I had a dream tonight. So real that it woke me up out of a Theraflu/Tylenol Cold & Sinus induced slumber. I passed out before 8pm last night. My dream was so vivid. The colors were shiny and beautiful. I couldn't wait to get some of the main points on paper. I feel inspired by it. Words means things (cc: Crissles). The words that were repeated throughout my dream were: vulnerable, They are words I normally don't associate myself with. But, if I am to be honest with myself, they are relevant. "Vulnerable" means capable or susceptible of being hurt, wounded; open to moral attack, criticism, temptation." I feel vulnerable at this point in my life. Totally open, raw and exposed to the world. It is one of the worst feelings. I can't cover it up or fake it. Every day, I try to overcompensate for this feeling. It is a fairly new emotion. I hate it.
The other word that kept showing itself in my dream was "option." I've been feeling that I was out of options. I know now that I'm not. I just let myself become consumed by what I was feeling. The reality is I have a plethora of options available to me. The world is still my oyster. Finally, someone in my dream who is actually not alive any more asked me this "what do you want?" That question was the point where I woke up. I wrote down a list of things that I want. My list scares me for many reasons. The list came from my heart. I do not know if I can have all the things on my list but they are what I want. My main objective is to make sure that I protect myself, my life and my heart at all costs. That may sound a little selfish. I'm ok with that. I am the most important person inn my life. And, no one else will take care of me or make me the priority that I will. It's ok for me to be selfish and take care of me. My dream actually made me feel really good about a lot of things. Things that I wasn't too sure of before. I may be rambling because of the Threaflu. But, I wanted to get this out while my dream was fresh in my mind. Happy Saturday people. I'm about to doctor on myself and go back to sleep.
I am inspired easily sometimes. These images have done that for me. The first one describes me perfectly. I have never been one to act my age. I really don't even know what that means. I don't necessarily act younger or older. I'm just me. Sometimes serious, sometimes silly, always myself though. I don't know how a 32-almost-33 year old is supposed to act. But, if it's any way other than my current state of mind then I'll pass. I happen to like the way I act. Everyone else should too.
"Alice In Wonderland" has long been a favorite of mine. I loved the book as a kid and enjoyed the movies as an adult. There are a ton of quotable moments in the story. One of my favorites being "I've sometimes believed almost 6 impossible things before breakfast." Another being the passage below. It's still true to my life. When you have a decision to make and you don't really know where you're going or what you want, then the road you choose really doesn't matter. I think people forget this. It is a quote that I will always carry with me.
I love this image. I've seen it multiple times with certain words being added or deleted. I love the overall message of it that simply means "enjoy your life." It is a reminder to live life while you can. Because in the end, worrying, stressing, over-thinking will not make you enjoy your life any more. I always need this reminder. I need to remember to simply be in the moment. To exist right now without thinking ahead so much. It is one of my bad habits. I am an over-thinker. Have been for as long as I can remember. And, the reality is it's too much weight for me to bear most days. I need to be more and think less. I know some say that less is more but in the case of this image it's the other way around. I need more, deserve more. And, I've decided to grab my more and leave the less behind. I have to. Theses images gave me food for thought. And allowed me to take my mind off of the other things consuming my mind and life. This is just a little food for thought. Take with you what you need. Leave the rest for someone else. Feed your mind!
When I saw this, I read it over and over again. Rules are the boundaries of our lives from the beginning. Rules gives us structure. They define the parameters of everything. As teenagers, we challenge every rule. We want to bend them, test them, break them and forget about them. Rules to teenagers are something to turn one's nose up at. As an adult, we define our own rules for our lives. Sometimes, it can be hard to break free of the rules of our parents, teachers and bosses.
We slowly feel our way around our own rules. We keep those that work in our favor, throw out the ones that suffocate us. But, there are always rules. Whether they are slight or heavy, they exist. I try to live my life by my own rules. Many don't like that or agree. But, my life is my own. I am thankful that I know what works for me. I know how far I am willing to push it, push myself. Rules can be helpful. Society wants me to be many things inside a certain box. I'm inclined to be my own version of myself...way outside of the box. I rule me. End of discussion.
Bitch. This word has been a topic of discussion for as long as I can remember. I've had a love/hate relationship with the word. I've arrived at a place where I can't stand for women refer to themselves as bad bitches. What is the true definition of that? Who decided that his is all we can be? I want to talk to that man because I'm sure that's where it originated. Being called a bitch doesn't warm my soul, doesn't make me smile and nor does it make sense. Yes, I know that in this Hip-Hop influenced world we live, that bad means good. But there is nothing good about being a bitch. When and if I use the word, I mean it in the most disrespectful way. I
My girls & I went through an era where we used it as a term of endearment. We were young & reckless. They were my bitches. I was their bitch. It was just what we did. We saw nothing wrong with it. In hindsight, I know that was uninformed ignorance. I wasn't offended by the word if it came from my girls. But, on the flip side of this, I was not keen on being called it by a man. I found that was disrespectful. I was not having that. It would be am argument if it happened. Disrespecting me is never a good look. That's why I like the message in Lupe Fiasco's "Bitch Bad." If you haven't heard it, please take a listen below. I live the chorus which says "bitch bad, woman good, lady better." Young women need to know that being a bitch is not a career goal and neither is being a bad one either. People seem to forget how much power that words carry. Bitch being hurled at you in an aggressive tone should have the same affect as if someone says it in a nice way. It's not a compliment. It never has been. We've gotten the message mixed up.
Music, specifically Hip-Hop, has ushered in this idea of a Bad Bitch. This is better than being a regular bitch. Honestly, I can rap every line to Webbie's "Bad Bitch." The track is very catchy. I've never referred to myself as that. That cones with age. I don't want to be called a bitch nor will I call myself that. I'm a woman, a lady, and respectful. Nothing about the word defines me. Being a bad bitch isn't something I aspire to. I think that's a young dumb woman's aspirations. I am none of that. I'm also not defined by a Hip-Hop song. I never have been. As much as I love the genre, almost 75% of the lyrics are completely foreign to my life. I just enjoy the music. <
We have to stop embracing derogatory terms. Every bad word isn't meant to be flipped into something good. I am determined to erase "bitch" in all terms out of my vocabulary. I can't speak for everyone but I need to rid myself of negative words, thoughts, and people. When you accept negativity in any form into your life, it has the power to alter you. I'm already a work in progress. I do not need any negative vibes in my cipher. That's just me though. So, if you see me, feel free to NOT address me or slander me with the word bitch. I am many things. But, I'm no man's bad bitch. And neither are none of you. We are women. Let's act accordingly & make people treat us as such. In closing, remember this "bitch bad, woman good, lady better."
The above is my tag generated cloud. These are the words I use the most. I find this very telling. I never realized how much I used certain words. But, I love seeing my most commonly used words compiled in one place. It makes me more aware of what I say and how often I say it. It's no surprise that my name shows up a ridiculous amount of times. Or that the word "love" is used repeatedly. I am always talking about how much I love some things or someone. I actually love the word love and its foreign language counterparts, especially amor. I am definitely a logophile, which is a lover of words. I think all writers have to be. Words are my thing. But, it's also strange because I share so many of my words here. But,there are many more that I can't leave here. Words that aren't meant for public consumption. I have yet to figure out where those words go. They are the ones I write just for me. I guess that's my little writer secret. I need a place for those words to exist outside of my brain. I'm still searching for that one though. I also believe that I need to utilize other words more often as well. We will see. Happy Friday!
“Like a worn out book I am the combination of all of my words.” - Tyler Knott Gregson
While browsing the net, I am often caught up with the images I see. I love to see things that inspire me and make me think. Sometimes I am motivated to write. That is what happened when I came across the images below. They stirred something deep within me. So, i had to share a few thoughts with the world. Hope you enjoy them.
Pictures like the one above make me happy. I love when I come across an image that catches my eye. This one is so relevant. Change in chaos seem to go hand in hand. If it's not chaotic, then its not necessarily life changing. I'm not a huge supporter of change especially if its sudden. But, I know that change is evolutionary. Change is the driving factor in life. We are all in a constant state of change. I know that this is true. Change, in any form, is chaotic. I think chaos makes us feel alive. It pumps the blood in our veins. This image just rings so true to me. The wording of "Great change" hits me the most. Not just normal change, but epic, life altering change. Those are the moments that I look forward to the most. Those are the ones who stand out in the story of your life. Those are the moments that make life worth living to me.
Would life really be all that simple if we could do this? It's a novel idea. Deleting all the bad things from our lives. I use to believe that doing this would be awesome. But, then I began to think about it. All the bad things, the moments that I wasn't my best, the times when I broke and I cried, they all made me ME. Every thing that has happened to me has shaped my life. The memories made for nice stories to tell my younger siblings, cousins and friends. They are moments that make my life, my journey relatable. Every heartache, every tear, every second of wavering faith have turned me from Yolanda & Kenneth's little girl to their 32 year old grown daughter. I cannot forget where I've been no sooner than I can deny who I am. The journey is as important as all the destinations along the way. I believe that all the tears I've cried, all the sad poems I've written and all the less than stellar thoughts I've thought matter. All the pieces matter. In the end, I would rather have a story full of bumps in the road that made me stronger, better.
Sometimes I see things that just touch me. I am always all about the words. They never fail me. It's one of the reasons why I really enjoy Tumblr. I can always count on someone posting something that will make me laugh or make me think. I just felt like sharing these pictures/words with you guys. They inspired me a little. Hope they inspire you as well. Have you seen any posts that inspire a thought in you? If so, share with me!
"The sweetest thing I've ever known..." - Lauryn Hill
The sweetest things are usually words spoken between loved ones. I find that the most uninhabited sweet words I speak are the ones I don't think about. The words that flow from my heart and out of my mouth before my brain catches up. When I just speak from that place of love, where fear of judgement or rejection does not exist. I just say what I feel. That is a beautiful thing.
Sweet nothings spoken to me from the man I love are just about my favorite things. I love the way he expresses his love for me. I think that those whispered quiet loving moments between two people in love are a precious things. We are privileged to take part in it. This Lauryn Hill song has been stuck in my head all day. It's also about the sweetest things. Go tell someone you love something you love about them today. Even better, whisper it to them.
Let me just get this out. Rush Limbaugh is a big mouth idiotic bully with too much airtime on his hands. Whew! Now that I've gotten that out of my system I can really get into this. Limbaugh went on his show and called a 30 year old female Georgetown law student a prostitute. All because the student, Sandra Flute, wanted her voice heard about the contraceptive issue. Flute was denied the rigt to testify in front of Congress. Her main objective was the high price of birthday control pills. Limbaugh took this info and went on a disrespectful rant on his 3 hour talk radio show. He called her a prostitute for wanting birth control covered by insurance and a slut. Really Rush? How moronic is that? And, the sad thing is there are a plethora of people who adhere to the same beliefs as him. They listen to his hate spewing on a daily. I cannot grasp that.
After days of spewing his disgusting speech, his advertisers began pulling out of his show. Then, came the obligatory apology. He said he didn't mean it personally. What? Limbaugh called Sandra by name multiple times. Everything he said was directed at her. How did he not mean it personally? If you say my name, you're talking to me personally right? That's what I thought. When no one accepted his faux apology, he released another one that wasn't much better. There was nothing heartfelt or sincere about either apology. He meant what he said about her. It's like him and his followers believe that adult, sexually active women are sluts. I'm offended. Deeply. Because that is pure, unadulterated bullshit. There is no other way to call that. I cannot understand how little people comprehend. Common sense is clearly not common to all.
This article is the most detailed of all the events that led up to his statements and the consequences of them. As of now, Limbaugh's show has lost 43 advertisers. It seems that everyone does not stand behind these stamens. They are hitting Limbaugh where it hurts: in his pockets. Advertisers are how talk radio shows are kept afloat. Without them, hopefully this means the end for Limbaugh. I'm sorry you cannot say inflammatory, derogatory things on air about someone and not have consequences. He deserves whatever he gets. I've never been a fan. This pushes him higher on my list of folks I tune out.
Anonymity is a funny thing. Especially as it relates to online. The cloak of anonymity gives people the courage to post the most reckless things. This is very evident on blog sites and message boards. People spew so to the most hateful rhetoric under the umbrella of anonymity. They have no real regard of the consequences of their words. As a writer, I know the actual power of words. I think folks should pay more attention to what they write.
In general, I'm very opinionated. I have been a member of a few message boards. I frequent one or two blogs. I do not comment as much as I used to. I've never been cruel or mean in my posting. I'm always conscious of that. Now, as a consumer of music, I will give it to you straight. If I've spent my money to support an artist and the product is wack, I'm going to discuss it. I feel in those situations that I've wasted my money. I don't, however, post things anonymously. I have never hid behind the grey face. People who do are lame and weak. I say this because they would probably never speak those hateful words to the persons face.
I do not eat my words. If I said it once, I can damn sure say it twice. I've had this blog for a year and a half. My comments have never been frequented by an anonymous hate mongers. Until the other day. Quite honestly, the derogatory statement ticked me off. Then I got to thinking about how sad a person has to be to sift through 6 months of posts to find one random post. And post a hateful comment. I deleted it and laughed. So I'm thankful for the lesson. All people aren't good or right or nice and that's fine. I cannot get all caught up in one persons erroneous lackluster opinion. I'm still gonna post on my blog whatever I see fit. It's mine. To each his own. But I can't respect you if you won't even show your face. The cloak of anonymity is a cowards paradise. My Mom didn't raise a coward or a fool. I stand behind everything I say. That is more than enough reason for me to continue to be proud of me.
"All I have is my balls and my word and I don't break them for nobody." - Tony Montana
Sarcasm is a very unique personality trait. Everyone does not possess it. Nor does everyone use it correctly. It is one of the many things I love about myself. I can be very sarcastic. It's the reason why the MTV cartoon "Daria" was such a favorite of mine. It's inherently a part of me. But, the older I get, I begin to wonder if it's too much. I think my sarcastic nature can be misconstrued by some.
There are things I say that mean no harm but are often taken that way. The fact is I'm a sarcastic person. I call it like I see it. I don't think I should have to sugarcoat things for adults. We are all grown ups so we should all be able to take it. But clearly that isn't the case with everyone. I'm the person who will give you an opinion if you ask for it. I've toned down my urge to offer it without being asked as the years have gone by. Sarcastic people are my kind of people. Simply because I get them. I don't take offense because I know it's harmless. Every one isn't like me though. This much I know to be true.
I am well aware that my tone of voice can be very blunt. That's the Sagittarius in me. I've soften some on that as well. It is not my intent, for the most part, to cut anyone down with my words. (If you're on my bad side, that's another story.) I wonder if my delivery could be better, my words sweeter or my tone lighter. I worry that I may unintentionally hurt someone I love dearly. So, in an effort to stop these thoughts, I'm thinking more before I speak. I want my words to only help. I don't want to be the one who cuts others down with my words. As a writer, I know how important words are. It's one of things I'm constantly working on daily. What can I say? I'm a work in progress! Watch me work!
I think we all struggle with this. Am I living my life to the fullest? Or am I just existing? And what can I do to make sure the width of my life is as full as it could possibly be? Life can be really hard. It is easy to get caught up in the day to day without truly living. The good thing about that is if we are lucky we get to try again tomorrow. Life, I believe is about living your passion. Finding that thing that makes your heart smile every single time you do it. That is when we come alive. Writing is my thing for now. It fulfills me on so many levels. It's always good to read something like this to re-energize you. It motivates me to do more, be more, achieve more. There is a message in those words.
As far back as I can remember, I've been enamored with words. I talked early and read early. Words were and still are my thing. I also believe that it was predestined that I would find my voice through the written word. I didn't know as a kid you important and special my love of words would end up being.
I am a logophile. The word is defined as a person who loves words. That is definitely me. I also find it ironic that the most perfect to define myself love of words is of Greek origin. I am slightly obsessed with the country of Greece and Greek mythology. But, I digress. As a child, I used to read the dictionary. I wanted, needed, desired to know what words meant. I still love learning new words. The act of working them into my daily vernacular excites me. In that way, I think I'm very weird. I'm very comfortable in my weirdness though.
This insatiable love of words feed right into my reading habit. I read everything and anything. I had an incredible library in my own home as a kid. Soon, I began writing short stories and poems. This was my secret. I kept a notebook with my writings and my running tab of new words I loved. This was a habit I kept well into college.
My love of words also has influenced my extreme love of music. Yes, I love a great beat but I enjoy great lyrics the most. It's what draws me to a song. I like lyrics that I can relate to. That's what defines a great song for me. It's always about the words with me. I believe I am good at expressing myself verbally. But I will always be great at expressing myself through the written word. It's my niche. I excel in it. I thrive through words.
I just discovered this track by Ms. Jilly from Philly. The words are deep and amazing. I'm digging it. I just felt like sharing it. As a poet, I'm always about the words. They move me. So, upon reading the words, I had to YouTube the track. I was sold. I'm also kind of biased because I am a fan. She was the highlight of Essence Festival 2010 for me. Jill Scott gives a great show because she has great material, great voice and is just all around awesome personified.
The lyrics: "I'm not afraid, to be your lady I'm not afraid, to be your whore I'm not afraid, to be your future I'm not afraid, to be your soil In which you plant your seed Flowers, they sprout for me My fragrance in the breeze You must nurture me please
I'm not afraid, to be your baby I'm not afraid, to be your strength I'm not afraid, to be open wide I'm not afraid, to be gluttonous."
