Names are a wonderful thing. They define who you are. Names can be simple and classic or unique and different. But, they are our introduction to the world. I saw the above tweet on Tumblr. It instantly pissed me off. How dare a woman with the ridiculously common name of Jenny tweet such a thing. It's not my fault that your uneducated tongue cannot pronounce my name. It's not my fault that you Jenny forgot to check your white privilege at the door. I do not care who you are but if you mispronounce my name, I will correct you instantly. If I have to correct you more than once, my tone will change. That's your fault. The responses that followed on Tumblr made me smile.
"I’m tired of people asking me to smooth my name out for them. They want me to bury it in the English so they can understand. I will not accommodate the word for mouth. I will not break my name so your lazy English can sleep its tongue on top. Fix your lips around them. No you can’t give me a stupid nickname so that you can replace this gift of five letters." - Hiwot Adilow (from the above piece)
I do not believe that having my name pronounced correctly is a chore. It is not that huge of an undertaking that I expect a thinking human being to have the dignity and respect to learn and say my name correctly. Am I wrong to believe that I deserve that common courtesy? I do not think so. My name is my name. To mispronounce it more than once is disrespectful. I take it personally. It pisses me off. If you have a simple, common name, you will never endure this. And,lucky you. I was given a moniker that is one of a kind, just like me. I demand, deserve respect. So, do me a favor and get it right. In the words of Destiny's Child, "say my name, say my name" correctly though. It's really not that hard to ask a person to pronounce their name for you. I do it all the time. People ask me all the time. My name always sparks a conversation. Hey, I'm an ice breaker all by myself :) For future reference, those of us with unique, uncommon, difficult names would prefer being asked before you butcher our names. Take this into consideration the next time the situation arises.
"Give your daughters difficult names. Give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right." - Warsan Shire
I have blogged about the war of female versus woman and my views on it. It got me to thinking about other titles I don't like. It's not a whole lot. But the ones I dislike, I really dislike. They tend to rub me the complete wrong way. It's more annoying than anything. And, I've also noticed that it depends heavily on who is saying the word/name to me. My reaction is based more on that than anything. I know that may seem wrong but I've very moved by my opinions of people, places, and things. Now, let's discuss what I don't like.
It irks me when men call women their queen or their rib. I have no problem with being called his woman or his lady or even his girl. See how they all start with "his?" That's the most important thing. I am a woman. I am a lady. Sometimes I can still be a girl. I know that woman was made from man's rib. I know the whole story. But, ever since that scene in "Baby Boy" with Jody proclaiming that Yvette was his rib, I've been bothered. In the movie, Jody spent 95% of it cheating on his "rib." Ugh. It's disgusting. I do not want to be referred to in that way. It has a dirty connotation to me now.
Am I a Queen? You're damn right I am. I don't need a reminder of that. I know who I am and my worth. I have no self esteem issues over here. I'm most affected when he says my name. Oh and baby of course. Some things just seem corny. This is one of them. So, please refrain from calling me queen or rib or even something more derogatory. If you feel the need to, just call me by my name por favor. It would be most appreciated by management. I can be many things, a plethora of nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs. But, it's not many I will answer to. One would be wise to remember that when addressing me.
My very unique, very creative first name has been the bane of my existence. I have a love/hate relationship with my given name. I love that fact that my parents took the time to make up my name. I hate the fact that people have mispronounced it every single day of my life. My father, Kenneth, wanted to name me Yolanda which is my Mom's name. She objected. So, he pondered and came up with "Yokenda."
My name is a combination of my parents name. It's also phonetic. It's pronounced "Yo-ken-da." Three syllables. Seven letters. One crazy name. Easy right? Apparently not. From my first day at school, I realized that my name would be a problem. My Kindergarten teacher called me Yolanda for a week. I told her that was my Mom's name. She called my Mom in for a conference. From then on, I've heard my name massacred by the mouths of people. I've been called "Yocenda, Yokinda, Yokinawa," amongst other things. I've had teachers not even attempt to say my name and just call me Ms. my last name.
It's been a struggle. I went through a period where I hated my name. I would only answer to my middle name. I have never been comfortable with most of the nicknames people have come up with for me. I despise "YoYo." But I have become accustomed to an abbreviated form of my name. Kenda fits me more. It's the part of my name that I've never had a problem with. I had great plans on formally changing my name when I turned 18. My Mom made a huge deal out of it. She thinks I'm trying to cut her out of my name. That's certainly not the case. I'm just Kenda.
My Mom loves my name. Outside of her, my brother Ken, and my Kristopher, no one else calls me by my entire government name. What's funny is that there are people in my adult life who don't even know my name. They only know me as Kenda. One thing I do know is that I would never put my future kids through this. I don't like complicated names. I'm sure I'm biased about it. In the words of Destiny's Child, "say my name, say my name" but make sure you say it right!!
Your name defines you. It's the first thing people know about you. My name shows that I'm obviously one of a kind. For that, I'm forever grateful. My parents were thoughtful when it comes to that. Names are super important. I like that up until recently I've never met anyone with my name. There is a girl on Facebook who has my name but she's much younger than me. I wonder if her parents heard of me before naming her. I'm sure there is a story there that leads back to me. I'd love to hear from my other uniquely named folks. Has a unique name or spelling of your name caused you any stress? Tell me about it. Trust me, I definitely feel your name woes.
