"What Did Your Ex Teach You?"

On this week's episode of "Being Mary Jane," Mary Jane asked her date Sean a great date question. "What did your ex teach you?" While that was my favorite scene from the episode, it made me think. I'm a 34 year old woman who has been on love twice and been in a few other relationships. What have I learned thus far is that I've been taught some incredible lessons. I want to focus only on the positive things I've been taught by the two men I've loved. The more I think about it, the more evident their impact on my life is. It's funny the little things you pick up along this journey called life. The people you meet and have in your life leave pieces of themselves with you when they leave. I am also very interested in what any of my exes responses would be to this question. I hope that they have learned something great from knowing me. 

My first love taught me a few things. I was very self conscious as a 14 year old. He would compliment every inch of me. I was a very serious kid. He taught me to not be so serious and to laugh more. We did that a lot. He taught me all about football because he played. Up until then, I was strictly a basketball girl. We were kids with big dreams. We both wanted more than the neighborhood we grew up in. He taught me about being comfortable with voicing my dreams. I would tell him everything and vice versa. In hindsight, neither of us knew a thing back then. We are pretty clueless while trying to find our way through our teenage years. We grew up together. I am thankful for that love at that time. In that moment, it was innocent and pure and right. I actually never thought I would look back and think of KG in a positive light. 

The love of my life taught me the most. He taught me what love truly is. I never knew that I could ever love someone with my entire heart. He broaden my horizons on the way I see things and the way I evaluate them. He taught me about complete communication in a relationship. We talked everything put before it became a problem. With him, I was no longer a hot head. We didn't argue. I'll always say this was my first real adult relationship. Spiritually, he has been the most influential person in my life. We would discuss the Bible in great detail and religion and spirituality. He fed that part of me. Because of him, I've read books I never would have, watched movies outside of my normal box, watched shows I never even heard of. He taught me compassion. No matter what happened in the end, I cannot forget all the goodness that I received because of and through him. I am not too far removed from this love with KB to reflect fully. But, these things are self evident and true. He loved me in a way that I never knew possible. I am thankful for that. 

My favorite uncle once told me "If you aren't learning something from your mate and them from you, leave. Because that isn't a healthy relationship for either of you." I've always kept that in the back of my mind. I hope that I've taught my exes something as well. Things that have made them better, more rounded men. Things that years from now will make them smile if I happen to cross their minds. Through life, we meet people who change us in small or big ways by the things they teach us. They become a part of us and our journey. It's amazing how that happens. What has an ex taught you?

And It Came To Me Like An Epiphany

An epiphany is an experience of sudden and striking realization. Last night, I had a moment. It was what I call a lightbulb moment. I had an epiphany. I cried for a while. I realized something very truthful that I've been fooling myself about. It is amazing the way we deny things to ourselves. I know that it is a defense mechanism. There is nothing I can do about another's actions, words or thoughts. But, I can control how I react to them. I've spent most of this year NOT dealing with a huge issue. I was blindsided by it and I retreated from it. I didn't want to deal because then it would be real. The reality is that situation persists regardless of my actions. I've allowed it to alter me, my thoughts, my words, the way I live my life. That isn't right at all nor is it me. I've allowed this other version of me to exist in this space. The emotional, calm side of me. Which, quite frankly, is bullshit. I need to acknowledge my feelings. I am incredibly angry about it and ridiculously sad. And, those are two emotions that do not need to exist in one person at the same time. It's exhausting because I am fighting myself for reasons unknown. I am over it. 

I try to protect myself from the world. I do a very good job at it. I know that no one else will do it for me. I've learned the hard way that the only person I can truly depend on 24/7 is myself. That's not harsh or sad, it's just reality. I am the only one always looking out for my best interests. And, that is more than ok. I had to go through the breakup of relationships and the fracturing of friendships to learn it. I needed to experience the bad to know the good when I have it. 2013 has not been a good year thus far. That's my reality. The only thing I want is for it not to end the same way. I have to find the right avenue for me to pursue. I was truly enlightened about my life, who I am and who I need to become. I do not know exactly what I am doing noe or where I am going. But, I know that I cannot continue to be this version of myself. That is over. This epiphany was deep. I literally laid in bed for hours weeping (also, didn't help that I was listening to Yeezus). I know that I do not know where I am headed but I am excited to get there. 

The Picture With A Message

I saw this and the message def caught my eye. Let's just call this a lesson learned. In the words of my brother from another MJ, marinate on that...and take it with you when you leave.