Right Side Vs. Left Side of the Brain

I had a epiphany tonight. While watching one of my favorite shows SATC, Carrie Bradshaw wrote "It’s a pretty common belief that women tend to use the left, more emotional side of their brain, and men the right, more logical side. But is it really that cut and dry? It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart, there’s a battle between what we know and what we feel. So, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation that leaps back and forth between the left and right side?” That made me think about the fundamental differences between women and men and the way we approach and handle things. I'm not here to claim that women are superior to men or vice versa. We're just different. We see things slightly differently and react to them that way. I do not fall into the category of believing that women are from venus and men are from mars. We have a lot in common but there are differences.

I can be very emotional. I also know how to control how much of that I show to people. I've been in a plethora of situations where I've wondered how could the man involved not see what I see. Or how could he not know how pissed I was. Even if I did not verbally admit it, everything about my demeanor screamed anger. I get quiet, my body is tense, arms crossed, I would be literally radiating heat from my body. Yet, he would look so bewildered when I would say I was mad. I'm not on to hold my tongue when I'm mad. I like to express myself fully. Men on the other hand are not like that. It's like pulling teeth to get to the root of a problem. They are generally never too forthcoming about feelings and emotions. Even when talking to my brother, I know I have to ask a very specific question to get anything out of him. It's draining.

Women are usually talkative. We like to share. We're expressive and emotional. We feel deeply. And we're used to discussing it with our girls. Men aren't usually like that. Yes, they can and will open up about certain things. But, I do not believe that they will ever be as quick to share as women are. It's taken me a long time to understand that fundamental difference between men and women. I've learned what questions to ask or not ask. I pay attention to the nonverbal communication as well. And, I know that sometimes the talker needs to just be the listener. It's easier to hear what the man is feeling that way. What do you guys think?

Ladies Love Lyrics: Beyonce "I Miss You"

This is one of the tracks on "4" that I absolutely love. It's just about missing someone you love. We can all identify with that sentiment. The lyrics move me. The beat has an old school feel to it. It's a very melancholy to me. It just makes me feel all nostalgic. Maybe even a little sad. But I love it anyway. Hope you do too.
This song has been on repeat for a while. It fits my current mood. Enjoy.


I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you... around

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you,
but you're away
Said I miss you,
missing you insane
But if I got with you,
could it feel the same?

Words don't ever seem to come up right
But I still mean them,
Why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to,
Why is that?

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you,
but you're away
I said I miss you,
missing you insane
But if I got with you,
could it feel the same?

It don't matter who you are
It's so simple, I feel it
But it's everything no matter who you love
It is so simple, I feel it
But it's everything....

Get Into It : Beyonce' "4"

I have to preface this post by saying I'm a Beyonce fan. I can't deny that. I preordered her new cd "4" well over a month ago. I was excited to hear new music from her. I only mildly liked her first single "Who Run The World (Girls)" which didn't surprise me. I've never liked a Beyonce first single the first few times I've heard it. But, her cd's are always a complete experience. I define a great cd by one simple fact: if I can listen to it straight through. That's a rare feat in the music industry today. "4" did not disappoint!

Beyonce simply singing a love song is a wonderful thing. She does just that on a few songs. They are some of my favorite tracks on the cd. "Rather Die Young," "1+1," "End Of Time," "Start Over," and "Love On Top" are all sweet odes to different levels of love. In "Rather Die Young," she sings about loving a man so deeply that she wouldn't want to live without him. The lyrics are touching to me. "End Of Time" and "Love On Top" are more mid-tempo love songs. I liked that the sound and feel of these two particular love songs are different than normal ones. Each love song takes the listener on a journey. Anyone who's ever been in love can relate to these songs.

She also dives into some heartbreak songs. "I Care" is the epitome of loving someone who doesn't love you back. The lyrics are so relatable. It's a really raw song to me. "I Miss You" sounds more like her love isn't too far away. But it could also be interpreted as a song about what one feels after a breakup. "Best Things I Never Had" is the ultimate middle finger to an ex song. It's brash and in your face. She sings "thank God you blew it, thank God I dodged a bullet." If those lyrics don't hurt like hell, you might need to check your pulse. Beyonce does know how to give women an empowerment song though. I mean "Irreplaceable," "Independent Women," and "Single Ladies" are all testaments of that.

There are also some party/club tracks as well. "Party" featuring Andre 3000 is the ultimate summer jam. I've loved it since the first time I heard it a few weeks ago. The music is the perfect fit to the lyrics. Beyonce's voice is golden on this track as is the 16 by 3Stacks. The only weak note on the whole song is Kanye rapping about "swagu." I love Ye but no sir. "Countdown" is another love song but its more suited to the party scene. The chorus is cute and very catchy. I'm sure it will get a lot of play.

The pinnacle song on "4" is the Diane Warren penned "I Was Here." This is huge song. Beyonce belts it out too. She does not over-sing it. Her voice and tone are so on point. The lyrics are deep. I love this track so much. The last track is "Who Run The World (Girls)" I'm honestly glad that this song is last. It does not fit in with the rest of the tracks in my opinion. It's high tempo where the rest of the cd is mellow. I liked the video and loved her Billboard performance so much. They both made me like the song more.

Lucky me, my copy of this cd showed up a day early. I was uber excited about that. I really enjoyed every track on the cd. I will be playing it at loud levels for a while. It's just feel good music from an artist that can actually sing and dance and perform. Beyonce's a true artist and she will always get my $$ when she's dropping new music. I just always know beforehand that I'm going to enjoy it and that it will be good. Get into it: Beyonce "4"

A Little Look Inside

I am an avid blog reader. I read a ton of random blogs. It's one of the reasons why I was inspired to start my own blog. Well, that and the fact that I'm a writer. I like to see what others are blogging about and different bloggers styles. I'm just curious by nature. I'm very sleepy so this will be very short and sweet. I'm still trying to stick to my writing promise. In the last week, I've read three different boots where the author's took time to explain how they named their blog. I thought this was a very interesting get to know me moment. So I thought that I'd follow suit.

The name "In Between Thoughts" means a lot to me. It isn't the first name of my blog. But it will def be the last. I am a thinker and worrier by nature. I am almost always in my head. My thoughts are always running rampant. So when I do with down to create, the things that spill out of me are my in between thoughts. I say this because I am always on to the next thought. In my head, things move a lot faster than they do in actuality. I decided that it would be a great name because it described my process accurately. It is the Katch Kenda way. So this is the story as to how my blog was dubbed "In Between Thoughts." Thought you guys would like that tiny morsel of trivia. Keep reading people!

How To Deal

When things are at their lowest, what do you do to cope? What methods are useful to you? I think that everyone has their one tried and true way to deal with things. Some get angry, some get silent and reflective while some cry. There are those who throw themselves into work or a project so they won't have to deal with things. Others let the issue consume their entire being or isolated themselves from the world. I can't say that any of these are better than the other. Or even if any of them are healthy. We're humans. We find some way to creatively deal with our stuff.

Over the years, my coping mechanisms have changed. I used to be the girl who threw herself into anything else to avoid feeling that pain. I didn't want to face things that would hurt and ultimately change me. I saw so much at such a young age that I internalized my pain. Hell, I still do that. It's a very hard habit to break. I was the oldest and the strong one so breaking wasn't an option. I dealt through writing in my journal and my poetry. As a teenager, that helped me tremendously. It was my way through it all. I'm thankful for that.

Now I know internalizing isn't the healthiest option. But I also know for me it's the easiest. I hate to burden anyone with my stuff. I don't like to ask for help. Handling my issues is a personal thing for me. When I get truly overwhelmed, there are a couple of people I can talk to. I try not to let life consume. I try my best to stay above the fray. Some days are much easier than others. But life is all about forward progression right? That's the only direction. How do you cope? Tell me about it.

Celebrating Greatness

Today is the anniversary of two totally different things. 15 years ago, my favorite rapper Jay-Z released his debut cd "Reasonable Doubt." And, two years ago, the world lost the musical genius that was Michael Jackson. I distinctly remember both days. Jay's release made me a lifelong fan. Michael's death affected me in an odd way. I just couldn't believe that he was gone, especially given the way he died.

My absolute favorite MJ album is "Off The Wall." In my opinion, OTW totally trumps "Thriller." It is the most complete and cohesive album. I love it from beginning to end. It's superior to "Thriller" musically, lyrically, and conception wise. I think that it shows MJ and Quincy Jones at their best. One of my favorite songs by him is "I Can't Help It." Michael was the gift that my Mom passed on to me. He was her favorite child star. The first concert she ever attended was a Jackson 5. And, many years later, my first concert was that of another wildly popular boy band New Edition. I'm not one to get into all of the controversy that surrounded him. That is not important. He was a gift to music. He is missed.





"Reasonable Doubt" is a classic cd. I've owned no less than 3 copies of it. Jay-Z's flow and lyrical wordplay captivated me from my first listen. After Tupac's death, I wasn't necessarily moved by anyone. Until I discovered Jay's "Reasonable Doubt." It's hard to believe that it's been 15 years. I have a bunch of favorites on this cd. Granted, I knew nothing of the Marcy Projects or New York street life, but I felt him. There was something so sincere in his voice and delivery. Jay painted a picture with his words. I could see his story. I could feel his pain. This creates always brings me back. I still love it. I own every Jay cd but this one will always be special to me. Here are two of my favorite songs off of RD.

Summer Time

It's officially summer now. Although it's felt that way for almost two months here already. The New Orleans heat and humidity are crucial. There is just something about the hot weather and long days that does something to me. Summer time always reminds me of my childhood. All the fun my cousins, siblings and friends would have. As kids, we lived for those long hot summer days and hazy summer nights. It was our favorite time of the year. Although summer isn't my favorite season of the year, it will always hold a dear spot in my heart. As I think about all of that and get caught up in memory lane, certain songs are on a constant loop. These songs are like the soundtrack to my adolescent years. So in honor of finally being summer, I thought I would share some of that soundtrack with the world.

Dear Diary (III)

This has been a weird week. I've been all over the place emotionally. I've tried to write but everything I came up with was crap. Or it was to me. I misplaced my happy this week. I withdrew from the matrix that is the internet. I simply logged off. I did not tweet, refused to tumble, and blogging was a no go. I ignored phone calls, emails, and texts. In a way, I took a perpetual timeout. I couldn't function. Did not want to deal. So I didn't. I avoided the people who knew me best so I didn't have to own up to my mood. On all fronts, this week was a big fat epic fail.

It's just been a very long week. I'm tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have been sleep deprived. I'm just over it. I also gave up on the whole grin and bear it routine. I sat in my living room with the tv off and read. When the tv was on, I was oddly obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial. I attempted to write many times. It always ended up in the same arena. Writing has been the last thing on my mind. Probably because I know that my heart is in my writing. When I'm happy or sad or confused it always shows in my words. It's the gift and the curse. I've avoided writing for this reason alone. I don't even know if this makes sense.

I am realizing some truths about myself that I'm not too happy about. I need to work on my reactions to things. I like to think I'm nonchalant about things. But, the reality is I take things super personal. People hurt my feelings. For the most part, I'm able to hide it from the world. But, when I'm home, it breaks me. I found myself crying on the bathroom floor twice this week. Broken slightly. I had a moment, it lasted almost a week. I'm better now. Not completely fixed but I'm working on it. Now, if I could just fall asleep at a decent hour and sleep the whole night through, I'd be golden. Anyway, this was my hyper emotional, super reflective, uber weird week. I was not prepared for it. I did not enjoy it. As a matter of fact, I hated it. Everything happens for a reason right? I'm patiently awaiting the why of it, Diary.

Happy Father's Day

For years, this day has not meant much to me. My Dad has been gone for almost 13 years. But, I've realized that instead of being sad about that, I should celebrate the great men who are fathers in my life. I know some wonderful fathers who deserve all the praise they get. My brother is an awesome father of four. He is exceptional with his kids. Seeing him with my niece and nephews warm my heart. I feel proud because I helped raise him. My friends Mike, Charles, and Dom also fall into this category. I've watched them all grow from young boys to grown men. I also would like to wish a very happy Father's Day to one of the best father's I know, Kristopher. I just want to take a moment to shine a light on the great fathers I know. So Happy Father's Day to all those I mentioned as well as all the rest that I know. So please enjoy your day, Father's!!

Ladies Love Lyrics: Jill Scott "Hear My Call"

Ms. Jilly from Philly is back. Her new cd "The Light of the Sun" was just released this week. It's great, feel good music. It's the Jill that I know and love. I cannot wait to see her perform this material. I'm not sold on her first single. But, her second single "So In Love" featuring Anthony Hamilton is a hit to me. These standout track to me is "Hear My Call." It is so raw and real. I feel it deep in my soul. Jill is sanging on here. I love it. It will definitely get a lot of play this summer. Below are the lyrics and YouTube of my favorite track on the cd. The lyrics pulled me in. Get Into Ms. Jill Scott!

Here I am again asking questions.
Waiting to be moved.
I am so unsure of my perception.
What I thought I knew I don't seem to.
Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in?
Back to the old me and

[Chorus] God, please hear my call.
I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw.
I need your healing.
I need your healing.

I've been such a fool
How did I get here?
Played by all the rules.
Then they changed I am but a child to your vision.
Standing in the cold and the rain.
Lost here in the dark, I can't see.
Gotta take a stand, what is happening?
Oh, this hurts so bad.
I can hardly breathe.
I just want to leave so

[Chorus x2]

Oh, You Random Huh?

* My routine has been shaken up this week. Adjusting has been slow going. *le sigh* I still don't like it though.

* Is it possible to miss someone so much that it hurts? Cause I swear I'm there right now :(

* Cold juicy oranges for breakfast have been a staple all week.

* My favorite cousin in the world moved away this week. That makes me sad. I miss her. She's my first friend ever.

* The NBA Finals ended up being more exciting and entertaining than I thought they would be. Still wished Lebron would've gotten his ring. Oh well, I'm still all about my #CELTICS!!!

* Beyonce's "Party," J. Cole's "Work Out," & Drake's "Marvin's Room" are my newest faves.

* I need new things to read. Me & my Kindle need to reconnect.

* I've developed a new found joy of homemade kettle corn popcorn. So very good.

* I've been very good at writing every day. Some days it's easier than others. But I write through it.

* I blogged something the other day that I hardly ever verbalize. I guess it is easier to admit it here than to any one else. It was therapeutic.

* You can't control other people. But I can control how I react. Not spazzing the hell out shows growth on my part. Seriously lol.

* Jay-Z & Kanye West's "Watch The Throne" finally has a release date: 07/04/11!! Yeeesssss!!! I cannot wait! (ETA: Just heard that date is false...super sad about that)

* Random conversations with the people who know me the best are chicken soup for the soul.

* I recently spent waaayyy too much time in Hallmark. Agonizing over picking the correctly worded card. The writer in me was at war with my options. And sadly it was all in vain :( Guess it didn't really matter in the end.

* It's 2:39 am and sleep clearly does not know my name. Insomnia blows!!! And, a worrisome soul isn't helping either.

Feliz Cumpleanos¡

I remember the exact moment when I heard that Tupac had passed. I was in my Mom's car on my way to a game to perform with my Pep Squad. Wild Wayne announced it on Q93. My heart literally stopped. I didn't think he would actually die. This is the same man who was shot two years before five times and lived. I mean, he left the hospital the next day to be wheeled into court. Tupac Amaru Shakur was untouchable in my eyes. He was the first rapper I ever supported. He made me a Hip-Hop fan. My favorite Tupac cd is definitely "All Eyez On Me." There was more to him than a cute face. His voice was full of emotions. His words touched me.

I felt like I knew him. Felt as if Pac was just for me. I bought his cds, saw his movies, and lived for his interviews. He played a huge part in my musical journey. His untimely death affected me deeply. I remember how sad and somber my whole squad was during that game. And how quiet we all were the following Monday in school. Pac was ours. We lost him too soon. Today is his 40th birthday. I often wonder what role he would have had in the current state of music. Wonder about how far he could have gone. I miss his often hypocritical views on things. Just felt like sharing my Tupac memories. Oh and a few of my favorite songs by him.

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY, TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR!! You are definitely missed.

My Friends

So, I finally had a chance to catch up with one of my best friends. We'll call her Roomie. She and I have been friends for about 11 years. We have been there for each other for everything. My conversation with her got me to thinking about real friendships. Friendships can change and grow in many different ways. If you're lucky, you will be blessed with a few. I love the fact that I don't have to speak to them everyday but nothing changes. Conversations flow just as easily as if we spoke everyday. That is a beautiful gift to share with someone. I cherish it.

My friends are amazingly hilarious. They make me laugh, cry, keep me sane and encourage me at every turn. They are the people who know me the best. They've seen me at my lowest and they never turned away. We've been through it all with each other. I love that my friends never judge me. They give me reality and truth no matter what. How many people do you know that will do that? My friendships span 31 years with them. How blessed am I to have them? Sometimes we can get so caught up in our own personal lives that we forget to nurture these friendships. I am guilty of this. There are a few friends that will always check me quickly on this though (Hi Ty and Mike lol). I'm getting better at it.

My friendships are important to me. These wonderful people are my family by choice. That is a great thing. Life is short so why not surround yourself with awesome people? I pray that I'm as good a friend to them as they have been to me. I may not call all the time, but they know I'm good for a text or ten!! I dedicate this blog to Ty, Reese, Chuck, Mike, Niaga, and Shan. I'm so lucky that you guys love me for me. An that you all walked into my life by accident but decided to stay on purpose. I love you. I'm always here for you.

My Poetry Corner VII: "Dream World"

Sometimes I get inspired at the most random times. I don't fight it anymore, I just write. The words started flowing from one single thought. This is just a small piece of poetry. It's a work in progress.

Maybe it's obtainable
It seems within my reach
What I want is that near me
I'm fighting for it
Trying to grab on to it with both hands
It's mine
I can feel it...

Creature of Habit

This will be a short and sweet blog. I am having a random thought and wanted to share. We are all creatures of habit. It doesn't take a long time to develop a routine. I like what I know. The unknown can be a scary thought. I have the same morning and nightly habits and routines. Some times we need to shake up our routines to feel alive. Other times, our routines are shaken up for us. Either way, humans adapt and change. It's who we are.

My nightly routine was shaken up tonight. I was completely unprepared for it. I don't think I realized how dependent on this nightly routine until it was taken away. It also just plays into my being spoiled as well. So as I lay here, I can't help but wonder about my routine. I should be asleep but it's not going to happen any time soon. Until then, I'll write about it.

Habits can be good or bad. I'm sure I have more good habits than bad. Change can be exciting and frightening at the same time. I'm not opposed to change. I welcome it, when I am in charge of it. As a creature of habit, unforeseen changes are hard to accept at first. What are some of your habits or routines?

Spoiled Little La Girl

I admit it. I am spoiled. But I'm not a brat though. I blame my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles for this. I am the first grandchild on my Mom's side. I was spoiled from birth. I basically got away with murder. They let me have my way far too often. They indulged my wants, needs, and desires as a kid. Being spoiled is just a part of my charm. I am who I am because of it.

As an adult, I can honestly say I'm still spoiled. I spoil myself now. I'm not waiting on any one to give me anything. I want what I want when I want it. I know that I'm the person who has to make moves so that can happen. I like to indulge in a few things. I'm never cheap with myself. I love me. And I know that I'm the only person responsible for me. So I take care of me. Being spoiled as a child has influenced me in my adult life. I've been accused of being spoiled on more than one occasion. I like to get my way. I see nothing wrong with that at all. Especially if I'm not waiting around for someone to do it for me.

I was only spoiled to a certain extent. There was never an indulging in things that were deemed overboard. My parents set the foundation for the way I deserved and should be treated. They gave me high standards to live up to and expect from others. I will never be ashamed of that. So yes, I am spoiled. But I am definitely not a brat. How about you? Could spoiling a child ruin the adult they become? How much is too much? I need to know. Let's discuss it all below.

Cinderella Complex

I had an epiphany while watching "Say Yes To The Dress" tonight. For years, I've been oddly addicted to all of these weddings reality shows. I cannot count the hours I've spent watching "Bridezilla," "Four Weddings," and that David Tutera show amongst other shows. What's my intense fascination with the shows? Where does it stem from? My epiphany brought me back to childhood. Disney movies filled with princesses, weddings, and the promise of happily ever after. Barbie dolls who are married to Ken dolls who have it all. From birth it seem that little girls are bombarded with images of matrimony and weddings. But are we sending the girls the right message?

As a little girl, I was a Barbie fanatic. I was enamored with her, Ken and all their accessories. I loved the fairytales of Cinderella, Snow White and Belle. Their stories were so far removed from my reality. But, I wanted what they had, what my parents failed to obtain. As an adult looking back, I don't think I like the fallacy I was fed. All of the fairytales that I loved involved a man saving or coming to the rescue of a woman. This was always followed by a grand wedding and the obligatory "and they lived happily ever after" ending. This portrayal of women comes off as sexist and demeaning. This is what we are feeding our girls.

I had a very interesting conversation with my adorable 4 year old niece Karmen. She came into the house and gave me flowers. She said "Here, Teedy Kenda, these are for you to walk down the aisle with." The look on my face was priceless. I replied "Karmen, what are you talking about?" She said "You know for your wedding and my Daddy is gonna give you away." I was shocked because she's 4. I don't talk to her about weddings and things. But she's a very girly girl. She loves princess stories. Even at the age of 4, she knows about weddings. This is also the same niece who wanted to know why I didn't have a husband because she wants an uncle. Crazy right?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a girl wanting the wedding and happily ever after. Because after years of rejecting anything that resembles that, I've had a complete change of heart on the topic. Maybe it's an age thing or a biological clock issue or maybe I'm finally just listening to my hearts true desires. Either way, I feel like I've come full circle on the subject. I just think we should let them know that they can have the career as well or as another option. Every woman's story doesn't end with a husband, kids, house and a dog. It's 2011 and we can have whatever we want. Hell, according to Beyonce', we run the world :) Fairytales are fine and fun. I prefer the reality of getting my own version of happily ever after.

Public Proposals: Yes or No?

Proposals are a very special thing. This public proposal has gone viral. It is just about the worst response one would like to get. This video has caused me to think about some things. If you are at the marriage level in your relationship, shouldn't you know what the answer would be before hand? I cannot even imagine being proposed to when I wasn't in love. I hate to hurt someone's feelings. But I will not accept a public marriage proposal just to save some man a little bit of embarrassment. Marriage is a big deal. It's so important to me that I only plan on doing it once.

It is clear to me from the look on this woman's face that she was not feeling it. She never once smiled or radiated happiness about the proposal. She didn't seem impressed with being serenaded. And at the 2:50 mark, you can read her lips. She clearly says "You can't fix this like this." To me, that signifies that there are huge cracks in this relationship. A proposal does not wipe out any past indiscretions or past hurts. Her reaction is classic. I remember being at a party where a friend proposef to his girl. Her response was so weird and uncomfortable. After asking us what should she say and asking if the ring was real, she finally said yes. I was so sad for him. I foresaw a life of problems for him. The wedding never happened. None of us were surprised by that. Her response to his public proposal said it all.

This is why couples should discuss something as huge as marriage. I am 100% against a public proposal. I think the moment should only be about him and I. I'm not a flashy, need to be the center of attention, all eyes on me type of chick. I prefer intimacy. I would never be ok with that type of spotlight being cast on me. I'm sure the guy in the video is embarrassed as is the woman. But, he has to know what her response would be. I'm looking forward to my marriage. The proposal, the planning, the wedding and reception are all just stops along the way. What's your take on public proposals? Are they for you? Did you have one or do you want one?

Ooh Na Na, What's My Name?

My very unique, very creative first name has been the bane of my existence. I have a love/hate relationship with my given name. I love that fact that my parents took the time to make up my name. I hate the fact that people have mispronounced it every single day of my life. My father, Kenneth, wanted to name me Yolanda which is my Mom's name. She objected. So, he pondered and came up with "Yokenda."

My name is a combination of my parents name. It's also phonetic. It's pronounced "Yo-ken-da." Three syllables. Seven letters. One crazy name. Easy right? Apparently not. From my first day at school, I realized that my name would be a problem. My Kindergarten teacher called me Yolanda for a week. I told her that was my Mom's name. She called my Mom in for a conference. From then on, I've heard my name massacred by the mouths of people. I've been called "Yocenda, Yokinda, Yokinawa," amongst other things. I've had teachers not even attempt to say my name and just call me Ms. my last name.

It's been a struggle. I went through a period where I hated my name. I would only answer to my middle name. I have never been comfortable with most of the nicknames people have come up with for me. I despise "YoYo." But I have become accustomed to an abbreviated form of my name. Kenda fits me more. It's the part of my name that I've never had a problem with. I had great plans on formally changing my name when I turned 18. My Mom made a huge deal out of it. She thinks I'm trying to cut her out of my name. That's certainly not the case. I'm just Kenda.

My Mom loves my name. Outside of her, my brother Ken, and my Kristopher, no one else calls me by my entire government name. What's funny is that there are people in my adult life who don't even know my name. They only know me as Kenda. One thing I do know is that I would never put my future kids through this. I don't like complicated names. I'm sure I'm biased about it. In the words of Destiny's Child, "say my name, say my name" but make sure you say it right!!

Your name defines you. It's the first thing people know about you. My name shows that I'm obviously one of a kind. For that, I'm forever grateful. My parents were thoughtful when it comes to that. Names are super important. I like that up until recently I've never met anyone with my name. There is a girl on Facebook who has my name but she's much younger than me. I wonder if her parents heard of me before naming her. I'm sure there is a story there that leads back to me. I'd love to hear from my other uniquely named folks. Has a unique name or spelling of your name caused you any stress? Tell me about it. Trust me, I definitely feel your name woes.

Daydreamin'

Daydreams are defined as "a reverie indulged in while awake." The definition is beyond accurate. I have always had a very vivid and active imagination. I was an only child for a while. I was never bored. I would create these elaborate stories and plays and act them out with my dolls and teddy bears. Once I was in school, a teacher told me that I was definitely a right-brained child because of this creativity. I spent a lot of time daydreaming. I was always finished my school work quickly. I used to turn my day dreams into short stories.

Day dreams became a very integral part of my life. Even now, I still find myself caught up in them from time to time. Before the day dreams consisted of whimsical things. I guess one could say that they were childish issues. They were fun and light and happy. As an adult, the focus of these day dreams have shifted greatly in subject matter. The older I get, the more family centric my day dreams have become. I day dream about children, pregnancy, marriage, weddings, houses and vacations. Funny how one's inner desires change so drastically over time.

Sometimes, I can get so caught up in my day dreams. They are what I see in my immediate future. I have to rein in my thoughts. My day dreams are full of reverie. I feel the need to indulge in my day dreams just to see what the outcome will be. I love to day dream. It's the writer in me. It's the one time when being in my head isn't such a negative thing. Just like my dreams, I feel the need to make my day dreams come true as well. I think that is why I love them so much. They give me some insight on my true wants and needs. Excuse me, while I get into my latest day dream!

Confidence Is Key

A person with confidence will own every room they step into. That is a known fact. If you feel great about you and your ability, no one can knock that. It's a wonderful feeling. What's wrong with confidence? Nothing. Confidence is a great character trait to hold. It's the way we feel about ourselves. The manner in which we evaluate our own worth. Confidence can sometimes come off as arrogance or cockiness when used aggressively.

I'm sure about the woman I am. My talents, my strength, and my intelligence all play a role in how confident I am and how I'm perceived. I have to give thanks to my Mom for instilling a great foundation in me. She taught me early that I was beautiful inside and out as well as smart as a whip. I never took those words for granted. I also learned early that even if I wasn't 100% confident in something, I faked it until I was. I wasn't going to allow any thing or any one to stop me.

Confidence is a sexy trait. In a man, I happen to admire their ability to walk that fine line of confidence versus arrogance. Especially if said man is wearing a nice suit and great smile while doing so. Any person who exudes confidence will own any situation they approach. That is a win-win. Confidence is key to success in all areas of life. How confident are you? Are there areas that you aren't as confident in? Tell me all about it.

Ms. Insomniac

I cannot count the number of nights that I have laid awake in bed. Tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling or out the window with sleep no where in sight. Sleep was alluding me once again. Sleep is not my friend. I've had really bad sleeping habits since college. Staying up way too late is normal for me. I can lay in bed for hours and not fall asleep. Sometimes I actually fall asleep at a decent hour only to wake up hourly. I don't really know what the problem could be. Getting a full 8 hours of sleep is a luxury I'm just not afforded. It's become a part of my life these days.

Insomnia is no joke. Not being able to sleep sucks. It's not a good time for me. I am great at functioning on a few hours of sleep now. I'm accustomed to it. This has been going on for almost 15 years now. I do know that it isn't healthy for me. Sleep is a very important factor in life. I don't want to get used to taking a sleeping aid. I'm afraid of developing an addiction. I try to only get in bed when it time to me to go to sleep. I was told to drink some chamomile team before bed as well. I'm open to any and all holistic remedies for sleeplessness. I'm also taking into consideration other aspects of my life that can be affecting my sleeping pattern.

My mind is always so busy at night. It takes me so long to settle down. I'm sure this is why sleep alludes me. I'm sure now that I'm paying more attention to the problem that a solution will be forthcoming. I know sleeping a full 8 hours is possible and obtainable for me. I'm confident that I will get one. I need to sleep more. It will make me a more productive human being. How are you guys sleeping? Any problems? Better yet, send me solutions!!

Worth The Weight

Weight. It's a topic often discussed and debated amongst women. We stress over it a lot. Being too thin or too fat is something people struggle with. It's an ongoing battle between ones inner and outer selves. The labels can be hurtful as well. No one wants to be called "fat" or "a big girl" because connotations are all super negative. It's a tense and touchy subject that I wanna jump into.

In general, I'm very happy with myself. I love, love, love my legs, breasts, eyes, and my smile. They are my favorite parts of me. I do, however, think there are things I can improve on. I still want to get a breast reduction. And, I have every intention of doing so. It's the only cosmetic surgery that I would ever go for. Every thing else I will work for. If I'm happy with me, then the people who love nothing should be as well. I just want to be toner in some areas. That's my ultimate goal right now.



Herein lies my problem. I'm intimidated by the gym. I'm not motivated in any way. I've changed my eating habits for the better. I've eliminated sodas, fast food and cut back on other things. I'm exercising portion control. I think sweets will always be a weak spot for me. I'm taking baby steps to get there on my own terms. No one can be my motivation but me. So that is what I plan on doing. Just gonna get myself moving in the right direction. Healthy is not a size. I'm just trying to get to there.

Weight woes have not been a determining factor in my life since then. I decided that I loved me at any weight. My concern now is being over 30 and being healthy. When and if weight loss occurs, it will be fine. I got caught up for a while in what others though of me and my body. I let it affect me deeply for a while. I starved myself because of a family members words. I'm thankful for my Mom for pulling her 14 year old daughter out of a downward spiral. I decided then and there to never let anyone determine my worth. Whatever I weigh, I'm worth it. If you love me, you love me. I just wanna be healthy and live my life. So this is the journey I'm on.

Simplifying My So Called (Internet) Life

De-cluttering my e-life has been an adventure. I would not unfriend or unfollow people because I didn't want them to get angry at me. Clearly, I am over that. I have to look out for me. In an effort to do this, I have to let go off some people. For the second time in less than six months, I had to unfriend a huge chunk of folks on Facebook. The reason was simple. I cannot deal with the daily drama and absurdness that grown people post.

More than 75% of my friends on Facebook, are in my age group. One would think that the topic of conversations would be on an adult level. One would be sadly mistaken. I have read some of the most ridiculous status updates ever since rejoining Facebook almost 2 years ago. I guess I was under the impression that every one grows up eventually. I was dead wrong. Some of my high school friends are seemingly still stuck in high school mentally.

I should not nor do I want to know a friend's every move, thought, or action via Facebook. Especially if they have to do with matters of the heart. The friend who's relationship status changes every few hours. Or the one who loves/hates their significant other all day on Facebook. I cannot take the headache that their words bring. So I elected to click the "unfriend" option. May be nothing to someone else, but it has been too much for me. There was also a lot of negativity that was seeping through the screen as I read some of the statuses. I wanted no part of it. I don't need it around me. So, I simply bowed out.

The crazy thing is I know that I will get friend request from these folks again. I will not bend like I did the first time. I will just hit ignore and keep my Facebook experience positive and light. I love that it reconnects me to my former classmates. That is the great thing about it. I will continue to streamline my list if anyone falls into the above mentioned category. I am sure that Facebook will now return to the great place it was when I first joined. I am the commander of my own page. I will conduct myself accordingly.

Get Into It: Frank Ocean

Frank Ocean may be a new name to most of you. But, I have a feeling that it won't be for long. Frank Ocean is an up and coming singer-songwriter. He is a artist. He was born in my city of New Orleans, La but now resides in Beverly Hills, Ca. He is also apart of the hip-hop collective OFWGKTA (Odd Future-Wolf Gang-Kill Them All) that is making a lot of noise on the music scene. Frank just finished working on Beyonce's "4" as well. His mixtape "nostalgia, ULTRA" is great to me. I have been playing it consistently since I first downloaded it. I love his voice. I have also found out that Frank Ocean used to go by the name Lonnie Breaux. I found a 64 song mixtape of his previous work. This young man will definitely be a force to reckon with very soon. Below I have posted my favorite tracks off his mixtape. I love the whole thing but these four tracks get the most play with me. Take a listen and get into Frank Ocean!

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

I spotted this picture on my Tumblr earlier. It caught my eye as I read all of the sayings that made up the two entwined hands. Communication is key to every situation and relationship. We all need to talk things out so that our actions and words are not misconstrued. Our conversations are two fold: verbal and non-verbal. All of this factors into every conversation. Sometimes I can say more with a look in my eyes than any words I could come up with. I think that I sometimes get so caught up in my mind formulating my words, sentences, thoughts that my delivery isn't exactly where I want it to be. That is a character flaw that I have been addressing lately.

Conversations warm my heart. I love to talk to my people. The topic doesn't always have to be serious or thought provoking. Sometimes we just clown because we all could use an extra laugh or three. Life can be hard. Words don't have to be. We, as humans, tend to complicate them. Our conversations can save us, restore our spirits, or just make us smile. We live for interaction, validation, acknowledgement. Conversations give us all of this and more. I know that the right words at the right moment from that special someone can make all the difference. They can literally change a bad day into a good one. That's how important that words can be. After seeing the above picture, the below videos came to mind. Let's have a little musical conversation.







"...every time our eyes meet, be talking, talking, talking talking to me. Ain't no need for words to speak..."

Ladies Love Lyrics: Jazmine Sullivan "Excuse Me"

This song moves me deeply. The lyrics and the tone of Jazmine's voice makes me swoon a little. This song is the epitome of a woman realizing she's found all that she's been looking for in the man in her life. Jazmine sings her heart out on this track. Every time I play it, I smile because I get it.


Jazmine Sullivan- Excuse Me Lyrics

Oohhhhh
Give me just a minute, just a second
(I gotta get it off my chest)
Ain’t no competition, when you're in it
(That you know that you're the best)
If I never told you baby
(I really do appreciate it)

Keep on like you doing, and I’ll always be true
Because no one (no one) no no no (no one)
And they make me feel, like I could be dreaming
Cause you can't be real
(And its makes) makes me so happy
(yes it makes) yes it makes me cry

Even though you're looking at me probably thinking
Wow but Ohhhoohh

[Chorus]
Excuse me if I’m sounding crazy
But you’ve been ohh
(what I’ve been hopin’ and waiting for)
I’ve searched all around but there’s nobody else in the world
Love me like you do.


I have never had another man that
(give me what you give to me)
Got me in the kitchen fixin’ dinner
(make me wanna cook and clean)
And just to see you smiling at me
(baby you don’t even have to ask me)
Don't care what the task be if it makes you happy

Could no one (no one) no one (no one) ever make me feel
Like I could be dreaming cause to you can’t be real
(And its makes) makes me so happy
(yes it makes) yes it makes me cry
Even though you're looking at me probably thinking
Wow but Ohhhoohh

[Chorus]

Excuse me if I’m sounding crazy
But you're (what I’ve been hopin’ and waiting for)
I’ve searched all around but there’s nobody else in the world, world, world
Love me like you do.

[Bridge]
Let me explain why I’m acting this way
You're all that I need
(so don’t ever change)
Your, love, takes, me (high) higher (high) higher (high) higher
Ohhhh

[Chorus]