I feel like I've been talking about and obsessing over my hair a lot lately. I think this comes with the territory. I am at the four month post relaxer mark. I'm not happy with my hair. It's taking so much time to get my hair to do what I want it to. It's been a hectic journey. I am just at the growing out stage. I have been doing it all myself. I want the satisfaction of conquering my hair myself. I do not know what my hairs natural texture is just yet. But I'm still excited about finding out what it is.
I'm almost to the point of needing a transition hairstyles. I'm leaning heavily towards getting twists. I've never been a huge fan of weaves and I've never worn a wig. So twists seem like a good way to go. I'm now on the hunt for a good stylist to get this done. I know that a transition style will take some of the stress off of me. Weaning myself off of the creamy crack has not been easy. Just last week, I wanted to go get a relaxer and throw it in my head. It was just a fleeting feeling but it did happen. I'm so used to my hair looking, feeling a certain way. And now it doesn't. So change can be hard to accept.
This is hard. But I'm committed to it. I want to see it through for myself and for my future daughters. I know going natural is the in thing right now. But that is the furthest thing from my mind. My hair wasn't growing. It wasn't as healthy as it once was. I want to get it back to there. I'm going to do my best to do it. I have read some product reviews and al excited to try some new things. Especially the Jamaican Black Castor Oil. Things are progressing slowly on the growth front. That's the most annoying part so far. I know things will move when they should. My hair is a work in progress. I'm just dealing with it. This natural hair journey is on it's way.
Weight. It's a topic often discussed and debated amongst women. We stress over it a lot. Being too thin or too fat is something people struggle with. It's an ongoing battle between ones inner and outer selves. The labels can be hurtful as well. No one wants to be called "fat" or "a big girl" because connotations are all super negative. It's a tense and touchy subject that I wanna jump into.
In general, I'm very happy with myself. I love, love, love my legs, breasts, eyes, and my smile. They are my favorite parts of me. I do, however, think there are things I can improve on. I still want to get a breast reduction. And, I have every intention of doing so. It's the only cosmetic surgery that I would ever go for. Every thing else I will work for. If I'm happy with me, then the people who love nothing should be as well. I just want to be toner in some areas. That's my ultimate goal right now.
Herein lies my problem. I'm intimidated by the gym. I'm not motivated in any way. I've changed my eating habits for the better. I've eliminated sodas, fast food and cut back on other things. I'm exercising portion control. I think sweets will always be a weak spot for me. I'm taking baby steps to get there on my own terms. No one can be my motivation but me. So that is what I plan on doing. Just gonna get myself moving in the right direction. Healthy is not a size. I'm just trying to get to there.
Weight woes have not been a determining factor in my life since then. I decided that I loved me at any weight. My concern now is being over 30 and being healthy. When and if weight loss occurs, it will be fine. I got caught up for a while in what others though of me and my body. I let it affect me deeply for a while. I starved myself because of a family members words. I'm thankful for my Mom for pulling her 14 year old daughter out of a downward spiral. I decided then and there to never let anyone determine my worth. Whatever I weigh, I'm worth it. If you love me, you love me. I just wanna be healthy and live my life. So this is the journey I'm on.
I do not like the cold. Never have. Winter is not necessarily my favorite season of the year. This taste of winter that we are experiencing now is for the birds. Thankfully, we haven't gotten hit with snow. Instead, we are dealing with dropping temperatures, insane winds, and freezing rain/sleet. Honestly, i have no room to really complain when other parts of the country are blanketed in snow. It's just that me and my allergies are not happy right now. I hate the cold because I hate being sick. The weather drops almost always means that my sinus/allergy issue will be affected. I can never really get warm enough. That chill stays with me for a long time. I hate being out in it. The only good thing is that the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this year. That supposedly means that the winter will be short. I really hope so.But really, I'm just in a mood. The weather sometimes affects me like that. Don't mind me, I'm just ranting here. Anyway, I'm looking forward to warmer weather in the spring. Wishful thinking for the moment. *le sigh* Hello to you too, February.
