Thursday, January 22, 2015

Not The Right One

Last night I was watching BET's "The Game" while attempting to go to sleep. I wasn't feeling that well. And, while I would normally be all into the show, my mind was elsewhere. So, I was dvr'ing it to watch later. Until I heard Jason Pitts utter the words above. I felt like I had been shot. I sat straight up and had to rewind it because I didn't really know what led to such an honest and hurtful admission. I watched that scene at least three times. Watched as Chardonnay's heart broke and face cracked as her husband said those words to her. How could he?? How do you fall in love with a woman, marry her, plan your future with her, re-propose, give her a big fancy wedding only to humiliate her in front of everyone?? I will never understand the mindframe of a man who is supposedly in love with a woman doing anything to hurt her. Ever. 

But, then I got to thinking about this situation. If you really love someone, you should want the best for them. Even if that means that they aren't with you. I've spent a lot of time thinking since my last breakup about love. I've seriously doubted his love for me on many late nights. I felt as if he didn't love me enough to stay. And, for far too long, that thought killed me. It made me feel less than and not worthy of love because the man I loved left me. The absence of his love filled me with self-doubt. And, honestly, I haven't worked my way totally through it. Even after the breakup, he would (and still does) compliment me and I find it hard to believe him. Hearing that I'm a good woman or a great person or that I'm pretty or sexy or intelligent doesn't have the same appeal as it did before. But, then I had an epiphany. Whatever his reasons for leaving, whether I think they were credible or not, were his own. And, the reality is, he no longer thought I was the right woman for him. In hindsight, I'm thankful for him. Because it could've been worse. We could've been married with kids. This way, I was the only one hurt. I didn't think I would survive but I did. Getting back to "The Game," I hope this heartbreak for Chardonnay leads her to the man she is supposed to spend the rest of her life with. Hell, I hope the same thing for me as well. 

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