Things To Leave in 2013

The first six are things I want the world to leave behind. The last 7 are personal. All of these are things that need not to exist in the world moving into 2014. I do love making lists. So, let's dish. 

1. Twerking. Or rather the appropriated version of it that Miley Cyrus and white America is doing. We've been doing it for years. It was glorious before. It's been ruined now. Ruined. (in my Stewie from Family Guy voice). Just stop it.
2. -flow. Work flow. School flow. Club flow. Gym flow. Oh hell no. It's annoying and overused and quite infantile. There is no flow. You're either there or you aren't. I hate to see these hashtags on all social media sites. Over it.
3. Random folks asking to or just touching my natural hair - Do not touch my hair. I don't like it. I will get real ethnic real quick if you do. This is not a petting zoo. My hair is not for your consumption. It's my hair and I do not know where your hands have been. Keep your hands to yourself. Or else. 
4. White folks acting like white privilege and racism doesn't exist - Too many things happened this year. All of them bad when it came to white people saying/doing/being overtly racist and close-minded. I would love for them all to go and buy a blue's clue. 
5. Appropriation of Black culture - Yes, this has been going on for decades. But, I've had enough of it this year. How can one race take things from another race that is so full of flavor and soul and water it down so much that it is barely recognizable? See point number one about Miley "I have no clue what twerking is so I just shake my long back" Cyrus. Just stop it, people. 
6. FOX News - Seriously. Everything about this channel and the people who work for them is ridiculous. These folks are delusional, out of touch, racist, crazy people. It is literally like watching the televised version of the National Enquirer. They seem to pull stories & "facts" out of there butts. I cannot with any of them. 
7. The Faux Celebrity. - I hate this trend of making stupid, vapid, talent-less people famous. I'm talking to you, Kardashian family, Sarah Palin, Honey BooBoo family and the Duck Dynasty people. Why do we continue to give these random folks country? Why can't they all go far, far away?
   
   
8. Sadness.- I am so far over it. I need a new word for over (cc: Carrie Bradshaw in Season 6). I carried sadness around with me like a new Celine bag. It was heavy. It weighed me down. It changed me. I did not ask for it nor did I like it. It can stay in this year with the rest of the things I won't need in the future.
9. Letting the actions of others affect me negatively. - This is a bad habit that has to go. It's been proven that the only person looking out for me is me. So, no, I can't keep doing the same old things. 
10. Saying instead of Doing. - The time for talking is over. The time now is for action. It's just that simple. I owe it to myself to move. I spent too much time this year stationary, existing not living. That simply will not do any longer.
11. Biting My Tongue To Keep The Peace.- Because no. I'm not saying that I have to say everything that crosses my mind but there are things that I should say to make myself feel better. Suppressing things aren't healthy. People will deal. Or not. Either way, I won't have to worry about all the things I should have said.
12. Fear. - I conquered some huge fears in the past. This year, two of them resurfaced in a huge way. I know I can work through them again. It's going to be extra hard since that wall is back up and stronger than ever. I have to do it though.
13. Options vs Priorities. - People who decide that I am no longer a priority to them and make me an option will end up the same way. I am all about reciprocity in my life. I need people around me who cherish me in the same way. No more riding for those who won't even walk for me. Gone are the days of fighting for those who won;t fight for me. If they want out, I will hold the door open for them. Their loss. It's silly of me to keep fighting the same battle and losing the war. I'm worth it damn it. Get into that. Everyone is officially on notice. Get right or get left. 

About 2013...

If you've been following my blog, I am sure you've noticed a change in me this year. I've been sad most of this year. Those emotions have spilled over into everything I've touched. That is a negative for me. It's something I could not control. I did not care for it or how I've been this year. In looking back, I do not like what I see. I believe that 2013 was a character development year for me. I was humbled in some ways. I was broken and forced to take a good in depth look at who Kenda really is. Introspective for life, indeed. I wrote a lot, maybe even too much. I worked through a lot of things this year. I had to deal with myself in a way that I wasn't truly prepared for. 2013 was a challenging year on multiple levels. 

I learned so much about myself this year. Some lessons were tougher than others because I was blindsided. I've realized I am far more vulnerable to certain things and people than I knew. I didn't think I would make it. Didn't think that this pain and hurt would ever go away. I won't say that I'm 100% better. But, I don't cry at the drop of a hat anymore. I've dismissed the idea that I have to be a "Strong Black woman" because fuck that. I am human. I do not have to be strong. I allowed myself to wallow in my brokenness. I am ok with that decision because I needed it. I realized that I tied my future plans to another person and that was wrong. I am the only person responsible for making me happy and making things happen. No one else will make sure that I am ok, taken care of, loved and protected. I am my own biggest fan and supporter. I knew this before but my vision was cloudy for a moment. 

I've made some huge decisions for 2014. There are dreams that had to be reassessed and/or thrown out. Some don't work in my world anymore. I'm not completely ok with that but I am praying I will be. There are certain things that I need to happen in the following year. December has been very good to me, mentally, emotionally and physically. I've felt more like myself this month than I have all year. I love that. I'm excited about my future again. I think that dark cloud has lifted cause I can see the sun shining again. Nothing but positivity from me from now own. I've written out my plan and I've prayed on it. I am certain that the things I am asking the Creator for already belong to me. So, in summation, 2013 was literally a trash year, one I will gladly forget. But, the outlook for 2014 is huge and bright and sunny. All good things are going to make their way to me . I can just feel it. I wish the same for any one reading this! Happy New Year!!

The Year Folks Lost Their Minds

2013 was the year of absolute nonsense. It was also the year white people said to hell with being politically correct about anything ever. There was an abundance of things that just reeked of pure racism this year. The main thing that comes to mind is Trayvon Martin's killer (I no longer write/say his name) being found not guilty. That was the moment when I truly became disillusioned with the U.S. justice system. Tryavon was racially profiled, hunted and killed as if he wasn't a young guy. And, a jury let his killer walk free. Since then, his killer has been in the news continually for speeding and domestic violence. I mean, who would've guessed that the wannabe cop turned murderer would have anger issues? *rolling eyes* Things did not get any better. We are days away from a brand new year and Twitter is showing us how stupid people are in general.

I love Twitter/Tumblr/Facebook but I know how to use it. I don't post all of my business all over them. Some folks have yet to realize that this is the catch 22 that is social media. If you are less than smart, racist, homophobic, or politically incorrect, any social media will give you the platform to promote that crap. In the past two weeks, I have witnesses two different PR's tweet the dumbest things. They both were White women who were then dragged all over the Internet. They consequently lost their jobs as they should have. The tweets are above so you can see it for yourselves. I was truly shocked by the Justine Sacco tweet. People are truly uninformed and ok with that. My thirst for knowledge doesn't allow me to be ok with only knowing a little. Add, Phil "Blacks were happy, singing in the cotton fields" Robinson from "Duck Dynasty," Megyn "Santa Claus is a White man" Kelly from FOX News, and no list would be complete without Sarah "I can see Russia from my house" Palin. Clearly, these people were all left behind. Their views are skewed, narrow, myopic and most importantly, dead wrong. 

This was the year that they applauded Miley Cyrus' dismal attempt at twerking. It was awful. So, let's clear this up, what Miley was attempting to do was something one has to have a butt for. She does not so she does not qualify. There is nothing authentic about Miley's new demeanor. It seems forced and feels contrite and a pale version of Black culture. Another ridiculous way of appropriating Black culture. And, the sad thing is, the girl can actually sing. But, I am not here for her antics and gimmicks. I'd like her to go away. She can take Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber with her too, por favor. None of these things were funny, sexy, cute or right. This was a year long episode of white people gone way wrong. And, I, for one, hope that 2014 ends this trend. Leave this level of stupidity in this year. I beg of you.  

Being Totally Random Because It's November

• It's Saturday. I've done nothing all day but sleep. I am truly only getting dressed to go get food because the place I want food from does not deliver. So, I have to untwist my hair and put on pants...which I despise. But, I am coming back to be a lazy, pants-less, twisted hair bum in like 30 minutes. Today was a really good day though. I am pleased with myself.                                                     
• Nothing like being caught off guard and surprised in a good way. It's happened a few times in the last week or so. I couldn't help but smile about it. Even when I was nervous and unsure, I was still really happy about it and the person who was responsible. I'm also a realist. I know that things are exactly the way they present themselves. I will not be romanticizing this. It's not what it was. But, it's something. And, it made me happy :-)                                                                                                                                                              
• Football is in high swing. And, that makes me uber happy. Especially since my Saints are 6-2!! We should be 7-1 though. That last loss hurt like hell. I have no doubt that we will redeem ourselves tomorrow against the Cowboys cause they suck. I think this is our year to get back to the Superbowl!! Geaux Saints!! Who Dat?!? We Dat!! ;-)

• Robert Glasper's "Black Radio 2" is the hit I knew it would be. There is just no denying great music. I cannot stop playing "Somebody Else" featuring Emeli Sande'. It is my current favorite. Other stand out tracks are "Worries," "Calls," and "Trust." If you were a fan of the first "Black Radio," then this one has your name written all over it. Get into it. 

• I have a confession. I am ridiculously addicted to cappuccinos now. I do not know where this addiction comes from. It just snuck up on me. Also, I am not a cappuccino snob. Like, I don't have to get it from Starbucks or CC's or PJ's. I love the ones from gas stations. White chocolate caramel is the flavor I dig the most. Also, helps wake me up in the morning. Also, I want one right damn now. Addicted I tell ya!!!

• My Dad's 54th birthday was on the 5th. This was the first year since he passed that I did not wake up sad. I actually felt happy. I celebrated him. My siblings all posted pictures that I've never seen of him. It was a good day. I'll always miss him. But, that heaviness of his death is lifting. I needed a reprieve so I am glad. Happy Birthday, Dad!!

• The last week or so has been...interesting and weird. I cannot truly explain it. It's juts odd but in a good way. I'm trying my best not to over think any of it. Cause no matter what, life is gonna happen whether I'm good with it or not. That's my new mantra in life. 

• In effort to have a more positive outlook on life, I am seeing all of the good in certain situations. Like something as simple as someone who means a lot to you saying your name after not hearing their voice in months. It made me smile. And, I took it in the spirit that it was given, as just a moment. 

• I think that I'm a reasonable, rational chick. I don't do bs or drama. So, if you know me, why would you think I want any of that in my space? I do not want it. Either be 100 with me or stay 100 feet from me. It's just that simple. I am too old for games. Either it is or it isn't, there is no in between for me. This has been a read. Catch it.                                                                                        
• The reality is I'm different now. I am a different woman that I was a year ago. I'm not 100% comfortable with the ways in which I have changed. But, changes occurred because of situations in my life. My only goal is to protect myself. I know how to do that cause I've been her before. I just didn't think that I would have to be her again. I have to believe that there is a plan for my life that I haven't figured out yet. Because everything I said I wanted in the last few years seems totally out of my reach. So, it's time for a new plan. I don't know what it is yet. *Developing*                                                                                                                                                
• I am currently rereading "Catching Fire," a book I loved the first time around. After I'm done, I think I will look into a different genre to read. I need something new to read for those sleepless in Seattle nights. I think I need to be intellectually stimulated by something totally different than what I'm used to.                                                                                                                                                          
  

The Point Of It All: Randoms

° I HATE that I'm still sad. HATE that my heart was broken by the person I trusted the most. HATE that the entire situation makes me question my own judgment (I mean, how could I be so wrong?). HATE that I carry these feelings, this burden around with me. But, most of all, I don't hate the person who did this to me, who caused me to doubt so much, especially the existence of love. And, this is why I feel stupid. I'm not accustomed to that feeling. It's foreign and uncomfortable.

° The Trayvon Martin rallies I've attended the last two weekends have given me something to set my mind on. The verdict was wrong. I will do what I can to effect change. It's needed. From the "Stand Your Ground" law to gun control laws, they all need to be reevaluated.

° I had a dream about my future daughter. That's significant because I haven't dreamed about kids this year. It made me smile. Even if it was just a dream, for that moment little Ms. YK_ existed.

° My sister and my cousin are both pregnant. Both were surprise announcements. Babies make me happy. Happiness is needed in my life.

° I'm thinking about unplugging for a while. No Twitter or Tumblr or Blogger or Facebook. Just no contact for a moment. A break is needed. I'm really thinking about that. It's all too easily accessible.

° I really hate hearing songs that bring me back to a specific moment. I heard "At This Time" by Algebra followed by MJ's "Heaven Can Wait" and literally broke down crying. I forgot I still had that playlist. I deleted it swiftly. ¡No más!

° I did something huge the other day. I deleted my online journal. Every single post. I was up to 200 posts for the year. I just didn't see where it was helping instead of harming. I need to focus on what's in front of me and stop questioning what's behind me. The journal is no more. And I'm ok with that.

° It's Sunday & it's rainy. So, I'm going to watch episodes of "The Newsroom" while eating kettle corn popcorn & sea salt caramel Gelato. I'll enjoy every moment of it

Well...

It's time for a break. Seriously. I can't sleep again. This is a habit I'd surely love to shake. Lately, everything has become too...much, too heavy. In an effort to try to hold everything together, it seems that it's all falling apart. And, I can't stop it. My mind and body are both so tired of trying. I've tried to write my way through it. I've failed. So, I'm going to do the one thing I know will work. I'm just going to stop. Stop everything that I can at this moment that has been stressing me out and weighing me down. And, that means no writing/blogging. That is my immediate plan. I do not know how long this break will last or when I'll be back. But, for those of you who have frequented this blog, THANK YOU!!! Your presence here has made me smile more than you could ever know. Life has a way of throwing curve balls that you just can't foresee. While I deal with all of that, I don't want to write crap. I just won't do it. For that main reason, I bid you adieu for now. :-)

New Music From Solange

I am a fairly new Solange fan. I was not feeling her debut cd. It just wasn't for me. But, she got me with the release of "Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams" release. I loved everything about it. The 60's soulful music was comforting. I loved her lyrics and her voice. I also saw her in concert during Essence Fest in a Super-lounge. She was so good live. She was actually one of my favorite performances that year. It's been a few years since she released new music. So,I was very excited to get a release date for her "True" EP. It was released

My favorite tracks are "Lovers In The Parking Lot," "Some Things Never Seem To Fucking Work" & "Don't Let Me Down" because they are all great. I really wish Solange would've made "Looks Good With Trouble" into a full length song instead of a minute and half interlude. The beat is insane and the lyrics are A-1. I just vibe to this EP. I can press play and listen to every track. And, that means so much to me with music. I don't like to skip around much when I am playing a project. The "True" EP evokes a lot of great emotions in me. I totally get where she is coming from on this project. I love that Solange is not afraid to just be herself musically and take chances with it. It works wonderfully for her. I am a fan. Below are my favorite tracks. Vibe with me for a few!

New Music From Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake is back!! Finally!! I have to say it's been far too long. 6 years since he blessed us with music. I have been a fan since the day I heard N'SYNC's "Gone." I was not into the whole N'SYNC movement before that. I fell for that silky voice of Justin's that day. That song was so soulful that I was shocked to see who the voice belonged to. I was all in from that moment on. I still play his solo cd "Justified" regularly. I loved everything about it. It is classic to me. Then, he released "Future Sex/Love Sounds" and redefined what I thought about him. He just reinforced my love of his music. So, 6 years later, he finally puts out new music. I thought he was done with music and focusing on his acting career. I am a happy fan right now.

"Awww, go on and show em who you call daddy. I guess they're just mad cause girl they wish they had it. Oooh, my killer, my thriller. Yeah, you're a classic. And you're all mine tonight. And as long as I got my suit and tie, I'mma leave it all on the floor tonight. Baby got fixed up too nice. Let me show you a few things about love." - JT

"Tell ya mother that I love her cause I love you. Tell your father we'll go further as a couple. They didn't lose a daughter, they got a son." - Jay-Z

I listened to his new single "Suit & Tie" on YouHeardThatNew last night. On first listen, I liked it but didn't love it. (Note: I also wasn't crazy about Beyonce's "Crazy In Love" or Jay-Z's "Change Clothes" on first listen either). By the 4th listen, I determined I was indeed a fan. The production by Timbaland is nuts. The beat changes three different times. But, it really works. This is grown man R&B. I am so thankful that Timbaland and JT went the R&B route and avoided the trashy Euro-pop route. The song is about being on his suit and tie sh-t, grown man music. Also, this track feature's my favorite rapper, Jay-Z. The beat changes for the third time when Jay steps in. His verse is about being grown and married. JT is releasing his third solo cd sometime this year. It is titled "The 20/20 Experience." I cannot wait to hear what him & Timbaland have cooked up this time around. Listen and enjoy this new offering from the original Justin.

Oh and just because I felt like it, below are some of my fave JT tracks from his two prior cd. I am listening to prepare myself for what "The 20/20 Experience" will no doubtedly be.

The Great Clean-Out

Sometimes we get in our own way by holding on to things that we need to let go of. I am thankful for Necole Bitchie for bringing AJ's Clean-out to my attention. She tweeted about it. It's just a way of getting rid of the clutter in your life. I started by deleting contacts in my cell that I don't need or use. I followed that by deleting old texts that I didn't need to hang on to as well as emails. I got rid of a lot of dead weight. I cleaned out my closets. I got rid of clothes and shoes that did not fit or did not work. I purged myself of so much stuff. Stuff that held no value. Stuff I had no emotional tie to but just wouldn't let go off. I finally got it. None of it meant anything. I had to simply let go. Release all of it to the physical and virtual trash cans.

I did something today that I've never done before. I deleted posts on Tumblr/Twitter. I have always been a big believer in standing behind what ever you post on line. Whatever I blog about or post on any social media sites, I leave it there. Good, bad, inappropriate or indifferent. Whatever I post, I post. I stand behind my thoughts on posting it. But, in line with this clean out, I deleted all the negative/passive aggressive/off the wall things I posted in the last month. I have to admit, it was more than I expected. But, thoughts/ideas become things. I do not want to carry any of it with me any more. I know why my posts have been that way for the last month or so. But, it still isn't a representative of who I really am. Yes, I'm a woman, an emotional being, strong as well as weak. But, I don't want anyone to believe that I am the person those post were making me out to be. So, I've decided to stop. Yep, just stop. Don't post anything that isn't true to me. I can write in private when I feel the need to vent and don't want to talk to anyone. That is my course of action this year. The Clean-out was just the kick in the pants I needed. It got me motivated about a lot of things. Have you purged yourself of things, people who mean you no good? I think we all should. Get into that!

January 2013 Random Thoughts

°I spent New Year's Eve sick, doped up on meds and alone. I was in bed well before 12. And, sleep as the New Year rolled around. Great fun right? :/

° The week of Christmas was so much needed family fun. I needed to be with my family. Needed to laugh and be silly with them. They were the greatest. I thoroughly enjoyed myself that week.

° This whole fiscal cliff fiasco has me on edge. The damn House and Congress Republicans, especially Boehner and Cantor, are idiots. I wish the President would just go in there and for lack of better words, drop his nuts. He is the President and will be until January 2017. He should tell them all to kiss his natural black ass and keep it moving. Oh but I am glad that things have been worked out in the 11th hour.

° I am super geeked about "The Great Gatsby" with Leonardo DiCaprio. I absolutely loved the book in high school. I am currently re-reading it again. I will be front & center when it is released. Oh, and Jay-Z, your favorite rapper's favorite rapper, is doing the music score for the film. That in itself is a major win.

° I am currently working on my virtual vision board on Pinterest. This is my first time doing one. After reading books like "The Secret," "The Dream Giver," and "The Alchemist," I truly believe in the law of attraction.

° Last year, I read a lot of great books. All of them made an impact on my life. My goal for this year is to read double what I read last year. Mostly life changing, motivational type books. A few trashy books to spice it up.

° In this new year, I am focused on strengthening relationships. In the last few years, some relationships in my life haven't been nurtured in the right way. I have to fix them. And, I will.

° Over the holidays, I played Spades with my family. I haven't played cards in years. I forgot how much I enjoy it. Especially the shit talking that takes place on that table. We have a tentative date for a rematch around Mardi Gras when everyone is back home. I cannot wait.

° I am still on my natural hair journey. It's been almost 15 months without a relaxer. I never thought I would stick to it. But I did. I got my hair washed, deep conditioned, and flat-ironed on New Year's Eve'e eve by my sis. I literally feel like a new woman. My hair feels so good. Soft, shiny and most of all healthy. That makes me happy.

°I finally watched "The Dark Knight Rises." It was good but not as good as the "The Dark Knight." I loved Heath Ledger as the Joker in that one. But still a fitting end to the trilogy.

° I've been trying not to allow myself to wallow in my feelings. It hasn't been easy. Hell, I've failed at it more than I've succeeded. But, I still soldier on. I'm ok when I'm around others. But, when I'm alone, that's another story. But, I'm working steadily on it.

°TLC premiered two new reality shows last night. "Totally T-Boz" is a show about T-Boz of TLC fame & her life. It seems fake and forced. T-Boz seems loud and extra. I don't think I'll be watching it again. The second show is "The Sisterhood." It's about First Ladies of Churches. There is something so wrong with this show that it's right. I will be watching it again. The women are interesting. You guys should get into them.

All Things Begin Anew

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!

January 1st, 2013. It feels weird even typing "2013." I'm sure it's going to take me a while to get used to it. It's a brand new year. Time for fresh starts, new beginnings. New Year's Eve & Day always brings about reflection for me. I think back on what the outgoing year brought me and what I want in the upcoming year. I hope that 2013 is everything that all of us want it to be. We all deserve it. Let's make 2013 as great as possible, people! Prospero Año Nuevo¡