on that front. I just wish I knew something.

* I've been neglecting my blog...purposely. I have been writing a lot, but it's been more soul searching things that I cannot/will not share. It's a little too raw for the web.

* Sometimes, we all need someone to just listen. I took advantage of my great friend last week. It felt good to release that.

* I've been a bad mood lately. So, in order to not let it rub off on others, I've been isolating myself. I don't wanna be Debbie Downer. That wouldn't be good for anyone. I'm hoping to shake back from this soon.

* I had the best time at my family reunion. Which is funny because I had no plans to be there. Hell, I had planned on being out of town. But, I went and enjoyed it more than I could've imagined. Great weekend.

* My youngest nephew is just about the sweetest kid ever. He always makes me laugh.

* One of my favorite cousins came to visit. I always have such fun with her and her kids. She used to be my shadow when we were kids. So wonderful to see her all grown up with a family of her own.

Ladies Love Lyrics: 'NSYNC "Gone"

This is a throwback. I've always loved this track. I can honestly say that I did not know who 'NSYNC was until they released "Gone." I loved everything about it. I especially thought it was amazing when Justin shared that he wrote this song about missing Britney when she was getting her nails done. How cute? I've listened to it three times already tonight. So I wanted to share it.

"There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home
Oh, seems so long ago you walked away
Left me alone
I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange and maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change

Was it something I said
To make you turn away?
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here
But right now..

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains..

You're gone..
You're gone..
Baby you're gone
Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..
You're gone.. You're...

I don't wanna make excuses, baby
Won't change the fact that you're gone
But if there's something that I could do
Won't you please let me know?
The time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
And maybe I could change my every day
But baby I don't want to

So I'll just hang around and find some things to do
To take my mind off missing you
And I know in my heart
You can't say that you don't love me too
Please say you do..."

Over The Passive Aggressives

I hate to be ignored. Like seriously. It bothers by entire being. I find the act very passive aggressive in nature. I'm not that type of person. I either confront my issues with the person or deal with my feelings alone. Because honestly, sometimes my issues with people are entirely of my own doing. Only then will I ignore them. This is because the issue has been stated. And they have apparently decided not to correct it.

Ignoring me is quite possibly the easiest way to piss me off. Especially if I did not do anything to you consciously. If I do not know what it is I did, I cannot ever fix this problem. So what exactly does ignoring me accomplish?? I feel all it does is create unnecessary tension and stress. I don't cut people off without warrant. But game playing is a quick ticket out of my good graces. The bottom line is this:if anyone has a problem with me, address me. We could clear the air quickly. Or if it's that serious we can encourage the friendship as well. Anything is better than being passive aggressive. That's the absolute worst thing. So do not ignore me. Unless getting on my bad side is what you're aiming for. It's not a big thing to many but it is to me. It just reeks of a personality traits that is so opposite to me.

The passive aggressives are a unique, weird group. They aren't my cup of tea. I truly can't deal with it. I don't think it's a quality that I do not see in myself. I just wish the people in my life who do fall into this category would find another way to deal. It would cut down on confusion in all of our lives. I am trying my best to cut these people out of my life. Or at least, limit my exposure to them. I don't need them in my life. I am working on being a better person. Keeping my cool is a great part of that. Passive aggressives are draining to my spirit. Do any of you have these kind of people in their lives? How do you deal with them? Are you yourself a passive aggressive? Do you even know it?

Words To Grow On

The Picture With A Message

I saw this and the message def caught my eye. Let's just call this a lesson learned. In the words of my brother from another MJ, marinate on that...and take it with you when you leave.

Ladies Love Lyrics: Stevie Wonder

Stevie is wonderful. Simply stated. I woke up with this song and the scene from "Poetic Justice" playing in my mind. I think I have it on dvd and I shall watch it tonight. I have a few favorite songs by Stevie: "As," "Knocks Me Off My Feet," "Ribbon In The Sky," "My Cherie Amour" just to name a few. But, "Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer" is a different type of Stevie Wonder song. It's very sad and a little melancholy. The lyrics always cause me to become a little teary eyed. But I still love it and listen to it whenever it fits my state of mind. Listen and love!




I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
I thought you would go
then come back home
I thought the cold would leave by summer
But my quiet nights will be spent alone

You said there would be warm love in springtime
That is when you started to be cold
I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
But now I find myself all alone

You said then you'd be the life in autumn
Said you'd be the one to see the way
No I never dreamed you leave in summer
but now I find my love has gone away
Why didn't you stay...

Ladies Love Lyrics: Ledisi "I Miss You Now"

Ledisi is so underrated in my book. Her voice is amazing. She is great in concert as well. This is a plus for me. Her new cd "Piece Of Me" is great. This particular song has touched me deep. I enjoy the entire cd but I keep coming back to this track. The lyrics are what got me of course. Get into Ledisi!

Lately it’s been hard for me to catch up on sleep
Cause when you walked out, you walk into my dreams
Hearing these memories all in my head
Was it your voice that said?
Come back to bed
I know there was a reason that I had to walk out
But now I can’t remember what the fight was about
I know I was mad,
Said I was pissed
But it wasn’t so bad, not worse then this

[Chorus:] Cause I miss you now (Cause I miss you now)
I miss you now
Maybe you deserve another chance
Maybe your my man
Maybe we should try again
Cause I miss you now (Cause I miss you now)
I miss you now
Maybe it really wasn’t our fault
Wasn’t so bad at all
Maybe I should come back home

Yo mama keep calling me, phoning my house
Asking me why you sleeping on her couch
How could we give up on something so good
I tried not to call,
maybe I should
I don’t wanna be the reason that it didn’t work out
We put too much into it just to give up now
Let’s call it a truce,
got nothing to prove
Been gone for too long
and I’m missing you

I Still Remember Her

I'm very nostalgic today. My friend Lashauna R. Turner is heavy on my mind and heart. I remember the day we met. It was the first week of 6th grade. I noticed her because she was the only other Black girl in all of my Honors classes. She sat in the desk next to me one day. She said "I'm Lashauna, you seem cool. We should be friends." And, we were for the next 14 years. We became fast friends. I integrated her into my group of friends. We (me, Ty, Reese, and Shauna) were all connected at the hip by 8th grade. She was funny, intelligent and very caring. She was one of the best people I knew.

We were devastated by her untimely death. She had a collapsed lung in August. Was diagnosed with a rare form of heart cancer in October. And before we knew it, she was gone on March 16, 2004. My friends and I were in disbelief. Everything happened within the blink of the eye. She was gone and we were left here with so many unanswered questions. I still miss our talks. I often wish she was still here. Today is harder than others because it's Shauna's birthday. I try to celebrate her life instead of mourning it. She would've been 32. Shauna was taken from us entirely too soon. We never got to say goodbye. I know she's watching over us. So, I'll just say Happy Birthday Copper/Butterfinger :) We love you and we still miss you, girl.


***HAPPY 32ND BIRTHDAY, LASHAUNA R. TURNER***

This Reader's Review: Part IV "A Piece of Cake" & "Perfect Chemistry"

It's that time again people. I am an avid reader. You guys already know this. I just want to do a quick review on the last few book I've read. Thankfully, I haven't read a bad book in months. I love when that happens. I was affected deeply by two totally different books I've read in the last two weeks. I have to share with you guys.

I just finished "A Piece of Cake" by Cupcake Brown. This book totally drained me. Like totally. The book is very dark and depressing for a great portion of it. It is the true life memoir of a young girl who's life is anything but a fairytale. The main character La'Vette/Cupcake has her world shattered by her mother's untimely death. The events that follow are utterly unthinkable. She spends well over ten years living a really horrid life. Halfway through the book I was in such a foul mood. I think its because I submerge myself so deep within the things I read. I was pulling for Cup though. She was a character that I wanted to see win. I felt that her story had to have a better ending. This book turned around in the last third of it. I was so excited for her. I smiled while reading. Once I was done, I was so full. I love that great comeback story. "A Piece of Cake" is a great read. I would definitely suggest it to others. I'm actually grateful that it was suggested to me. I will be passing it on to my cousin.

I also read "Perfect Chemistry" by Simone Elkeles. I got this as a 0.99¢ download on Kindle. It's a love story about two teenagers from completely different backgrounds. Typical right? But the actual storyline has a deeper plot. I loved that it wasn't what I thought it was gonna be. It was a good quick read. I also enjoyed the ending. It was a little predictable in the beginning. But it got so much better in the middle of the book. It's a young adult book though. Other than that, I enjoyed it.

I have about five more books laying around that I need to get to. I suddenly find myself with a lot of free time. I plan to get to these books starting next week. So there will be more reviews forthcoming. Keep reading guys!

7 Word Challenge

One: Describe yourself in 7 words. - Intelligent, funny, introspective, thoughtful, complicated, bossy.

Two: Describe your perfect day in 7 words. - 74°, sunny, beach, carefree, wine, music, HIM.

Three: 7 words you overuse. - Clearly, exactly, right, like, beaucoup, ok, ass.

Four: List 7 things you do before you leave the house. - Evo, keys, purse, lipgloss, charger, lights, lock.

Five: 7 words beginning with the first letter of your name. - Yellow, yours, yesterday, young, yummy, yoga, yoyo -or- kindhearted, kissable, kaleidoscope, knowledgeable, kinky, kinetic, knockout.

Six: List 7 favorite animals. - Puppies, koala bears, tigers, giraffes, fish, penguins, lions.

Seven: List 7 favorite things, one word each only. - Music, poetry, pedicures, sleep, shoes, writing, reading.

Right Side Vs. Left Side of the Brain

I had a epiphany tonight. While watching one of my favorite shows SATC, Carrie Bradshaw wrote "It’s a pretty common belief that women tend to use the left, more emotional side of their brain, and men the right, more logical side. But is it really that cut and dry? It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart, there’s a battle between what we know and what we feel. So, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation that leaps back and forth between the left and right side?” That made me think about the fundamental differences between women and men and the way we approach and handle things. I'm not here to claim that women are superior to men or vice versa. We're just different. We see things slightly differently and react to them that way. I do not fall into the category of believing that women are from venus and men are from mars. We have a lot in common but there are differences.

I can be very emotional. I also know how to control how much of that I show to people. I've been in a plethora of situations where I've wondered how could the man involved not see what I see. Or how could he not know how pissed I was. Even if I did not verbally admit it, everything about my demeanor screamed anger. I get quiet, my body is tense, arms crossed, I would be literally radiating heat from my body. Yet, he would look so bewildered when I would say I was mad. I'm not on to hold my tongue when I'm mad. I like to express myself fully. Men on the other hand are not like that. It's like pulling teeth to get to the root of a problem. They are generally never too forthcoming about feelings and emotions. Even when talking to my brother, I know I have to ask a very specific question to get anything out of him. It's draining.

Women are usually talkative. We like to share. We're expressive and emotional. We feel deeply. And we're used to discussing it with our girls. Men aren't usually like that. Yes, they can and will open up about certain things. But, I do not believe that they will ever be as quick to share as women are. It's taken me a long time to understand that fundamental difference between men and women. I've learned what questions to ask or not ask. I pay attention to the nonverbal communication as well. And, I know that sometimes the talker needs to just be the listener. It's easier to hear what the man is feeling that way. What do you guys think?

Ladies Love Lyrics: Beyonce "I Miss You"

This is one of the tracks on "4" that I absolutely love. It's just about missing someone you love. We can all identify with that sentiment. The lyrics move me. The beat has an old school feel to it. It's a very melancholy to me. It just makes me feel all nostalgic. Maybe even a little sad. But I love it anyway. Hope you do too.
This song has been on repeat for a while. It fits my current mood. Enjoy.


I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you... around

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you,
but you're away
Said I miss you,
missing you insane
But if I got with you,
could it feel the same?

Words don't ever seem to come up right
But I still mean them,
Why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to,
Why is that?

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you,
but you're away
I said I miss you,
missing you insane
But if I got with you,
could it feel the same?

It don't matter who you are
It's so simple, I feel it
But it's everything no matter who you love
It is so simple, I feel it
But it's everything....

Get Into It : Beyonce' "4"

I have to preface this post by saying I'm a Beyonce fan. I can't deny that. I preordered her new cd "4" well over a month ago. I was excited to hear new music from her. I only mildly liked her first single "Who Run The World (Girls)" which didn't surprise me. I've never liked a Beyonce first single the first few times I've heard it. But, her cd's are always a complete experience. I define a great cd by one simple fact: if I can listen to it straight through. That's a rare feat in the music industry today. "4" did not disappoint!

Beyonce simply singing a love song is a wonderful thing. She does just that on a few songs. They are some of my favorite tracks on the cd. "Rather Die Young," "1+1," "End Of Time," "Start Over," and "Love On Top" are all sweet odes to different levels of love. In "Rather Die Young," she sings about loving a man so deeply that she wouldn't want to live without him. The lyrics are touching to me. "End Of Time" and "Love On Top" are more mid-tempo love songs. I liked that the sound and feel of these two particular love songs are different than normal ones. Each love song takes the listener on a journey. Anyone who's ever been in love can relate to these songs.

She also dives into some heartbreak songs. "I Care" is the epitome of loving someone who doesn't love you back. The lyrics are so relatable. It's a really raw song to me. "I Miss You" sounds more like her love isn't too far away. But it could also be interpreted as a song about what one feels after a breakup. "Best Things I Never Had" is the ultimate middle finger to an ex song. It's brash and in your face. She sings "thank God you blew it, thank God I dodged a bullet." If those lyrics don't hurt like hell, you might need to check your pulse. Beyonce does know how to give women an empowerment song though. I mean "Irreplaceable," "Independent Women," and "Single Ladies" are all testaments of that.

There are also some party/club tracks as well. "Party" featuring Andre 3000 is the ultimate summer jam. I've loved it since the first time I heard it a few weeks ago. The music is the perfect fit to the lyrics. Beyonce's voice is golden on this track as is the 16 by 3Stacks. The only weak note on the whole song is Kanye rapping about "swagu." I love Ye but no sir. "Countdown" is another love song but its more suited to the party scene. The chorus is cute and very catchy. I'm sure it will get a lot of play.

The pinnacle song on "4" is the Diane Warren penned "I Was Here." This is huge song. Beyonce belts it out too. She does not over-sing it. Her voice and tone are so on point. The lyrics are deep. I love this track so much. The last track is "Who Run The World (Girls)" I'm honestly glad that this song is last. It does not fit in with the rest of the tracks in my opinion. It's high tempo where the rest of the cd is mellow. I liked the video and loved her Billboard performance so much. They both made me like the song more.

Lucky me, my copy of this cd showed up a day early. I was uber excited about that. I really enjoyed every track on the cd. I will be playing it at loud levels for a while. It's just feel good music from an artist that can actually sing and dance and perform. Beyonce's a true artist and she will always get my $$ when she's dropping new music. I just always know beforehand that I'm going to enjoy it and that it will be good. Get into it: Beyonce "4"

A Little Look Inside

I am an avid blog reader. I read a ton of random blogs. It's one of the reasons why I was inspired to start my own blog. Well, that and the fact that I'm a writer. I like to see what others are blogging about and different bloggers styles. I'm just curious by nature. I'm very sleepy so this will be very short and sweet. I'm still trying to stick to my writing promise. In the last week, I've read three different boots where the author's took time to explain how they named their blog. I thought this was a very interesting get to know me moment. So I thought that I'd follow suit.

The name "In Between Thoughts" means a lot to me. It isn't the first name of my blog. But it will def be the last. I am a thinker and worrier by nature. I am almost always in my head. My thoughts are always running rampant. So when I do with down to create, the things that spill out of me are my in between thoughts. I say this because I am always on to the next thought. In my head, things move a lot faster than they do in actuality. I decided that it would be a great name because it described my process accurately. It is the Katch Kenda way. So this is the story as to how my blog was dubbed "In Between Thoughts." Thought you guys would like that tiny morsel of trivia. Keep reading people!

How To Deal

When things are at their lowest, what do you do to cope? What methods are useful to you? I think that everyone has their one tried and true way to deal with things. Some get angry, some get silent and reflective while some cry. There are those who throw themselves into work or a project so they won't have to deal with things. Others let the issue consume their entire being or isolated themselves from the world. I can't say that any of these are better than the other. Or even if any of them are healthy. We're humans. We find some way to creatively deal with our stuff.

Over the years, my coping mechanisms have changed. I used to be the girl who threw herself into anything else to avoid feeling that pain. I didn't want to face things that would hurt and ultimately change me. I saw so much at such a young age that I internalized my pain. Hell, I still do that. It's a very hard habit to break. I was the oldest and the strong one so breaking wasn't an option. I dealt through writing in my journal and my poetry. As a teenager, that helped me tremendously. It was my way through it all. I'm thankful for that.

Now I know internalizing isn't the healthiest option. But I also know for me it's the easiest. I hate to burden anyone with my stuff. I don't like to ask for help. Handling my issues is a personal thing for me. When I get truly overwhelmed, there are a couple of people I can talk to. I try not to let life consume. I try my best to stay above the fray. Some days are much easier than others. But life is all about forward progression right? That's the only direction. How do you cope? Tell me about it.

Celebrating Greatness

Today is the anniversary of two totally different things. 15 years ago, my favorite rapper Jay-Z released his debut cd "Reasonable Doubt." And, two years ago, the world lost the musical genius that was Michael Jackson. I distinctly remember both days. Jay's release made me a lifelong fan. Michael's death affected me in an odd way. I just couldn't believe that he was gone, especially given the way he died.

My absolute favorite MJ album is "Off The Wall." In my opinion, OTW totally trumps "Thriller." It is the most complete and cohesive album. I love it from beginning to end. It's superior to "Thriller" musically, lyrically, and conception wise. I think that it shows MJ and Quincy Jones at their best. One of my favorite songs by him is "I Can't Help It." Michael was the gift that my Mom passed on to me. He was her favorite child star. The first concert she ever attended was a Jackson 5. And, many years later, my first concert was that of another wildly popular boy band New Edition. I'm not one to get into all of the controversy that surrounded him. That is not important. He was a gift to music. He is missed.





"Reasonable Doubt" is a classic cd. I've owned no less than 3 copies of it. Jay-Z's flow and lyrical wordplay captivated me from my first listen. After Tupac's death, I wasn't necessarily moved by anyone. Until I discovered Jay's "Reasonable Doubt." It's hard to believe that it's been 15 years. I have a bunch of favorites on this cd. Granted, I knew nothing of the Marcy Projects or New York street life, but I felt him. There was something so sincere in his voice and delivery. Jay painted a picture with his words. I could see his story. I could feel his pain. This creates always brings me back. I still love it. I own every Jay cd but this one will always be special to me. Here are two of my favorite songs off of RD.

Summer Time

It's officially summer now. Although it's felt that way for almost two months here already. The New Orleans heat and humidity are crucial. There is just something about the hot weather and long days that does something to me. Summer time always reminds me of my childhood. All the fun my cousins, siblings and friends would have. As kids, we lived for those long hot summer days and hazy summer nights. It was our favorite time of the year. Although summer isn't my favorite season of the year, it will always hold a dear spot in my heart. As I think about all of that and get caught up in memory lane, certain songs are on a constant loop. These songs are like the soundtrack to my adolescent years. So in honor of finally being summer, I thought I would share some of that soundtrack with the world.

Dear Diary (III)

This has been a weird week. I've been all over the place emotionally. I've tried to write but everything I came up with was crap. Or it was to me. I misplaced my happy this week. I withdrew from the matrix that is the internet. I simply logged off. I did not tweet, refused to tumble, and blogging was a no go. I ignored phone calls, emails, and texts. In a way, I took a perpetual timeout. I couldn't function. Did not want to deal. So I didn't. I avoided the people who knew me best so I didn't have to own up to my mood. On all fronts, this week was a big fat epic fail.

It's just been a very long week. I'm tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have been sleep deprived. I'm just over it. I also gave up on the whole grin and bear it routine. I sat in my living room with the tv off and read. When the tv was on, I was oddly obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial. I attempted to write many times. It always ended up in the same arena. Writing has been the last thing on my mind. Probably because I know that my heart is in my writing. When I'm happy or sad or confused it always shows in my words. It's the gift and the curse. I've avoided writing for this reason alone. I don't even know if this makes sense.

I am realizing some truths about myself that I'm not too happy about. I need to work on my reactions to things. I like to think I'm nonchalant about things. But, the reality is I take things super personal. People hurt my feelings. For the most part, I'm able to hide it from the world. But, when I'm home, it breaks me. I found myself crying on the bathroom floor twice this week. Broken slightly. I had a moment, it lasted almost a week. I'm better now. Not completely fixed but I'm working on it. Now, if I could just fall asleep at a decent hour and sleep the whole night through, I'd be golden. Anyway, this was my hyper emotional, super reflective, uber weird week. I was not prepared for it. I did not enjoy it. As a matter of fact, I hated it. Everything happens for a reason right? I'm patiently awaiting the why of it, Diary.

Happy Father's Day

For years, this day has not meant much to me. My Dad has been gone for almost 13 years. But, I've realized that instead of being sad about that, I should celebrate the great men who are fathers in my life. I know some wonderful fathers who deserve all the praise they get. My brother is an awesome father of four. He is exceptional with his kids. Seeing him with my niece and nephews warm my heart. I feel proud because I helped raise him. My friends Mike, Charles, and Dom also fall into this category. I've watched them all grow from young boys to grown men. I also would like to wish a very happy Father's Day to one of the best father's I know, Kristopher. I just want to take a moment to shine a light on the great fathers I know. So Happy Father's Day to all those I mentioned as well as all the rest that I know. So please enjoy your day, Father's!!

Ladies Love Lyrics: Jill Scott "Hear My Call"

Ms. Jilly from Philly is back. Her new cd "The Light of the Sun" was just released this week. It's great, feel good music. It's the Jill that I know and love. I cannot wait to see her perform this material. I'm not sold on her first single. But, her second single "So In Love" featuring Anthony Hamilton is a hit to me. These standout track to me is "Hear My Call." It is so raw and real. I feel it deep in my soul. Jill is sanging on here. I love it. It will definitely get a lot of play this summer. Below are the lyrics and YouTube of my favorite track on the cd. The lyrics pulled me in. Get Into Ms. Jill Scott!

Here I am again asking questions.
Waiting to be moved.
I am so unsure of my perception.
What I thought I knew I don't seem to.
Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in?
Back to the old me and

[Chorus] God, please hear my call.
I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw.
I need your healing.
I need your healing.

I've been such a fool
How did I get here?
Played by all the rules.
Then they changed I am but a child to your vision.
Standing in the cold and the rain.
Lost here in the dark, I can't see.
Gotta take a stand, what is happening?
Oh, this hurts so bad.
I can hardly breathe.
I just want to leave so

[Chorus x2]

Oh, You Random Huh?

* My routine has been shaken up this week. Adjusting has been slow going. *le sigh* I still don't like it though.

* Is it possible to miss someone so much that it hurts? Cause I swear I'm there right now :(

* Cold juicy oranges for breakfast have been a staple all week.

* My favorite cousin in the world moved away this week. That makes me sad. I miss her. She's my first friend ever.

* The NBA Finals ended up being more exciting and entertaining than I thought they would be. Still wished Lebron would've gotten his ring. Oh well, I'm still all about my #CELTICS!!!

* Beyonce's "Party," J. Cole's "Work Out," & Drake's "Marvin's Room" are my newest faves.

* I need new things to read. Me & my Kindle need to reconnect.

* I've developed a new found joy of homemade kettle corn popcorn. So very good.

* I've been very good at writing every day. Some days it's easier than others. But I write through it.

* I blogged something the other day that I hardly ever verbalize. I guess it is easier to admit it here than to any one else. It was therapeutic.

* You can't control other people. But I can control how I react. Not spazzing the hell out shows growth on my part. Seriously lol.

* Jay-Z & Kanye West's "Watch The Throne" finally has a release date: 07/04/11!! Yeeesssss!!! I cannot wait! (ETA: Just heard that date is false...super sad about that)

* Random conversations with the people who know me the best are chicken soup for the soul.

* I recently spent waaayyy too much time in Hallmark. Agonizing over picking the correctly worded card. The writer in me was at war with my options. And sadly it was all in vain :( Guess it didn't really matter in the end.

* It's 2:39 am and sleep clearly does not know my name. Insomnia blows!!! And, a worrisome soul isn't helping either.

Feliz Cumpleanos¡

I remember the exact moment when I heard that Tupac had passed. I was in my Mom's car on my way to a game to perform with my Pep Squad. Wild Wayne announced it on Q93. My heart literally stopped. I didn't think he would actually die. This is the same man who was shot two years before five times and lived. I mean, he left the hospital the next day to be wheeled into court. Tupac Amaru Shakur was untouchable in my eyes. He was the first rapper I ever supported. He made me a Hip-Hop fan. My favorite Tupac cd is definitely "All Eyez On Me." There was more to him than a cute face. His voice was full of emotions. His words touched me.

I felt like I knew him. Felt as if Pac was just for me. I bought his cds, saw his movies, and lived for his interviews. He played a huge part in my musical journey. His untimely death affected me deeply. I remember how sad and somber my whole squad was during that game. And how quiet we all were the following Monday in school. Pac was ours. We lost him too soon. Today is his 40th birthday. I often wonder what role he would have had in the current state of music. Wonder about how far he could have gone. I miss his often hypocritical views on things. Just felt like sharing my Tupac memories. Oh and a few of my favorite songs by him.

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY, TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR!! You are definitely missed.

My Friends

So, I finally had a chance to catch up with one of my best friends. We'll call her Roomie. She and I have been friends for about 11 years. We have been there for each other for everything. My conversation with her got me to thinking about real friendships. Friendships can change and grow in many different ways. If you're lucky, you will be blessed with a few. I love the fact that I don't have to speak to them everyday but nothing changes. Conversations flow just as easily as if we spoke everyday. That is a beautiful gift to share with someone. I cherish it.

My friends are amazingly hilarious. They make me laugh, cry, keep me sane and encourage me at every turn. They are the people who know me the best. They've seen me at my lowest and they never turned away. We've been through it all with each other. I love that my friends never judge me. They give me reality and truth no matter what. How many people do you know that will do that? My friendships span 31 years with them. How blessed am I to have them? Sometimes we can get so caught up in our own personal lives that we forget to nurture these friendships. I am guilty of this. There are a few friends that will always check me quickly on this though (Hi Ty and Mike lol). I'm getting better at it.

My friendships are important to me. These wonderful people are my family by choice. That is a great thing. Life is short so why not surround yourself with awesome people? I pray that I'm as good a friend to them as they have been to me. I may not call all the time, but they know I'm good for a text or ten!! I dedicate this blog to Ty, Reese, Chuck, Mike, Niaga, and Shan. I'm so lucky that you guys love me for me. An that you all walked into my life by accident but decided to stay on purpose. I love you. I'm always here for you.

My Poetry Corner VII: "Dream World"

Sometimes I get inspired at the most random times. I don't fight it anymore, I just write. The words started flowing from one single thought. This is just a small piece of poetry. It's a work in progress.

Maybe it's obtainable
It seems within my reach
What I want is that near me
I'm fighting for it
Trying to grab on to it with both hands
It's mine
I can feel it...