Outside of My (Movie) Box: Part 1

Movies, like books, take me on a journey. I love movies. Its a good way to spend a day. I really enjoy Black movies, romantic comedies, musicals, and documentaries the most. I don't really stray from those genres. Hey, I like what I like. I am a (reluctant) romantic and a self proclaimed music fanatic. Those genres feed that side of me. I wasn't necessarily open to different genres. I was ok with that or so I thought. My baby, however, had other ideas. He began suggesting movies outside the norm to me.



There is someone in my life who has opened my eyes to many new things. He's got me watching movies I have avoided for years. All because they didn't fit into my box of movies that I like. He suggested "300" last year. I reluctantly agreed to watch it. I did not believe that I would like it at all. Boy, was I ever wrong. I loved it!!! From beginning to the end, I was caught up in it. The intensity of the fighting scenes, the acting, all of it was amazing to me. "300" was a great and amazing film. I know that the movie is old. But, it's new to me. I would even say that its a favorite of mine now. I have HIM to thank for that.



The next movie we watched was "Robin Hood." Another amazing film. It is also in the same vein as "300." The struggle, the fight of good versus evil and a great lead character. And, deep within the plot is a buried love story. That made it even more enjoyable. Russell Crowe is a beast. I never really got the appeal of him. I so get it now. I do. He is so amazing and convincing in these type of roles. I enjoyed the retelling of the "Robin Hood" tale. It was new and exciting to watch. I love the fight in Russell's character. He did not and would not give up. He fought for all that was right. I loved it. My baby was right again. He was two for two.



And, finally we have "Gladiator." This movie solidified my appreciation of Russell Crowe. He was great in this as well. He was enslaved and sold off. He had to right for survival and also to avenge the murder of his family. He became the savior of Rome. The aerial and architectural shots of Rome were beautifully breathtaking. It makes me want to visit there. The movie was very, very good. My baby is now three for three. Seems like he can't pick a bad one. I am glad that he convinced me to watch these films. I love the things he is showing me. It feeds into my need for knowledge about everything. I know these are just movies but they symbolize so much more. I'm looking forward to all the rest of my baby's movie picks, amongst other things.

My Poetry Corner V: "While You Were Sleeping"

So I got inspired since I was up...alone.

You've just fallen asleep tonight
I listen to you as I try to do the same.
I wonder what you dream about
and if I'm involved
I'm curious of the way your subconscious works
Pondering on the thoughts running through your brain
It's insane how I cannot sleep peacefully without you
I dream about you when I'm still awake
I love waking you up from a deep sleep
Because I love the way you say my name in the early morning hours.
I should be asleep as well
Bit I'm too busy thinking about you
while you were sleeping, Love....

This Reader's Review: Part II "Aspire" & "The Travelers Gift: Seven Decision that Determine Personal Success"

I am an avid reader. I absolutely love a good book. The world of literature has to be the best gift my Mother ever gave me. Through books, I was able to expand my mind and my world. I was able to submerge myself into various experiences that were way different than my real life. Reading a book has always been my favorite pastime. So I decided to share my love of literature with you. I still make time to read as much as possible.

One of the last books I just completed was "Aspire" by Kevin Hall. My baby recommended this book to me. We also read it together nightly. This is another reason why I enjoyed this book. This book spoke to my soul."Aspire" is a book about words. Or rather the origin of words and their power. As a poet and a writer, I loved the premise of this book. Kevin Hall is an exceptional writer. His ability to weave a story is impeccable. I had forgotten how different the etymology of word can be. Words change throughout time. Hall takes the reader on a intellectual journey about words through his words. This book has strengthen my respect for words. Especially the word passion. Hall dedicated a whole chapter to the word. Being passionate about something means a lot more to me now. Suffering for your passion is an incredible thing. This book inspired me on so many levels. After I finished it, I felt renewed in my love of words. I also passed this book along to my cousin who is now enjoying it as well. Reading is one of my favorite things to do. I love sharing my live of books with the people I love. I recommend this book to everyone. It's a great, insightful read.



The second book I've recently finished is "The Travelers Gift: Seven Decision that Determine Personal Success" by Andy Andrews. This book literally blew my mind. It's essentially the story of a man who was at his wits end. He had lost all hope, faith, and focus. He had basically given up when an accident changeable the course of his life. He goes on a journey where he discovers the seven decisions that will determine his success. The people he encounters on this journey are surprising and enlightening. The main character is a guy named David. The story of David's journey was completely amazing to me. I was enthralled from the first page with this book. The seven decisions that David discovers throughout this book are essential to every day life. They are mantra that I intend to work into my life. There are mini stories within this story. It's just amazing how simple the decisions are in this book. I'm sure that people overlook them for that reason. I would definitely recommend this book as well.

As you can see, I'm getting into the motivational/life coach books. It's part of my new years resolution. I am making a conscious effort to only take in positive things into my life. These books are helping me achieve my goal. I am going to start reading "The Choice" by OG Mandino. It looks like it will be just as great of a read as the previous two. I'll be sure to let you guys know how it was. Reading is my thing. I absolutely love it. It also feeds my intense need for knowledge. I'm sure that need won't ever die. What have you been reading? I'm open to any suggestions.

It's Raining

"Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear."

It's raining here today. I'm not a big fan of being in the rain. but, I absolutely love listening to the rain. Hearing it hit the window pane is intoxicating. It is calming to my spirit. I love the fact that the rain cleanses the Earth. I love the smell of the rain approaching. Also the feel of wet grass under my feet reminds me of being a kid. I think my fascintaion with rain stems for my love of water. I am a big fan of ridiculously long, hot showers and equally as long baths. I, however, cannot swim but love to be in a pool. Crazy but so very true.

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

So, as I sit here listening to the soundtrack that this storm is providing, I begin to think about songs about rain. There are some classic tracks that come to mind. I think I love songs about rain as much as hearing the rain. The rain calms me. It seems to make everything around me peaceful. I am not a fan of thunder and lightning. That is never a good time for me. But, just rain is beyond blissful. I think I have waxed philosophically enough about my love for the sound of rain. So, enjoy the music while I finish enjoying this rain.

"A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning." - James Dickey

Believing in the Impossible

"They believed what everyone else thought was impossible." - Trevor "Journey To The Center Of The Earth"

While watching the above quoted movie for the first time tonight, that one line stuck with me. How awesome is it to believe in something wholeheartedly when no one else does? And to also find out your belief is the truth. It's vindication at its best. I think too many people doubt our beliefs because they just cannot see things the way others do.

I'm my biggest fan, my own personal cheerleader. I believe in my own ideas, abilities, and thoughts. I don't get caught up in what others think. I forge ahead when I see my vision clearly. It's awesome when your team fully supports you. It's a great feeling. But, in actuality, I've learned that I don't need it to believe. What I see in my mind may never be viewed by others as enthusiastically as I would. People sometimes need to physically see your plan. That's ok. I love to prove them wrong.

My confidence in myself pushes me to accomplish things. I like to cross the finish line. There are certainly times when I need a helping hand. Now, if someone offers, I will accept. I'm getting much better with asking for help. It's really a foreign concept to me. I fix things. I complete stuff on my own. That's the way I've been for 31 years. But I am changing, evolving, and growing.

Believing in impossible things keeps one sharp and young. In the movie, Max believed that a another world existed inside of our world at the center of the Earth. He didn't stop until he proved his theory to be true. That's perseverance. That takes heart and determination. I will always believe in myself and in impossible things. How else will I figure out how far I can climb? Dream big. Believe in the impossible.

Dear Diary (II)

Being able to be the bigger person comes with age & maturity. There will always be someone who will push your buttons. This person knows how to get under your skin. It's an irritating habit that they have perfected. These people live for the drama. They clearly have nothing else going on in their lives. People who are drawn to drama and/or feel the need to create it are sad individuals.

Being the bigger person is hard. It just is. Sometimes its the last thing I want to do. But, I've matured enough to know that its my best option. The reality is if I react then I'm giving the instigator exactly what they wanted. I've perfected the best response. It comes in two forms. They are the giggle and the ultimate ignore. If I am face to face with the person, I will giggle. It infuriates them deep inside. It's always an unexpected response as well. The ignore is awesome. It take all power away from the person. It gives it all back to me. The ignore, in my opinion, is the ultimate mindgame. It is the perfect ending to that situation.

I have not always been this person. It took me a while to get here. I have a smart ass mouth. I'm blunt, have a temper that has thankfully been tamed and blessed with quick wit. And, I'm intelligent to boot. So , it was nothing for me to verbally dead a confrontation. I wasn't going to let anyone try me. I have never had an issue standing up for myself or standing my ground. Anything less was never even an option. I've learned to bite my tongue and hold things in a bit more. Maturity is a wonderful gift that I appreciate every single day.

There was a situation this week that prompted this blog. I am so proud of myself for not following my first mind. I did not do or say anything out of character. So this is me patting myself on the back. I don't think I've ever uses so much restraint. I was the bigger person. What a great feeling it was!!!

Some Days

I'm supposed to be writing every day. That was the mantra I said I was going to live by this year. Some days are much better than others. Some days the words just flow from my soul. On those days, I am the best writer. I am a fountain of inexplicable bliss when it comes to words. I live for those days. And, then there are the days that I cannot formulate an interesting paragraph. I get stuck from the first sentence. I abhor those days. Those days, I chose not to share the less than stellar writing I do with the other writers, poets and readers I know. Those days I am ashamed of me squandering my gift.

There are things I feel I cannot write yet because I haven't experienced enough. I write from my heart and that leaves me very vulnerable. Whenever I write, I am laying my heart bare on the page. That takes guts. Some days I am entirely gutless. There are things I write that I won't post or blog or share because it is too personal. I don't feel ready to share all of me. I am getting better at this though. This blog is a great testament to that. I love to write. It is my passion. Some days. like today, I just have to sit with some topics before I can get into it. This writer has a headache now. I'm done. I'll write to you guys later! <3

Words of Wisdom

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.
Emily Dickinson

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Henry David Thoreau

Where there is love there is life.
Indira Gandhi

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
Reba McEntire

Life is nothing without friendship.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
Charles Dickens



Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
Hans Christian Andersen

A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed.
Henrik Ibsen

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.
David Carradine

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
Charlie Brown

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
Christopher Morley

Life is what happens to you While you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon

Musical Moment: Marsha Ambrosius

Marsha Ambrosius has a voice I've loved since she first hit the musical scene. She was the angelic voice of Floetry. She is now back with her fist solo cd "Late Nights & Early Mornings." It debuts on Tuesday, March 1, 2011. Her first single was a catchy tune entitled "Hope She Cheats On You (With A Basketball Player)." It was followed by the very conscious "Far Away." The video for the second single tackles the issue of gay issues and suicide. You can preview her cd before it drops on Bossip. I happen to love the whole thing. Stand out tracks to me are "Lose Myself," "Your Hands," "I Want You To Stay," and the title track. I actually thought her first single was funny but after listening to the whole cd, I see that it isn't needed. It just does not fit in with the rest of the songs. I digress, but I still like the cd. I will be purchasing her cd. It will be a great addition to my ridiculously huge (and still growing by the second) music collection.

Forgive and Forget

That is the question. How do we forgive and forget? Forgiveness. It's an 11 letter word that means so much. It is defined as being "disposition or willingness to forgive." The act of forgiving is huge. But, forgiving is not about the person who hurt, harmed, or wronged you. Forgiving is about you. To be able to forgive is an enormous feat. It takes a lot out of a person to forgive. But forgiveness is one of the best gifts one can give to themselves. Forgiveness is a not a right but a must.

Forgiveness is a long, twisty, and winding road. I know this from experience. But, on day, I had an epiphany. I released that holding onto that hurt was eating away at me. The person who hurt me had moved on. They were over it. Where did that leave me and my hurt feelings? No where. Exactly. That day, I decided to no longer hold grudges. It makes no sense. Why hold on to the pain? I just let go. It was the best feeling in the world to know that I was in charge of how I would feel. This was

I think we all forget that forgiveness is not about the person who wronged you. Forgiveness is for yourself. It takes up so much emotional energy to hold onto that anger. It eats you up inside. Holding grudges isn't healthy at all. We all get so caught up in focusing on what a person has done to us. I have forgiven those who hurt me. I forgave them for my own sanity. Forgive them for yourself. It's the only way to exist.

Get Into It: Adele

Her name is Adele. She is one of my favorite voices from the UK. Her first cd "19" was awesome. I fell in love with "Chasing Pavements" the moment I heard it. IT was if it was the song was the soundtrack of my life. I felt those lyrics because I was living it at that moment. "Make You Feel My Love" was another standout track on her debut cd. Now, she is finally back with her sophomore effort "21." It is just as brilliant as its predecessor. "Someone Like You" is a great ode to love. Her voice is still smooth as silk. "One and Only" and "Lovesong" are my other favorites on the cd. I love that with both of her cds I can play them straight through. There are no filler songs. Every track has substance and deep lyrics. She has so much soul in her voice. Adele is a great singer and I def enjoy her music. Get into her!

Dear Diary (I) What If???

The "What if's" are a strange game I sometimes play in my head. I'm not a woman who suffers from insecurity normally. I am very comfortable with me and confident in me. but, we all have those fleeting moments when we think the worst of ourselves. The question that always comes to me doing these moments is "What if I'm not enough?" That statement is frightening to me. My self worth means everything to me. I do think very highly of myself. It's not about me being conceited, I'm just confident in myself. I thank my mother for that.

I know alot but I don't know everything. It's possibly woven into my DNA to take care of people, to mother situations. However, the converse side of this is the fact that I have an issue with letting others take care of me. I do not know how to relax enough to allow this. I will say that I am getting much better in this aspect. But, I think I let others expectations of me weigh too heavily on me. When I sit and think of all the things that I haven't done or haven't experienced, it becomes overwhelming. The crazy thing is I'm my own toughest critic. I know this. No one in my life can be harder on me than I will ever be. I know for the people in my life who love me I'm enough. Logically, I know this. They love me for me and in spite of my shortcomings. They made a conscious choice to love me. That is a great feeling. Sometimes I get myself so worked up over things in life that I have no control over.

There are days when I want to do nothing more than snuggle deeper into the comforter while closing the world out. I have so many questions about everything. I know that I will never know the answers to them all. I struggle with choices endlessly until I make them. I don't want to be hurt nor do I want to hurt anyone in this process. It literally breaks my heart when I feel as though I've caused someone I love pain. I've been on the receiving end of that and it wasn't a great feeling. I always remember that. I believe it makes me more conscious of that behavior.

So what about these fleeting moments of self doubt that I have? I know that its something that comes and goes. I don't dwell on them too much. I can't. I would never get anything else done. I just calm myself down with these few thoughts. I am the best me that I can be right now. I am working on getting to my greatest self. Everything I've done or not done has made me into the woman I am right now. I know that things in my life could've gone all the way left but I made the right decisions. I cannot change my past but my future lies only within me. I think that is a great thing. Sometimes we all have to just look in the mirror and say "I Love Me for me" and just believe in that thought.

Wind Beneath My Wings

There is one person who has always had my back and my front from birth. One person who I have never wanted to disappoint or let down. One woman who's perception of me I never wanted to taint. Her name is Yolanda. She is my Mom. I do not think there are enough words in the English language for me to express my gratitude towards her. She gave up everything for my brother and I in order to give us everything. She was my first friend. She is still one of my best friends. She never judges me and she will always comfort me. I wish every one had a Mom as great as the one I was blessed with.

When I was growing up, my Mom worked a lot. Sometimes holding down 2 and 3 jobs at a time. I didn't see a whole lot of her. She provided for Ken and I in the best way she could. She did whatever it took to make sure we were taken care of. There were a lot of sacrifices.She missed alot of my extra curricular activities because she had to work. I hated that as a child. I was very involved and she couldn't be there. I get it now that if she didn't work, we wouldn't have had anything. I became very self efficient because of this. I think its one of my best traits. I don't expect people to do anything for me. I know I have to get up and get it for myself. My Mom taught me that.

I think I take her for granted. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. We haven't always seen eye to eye on many things. Especially through my teenage-high school years. Back then, I thought she was too hard on me. That she was too mean and expected too much from me. Now, in hindsight, I see what she was doing. She was preparing me for life. She was preventing me from becoming a statistic or getting caught up. She wanted more for her daughter. She got it. I wouldn't take back any of that. None of the punishments, arguments or silent treatments. I had to go through all of that with her to get to here. We talk like two adult women. I respect her so much. She demands that and she deserves it.

We do not have a perfect mother-daughter relationship. We argue as well as laugh. We're two very opinionated women, so of course we butt heads at times. But, those times are few and far between these days. Yes, she's at that age where she just wants me to get married and have kids. She wants me to be happy. And, although, her constant talk of grand kids can be slightly irritating, I get it. I get her. She only has two kids. My brother is already married and has 4 children. She is just (im)patiently waiting on me to get to it. I believe she thinks that this would complete and fulfill my life. I understand what she wants. And, I think she finally understands that I will not be doing one without the other.

I titled this post "Wind Beneath My Wings" because I feel as if without my Mom, I would be nothing. I could not stand her the woman that I am without all of her influences. She never taught me to be a shrinking violet or a follower. That just was not acceptable in her eyes. We, my brother and I, were born to be leaders. She made sure that education was a big part of our lives as well as laughter. She never sugarcoated life from us. I am so thankful for that. I was never really a naive chick because of this. She prepared me for all of it. Taught me how to handle things like a lady. I love her. I can simply say no more. My Mom is quite awesome in my eyes.

Get Into It: All Star Weekend

It's the halfway point of the NBA season. This means its "All Star Weekend!!" This year, it is in Los Angeles. This weekend, is all about fun. It is a star studded weekend. Athletes, movie stars, singers and rappers all come together for this event. Everything is televised. Thursday night, Magic Johnson and Alonzo Mourning held their annual Billards game. Last night was the celebrity basketball game as well as the Rookies vs Sophomores game. The 3 point contest as well as the skills contest are tonight. One of my favorite events is the Slam Dunk contest. That will take place tonight. This year's contestant's are Blake Griffin (favored to win), JaVale McGee,Serge Ibaka and DeMar DeRozen (replacing the injured Brandon Jennings). I love it because you never know what will happen. It's always great to watch. Finally, on Sunday the 20th, the East vs West game takes place. This is always a great game to watch. I, of course, will be rooting for the East because that is the conference that my Boston Celtics are in!! There will also be a halftime show starring Rihanna and Kanye West. Keri Hilson is opening the show. I am a huge fan of All Star Weekend. I love that its a break in the season for the guys. It also starts the race for the playoffs. So, if you're a bball fan like me, you def should Get Into It this weekend!!

Officially Missing You

"Some days I don't wanna be bothered. Some days I just miss my father." - Joe Budden "Ten Minutes"



I woke up with my Dad on my mind. I feel like Joe Budden today. I really miss my Father. He's been gone almost 13 years. It still hurts. He was killed in the New Orleans neighborhood he grew up in. He was the victim of a robbery gone bad. I'm still upset that his murder is a cold case. No arrest, trial and no conviction. My family has no closure. He's just gone. And, that makes this whole situation much sadder to me and my family. I, no we, needed him. And, we didn't even get to say goodbye.

I hate that he was taken from me right when we were re-establishing a relationship. I hate that I will never hear him calling me "Yo! Kenda Raps" or singing to me on my birthday. The fact that he will never walk me down the aisle or meet my future kids bothers me. I want to believe that being a grandfather would have agreed with him. That it would have made him mature. I think he would've gotten a kick out of being called Papaw. He missed out on graduations, birthdays, births, weddings, and just random family gatherings. His presence is clearly and noticeably missing from the family.

I miss the most simple things about him. His laughter was always deep and rich, as if he felt it deep in his soul. He was a natural comedian. He was well liked and well received every where he went. Everyone knew and loved him. He was just that kind of guy. He was a poet and loved music. I get that from him. Hell, I even miss arguing with him. We did that a lot. We bumped heads because we were both stubborn and headstrong. We were two sides of the same coin. Or as my Mom always said "I was his two bit change." I never expected to lose him so young. I was only 18 and in my second year in college. I remember that day so clearly. The phone call that changed my entire life. I was never the same after that. How could I be? None of us were prepared for something so tragic to befall our family. We never thought that it would happen to us. But we were so wrong.

I'm in no way attempting to martyr my Dad. He wasn't perfect. He was gone more than he was in me or my siblings lives. He was more out than in. Truth be told, my Mom played the role of both parents then and still does. But, every child needs their Father. In some ways, we missed out. I'm grateful for my uncles and Godfather though. I had great male influences in my life to pick up the Father slack. I can say I grew up very well rounded.

But, he was my Dad. I hate that I can't pick up the phone to call him, yell at him, anything. He was ours and some punk took him from us. My siblings missed out on so much with him. My baby sister was only 2 when he died. It still makes me so angry. That she will never have what we all had with him. I feel like my siblings more than I were robbed of knowing him, growing with him. they were all so young when he was killed. They missed out on so much of him. And, they didn't deserve that.

I try to hold onto my memories of him. Honestly, its getting harder to remember the simplest things. I hate that my memories are slowly slipping away. And, there seems to be nothing that I can do to hang on to them, to him. That makes me so sad. I try not to succumb to this intense emotion. It's easier some days. I'm fighting it today. I just miss him so much, some days more than others. I just hope wherever he is that he's proud of me and knows that I love him.

RIP Kenneth Jerome Hawkins Sr.

Introspective For Life

I'm not perfect. No where near it. None of us are. I have never wanted to get to my definition of perfect anyway. I am complex and intricate and simple all rolled into one. I love me and am still growing. I am the epitome of a work in progress. My complexity can be a bit much. I know this. But I also know that I'm a woman who's worth the wait, the effort and will always be that woman. All of that makes me think of the song from "Dreamgirls," "I am changing. Trying every way I can. I am changing, I'll be better than I am. I'm hoping to work it out and I know that I can." This describes me in this moment.

I'm working on me. Taking the time to watch the information I take in. I'm eliminating a lot of reality tv as well as the entire genre of urban lit books. I'm getting into motivational literature. I feel like that genre will be more beneficial to my life. I'm still reading the Bible. This also helps with the exploration of my spirituality. I'm intrigued by so many spiritual and religious aspects of life. This def falls in line with my intense thirst for knowledge. I crave it because I
need it.

I'm more insightful now. I'm speaking my life into existence. I am careful with my thoughts and my words. I'm trying my best to eliminate curse words. They aren't necessary. Even if they feel good coming put of my mouth when someone deserves to be read. All of these things are a struggle. The immature pieces of me, which are very few, are being weeded out. I think I've been more adult and mature all of my life because of the childhood I had. I was my mom's backup. That girl can no longer reside inside the woman I'm meant to become. So she has to go. And, I am more than ok with that. I need to let go to move towards my future.

I know I think too much. I am very conscious and cautious with my life and the decisions that I make. I've never been very spontaneous or even rowdy. I'm the oldest and that mothering spirit has been a part of me since birth I believe. I've never really let loose or lost control or just simply wilded out. Nor do I want to do any of that. I'm all about forward progression. I'm letting go of all the things in my past that are keeping me from flying. This blog is def me laying my heart on the line. I figure if I write it out, I'll be more accountable. I'm just ready for the next level of things include life. more so than I've ever been before. I just feel like I'm in a good space and so good thing will come to fruition within me. Whatever is for me, is only for me. I'm so ready. I'm uber excited about my future!!

Musical Moment that coincides with this post: Jennifer Hudson "I Am Changing"

Get Into It: Skylar Grey

You may not know her name ...yet. But you definitely know her voice. She is Skylar Grey, a singer/songwriter/producer. She was instrumental in writing all three versions of the Eminem/Rihanna hit "Love The Way You Lie," as well as the guiding voice of Dirty Money's smash hit "I'm Coming Home." I actually prefer the J. Cole/Skylar Grey version of "Coming Home" to the DM one. She is currently featured on Eminem's latest single "I Need A Doctor" which also features Dr. Dre. And, on Lupe Fiasco's "Words I Never Said" which is sure to be a controversial song. I actually liked her demo version of "Love The Way You Lie" more than Rihanna's vocals. She has a great voice. I happen to love singer/songwriters who can do both perfectly. She falls into this category for me. So, here are some of her songs and features. Get into it!!

Valentine's Hangover

It's the day after Valentine's. The love hangover has now begun. The national holiday for lovers and love is officially over. Today in stores, you can find that candy, those roses and cards all on sale for 50% off. The world that was high off love yesterday is returning to normal. What I witnessed yesterday was fairly weird to me. I noticed the oddest trend about my "friends" on Facebook. Facebook, it seems, is full of people who hate Valentine's day. I mean really despise the notion and holiday. I never knew how bitter a day could make a person. I've never given that much weight to the day, regardless of if I was in or out of a relationship. In the aftermath of this epiphany, these same people seem to have a Valentine's Day hangover.

I have had my fair share of awful and disappointing Valentine's Days. The worst being back in 2002. It was like the season of the terrible breakups. I had just gotten some heartbreaking news. My girls wouldn't let me wallow though. My friends and I (minus one) had all just come out of situations. And, none of us were feeling the love this particular V day. So, we decided to boycott it. Valentine's Day 2002 was, in the words of Jay-Z, an "all black everything" sort of affair. We went out and had drinks and enjoyed each other's company. It was a good day because of my friends. At the end of the day, I survived my anti-Valentine's Day.


This picture describes the way I think the anti-Valentine's people on Facebook felt yesterday.


What I do not get is the bitterness. The bitterness that I saw on Facebook that was spewed at people in love or celebrating Vday. It was very disheartening and actually kind of sad. There were also numerous posts attempting to put people on blast about their "love." I read "love should be shown every day of the year" more than once. While I wholeheartedly agree with the statement, the tone and vein it was stated was lost on me. Who are we to judge any one's relationship? That isn't my place or yours. I believe people do indulge heavily in Valentine's day when they are in love. It's their right.

Too many bitter Betty's and Bob's on Facebook for me. I found it rather comical though. I have never been big on boasting about anything about me. Who I am is not defined by what I have or received. Those who need to know anything about me knows it already. Everyone has their own definition of love. We express it and feel it in different ways. Whether you indulge in the utter commercialization of the day or not is definitely a personal choice. But, no one has the right to rain all over someone else's Valentine's Day parade. Love is love. If there is no one in your life to love you on Valentine's Day, love yourself. Trust me, this too shall pass.

It's Valentine's Day!

It's February 14th, Valentine's Day. The day the entire world explodes in shades of red, pink and white. The theme of love is everywhere you love. It's all about hearts and chocolates and gifts and coupledom. It is the quintessential day to celebrate love and lover's. So, with the date in mind, I want to wish everyone who happens to pass by my blog a very happy Valentine's Day. I hope that wherever you are, whomever you are with that you enjoy your day. Love the love. Nothing else really matters. A few of my favorite love songs. Feel free to listen. I think Eros/Cupid would be happy :)

He Loves Me

Earlier today, I was having a conversation with HIM. We were discussing music and who's better. I brought up Jill Scott and Erykah Badu. Conversation ensued. I was reminding of how much I loved Jilly from Philly's "He Loves Me (Lyzel in E Flat)" after he talked about his feelings of the track. This song to me will always personify love. Jilly was deep in it when she wrote and recorded this. It's awesome on her cd but worlds better in concert. We both agreed that Jill was the better vocalist with Erykah being the better innovator. I also added that Jill's concert trumps Erykah everyday of the week. I love both ladies. I support both of their careers. We also decided that the two really cannot be compared outside of the fact that they are both labeled as "neo-soul artists." Anyway, wanted to share such a great love song right before Valentine's Day with you guys. Enjoy!

Get Into It: HTC Evo 4g

The HTC Evo is it. This phone is the best phone I've ever owned. I love it. The Android system is sick. I'm a huge fan of the plethora of apps available. I am especially partial to the Wordfeud app. It's like Scrabble on your cell. I love how easily the Evo can be personalized. Everything about my Evo is uniquely me. The talktime is great. I'm all about Visual VoiceMail. The text messaging app Handset is awesome. I also really love the integration of my contacts through Twitter and Facebook. The HTC Evo is available through Sprint Now Together With Nextel exclusively. It retails for $299.99. Get into it.

What About Your Friends?

Cliques. Groups. Crews. Your friends. I have been thinking a lot about the people I surround myself with. I read this quote "You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” by Jim Rohn. There is nothing better than the people you chose to live your life around. To me, my friends are the family I handpicked. That makes them even more special to me.

In high school, my friends and I were known as the Kandi Krewe. It was me and six of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. We've known each other for years. Three of them are my cousins. These were the girls who would eventually grown into the women who will always have my back. Some I talk to every day. Others, every once in a while. There will never be any other women who could replace these women in my life. They were there through all the good times and bad, all the crazy moments and growing pains. These are my friends.

In college, I met another great group of girls. We were known as 7 Deep. We were all from New Orleans and all loved that beat. We had the best time in undergrad. From really serious to the really silly, all of it was worth the ride. They helped me through the crazy years. All the talks about boys and relationships and classes and life will never be forgotten. The long nights of Oreo cakes and Strawberry Boone's farm in a room with the red light one while listening to music, discussing whatever, waiting on phone calls are classic. That city and school were not ready for that many like minded women to become friends. We were it!

The women who I call my friends have helped me grow into the woman that I am. They have been the backbone to a lot of things in my life. They are the folks who I can call on at any given day. I am thankful for them and having them in my life. We are all made better by the fact that we have each other. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world. Friends are a special part of life. To have a friend, you have to learn how to be a friend. It's just that simple.

Moment of Music

So, I'm in a Jay-Z mood :) Here are some of my favorite tracks by the man!







I LOVE this song because it samples one of my favorite songs from the musical "Oliver!"







"Over my right shoulder, I told you to wipe your eyes. Take your time when you're liking a guy. Cause if he sense your feelings too intense, it's pimp or die!"





"I am your prescription, I'm your physician, I'm your addiction."
"I am so dope like Louboutins with red bottoms. You gotta have em. You glad you got em."

I'm Random. Sue Me!

15 Random Things About Me!


15) I dislike when I cannot remember my dreams.
14) I was born left handed but my Kindergarten teacher forced me to write with my right.
13) Because of #14, I was ambidextrous for many years.
12) I absolutely love mafia movies.
11) I need to get over my fear of heights this year. I hate heights but I love to fly.
10) I wish I was more daring in some life aspects.
09) Sleep is my favorite hobby.
08) Phone calls from people I don't necessarily like annoy me. Like for real.
07) I'm an Amazon.com junkie. But I'm reforming.
06) I need a moment to process sometimes.
05) I'm never embarrassed by my emotions. I just go with how I feel.
04) I'm becoming a fan of the show "Harry's Law" on CBS.
03) I need to read more things this year.
02) I'm a brown skin girl who has really pale legs...no matter how long I'm in the sun. I'm two-toned lol.
01) The older I get, the more I love me. There is nothing like being comfortable in my own skin.

Excuse Me?

Saw this, loved it, had to blog it! For those who don't know, it's a screenshot from Jay-Z's "Excuse Me Miss" (featuring Pharrell) video.

Be You!

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I respectfully disagree. That's not flattery to me. It's just weird and disturbing. I don't copy any one's style. I am uniquely me. I've been thinking about this for a few days now. What is it about a person that makes them wanna emulate another all the time? Really, like who does that? I will never, ever get that.

I really hate when a female friend/acquaintance/ member copies me. I have my own sayings and colloquialisms, my own fashion style and tastes. I like the woman I've crafted myself into. I march to my own beat and drummer. I think outside of the norm and have an ill sense of humor that is an acquired taste. I don't want that kind of flattery. Definitely don't need that sort of attention.



I find it weird and concerning when I notice that behavior. If I see, hear, or read something that distinctly sounds like me, I do a double take especially if I know the person. It's very sad to me that anyone would want to be a second rate version of someone else instead of being a first rate version of themselves. It makes me wonder about their lack of self-esteem and theory upbringing. I think about what was missing in them to make them pretend to be someone else.

It's sad when the woman playing someone else is an adult over the age of 21. But even sadder if the woman is over 30. Any person over 30 should know who they are by now. Or they could possibly spend the rest of their life searching. But this search should not be through someone else. Find your identity. Be yourself. No one else can be you. This behavior is just so odd to me. I was raised to be an individual and a leader. Being a copycat is clearly contradictory to my fundamentals. I could never be that chick. I love being me too much to even consider playing another.

It's really funny because no one can do me the way I do. All of my little things make me distinctly me as yours make you you. I think these copycat's just don't get that. No matter how hard they try, they could never truly be the person they are trying to be. Have you ever encountered such a person? Is this behavior more prevalent in females? Talk to me!

Superbowl Sunday

Today is the day: Superbowl Sunday!! It's the Pittsburgh Steelers versus the Green Bay Packers! I, for one, cannot wait! I am all about the Steelers! I love the game. It's even more exciting for me since my friend is playing for his 3rd ring today. I also live for the great commercials that premiere on Superbowl Sunday. The halftime show has been very boring ever since Janet and Justin's Nipplegate. But, Usher is performing today. So maybe it will be better today. Cannot wait to see Mike Tomlin's team get their win and trophy today. #STEELNATION

Just A Kid At Heart

I'm a huge believer in the old adage that "you're only as old as you feel." And, with that said, I am 31 years young. I think that adults forget that a little kid still lives in their heart. We sometimes forget to enjoy life. We can all just be kids at heart.

There have been times when I will just color or paint just to ease my mind. It reminds me of simpler times from my youth. I miss those carefree days. Back then, I had no clue how easy breezy my life was. I love to play games with my nieces and nephews. That will def keep anyone young. I love to are their faces light up when they win. That image warms my heart.

Take today for instance: we're watching "Happy Feet." Two adults with no children in sight enjoying the hell out of an animated movie. This movie makes me happy. I love the musical aspect of it and the general storyline. I am not ashamed to say that cartoons still make me smile. But, I like old school cartoons like Smurfs, Tom and Jerry, Strawberry Shortcake, and the like. You can keep these new age cartoons. For the most part, they are weird and silly to me.

We should all take the time to enjoy our lives. Life is filled with so much stress and drama. Why not find some simple way to enjoy it? I don't ever want stop laughing at the silly things. There is nothing wrong with that. We tend to take things much too seriously in life. I bet that an afternoon of cartoon watching would help you de-stress. I know it did for me today. Are you just a child at heart? Talk to me.

Winter Weather Woes

I do not like the cold. Never have. Winter is not necessarily my favorite season of the year. This taste of winter that we are experiencing now is for the birds. Thankfully, we haven't gotten hit with snow. Instead, we are dealing with dropping temperatures, insane winds, and freezing rain/sleet. Honestly, i have no room to really complain when other parts of the country are blanketed in snow. It's just that me and my allergies are not happy right now. I hate the cold because I hate being sick. The weather drops almost always means that my sinus/allergy issue will be affected. I can never really get warm enough. That chill stays with me for a long time. I hate being out in it. The only good thing is that the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this year. That supposedly means that the winter will be short. I really hope so.But really, I'm just in a mood. The weather sometimes affects me like that. Don't mind me, I'm just ranting here. Anyway, I'm looking forward to warmer weather in the spring. Wishful thinking for the moment. *le sigh* Hello to you too, February.

Yeah, I Said It: My Unpopular Opinion

Today is February 1st. It is officially Black History Month. Herein lies my dilemma. I am clearly a Black woman. I love my race, my people, and my culture. I've never dreamed of being another race. The older I become, the more disillusioned I become with the entire idea of Black History Month. Yeah, I said it. This may be not very politically correct but it is my opinion. Every day, we are Black people. Every day, we as Black people, make history. Our stories and accomplishments deserve praise all the time. I get the reason why it was established. I just don't think that reason still holds up.

I think that all kids should learn all history all the time. I attended a predominantly white high school. All of the Black history that I learned was all self taught. My school wasn't big on Black history. I mean even during the month of February the information I received was minimal and repetitive at best. It's as if the school board didn't know that there were other Black history makers outside of Martin and Malcolm. That there were more stories other than that of Medgar Evers and Emmett Till. All Black people weren't Black Panthers or refusing to move on buses like Rosa. We are more than these few retold stories. I am not downplaying any of these people. Their stories are important too. They are not the only stories that need to be told. We desire more than that.



Furthermore, Black history is American history. It is all of our history. It's our past. We deserve to know it all. The children need access to all of our history. We owe them that much. My nephews and nieces are all under 7, but I tell them things about our history because knowledge is definitely key. We need to know. My thirst for knowledge is insatiable. I plan to pass that thirst on to them as well as my own kids whenever I have them. We cannot move froward if we never study what out ancestors did in the pass. That is evident.

We cannot pretend that race relations in the U.S. aren't still a big issue. People who ask the ridiculous question of "Why isn't there a white history month?" and "Isn't that reverse racism?" all can take a seat. There is white history month. It's called every day of the year. Black History should be treated as such. It should be taught all throughout the year in schools. Because people who do not know from which they came are bound to repeat it. I love being a proud Black woman. Extremely proud of my history. What are your takes on Black History Month?



"Make Black History every day, I don't need a month." - Kanye West