That Age Old Question

There has been a topic that keeps popping up on my Twitter timeline. It's the issue of porn and whether watching it is considered cheating. I find that assessment ri-damn-diculous. There are many answers to what cheating is. Porn never crosses my mind when I think of cheating. I mean, unless dude is cheating with an actual porn star. Other than that, my answer is a resounding "NO!" The conversation on Twitter was interesting because I can tell by the answers which age group people fell in. When you're older, you know more or you should. The ideas I had at 22 are so far removed from the ones I have now at 32. With age comes wisdom.

I don't think my significant other watching porn is cheating. It's just dumb to me to think that. Porn is fantasy. Sometimes the most outlandish things one could imagine sexually. I have no issue with porn. I'm a grown woman and I've watched it from time to time. I have no issue with my man watching it either. It's just porn. Now, my only issue with porn would be if he was addicted to it. Meaning he HAD to watch it all the time, or if he was neglecting me for it. That's an major issue.

Porn, to me, is like an appetizer. It can be used to learn some things or get some things going. It's never a replacement for sex and intimacy. Everyone has to decide for themselves where they stand on the issue. But I do believe that a couple should feel similiarly on it. I do think that if I hated porn and he loved it then it would become a point of discontent. That again goes to the fact that couples should have some things in common. I know it's said that opposites attract. I respectfully disagree. The things that connect people are stronger than the things that don't.

Porn is just another thing in life. Not to sound conceited, but I'll be damned if I get my panties in a bunch behind a chick on the screen. I'm confident enough in myself to know what I'm about. I know he doesn't mind at all that I watch porn. And, clearly I have no issue with him doing the same. But hey, that's just us. Maturity also plays a huge part in this. We're both old enough to know better. As couples, people have to find what works for them. Porn may not be everyone's cup of tea. I know there are certain genres of porn that my eyes refuse to view. I also know which ones I like and which ones he likes as well. As I should since he's mine. Is porn cheating? Or is that going too far?

He Cheats, She Stays. Now What?

A random conversation sparked this blog. The reality is people cheat. I do not condone it at all. Probably because I grew up in it. Unfortunately, there is a cycle I've seen repeated in my family too many times. The cycle isn't specific to my family. The men cheat, the women stay. The men have kids outside of their marriages and the women stay. After all of that hurt and pain, how do they stay? How does one trust their husband after this? I don't know. I can't wrap my head around it. I also think its why I know what I will and won't accept in my relationship.

I'm a monogamous type of woman. I don't have it in me at 32 to maintain multiple relationships. I don't truly believe in divorce. But if my "husband" cheated on me and had a kid as well, there will be nothing or no one who could make me stay. It's not even a pride thing. It's more of a respectable issue. If he couldn't respect me enough to be faithful, what exactly do we have? What would there be to save? I watched my Dad repeat the same cheating cycle that his Dad did. In a way, it's almost liked learned behavior. It was acceptable on some levels when my Dad was growing up. My Mom accepted it for a while with my Dad as well. I just know I can't do it. My heart is not here for that kind of abuse. I'd rather a man leave me. That would hurt but not half as much as finding out he's having an affair would.

My Grandmother's era is one that did not divorce. That just wasn't acceptable. It's just not what people did. If you were married, you worked it out or turned the other cheek. Women in my age group are not as forgiving. I couldn't fathom cheating on my future husband. It's just not in me. I'm not that girl. I have my own morals and rules and regulations. Cheating is never ok for me. That's just my bottom line. If you know me, you know this. It's just who I am.

The Scenario: The Cheating Confessional

Ok, here's the scenario. You are friends with a married couple. You've known one longer than the other. But, you are really good friends with the wife and the husband. You are privy to the fact that the husband is cheating. What do you do?

This scenario was brought up in a conversation last night. It's a conflicting situation. Being friends with both of them complicates things. As a friend to the wife, I feel obligated to tell. Because if I were a wife, I would want to know. I know it would break my heart but I still would want to know. I just feel like cheating where you are married is the ultimate no-no. It's the lowest thing you can do to your mate.

On the reverse side of that, is the fact that me telling could cause me to lose two friendships. There is no guarantee that me exposing this affair would be a good thing in any way. The couple could decide to stay together and not speak to me anymore. It's one of those situations that could fall into the "its not my business" category. It's a very sticky situation.

So as you can see, I never came to a clear cut answer. I think that it's one of those hypothetical situations that I would have to be in to answer. It's very complicated. But I do know that if I was the wife in the situation, I would want to know. Cheating sucks. Those who engage in it are really not good people. I can honestly say that when I was younger I did whatever I wanted to. I did not care about cheating. Thank God I grew up. Wisdom does indeed come with age. What would you guys do? Tell or keep it to yourself? Let's talk about it.

Social Networks = Cheaters Paradise??

Social networks are supposed to be all fun and light. Somehow people missed that message. There are people who are letting Facebook and Twitter ruin their lives and relationships. Seriously? How dumb is that? A cheater is going to cheat. This is a fact. Social networks may have opened up a new avenue for them to explore. But you have to know that this was already in that person. I like social networks. I like interacting with and meeting new people.

There is nothing I've said on any social network that I wouldn't say in real life. Also I'm not ashamed of anything I've facebooked or tweeted. I have no problem with my significant other seeing any of it. I'm unapologetically me all the time. I'm a flirt. This is a known fact. But, when I'm in a relationship, I know when to pull back. I know what is appropriate and what isn't. There has to be a level of respect for oneself and their significant others. That is the most basic rule. If that is lacking, there will be nothing good that can happen. That goes for social networks as well as in real life.

My Facebook postings and/or tweets will not be a factor in my relationship. Neither will his. I respect him way too much for that. I think that the people who let social networks come in between their relationships were already on their way out of them. Facebook was just an easy out. If you're dating someone who has cheated on you before then you already know what you're gonna get. If you stay, aren't you getting what you asked for? I do not condone cheating (physical or emotional).



But, I also feel like cheating on your s/o with someone off of a social network is beyond low. Its despicable in my book. And the fallout is always horrible. To see a couple breakup via Facebook is awful because, they will spill all the beans. Now all of your friends know all of your business. That is never a good look. In the last year, I have seen this scene play out one too many times. I'm actually ashamed that I know these adults involved. People need to do better.

Social networks are a great way to reconnect with old friends and make new acquaintances. They are not there for folks to hook up and cheat. You have to be a special kind of person to fall into that category. I think its sad that something so awesome has been dragged into the mud with unscrupulous cheating people. Cheaters are just bad people who will have bad karma attached to them.