Movie Review: "Olympus Has Fallen"

Have you seen the trailers for "Olympus Has Fallen" yet? If not, please check it out. I LOVE free things. So, when the passes to see an early screening of the new film "Olympus Has Fallen" landed in my inbox, I was happy. The trailer for this movie was intriguing to me. So, seeing it early and for free was a no brainer.  The premise of the movie is that the White House is taken over by terrorists and the President is taken hostage. What follows is a one man rescue mission. If you are not a fan of guns, violence and gore, then this is not the movie for you. It is essentially an action film. I LOVED every moment of it. The story line is very believable because anything is possible. The movie is very fast paced and action filled. I was loving it. 

The theater was packed. I loved hearing the reaction of the audience throughout the movie. The promoters gave out these pins (shown below) which I thought was nice. The pin says OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN. Walking out of the theater, everyone was talking about how much they loved the movie. The action was exciting and the acting was great. I did not move the entire 2 hours. What scares me is that this seems totally possible. It makes me question how safe the White House is and how safe our First Family is. This movie stars Gerard Butler, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Dylan McDermott, Angela Bassett, and Cole Hauser to name a few. It premieres March 22, 2013. It is a must see if you like these types of movies. 

Get Into It: Daily Horoscope App

I am not a hard core believer in astrology. I don't pick my friends by their signs. I don't live my life according to the stars. I am well aware of my Sagittarius traits. I do know what signs I don't get along with & the ones I will. Since nothing this year has gone according to my plans, I've started taking my daily horoscopes more seriously. It's been enlightening to have a little insight on the disarray that my life has become. I like to take in the information and use it in my pursuit of happiness. That's what it is to me. An avenue to get me to a better place. Any one who has read my blog lately can tell that I'm not myself, not in the best head space. But, I'm working on it. I'm slowly pulling myself out of this sea I've been in. I'm open to whatever works at this point.

I read my horoscope at night. I do this to see if my horoscope was right. It's kinda crazy how on point it's been for the last few weeks. I have this app called "Daily Horoscope" which sends it to me daily. The pictures are from my horoscope this week. Notice the pink/purple hue they are in. I opted for that. Also, you can check your yearly horoscope, Chinese horoscope, compatibility and druid horoscopes. It's also color customizable and you can set a horoscope reminder. I like all the features. I also read the yearly horoscope of another sign. For reasons. And, it made me ubër sad. Only because I believe it will affect me as well. I've been searching for clarity for weeks now. This app gives me a little of that. If you're curious like I was, I suggest getting into the Daily Horoscope app. It's available for Android and iPhone users. It's also $Free.99 which is always a great thing. What sign are you? Let's talk!

I'm Feeling These Tracks Right Now

These are just a few of the songs that I cannot get out of my head lately. Wanted to share them with you. I've been vibing with them for a few days. Just some feel good music by a few known artists and  a couple of new ones.  Maybe you guys will discover some new artists/songs because of me. Enjoy!!

Chrisette Michele "A Couple of Forevers"

Drake "5AM in Toronto"

Fantasia "Lose To Win"

Jade Alston "I Try"

Lianne La Havas "Elusive"

Alice Smith "The One"

Eric Bellinger & Amber Riley "Never Be Lonely"

Justin Timberlake "Tunnel Vision"

Olivia "Where Do I Go From Here"

New Music: Get Into It

Yesterday was a dope day. I discovered a new artist (Alice Smith) and rediscovered my love for another (Justin Timberlake). Both artist have new projects dropping really soon. Both took to the web to stream "She" and "The 20/20 Experience." I didn't really know what to expect when I sat to listen to either of them. Both blew my mind. Just really feel good music. I can def see myself playing them both constantly. They are just that great to me. Let's discuss. 

Justin Timberlake's "The 20/20 Experience" can be heard on iTunes. I already had high expectations for this project because I am a fan. JT's first 2 albums were awesome and seamless to me. I still listen to them. But. it's been almost 7 years without new music from him. His first single was the infectious "Suit & Tie"which I loved from the first listen. Then, he performed "Pusher Love Girl" at the Grammy's. This was another win in my book. So, listening to the stream today, my ears were so happy. It was musical orgasm. Every song was better than its predecessor. The album is only 10 tracks deep but they are all great picks. I am particularly fond of "Tunnel Vision" (which may be my fave) , "That Girl" and "Blue Ocean Floor." "The 20/20 Experience" drops on Tuesday, March 19th. It is def worth the money and the wait. You guys should def get into Justin's new work.

Alice Smith's "She" can be heard on Fader. I have heard her names for years. I have even liked a song or two from her. But, I wouldn't call myself a fan. Until today. A friend alerted me to her new project "She" today. I headed to Fader's website to listen. I was instantly drawn in by her tone. I really enjoyed the whole cd. I am in love with "The One" because those lyrics are everything. I just really vibed to every track. I did not skip one track. That means something to me. Alice's "She" drops on Tuesday, March 19th as well. So, Tuesday will be a great day for new music. I suggest picking up both because they are both worth it. Get all the way into Justin and Alice. You will not be  disappointed. Trust me. 

A Culture of Rape

We live in a time where there seems to be a culture of rape. This behavior has somehow become acceptable. Instead of the acts being shunned for being deplorable, women are made to be victims twice over. Politicians and media would have us believe that a woman is at fault for her rape. There is nothing I could wear or not wear, say or do that would warrant getting raped. If I say no, then it means no. If I say stop, then it means stop. The attack on women has been in high gear for the last almost 2 years. Women have been victimized again and again. there has been a lot of slut shaming going on. Newsflash: a woman who is sure of her sexuality and likes to have sex isn't a slut. She is still a woman. And, if I like to have sex, so be it. None of that makes it ok for some man to rape me. My body is my own. My choices are my own. 

The above picture is very accurate. "Society teaches (women) don't get raped rather than don't rape." People should be taught at a young age that this behavior is wrong and illegal. Rape is wrong. No one has the right to take what does not belong to them. Rape is less about sex and more about power. No one has the right to take my power from me by force. It is not yours to take. This ridiculous culture of rape in America is unbelievable to me. I should not be afraid to wear what i want, go where I want and do what I want. I should not live with the fear of some man, known or unknown, attacking and raping me. This is not right. No woman asked to be raped. Nor should she be. Women need to be protected by the laws and the lawmakers. A rape culture should be shunned. I don't know how anyone could feel any other way.

Just Because I Felt Like It: Justin Timberlake on SNL

Last night, Justin Timberlake returned to "Saturday Night Live" as a host for the 5th time. Every time he hosts, he is awesome. He has great comedic timing. He always makes me laugh. He was also the musical guest as well. He performed "Suit & Tie" with Jay-Z (!!!) and "Mirrors." I love both songs. He brought back some of his famous characters in the skits. My favorite being the "Veganville" skit. I enjoyed almost every skit (minus one) last night. Just wanted to share for those who missed it. Get into JT!!

Oh and here are a few of my other favorite JT/SNL skits from his other 4 hosting appearances. "Dick In A Box" is SNL gold and a classic to me!!!

Fear Assuaged

 

I've been tortured by one singular thought lately. I've had nightmares about it. It's been on my mind constantly. That issue has been children & the probability of me ever having any. It's no secret that I'm 33. I believed that my window of opportunity was fast lying closing. And, that frightened me. Then, there was a moment of divine intervention. The latest issue of Glamour magazine had been collecting dust on my coffee table for a week. I didn't have any real intention of reading it. But, I picked it up and flipped through it. As I was oohing and aahing over the fashions and perfumes, I came across an article that made me stop. The article was about women freezing their eggs. The article was enlightening. But, there was a graph in the corner of the 3rd page that held my interest. It broke down fertility rates in women over 30. It calmed down my fears. Fears that even my doctor couldn't stop me from having. The graph was extremely detailed. I have no idea what my future holds. I'm no longer apprehensive of it never happening. I still dream about that little brown girl and boy. I already know their names. Maybe one day my dream will come to fruition. For now, I have let this fear go. I've prayed about it. And I know whatever is for me, will always be for me.

Political Rant: VAWA

There are many things I do not understand about Republicans. Plenty. But, what I cannot get is how any woman, Democrat or Republican, could vote against the Violence Against Women Act. This act covers The White House issued an official pdf of what VAWA is. It is very detailed. Quite simply, it protects women. End of discussion. So as a woman, how could you vote against it? There has to be a special place in hell for the women who did not stand up for this particular act to be made into law. I don't even have the energy to go in on this subject. And, I truly don't have to. Thankfully, it was passed and President Obama signed it into law. Below are the main points of the new law. Happy that it exists. 

The Violence Against Women laws provide programs and services, including:

• Federal rape shield law.
• Community violence prevention programs.
• Protections for victims who are evicted from their homes because of events related to domestic violence or stalking.
• Funding for victim assistance services, like rape crisis centers and hotlines.
• Programs to meet the needs of immigrant women & women of different races or ethnicities.
• Programs and services for victims with disabilities.
• Legal aid for survivors of domestic violence.

A Dream Deferred

What happens when you realize your dream may not be obtainable anymore? I feel lost. There was a dream I had that I am pretty sure won't be mine. So, now I have to find a new dream or something. But, what do I do with all the plans I made? Or the feelings I have about that particular dream? I have no idea how to move pass this dream. "A Dream Deferred" by Langston Hughes came to mind when I start writing this. It def explains where I am mentally. I do not know what comes next or where I'm supposed to go. This particular dream was gargantuan. It was the biggest dream I've ever allowed myself to dream. And, it's no longer an option. At least not at this moment. That really makes me truly sad. I've kinda accepted the fact that this may never be. I didn't really have a choice.

I know none of us can predict the future. I know that all of it lays in God's hands. Since I am no longer on that dream's path, I feel myself drifting. It's hard to let go of something that it took me forever to admit that I wanted, truly wanted. I think it will be beneficial to me to let it go. I can't hold onto a dream that doesn't belong to me anymore. Maybe I should focus my attention on other dreams. I read somewhere that dreams are sometimes deferred because they aren't what God wants for us at that time. That is all I have to hold on in this matter. I know what I want. I'm just not sure how to get it yet. And, maybe that's the point. That this dream isn't mine to have yet. So, all I can do is pray and let it go and hope it comes back to me. 

Trayvon Martin Case Update

The attorneys for George Zimmerman have done something very weird. They have waived their rights to the :Stand Your Ground" trial that was set for next month. This is weird because a favorable ruling in that case would have thrown out the possibility of the murder trial in June. The SYG trial would have been decided by the sitting judge. There would have been no jury. As someone who has always been interested in and a follower of the law, I am very perplexed by this latest move. It seems out of place. And, very risky honestly. Now, Zimmerman will be taking his chances with a jury trial in June. Without SYG to stand on, I wonder what his defense will be. I do not know of anything that he can claim in a case like this. Because if not for his racial profiling and relentless pursuit of 17 year old Trayvon Martin, there would be no murder nor no trial. 

Martin's 18th birthday was last month. It's been a little over a year since he was murdered. It is still unbelievable to me. Well, not really because Black men are systematically killed by other Black men as well as other people. Black men are hunted, racially profiled and incarcerated art a higher rate than others. This is a reality in America. It makes me sad for my nephews/brothers/cousins/friends. It also pisses me off that this is the world we live in. Trayvon Martin was not given a chance that fateful February night. Zimmerman is guilty. I do not care to hear what his lawyers have to say. The evidence is clear. He killed a child for no other reason than he was a Black man. That is not a reason for a life to be taken. If Zimmerman is not found guilty, I will truly have lost faith in our judicial system. This is an open and shut case. I just wanted to give everyone an update. 

Ladies Love Lyrics: Christina Perri/Steve Kazee's "A Thousand Years Part 2"

I saw "Breaking Dawn Part 2" on my birthday. I loved it of course. I watched it again Sunday night. There was a song "A Thousand Years" that stuck with me. The lyrics pulled me in. I loved the singers voice as well. I was not surprised to find out that the song was by Christina Perri. She had a song "Jar of Hearts" a few years ago that I loved. Her voice still moves me. She was the perfect voice for this track. If you haven't heard it, you should do so now. Enjoy.

Christina Perri "The day we met
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart...
...beats fast colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

Chorus:
I have died
everyday
waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for
a thousand more

Steve Kazee:
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away What's standing in front of me Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

Chorus

And all along
I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more.
I'll love you for a thousand more..."

In The Mirror

I sometimes talk to myself. Not neccessarily outlloud. But, in my head, I have full on discussions. I do not find this weird at all. This year, I've started doing something that is very weird. Even to me. Every morning, I get in front of the bathroom mirror and tell myself some hard truths. Actually, some of the things I say to  myself aren't neccessarily true but they are things I need to hear in order to prepare myself for what may come. I tell myself good things about myself as well as bad. I acknowledge my faults and things I've done wrong. I hold myself accountable. Maybe a bit too much. But, I do it. No one is going to be that truthful with me. I also know that I'm my own worst critic. I'm harder on myself than I am on anyone else.

When I first started this experiment, I made myself cry everyday. Now, weeks later, the words hurt much less. There aren't nearily as many tears. I talk to myself to make myself accountable for everything I do, think or say. I am very conscious of the things I say and do. My thoughts, however, have a mind of their own. I think my mind races because I am a creative person. I imagine some of the worst case scenarios becuase I like to be fully prepared for any and everything. This might make me a little pessimistic about some things. But, I like to call myself a realist. I want to be able to look in the mirror and always like what I see. I also want to always be able to look myself in the eyes. My Mom says I'm too hard on myself. I know that she is right. I just don't know any other way to be. Being tough has helped me grow. The mirror can be your friend or your foe. I want it to be my friend.

Pack Light

We all have baggage. Be it from childhood, love, friendship or work. Baggage. It can be the thing that makes or breaks us. Sometimes we allow our things to get in the way of forward progression. I know I have slight abandonment/Daddy issues stemming from my Dad not being around 24/7 when I was a kid. Because of this, I have a fear that people I love and get close to will leave. These are things I work at constantly. Through all of that, I am not afraid of love. I've learned that love is nothing to fear. Love is the one thing in the world that makes everything worth experiencing it. Baggage can be physical, mental or emotional. Some carry all three with them. Some never even acknowledge it. I knew I couldn't be one of those people. I needed to work on me. I am currently and constantly a work in progress. That's what we all should be.

This quote really stuck with me when I read it the other day. Yes, I've seen it before. But, I think I finally get it. All the things that happen to us in life, whether good or bad, we carry with us. My favorite Uncle Larry gave me some advice that I've never forgotten. He said "In any relationships, you should be teaching someone something and vice versa." Any of my baggage that can be perceived as negative are things I need to work out within. I do not want to project that onto anyone else. I always want to be the person someone remembers with fondness. I know there are some who won't ever feel that way about me. I'm fine with that because more than likely the feeling is mutual. But, in general, I want to leave a lasting positive impression. I'm learning to let go. I don't want my baggage to negative affect someone I love. Your baggage can hold you back from so many things. Pack light, folks. A person's baggage should be light enough to fit into a carry on. No one should have to help  you unpack a full luggage set. One should love themselves enough to want that for their lives. Baggage can be the difference between living your life or just existing in it. I know which one I've chosen. What about you guys?

It's My Hair: Simplifying My Routine

 I've read too many blog posts and magazine articles about natural hair. Some women use a ridiculous amount of products in their hair. And, that may be fine for them. I have learned that less is more for my hair. I don't need a lot of products coexisting in my hair. It makes it to heavy and unmanageable. I like simple and easy. My hair regimen has gotten considerably smaller. There has been a lot of trial and error. I have used things that didn't work. And, found products that I love and still use. I did not become a product junkie like most naturalistas I know. That makes me happy. And, it keeps my money in my pocket. That is always a great thing. The above picture is me last weekend. I am 17 months post relaxer. This is one of my go to styles. IT's my version of a braid out/twist out. It lasts for about 5 days. I love it. 

I have gotten my routine down to the bare minimums. I co-wash with Suave Humectant Conditioner for Dry Hair. I love the thickness of the conditioner as well as the coverage it gives me. The smell is awesome. And, the price is easy on the pockets. I just purchased 2 28oz bottles for $5.00 @ Target. That's a hell of a deal in my book. I follow that with Kinky Curly Knot Today Leave-in Conditioner. For the size, it can be a bit pricey but it's worth it. I use Cantu's Shea Butter Leave in Conditioning Repair Cream. I have blogged about my love of this product before. It's still a staple for me. Kera Care's Essential Oils is another daily product for me. The oils give me shine and moisture. 

I also have started to use a mixture of butters and oils as a daily moisturizer. I made it myself which makes me love it even more. I combined a bunch of butters (shea, coca, kokum, almond, mango, avocado) with a few essential oils (coconut, sweet almond, and grapeseed) into a mix. I love the way it smells and feels on my hair. It is helping my hair grow. The only other products I use are my spray bottle filled with water and glycerin. My hair thanks me. It is healthy and strong and natural. I still hate how long it takes me to air dry my hair. But, I have no other complaints. My natural hair journey is becoming easier. I'm still excited about it. 

Classic Music: Jodeci's "Diary of A Mad Band"

The bad boys of R&B. Jodeci burst on the scene in leather, gritty vocals and sexual lyrics. And, the girls ate it up. While the boys dug Jodeci because of how cool they were. I do not know anyone who didn't love Jodeci. I remember seeing them in concert at City Park on year. They were amazing. Jodeci will always hold a special place in my heart. Their music was often the soundtrack of my high school life. but cd was e-very-thing. I really did not think they could improve on it. But, I was wrong. Their sophomore cd "Diary of a Mad Band" was even better. The vocals of K-ci and Jo-Jo carried the group to great heights. They only released 3 cd's but the music just kept getting better.

My absolute favorite trck on DOAMB has to be the unreleased gem "Alone." Everytime I hear it, it
reminds me of being in a teen club called "The Grind" with my friends. It was the place where I first heard it. I still love this song. The singles were amazing. "My Heart Belongs To You," "Feenin," and "Cry For You" are all R&B classic tracks. They are timeless tracks. Jodeci was that group. I missed the edge that they brought to R&B. Below are my favorite tracks. Enjoy the musical walk down memory lane.

Marching Around Randomly

°  I just finished the most insanely, interesting book ever. It's the first book I've read in over a month. It's a hobby that I don't think I will ever get tired of. 

° Confusion has been my middle name lately. I am so full of emotions. A lot of emotions. I am keeping an online journal to help me sort it all out.  That has been the thing holding me together. 

° I'm still hella pissed off about that ignorant tweet sent out on The Onion's account about Quvenzhane' Wallis. It was bullshit and I cannot believe it happened. She is a 9 year old child. People need to learn boundaries, respect and grab some chill.

° The Grammy's like the Oscars for the most part were long and boring. Both institutions need to be injected into the broadcasts. They just seem overly white, old and out of touch.

° I dropped my Evo a week ago. It hasn't been right all week. I'm confused because I don't know what new cell to purchase. 

° A family member hurt my feelings. I am currently not speaking to said person. I do not feel the need to reach out and explain this. But, I deserve an explanation and apology. I am not pressed for it right now. If it happens, cool. If not, oh well. I don't like people, family or not, messing with me. 

°  I wonder if I am truly suffering from insomnia or if I am doing this to myself. I really cannot fall asleep. Even if I take something, I still lie awake for hours before sleep arrives. This is not a good feeling. I am tired all the time and restless at night. 

° So, this 3 week hiatus that "Scandal" is taking is no bueno. I have nothing to watch as I type this up. No Liv or Harrison or Fitz or Cyrus. *le sigh* I don't know why ABC and Shonda Rhimes does this to us. We deserve better!!!

° You never know where a new friendship will bloom. I had a conversation with someone last week and a follow up via email this week. I needed to hear that advice from someone new. I am so grateful for it.

° So far 2013 has been a whole lot of bs and curveballs. I do NOT like it. I need the month of March to be so much better for me. I'm so tired from January and February. I need march to be calm and give me more sunny days. My soul needs it tremendously. Please and thank ypu.

This Reader's Review: Part XIV: "A Deeper Love Inside: The Porsche Santiaga Story"

Sister Souljah is the author who wrote one of the books I cherished as a young woman. I read "The Coldest Winter Ever"as a teenager. It was one of the main books that shaped my world. I've been a fan of those characters for decades now. It took many, many years for Sister Souljah to write any kind of sequel. Then, a few years ago, she gave us not one but two books about one of the most interesting characters in TCWE. Midnight was that character. Both books, which I loved, gave me an detailed insight on his story. I was happy to have it. Sister Souljah created characters who were so unlike me and my world but I still identified with them. She showed me a world that was real to so many people. I was a fan then, I'm still a fan now. All three of her books were interesting to me. 

I was not expecting to get anymore from the author about the characters from TCWE. But, Souljah gave her fans another gift in the form of "A Deeper Love Inside: The Porshce Santiaga Story." Porsche is the sister of Winter, middle daughter of Ricky and Lana Santiaga. She was the mostly quiet, observant daughter in TCWE. This book tells the story of what happens to her after the fall of her Dad. Porsche is pulled from her fantasy turned reality life. She is no longer the pampered princess. Her life becomes hard and rugged. From foster homes to juvenile detention centers, Porsche has to fight every step of the way. She was hard because of the curve balls thrown at her but still soft underneath it. That's what makes her such a relatable character. For most of the book, she is a little girl playing grown woman. But, while doing that, she becomes that woman. 

It is a very interesting read. It begins really slow to me. Souljah also has a habit of being verbose. She displayed this in both Midnight books. I kept reading the book because I was already invested in the characters. The ending was worth it. There is even an appearance of three main characters from TCWE. Those made me very happy. I loved catching up with the characters that I feel in love with as a teenager. It felt familiar in a way. I love that. Porsche turned out to be totally different than I thought she would be. She is a character that I wanted to win. Her life was full of so many twists and turns. None of them expected but all of them needed to make her who she would become. If you are a fan of "The Coldest Winter Ever" or "Midnight," then "A Deeper Love Inside" is the book for you. It brings closure to a story that has been around for decades. Sister Souljah did an incredible job of coming full circle with the characters she created. 

The Father Files: Part III "Presence & Absence"

So, I am up wrestling with insomnia. Again. Which is the norm these days. Browsing Tumblr and I read something that literally makes my heart stop. The above poem did it. I could not breathe. Thise few words had a deep impact on me. My father is a topic I've explored before here and here. I've also thought of myself as a woman who wasn't that deeply affected by my Father's absence in my life. He was never truly absent in the fact that I always knew where he was and how to contact him. He just wasn't a constant daily figure in my life. I never wondered who my Father was. My parents married before I was born. I carry his last name. He just was not a hands on Father. He never came to my school plays or saw me perform with the Pep Squad or any of the debates for the Speech and Debate Club. He probably could only name one of my ex boyfriends. He didn't know that I hated pink as a teen. The little things that my Mom could rattle off in her sleep, he did not know.

But, it is quite possible that his presence would have been as damaging as his absence. Either way, I was slighted. His absence may be the reason that I'm not married or that I don't have my own family. His spotty presence and often absence affects me to this day. I am guarded in ways I shouldn't be. In the back of my mind, I am always afraid that if I let someone get close to me that they will leave. This is a middle of the night, self actualization moment. My Father decided to be a visitor in my life. I have had to work out some issues because of it. I wish I could've had one last heart to heart with him. Just so he could know how much little girls need their Dads. I became tough because of it. I used my sarcastic wit and intelligence as a shield to hide from the absence of him. I know that I've grown since then. Even now, I feel the remnants of who I used to be. She still has an affect on who I'm becoming. In closing, I'd just like to say that fathers matter. Their presence or absence will always cast a wide shadow. This is just food for thought.

My Life is a "Sex & the City" Episode

My life, in parts, can almost always be summed up in "Sex & the City" quotes. The most ridiculous, insane, amazing, wonderful moments of my life are stored away in my head. And I always associate them with SATC moments. I have blogged before about my connection with ths show here and here. I tweeted something today that sparked this blog. It's crazy how a show can stay with you. I've been a fan since the first episode. Years later, I can still relate to the characters. Those four women, so unlike me, still feel familiar to me. Me, a little black girl from New Orleans, who has never been to NYC or owned a Birkin bag. I related to those four women.



Granted I haven't had the relationship track record they had or even the life moments. But there was something about them that spoke to a particular place in my life. Today, I just thought about some of my favorite quote from the show. I also remembered how they have been relevant to my life at different times. I felt like sharing a few of them here. If you're a SATC fan, then in sure you'll recognize them. Reminisce with me for a while. I'm going to watch the last season of SATC.

Ladies Love Lyrics: Trey Songz "Fumble"

This Ladies Love Lyrics pick was spontaneous. I was writing a poem earlier. This song came on Songza. I am a Trey Songz' fan. This song just touched me. The lyrics are real. Love is serious. Being the reason someone has a broken heart is awful. Having a broken heart is even worse. This song talks about a man not being careful with a woman's heart, being careless with love. Songz songs about fumbling that woman's heart. I, unfortunately, know exactly how having your heart fumbled feels. I listened to it about 6 times in a row. I just like it. I'm sure you will as well.


"We were so dumb in love
Couldn't get enough, no
But I could've loved you so much better
And I can't believe you never walked out
And it's not your fault

Chorus:
That I fumbled your heart
Should've let go of my past for you
You did everything I asked of you
Drived across the country if I asked you to
But I'm just bad for you
I fumbled your heart
I'm bad news, yeah I'm just bad for you
I'm bad news, I fumbled your heart
Girl you used to feel so bound in my arms
I wish we could touch some more
I'm sitting, working on this letter
The first line I write, I was wrong
So wrong, so wrong, so wrong, so wrong
And it's not your fault
So wrong, so wrong, so wrong..."

Trayvon Martin, A Year After His Murder

There is a name I'm sure none of us will ever forget. That name is Trayvon Martin. It's been a year since he was murdered in cold blood by George Zimmerman. A year since Sybrina Fulton & Tracy Martin lost their barely 17 year old son. A year since Jahvaris Fulton lost his brother. Trayvon missed his 18th birthday, his high school graduation, Thanksgiving and Christmas. And for what? There is no reason that he isn't here. Other than the fact a trigger happy, racist, wannabe cop decided that his life wasn't worth anything. There have been marches for justice and photos of people in hoodies to show support. I have been keeping up with this story because I'm concerned.

I'm still pissed about the way this case was fumbled in the beginning. Zimmerman was a free man for far too long. The "Stand Your Ground" trial is set for April. If the SYG law is upheld, Zimmerman will walk away. The trial for second degree murder is set for June. This murder matters to me for so many reasons. I lost my Father, my favorite Uncle and cousin Larry to gun violence. It took years to get justice for 2 of the 3 of them. My Father's murderer is still free.



Death is hard to handle. Murder is a whole other monster. Murder snatches life away. Usually for no reason and with no warning. Murder fractures families. Unsolved murders leave a pain behind that nothing can console. I know because I've lived it. The Fulton's and the Martin's are living through it. One year later, we still remember Trayvon. I'm still praying for justice. We'll never forget him.

Ladies Love Lyrics: Solange "Losing You"

This song had been on a constant loop. I've been a Solange fan since she dropped "Sol-Angel." Her latest EP "True" has become an instant favorite. "Losing You" hot a chord deep within me. I love that it doesn't sound like anything else out right now. I just really enjoy everything about it. I think you will too. Get into it.

"I know you're waiting for the rest that you can get from me
Just treat me good and
baby I'll give you the rest of me
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy

Tell me the truth boy,
am I losing you for good
We use to kiss all night
but now there's just no use
I don’t know why I fight it,
clearly we are through
Tell me the truth boy,
am I losing you for good

There's nothing more I know
you're taking it away from me
I gave you everything and
now there's nothing left of me
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy..."

Reward Me With Loyalty

Loyalty means so much to me. It's a quality I hold in high regard. If you aren't loyal, you aren't shit. I can't trust you. I can't rock with you. As a matter of fact, I don't want you around me. I am uber conscious of who I let into my inner circle. Loyalty, to me, involves trust respect and love. So, if you can't be loyal to me, you must not love, respect or trust me. Why would I want you in my life? I wouldn't. Nor would I allow you to stay. I can't. You can't be trusted. And without trust, we have nothing.



This does not stop at just friends. This goes for family too. Just because you share blood & lineage with a person does not mean they have your best interest at heart. The sad thing is that the most disloyal people are probably at the family reunion with you. Cousin, sister, brother, aunt. They are all suspect. If they've shown their true colors already, then you already know. But some are sneaky and can fly under the radar. And, either way, I am not here for. Keep your disloyal, unethical, non moralistic ass far away from me. That may be mean but the most important person to me is me. I am looking out for my best interest. I am loyal to a fault. It's a character flaw. But, it's who I am.



Disloyal people will get you caught up. Why? Because they can, because they are all about self. And, most importantly they don't care about you. Life is too short to surround yourself with disloyal folks. If you know like I know, you'll get them squares out of your circle. They are snakes. Cut the grass. Their heads will show. I don't ask a lot from people. Loyalty is a must if you want to be a part of my life. It's not that hard. Just be 100 with me because I'll be 100 with you. Brook and the city coined the phrase "Loyalty is vintage" and she is so right. No truer words. Loyalty is everything. You should get into it.

Concert Connoisseur

It's no secret that music is my thing. I LOVE it. The one thing I love more than music is LIVE music. Concerts are the absolute best thing. I have been to more concerts than I can count. Starting with my first when I was 9. From that moment on, I've been hooked. The really great thing about living in New Orleans is that there is always a concert happening here. I was just thinking about my concert experiences and decided to share. Here are my top eight lifetime concerts.



08) Alicia Keys/Ne-yo - This was a few years ago. I think it was in 2009. Both put on great shows. AKeys played the piano and sang like an angel. Ne-yo was amazing. He was my favorite part of the night. It was my first time seeing him, second time seeing her. Both made me happy.

07) Hot Boyz - The year was 1998. Cash Money was just about to blow up. We got to see them in concert at a club for $5. I was a huge fan. My friends and I sat on the speakers on the side of the stage. We had great seats. The concert was so energetic. They did all my faves. B.G. sat next to me and rapped "Living Legend" which at the time was my favorite B.G. song. Turk and Wayne clowned with us all night. Juvie had us singing back up for him. It was just a fun concert.

06)Patti LaBelle/Maze featuring Frankie Beverly @ Essence Music Festival - Two classic acts that know how to give a show. It was after 2 before it was over. But, no one was sitting down or aware of the time. They had the Dome rocking for hours. I sang every song that night. We had the best time.



05)Lyfe Jennings @ the HOB - One of the realest, rawest performances ever. When his first cd was released, I was his biggest fan. I played his debut out. I was so excited to go to this concert. It was everything I knew it would be. Also, even better, I got to meet him afterwards. He was so cool. He signed autographs and took pictures.

04) Lauryn Hill @ Essence Music Festival - This was right after "The Miseducation" dropped and she couldn't have been hotter. Lauryn was freaking amazing. She sang all of her tracks, some Fugee tracks and did some covers. She also played some classic N.O. tracks. She had a DJ battle. She had the entire Dome up on their feet. She was so good. That's why it saddens me to hear all the talk about her performances now. She doesn't sound the same.

03) Jill Scott/Trey Songz/Kanye West @ Essence Music Festival - Every last one of them gave a great performance. This night was perfect. Trey started it off. It was my first time seeing him. He was awesome. Jill is perfection. Every time I see her, she just makes me so happy. And, then there was Ye. I hadn't seen him in concert since 2004. His stage show is worlds better now. He gave the best performance of the night.



02)Jay-Z and Kanye West's "Watch The Throne" Tour - There are not enough words for me to describe how amazing this show was. Of course, these two rappers put on a hell of a performance. The stage was great as was the light show. I loved every minute of it. It was my second time seeing Ye that year. I've seen both rappers about 4/5 a piece. It always gets better.

01) New Edition - First concert and actually the last concert I've attended. They were amazing then and still are now. They are still my favorite group. They still sound amazing. As long as they are touring, I am attending. They are still just that great. I will never forget that first concert. I played their music constantly. "Candy Girl" is still one of my favorite albums. Every track. The group is 30 years old. I have truly grown up with them. Their music is timeless. Their voices are effortless. They made me love music and concerts the way that I do.

I haven't attended a concert in almost a year (!) Yes, I am as shocked as you are. I am sure I will be at Essence this year because Beyonce' is performing. I haven't seen her by herself ever. And, I need to rectify that. Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake are going on tour too. They aren't coming here but I would travel for that one. There is just something about live music. Nothing can touch it. It is a wonderful event that every one should experience once in their lifetime. Get into music concerts people. It's worth it.

Around These E-Streets (IV)

I am a voracious reader. Whether it is books, magazines or online, I am almost always reading something. I wanted to share so interesting things I ran across this last week or some on the web. Hope you guys enjoy it.

° Is There A "Right" Age To Have Children? Clearly, I should not have read this article. It talks about how Black people should wait until they are between 30-35 to have kids. Just great, I'm already halfway through those ages. Anyway, good read.

° The "natural hair movement" is a hot button issue in the Black community. This article takes a deeper look into things. It was a very interesting read. I find that White people are more intrigued about my hair inits natural state than anyone else.

° I, for one, have not forgotten about Trayvon Martin. I am keeping up with the case. I just read this article that states that his parents are planning a civil suit against Zimmerman, the man who murdered their child. The trial isn't coming fast enough for me. I want justice for Trayvon and his parents.

° Also, the Jordan Davis case has my attention as well. This article focuses on the parents of Davis on what would have been his 18th birthday. Less than 3 months ago, Davis was killed for no reason by a white man. This is another trial that I will be watching.

° Necole Bitchie runs a very successful entertainment blog. This article talks about her journey. I loved the insight on her.

° Just so you guys know, this could not have been me. An old, clearly drunk White man called a toddler a n---er and slapped the kid in the face on a flight. You can read about it here. I would have blacked out on this man. How do you slap a kid in the face and think that it is ok? What is wrong with people??

I've Decided...

^^^^ This gif is my new personal mantra. Being sad sucks. It solves nothing, changes nothing. My situation is still the same. No amount of tears or stressing or being sad will change any of it. Being sad is time consuming, life consuming. It has taken over every aspect of my personality, of my life, and my body. And, I am so tired. Tired of feeling this sadness, tired of carrying this heaviness around daily in my heart. I have decided that I can't bear this weight any longer. It's suffocating me. I've been drowning in my own sea of sadness. And, then I finally had a light bulb moment. I am my own savior from this. No one else can save me from these feelings. So, I became my own life boat.



I am thankful for the site Penzu. It is an online journal site. It has saved me. I've written so much there. It has given me a place to get out all of my sadness, anger, questions, concerns, thoughts and ramblings. I have never been the woman who shared everything. I solve my own problems. I'm the one everyone comes to for advice. So, now that I am in a position where I really need to talk, I don't feel like there is anyone I can talk to. So, I vent online under a very securely protected account. It's my solace through this. I was writing multiply times a day on Penzu. Now, I am down to just once a day. I give myself one moment to feel all the sadness my heart holds, to think all the thoughts and get them all out in one sitting. During the day, I have found ways to get out of my own head. The nights are still torture, still the hardest part of my day. Writing helps this writer. Also, so does my Tumblr page. I deleted my old one but I'm back on it. I post songs, quotes and photos that express whatever is on my mind. That may not be a good thing, but I do it anyway.



It's strange how one moment can make you question everything. That's what I've been dealing with. The "what ifs" and the "how comes." They run rampant in my head. And, they keep me up all hours of the night. I haven't really figured out how to prevent this. I've tried ZZZquil and sometimes it works. Meditation does not because I can't clear my mind to do it. But, I am working through it. But, I feel like I am on the mend. I do not know how long it will be before I am back to myself. I am holding on to that hope. I am still sad. I am just not allowing myself to wallow in it. I have been doing that for almost a month now. No good has come of it. Actually, I've made myself feel worse. So, I'm done with that. I'm over that phase. I have to be. There is no other choice to be made.

Just Because I Felt Like It: Beyonce'

It's no secret that I am a Beyonce' fan. So, last night I was in fan heaven watching her two specials. First was her one-on-one with Oprah. It was followed by her HBO documentary "Life Is But A Dream." Both were really good. If you missed them, you can catch them both below. Also HBO Zone is playing her doc for the rest of the day. And, OWN is re-airing her special tonight at 7pm. It's all Beyonce' all the time. Get into her, her words, her music and her family. Enjoy.

Anti-Valentine's Day: Out of Control

This gif accurately describes my life. I am def on an emotional rollercoaster. Extreme highs and the lowest of lows. I do not like when things in my life are out of control. That is when I am the most unlike myself. I feel frazzled. I like to be in control. Like things to go a certain way. Emotions are not like that. They aren't easily controlled. And, once something gets your emotions out of whack, there is nothing you can do. That is where I am. And, I'm truly not happy about it. It's not true to who I am in general. It is, however, true to what I am feeling. I am emotional more than I care to truly admit. It is seeping out of my pores every time I walk into a room. And, falling freely from my eyes and mouth as soon as I say a word. It is not the representation I want the world to see. But, I'm too tired to fight it. I'm too hurt to try to fake it for anyone. I am hurting. The world will deal. Also, screw Valentine's Day. I cannot deal with that today. 

 

People always say that women are so emotional. I have tried my best to not show many that side of me. I am passionate about many things. But, that really emotional side of myself is reserved for a select few. And, even then, I try to keep it under wraps. I just don't like to react or cry in private. I don't really like that my usual tactics aren't working. Or that my emotions are slipping through. I know it's a process that I have to go through. That doesn't mean I have to like it or even appreciate it. I am looking forward to the total numbness. I don't want to feel anything. That would make me feel better. Yes, I know that won't give me closure nor will it mean that I'm over it, but at least then I could deal. I could sorta return to my normal self. That is what I miss: normality. I have lost sight of that version of me. This overly emotional version has got to go. She is bringing me down. Well, farther than I already am. I need a reprieve, por favor.

'

Well...

It's time for a break. Seriously. I can't sleep again. This is a habit I'd surely love to shake. Lately, everything has become too...much, too heavy. In an effort to try to hold everything together, it seems that it's all falling apart. And, I can't stop it. My mind and body are both so tired of trying. I've tried to write my way through it. I've failed. So, I'm going to do the one thing I know will work. I'm just going to stop. Stop everything that I can at this moment that has been stressing me out and weighing me down. And, that means no writing/blogging. That is my immediate plan. I do not know how long this break will last or when I'll be back. But, for those of you who have frequented this blog, THANK YOU!!! Your presence here has made me smile more than you could ever know. Life has a way of throwing curve balls that you just can't foresee. While I deal with all of that, I don't want to write crap. I just won't do it. For that main reason, I bid you adieu for now. :-)

My Random February Thoughts

° I am in a deprived state. Deprived of sleep, an appetite and the ability to function like a normal woman. I am not myself.

° Solange's "Some Things Never Seem To Fucking Work" = my new fave.

° I have books to read, books to write, things to do. I can't do any of them because the tears won't stop falling out of my eyes. I no longer have control over them. I'm not happy about any of this.

° I've discovered Penzu.com. It's an online journal. It's slowly saving my life. I'm drowning in a sea of emotions. I needed some place to vent.

° I missed a Jay-Z concert on purpose. I'm literally sick over this. I really need to get it together. I've become one of those women. I hate those women.

° My hair is driving me insane. I'm contemplating cutting it all off. Or getting a full sew in. M

° I blogged something the other day & deleted it. That's not something I do. But, the post was really sad. I was open, and raw and laid my soul bare for the world. I clearly was not ready. So I made it disappear.