The Scenario: Facebook Status

*STATUS JACKED* Females, lets be clear....and REAL....a man isn't cheating with you because you are so good at being the other woman....he's cheating with you because you aren't good enough to be THE woman. I laugh at women that brag about being the "go to" woman when the man gets bored at home, & you try to put down a submissive woman for being who God designed her to be. Learn what submission really means. A submissive woman is far from weak, because a true submissive woman knows how to carry the load for him and her both without him even having to know it. She knows how to speak to his spirit & not his lusts. She knows how to push him to his dreams instead of pulling him to destruction. She knows how to pray with him and not play with him. She knows how to be quiet even when her flesh wants to speak. She knows the value of his hard work & not just his dollar. A submissive woman is his "LIFETIME" but you are just a "GOOD TIME"...and that's all you will ever be. He knows that he can throw a few dollars & material possessions your way & that's all you will ever expect. The other woman makes it easy for a man, the submissive woman makes it easy for herself by making him EARN & not buy her. You are the O.T.H.E.R. woman...an Overplayed Toy He Eventually Releases.....#YOUAREOFFICIALLY RELEASED

The above is a Facebook status that has popped up over my timeline for about a week now. It is, in my opinion, one of the stupidest things I've seen on Facebook. And, I have seen some foolish things on that site. When I first read this, I thought to myself "How ridiculous is this?" I didn't give it another thought...until 2 days later, when this same status popped up again and again. Now, I am not a married woman but I have common sense. I am also a woman who's been cheated on and I grew up in a house where my Father cheated. So, I think I have a really good grasp of the situation from a few standpoints. My conclusion is that the "wife" who proclaimed the above is a sad woman. That's all I was thinking while reading it.

In an attempt to put "the other woman" in her place, "the wife" exposes her insecurities and what's going on in her marriage. I do not condone cheating ever. But, as a woman, I do not fall in line with the thought that addressing the other woman fixes the problem. If my husband was cheating on me, he is who I will address. He is the one who violated our vows. He is the only guilty party in my mind since he is the one I married. The status above spends a lot of time trying to talk down to the other woman instead of facing the real issue. The real issue is her husband cheated. For whatever reason, he decided to step outside of the marriage. Everything about that status irks me. There is nothing noble, good or right about being a man's #1 woman, especially if there are other women in his life, standing in line behind you. I have to be the ONLY woman in a man's life. I do not play well with others when it comes to my relationship. I'm not into sharing a man.

My response: There is so much wrong with this post. This is a woman's insane attempt at "reading" her HUSBAND's side chick. The problem is that her husband is cheating on her. No matter how wrong the other woman is (and yes she is dead wrong) the person she should be handling is her husband, you know the guy who made vows to her. This does not make the wife look good. It makes all parties involved look stupid.

If the other woman is nothing more than a play thing, then why did this woman feel the need to post this? I would never put my intimate business on Facebook and I cannot understand those that do. What good would that do? What really bothers me about this is the way it spread like wildfire. There were women and men alike were posting this like it was the golden gospel. I was literally speechless at this. I mean, these are intelligent people. And, most of them agreed with this nonsense. I could not be quiet about it. It was stupid and I surely said so. Marriages are between two people. If one of them decides to bring a 3rd in, that is an issue that a husband and wife need to work out. It is not fodder for a social network. It's not something that everyone needs to discuss. Private things need to be kept private. We have become a community of people who are living our private lives publicly. This is a sad state of affairs. I know waaaaayyy too much about certain people. I do not like this. Bottom line, it is never a good idea to invite others opinions into your relationship in any capacity. We, as a whole, need to get back to the days of keeping our private lives private.

Get Into It: BGB

I joined a unique group on Facebook today. That group is "Black Girls Blogging." It is a community of Black women bloggers. A place to congregate, share ideas and expose our blogs to others. I've spent the last hour just reading the posts on the page. It's gotten me excited again. I know how much I enjoy writing & blogging. But, it can be easy to become complacent in my ideas. So far this year, I've been able to stick to my pledge of blogging everyday. It has not always been easy. I can't wait to see if this new community inspires me more and sparks more ideas within me.

I'm excited to get to know other bloggers and visit their blogs as well. I love to read as much as I love to write. So, this can only be a win/win right? I'm thankful for the twitter retweet that brought this group to my attention. Inspiration is something that I'm constantly looking for as well as constantly need. It's like air to a writer, to any artist who cares about their craft. So, this post is for any other Black Girls Blogging who happen to read this. If you're on Facebook, this group is worth checking out. I hope we can all get the most out of it while enjoying the company.

Social Networks = Cheaters Paradise??

Social networks are supposed to be all fun and light. Somehow people missed that message. There are people who are letting Facebook and Twitter ruin their lives and relationships. Seriously? How dumb is that? A cheater is going to cheat. This is a fact. Social networks may have opened up a new avenue for them to explore. But you have to know that this was already in that person. I like social networks. I like interacting with and meeting new people.

There is nothing I've said on any social network that I wouldn't say in real life. Also I'm not ashamed of anything I've facebooked or tweeted. I have no problem with my significant other seeing any of it. I'm unapologetically me all the time. I'm a flirt. This is a known fact. But, when I'm in a relationship, I know when to pull back. I know what is appropriate and what isn't. There has to be a level of respect for oneself and their significant others. That is the most basic rule. If that is lacking, there will be nothing good that can happen. That goes for social networks as well as in real life.

My Facebook postings and/or tweets will not be a factor in my relationship. Neither will his. I respect him way too much for that. I think that the people who let social networks come in between their relationships were already on their way out of them. Facebook was just an easy out. If you're dating someone who has cheated on you before then you already know what you're gonna get. If you stay, aren't you getting what you asked for? I do not condone cheating (physical or emotional).



But, I also feel like cheating on your s/o with someone off of a social network is beyond low. Its despicable in my book. And the fallout is always horrible. To see a couple breakup via Facebook is awful because, they will spill all the beans. Now all of your friends know all of your business. That is never a good look. In the last year, I have seen this scene play out one too many times. I'm actually ashamed that I know these adults involved. People need to do better.

Social networks are a great way to reconnect with old friends and make new acquaintances. They are not there for folks to hook up and cheat. You have to be a special kind of person to fall into that category. I think its sad that something so awesome has been dragged into the mud with unscrupulous cheating people. Cheaters are just bad people who will have bad karma attached to them.

Simplifying My So Called (Internet) Life

De-cluttering my e-life has been an adventure. I would not unfriend or unfollow people because I didn't want them to get angry at me. Clearly, I am over that. I have to look out for me. In an effort to do this, I have to let go off some people. For the second time in less than six months, I had to unfriend a huge chunk of folks on Facebook. The reason was simple. I cannot deal with the daily drama and absurdness that grown people post.

More than 75% of my friends on Facebook, are in my age group. One would think that the topic of conversations would be on an adult level. One would be sadly mistaken. I have read some of the most ridiculous status updates ever since rejoining Facebook almost 2 years ago. I guess I was under the impression that every one grows up eventually. I was dead wrong. Some of my high school friends are seemingly still stuck in high school mentally.

I should not nor do I want to know a friend's every move, thought, or action via Facebook. Especially if they have to do with matters of the heart. The friend who's relationship status changes every few hours. Or the one who loves/hates their significant other all day on Facebook. I cannot take the headache that their words bring. So I elected to click the "unfriend" option. May be nothing to someone else, but it has been too much for me. There was also a lot of negativity that was seeping through the screen as I read some of the statuses. I wanted no part of it. I don't need it around me. So, I simply bowed out.

The crazy thing is I know that I will get friend request from these folks again. I will not bend like I did the first time. I will just hit ignore and keep my Facebook experience positive and light. I love that it reconnects me to my former classmates. That is the great thing about it. I will continue to streamline my list if anyone falls into the above mentioned category. I am sure that Facebook will now return to the great place it was when I first joined. I am the commander of my own page. I will conduct myself accordingly.

Valentine's Hangover

It's the day after Valentine's. The love hangover has now begun. The national holiday for lovers and love is officially over. Today in stores, you can find that candy, those roses and cards all on sale for 50% off. The world that was high off love yesterday is returning to normal. What I witnessed yesterday was fairly weird to me. I noticed the oddest trend about my "friends" on Facebook. Facebook, it seems, is full of people who hate Valentine's day. I mean really despise the notion and holiday. I never knew how bitter a day could make a person. I've never given that much weight to the day, regardless of if I was in or out of a relationship. In the aftermath of this epiphany, these same people seem to have a Valentine's Day hangover.

I have had my fair share of awful and disappointing Valentine's Days. The worst being back in 2002. It was like the season of the terrible breakups. I had just gotten some heartbreaking news. My girls wouldn't let me wallow though. My friends and I (minus one) had all just come out of situations. And, none of us were feeling the love this particular V day. So, we decided to boycott it. Valentine's Day 2002 was, in the words of Jay-Z, an "all black everything" sort of affair. We went out and had drinks and enjoyed each other's company. It was a good day because of my friends. At the end of the day, I survived my anti-Valentine's Day.


This picture describes the way I think the anti-Valentine's people on Facebook felt yesterday.


What I do not get is the bitterness. The bitterness that I saw on Facebook that was spewed at people in love or celebrating Vday. It was very disheartening and actually kind of sad. There were also numerous posts attempting to put people on blast about their "love." I read "love should be shown every day of the year" more than once. While I wholeheartedly agree with the statement, the tone and vein it was stated was lost on me. Who are we to judge any one's relationship? That isn't my place or yours. I believe people do indulge heavily in Valentine's day when they are in love. It's their right.

Too many bitter Betty's and Bob's on Facebook for me. I found it rather comical though. I have never been big on boasting about anything about me. Who I am is not defined by what I have or received. Those who need to know anything about me knows it already. Everyone has their own definition of love. We express it and feel it in different ways. Whether you indulge in the utter commercialization of the day or not is definitely a personal choice. But, no one has the right to rain all over someone else's Valentine's Day parade. Love is love. If there is no one in your life to love you on Valentine's Day, love yourself. Trust me, this too shall pass.