So You Had A Bad Day...

A picture/gif is worth a million words. This one is eerily accurate of how I feel inside. But, I put a smile on my face  every day. One day, it'll all be different, better. Today clearly isn't that day.

Picture This

No matter how strong a person appears to be, they can be broken. I know that I am a strong woman.It's the way I was raised. I handle things, I take care of people. It's just who I am. But, when everyone piles the weight of the world on the back of the supposedly "strong," how long before the strong break? It will happen because none of us are built to carry it all alone. So, yes, the strong can be broken. It takes more to break them. But, it will happen. It does happen. Maybe not often. And, the most annoying thing about being perceived as strong is that when you do break, you can't share that with anyone. The strong break in silence and in darkness. The strong break alone in their own spaces. It's annoying to have to hold the hurt & pain in. Mostly, I keep things to myself. I vent a lot here mainly because I know who in my circle reads this and who doesn't.

When the strong break, all they want is someone in their lives to realize it and offer their help. A shoulder to lean on, a hug, a kind word, or just a listening ear. It isn't much but to that strong, broken person it is the world. Because people expect the strong to be in control. This means that no one is ever truly there for them. That is the sad thing about being strong. It's a very lonely role to fill. So, yes, I am strong and maybe a little broken at times.That admission doesn't make me less strong. It just makes me more human. I know that I don't have to be superwoman every day. Hell, I don't have to be her at all. When I break, I take the time to feel what I'm feeling. Then, I put myself back together again. Strong always, broken sometimes, woman through and through. How about you?

Inspiration

When I saw this, I read it over and over again. Rules are the boundaries of our lives from the beginning. Rules gives us structure. They define the parameters of everything. As teenagers, we challenge every rule. We want to bend them, test them, break them and forget about them. Rules to teenagers are something to turn one's nose up at. As an adult, we define our own rules for our lives. Sometimes, it can be hard to break free of the rules of our parents, teachers and bosses.

We slowly feel our way around our own rules. We keep those that work in our favor, throw out the ones that suffocate us. But, there are always rules. Whether they are slight or heavy, they exist. I try to live my life by my own rules. Many don't like that or agree. But, my life is my own. I am thankful that I know what works for me. I know how far I am willing to push it, push myself. Rules can be helpful. Society wants me to be many things inside a certain box. I'm inclined to be my own version of myself...way outside of the box. I rule me. End of discussion.

#30in30: Picture Perfect

Pictures are one of my favorite hobbies. I love to be able to sit and reminisce while looking at old photos. I have not always been diligent when it came to taking and keeping them though. I wasn't that concerned with them for years. As a kid, I only remember taking school pictures. In high school, I LOVED pictures. This was reinforced by the fact that I was on the newspaper and yearbook staffs. But, I still did not take a lot of pictures just for my personal stash. It was just something to do to insure that my friends and I stayed in the yearbook :) I'm not sure why some are opposed to photos so much. I need them. I snap them all the time. Pictures often times capture more than just the people on the screen. They capture a feeling, a song, a thought of something specific about that moment in time. 

After my Dad died, I realized that I did not have a lot of pictures of him. That made me so angry on top of everything else. There were 18 years of memories that we shared and pictures weren't taken. In a way, I became obsessed with documented things via photos. I still carry a camera in my purse at all times. These days I am partial to the convenience of my Evo's camera. I love pictures. I really do. There are always such good memories attached to them. I can almost remember the exact moment that each was taken. That alone makes it worth it. Memories may fade as we get older and our minds can't recall certain things. But, pictures are forever. They have no expiration date. I should start to date them and put names on the back. I don't want to be 78 and can't remember who's actually in the picture. 

Photos may not be that important to most but they represent something else to me. They are a representation of what I've experienced, where I've been, and whom I've shared them with. As I flip through the countless photo albums I have acquired over the last years, I still get sad about the lack of Daddy pictures. I take an annoying amount of pictures because I don't ever want to not have any pictures. My nieces and nephews are so used to me making them pose that they ask for pictures to be taken. I have a ridiculous amount of pictures of the 8 of them. I make no apologies about this aspect of me. Hey, we're making memories here. I know they will love to see all of the photos that I will have acquired by the time they reach high school. There is just something about having a picture to go along with the perfect story. It just works.

*Above photos: (1) 4 of nephews/niece at our last family reunion; (2) My parents holding a 4 month old me; (3) me at 3 y/o*

Live Your Life

I think we all struggle with this. Am I living my life to the fullest? Or am I just existing? And what can I do to make sure the width of my life is as full as it could possibly be? Life can be really hard. It is easy to get caught up in the day to day without truly living. The good thing about that is if we are lucky we get to try again tomorrow. Life, I believe is about living your passion. Finding that thing that makes your heart smile every single time you do it. That is when we come alive. Writing is my thing for now. It fulfills me on so many levels. It's always good to read something like this to re-energize you. It motivates me to do more, be more, achieve more. There is a message in those words.

Picture Perfect

The Picture With A Message

I saw this and the message def caught my eye. Let's just call this a lesson learned. In the words of my brother from another MJ, marinate on that...and take it with you when you leave.