The best show of the last two seasons is by far "Scandal." If you've been living under a rock, you should catch up here or here or here. Shonda Rhimes is a genius. There is no better show on tv than "Scandal." If you haven't seen it, why not? What's wrong with you? You are missing out on everything!! I need you to get to know the greatness that is Olivia Pope and Harrison Wright. They are OPA and Gladiators in suits. If you are late to jump on this train, do not fret. BET can help you out. Tune in tomorrow for the second half of season 2. It's the best episodes ever.
BET made a huge move by getting the syndication rights to "Scandal." Last Saturday, there was an all day marathon on the network. BET showed all off season one and half of season two. I watched it as if I had never seen it before. I loved that BET ended the marathon at the most pivotal point. "Who is Quinn?" was the ending of season one. Rhimes has a way of writing great cliffhangers for her shows. Another doozy was the whole "Who Shot Fitz?" BET will finish off the season 2 marathon today. It starts at 7 am and will end at 9pm. It's great for new viewers. It's even better for us die hard Gladiators as a refresher course. All this does is make me wish it was October 3rd. I have so many questions about season 3. Especially about the finale. "Scandal" is a greatly written and greatly acted show. It's just too good. If you are looking for a great way to spend your Saturday, turn to BET and catch up on "Scandal." You'll thank me later.
Music makes me happy. It's been making me happier than normal these days. Over the last few weeks, I've discovered a few new artists. All unique in their own way. I love the diversity of these artists. While these artists may not be new to all, they are brand new to me. Their music has been on repeat all week. I love when I can find music that just moves me. I've been very motivated all week. Anyway, let's discuss the newness.
The first artist is Gwen Bunn. She came my way via a friend on Tumblr. The first song I heard by her is"Replaced You" and I was instantly intrigued. I loved this track. The lyrics were right up my alley. I listened to her whole EP "The Verdict" right afterwards. Every track was better than its predecessor. I was hooked. I really enjoyed everything about her. I had to share her with you guys.
Next up is Elli Ingram. I found her via that same friend (activelistening). Her interpretation of Kendrick Lamar's "Poetic Justice" is beyond amazing. She did a mashup of that and Janet's "Any Time, Any Place" and it blew me away. Her EP "Sober" is just as amazing. She puts me in the mind frame of Adele, which is great company to be in. I cannot stop playing her music.
I first heard of Lorde via Twitter and decided to check her out. Her single "Royals" is so young and carefree. It has a certain air about it. I played it on repeat for a half hour straight. It's just feel goo d music. It's infectious. It's the kind of music that just stays with you. Also, Lorde is only 16 years old!! I think that's amazing. Her EP "The Love Club" was released this year. It will be followed by her major label debut "Pure Heroine" September 30, 2013. I am looking forward to hearing more from her.
I first heard of Gary Clark Jr on a track with The Dream called "Too Early." It was one of my favorite songs on the cd. I've been hearing a few tracks by him. "When My Train Pulls In" has to be my favorite so far. His bluesy soulful voice is intoxicating. I definitely need to see this man in concert soon. There is something about him. I cannot wait to hear more from him.
I've been following these two sisters on YouTube for well over a year. They areVanJess. They have done a lot of covers. My favorite has to be their cover of J. Cole's "Power Trip" and Kendrick Lamar's "Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe." They also have released their first EP "00 Till Escape." It is all new original music from the girls. I really love them and their voices. Their YouTube channel is stocked full of great videos of their music and covers. I;m really glad to see the girls doing so well. These are the new artists that I've been indulging in lately. You guys should check them out. Let me know what you think of them. Enjoy!
Forgive and forget is something I simply cannot do. I haven't found the right balance yet. How do you forgive those who have hurt you? Better yet, how do you forget the hurt you felt? It's not easily done. Forgiving is simple. Especially with time. I can pray on forgiveness. I can forgive anyone almost anything. That's the easy part for me. Oh but forgetting is another topic. Forgetting is something that my brain won't allow my heart to do. I remember every slight, every word, every action that caused me pain. I remember distinctly what that pain felt like. My brain will not allow me to let go of those moments. I wish I could remember to forget. Wish it were as easy as saying "just forget it."
My problem is that I internalize so much. And, when you hold so much inside, you're bound to explode. My "explosions" usually happen here on my blog or on my Tumblr. Or even worse, when I'm feeling rather low, text messages are sent. In hindsight, I know it's not the most productive way to work through my stuff. But, it's the most readily available way. I write to heal myself. It's therapeutic for me. Sometimes I'm not too proud of the work I create when I read it back. Other days, I couldn't be more prouder of myself. I'll think I've finally conquered the forgiving aspect. I can forgive you & still not want a thing to do with you. It's the forgetting that I struggle with. It's the letting go of it that pains me. I'm desperately trying to conquer it as well. It's all that I can do for now.
Did you know that "I don't know" and "I don't care" are both acceptable responses? They are. I use then frequently. You know why? Because sometimes I don't know the answer. Shocking, I know but true. But more often than not, I don't care. If I deem it stupid or offensive or just plain dumb as hell, I don't care. When I get to that point, I can't fake it. I don't care about many things these days. That may sound selfish but it's true. There are some days when my ability to not care astounds even me. I pride myself on being a thinker. So spending time thinking about things I truly don't care for seems silly. So, I don't.
I have the the right to truly not care. I don't like small talk either. I want to learn something. Teach me something new. Tell me something old in a new way. In return, I want to educate you. Let me hip you to some new poetry or an author I love. That's what I know and care about. I don't want to talk about things that don't interest me. Furthermore, I'd rather not talk with people who don't interest me. The polar opposite of interesting is boring. And, I can't stomach boredom. It isn't for me. I've been that way since I was a kid. I've always been drawn to people I could learn something from. I was a curious kid who grew into a even curiouser woman. I like to know things, learn stuff. I'm not happy being stagnant. But, if I don't care about the subject matter, my mind wanders. That's where the problem can arise. I think too much. It's my gift and my curse. But, when I'm not interested in what's before me, my thoughts tend to go left. Way left. ¡Es no bueno!
I can't attempt to care about the mundane things some people do. It's not in me to do so. I care about myself and my family and the arts and politics. I know about literature and music and hair and family. Those are things that pique my interest. They are things I know and care about. I could care less about what offends you because it isn't my problem. I don't want to waste time on things that don't interest me. Why should I? If I've learned anything it, but that life is short and nothing is guaranteed. Life is for living not planning or pretending. So don't be surprised if you ask me a question and I reply "You know, I really don't care!" I don't have time to waste. I'm secure enough in myself to say I don't know or I don't care. It isn't about you. It's about me. And, I'm more than on with that.
Power is defined as "the ability to act or do; capability of doing or accomplishing; the possession of control or command over others. Authority." Power can be intoxicating. For the purpose of this blog, I am looking at power as exchangeable. If a person, place or thing can make you act outside of your morn then you are giving them your power. That person or situation now has control of you and your emotions. When you're in the midst of a situation, you can lose sight of this. It's not easy to calm yourself down once you've become emotional. Emotions can be a nuisance. They betray our rational minds. I am a lot of things, powerful is one of them. I do not like to feel like I'm not in control of my life or what's going on. Any situation like that makes me feel unbalanced and weird. I don't feel like myself because I am not myself. This exchange of power is always negative. I do not care to be in any situation that takes me out of my element.
The reality is that I keep giving away my power willingly. Every single time I give into my emotions and engage in the same cyclical conversation. I am searching for answers and explanations from someone who decided months ago that I wasn't worth them. Every time I act outside of myself, I am giving this person the power over me, my emotions. Why would a smart woman keep doing such insane things? One word, four letters is the only reason. L-O-V-E. It's also the reason that I cannot go any further down this road. I'm tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results. I am sick of feeling less than. That's what love has done to me. It has changed me, for better or worse. I don't want to be powerless. But, this situation keeps bringing me back to the same results. So, I quit. I give up. I concede to the fact that I will never get the answers that I need. So, I'm going to mentally put a top on this box and kick it to the deepest, darkest corner of my mind. I have to. Power is freedom. Power is knowledge. I need more of it. The road back to me isn't that long. I know who I am. Strong, intelligent and thoughtful. I've been powerful before. I will be again. Because it's a part of who I am.
Saturday was a lovely day in the city. I played tourist in my own city this weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Made my way to the Riverwalk. I was on a mission. I was going to try out a new restaurant, "Poppy's The Crazy Lobster." It was packed. We decided to sit outside because I wanted to be near the water. There was a live band, The Mojo Combo, playing as we walked in. They were pretty good. The hostess was nice as was our server. The atmosphere was very welcoming. I had high hopes for the food and drinks. After being there for only five minutes, I just knew that I wouldn't be disappointed. I'm happy to say that I was correct.
Let's get into the food. I had an Arnold Palmer (half tea/half lemonade) to begin. We decided on the Cajun Fried Pickles for appetizers. They were so good. They came with a ranch dipping sauce. The portion was more than enough for two people. Everything on the menu was described in such a way that it all made me hungry. We chose the shrimp and grits and the bayou catfish platter. We shared everything. We were both stuffed. It was all so delicious. By the time our entrees arrived, the first band left and a new band took their place. Both bands were great. I am biased because I love live music. Our server, Carlin, was so funny. He took great care of us. He even snapped a few pictures as well. I really liked him. The food and atmosphere were so good. I know I will be back.
Sitting outside was the best decision we made. It was hot but the breeze off of the Mississippi River made it bearable. I love water. Always have. I also love watching the boats as they pass. We were there for almost three hours. We just took the time out to enjoy life and the moment. I know that I am always so caught up in my own life and in my own head that I forget to live. Existing is easy. Living is better. So, Saturday I truly existed in that moment. I wasn't even upset when the skies opened up and poured rain down on us. I took pictures instead. I laughed more. I also ordered a drink. It's called Poppy's Voodoo Juice and it was awesome. It is a bunch of different rums and ice cold pineapple juice. I loved the cup it came in. I can honestly say that I was tipsy halfway through it. I was completely drunk by the end of it. Drunk Kenda is a laughing, smiling, damn good time. So, the Voodoo Juice made the day better. We walked in the rain and didn't care.
I have to send a huge thanks to the friend who graciously gifted me with Groupon for "Poppy's Crazy Lobster." If not for that, I would have never discovered this dope spot. Good food, great atmosphere, and live music are a wonderful combination. I could not have asked for a more perfect day. I needed it. I deserved it. But, most of all, I enjoyed it. I had the best experience and it all happened here. I took the time to walk Canal Street. I shopped and window shopped in the Riverwalk. I indulged in my favorite pastime, people watching. Which, by the way, is super interesting. People are funny. I was my normal smiling, laughing, conversing with others self. I was happy. And, I could never have predicted that. Suffice it to say, Saturday was a damn good day. I ate good, drank well, laughed even more. I walked in the rain and took pictures. I got a little drunk and didn't care. My city was good to me Saturday and I thank her for it.
My natural hair journey has hit a snag. This summer has been brtual on my hair. The New Orleans heat mixed with my own stress has become an issue. My hair is shedding. A lot. Too much for my liking. I've straightened my hair 3 or 4 different times this summer. I am sure I won't be doing it anytime soon. I need to give my hair a huge break. This is the moment when I really miss having relaxed hair. I would just rod my hair and wear it curly for weeks. It doesn't work that way with natural hair. I spend more time on my hair now than I ever did before. I am more aware of what's going on with my hair now than when it was relaxed. I cannot go to sleep without it being tied down with a silk scarf. I make sure to use the LOC (liquid-oil-cream) method before I go to sleep. Every little bit helps when it comes to my hair.
I really do not know what to do. Someone suggested a sew in. I have never been big on weaves. I like to touch my scalp too much for that. But, I have to do something soon. I'd hate to have to cut my hair. That's the reason I didn't do big chop. The pics are just a few of my styles this summer. My hair has been beyond thirsty this summer. This heat has not been kind to me. Harsh on my hair and on my heart. I've just been spending moe time with my hair care. I'm also back to pre-pooing my hair once a week. I've also started to do more hot oil treatments. Anything to help my hair. I'm not really complaining about my natural hair. I'm still loving the process. There is nothing like feeling the true texture of your hair. I love playing in my own head. So, for now, I'm just wading these natural hair streets searching for what works for me.
° This week, I've received so many pics of my family/friend's kids on their first day of school. They are all so adorable. With every picture, there is this yearning in my heart. I want one. I am trying my best to shake this want off. It's not feasible for me. I'll just continue to live vicariously through my people. ° I've had some of the best conversations with perfect strangers as well as friends in the last two weeks. I think I've been more open to their opinions lately. Some things you just really need to hear from someone else. Hearing it outside of my own head really works for me. ° The #31WriteNow tag on Twitter has been pure gold all week. I've discovered some really dope blogs and posts. Reading helps motivate me to write more. I am very appreciative of this writing challenge. It came at a time that I was about to walk away from my blog for a while. ° Earlier this year I deleted my Tumblr. Then I got it back. But, I just recently got my first name back. Someone tried to poach it. But, I am back to being KatchKenda on Tumblr and all is well with the world again :) You should check me out there as well. Warning: my page is mad random. Go ahead and get into it.
° Closure. I need it. Crave it. But, I am almost 100% sure I'll never get it. At least, not while I need it. The thing about closure is that it never comes when you want it. I have to let go and let God on it.
° ^^^Like seriously? Can I live? I really don't feel the need to explain my opinions to anyone. If you don't rock with it, that's cool. My opinion doesn't need a cosigner. I'm good with standing by myself and on my own. I don't get why people don't understand this. If I say I don't like x, y, or z, just know I mean it. End of discussion. Ok? Oh yeah, I'm talking to you. ° I'm very excited about something. I just won't speak on it yet. Just know that I'm smiling and that is a wonderful thing. Too many grey skies this year. I just want to bask in this little bit of sunshine for a moment and enjoy it. ° I've always wondered what makes a person bitter. Like what specific moment turned them. Life has a way of teaching us lessons we didn't even know we needed. Now, I get it. But, I won't let life turn me bitter. I'll be mad as hell and then I'll get over it. I know it won't be easy but I can do it. ° I was all into Big Brother this season. But, the show has become unbearable. So after last night's episode, I'm done. I'll read these books that have been staring at me for weeks instead. ° I've been playing Drake's "All Me" all week. It is my new favorite track. It features 2 Chainz, who I've really started to like for his ratchetness and Big Sean, who I love. You should listen to it below.
Music is one of the most consistent things in the world. No matter my mood, I can always find a song that correlates. I've been relying on it a lot. There are a few songs you guys may have missed. Some are dance songs that never fail to make me move. Others are love songs, which is ironic. It's not an emotion I want to deal with but it makes for some really great songs. Some are motivational and others are songs straight for the bedroom. Either or, I dig them all and wanted to share. Also, we'll dig into the lyrics which is always the best part of every song.
Mayer Hawthorne has a hit on his hands with his single "Crime." It's a very smooth track which features a dope 16 from the kid Kendrick Lamar. I've been a Hawthorne fan. I'm really just getting on the Kendrick bandwagon. This is just a dope track. It has a summery feel to it. It's the perfect house party song to play when you're dancing real close to a guy you like. I can picture it clearly. "It's a crime. Backyard. Tunes right, girls dancing in the moonlight. Then come the one time. Regulation. Gotta pay the fine. We just wanna party. Don't wanna hurt nobody, but they make it so hard."
Pharrell snuck this gem by me. I randomly heard it on the radio one day. It has become my motivational song. I listen to it every day. I'm obsessed with it. The beat is what pulled me in. Then the lyrics made it golden in my eyes. I mean, who doesn't just want to be happy? Lord knows I do. I deserve to be happy and this song does that for me. You should let it do the same for you. "It might seem crazy what I’m about to say. Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break. I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space. With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way. Because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof. Because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth. Because I’m happy..."
If you've been living under a rock, then you probably have missed out on one of the best projects of the last year. "The Robert Glasper Experiment released "Black Radio" and it was golden. I still play it. Now, the first single from "Black Radio 2" is here. The single is "Calls" and it features Jill Scott. From the first listen, I was sold. I have no doubt that the new project will be awesome. "I don't even have to question if it's real or not, you're right there all times. Even when my car brooked down in the parking lot, you were there! You didn't start out or hesitate. You come to my rescue once again like that. You always answer calls when I call you come. You always answer my calls when I call you always come."
And, last but not least, there is the genius who is Stacy Barthe. She can do know wrong in my eyes. I've been a fan of her voice and her ill pen game. This song lives on her EP. "Touch" is dope for many reasons. A friend text me to tell me that I would love this song. My friends know me well because I do. I do love a song that is kinda dirty. "Hmmm, sometimes I feel so stupid for texting.
Especially when you don't reply in. Oh, picking up your phone and the worst thought about it Cause when you get calm, I'll be waiting up anticipating your alibis. What took you so long to get into my bed? I don't wanna quarrel, no, no, no. I just wanna be so perfectly immersed in your arms! Oh, I couldn't have it no other way. Oh, I couldn't have it no other way. I'm not asking for much, I just want your touch. I'm not asking for much, I just want your touch. I'm not asking for much, I just want your touch. I'm not asking for much, I just want your touch."
(Oh and the Dame Dash dance will forever be relevant. Get into it.)
The above clip is from the new talk show "The Real." It is hosted by Tamera Mowry-Housely, Tamar Braxton, comedienne Loni Love, singer/actress Adrienne Bailon and Jenni Mai. They presented this scenario the other day. You meet a great guy. You begin dating. It turns into something real. The relationship is hot and heavy and fun. Both of you are happy. Until you aren't. It ends. Amicably or not. A few years pass, he moves on as do you. Somehow, you meet his new girl. The two of you click. You become friendly with your ex's current or ex. Is this a no-no or what? In the weirdest of situations, I totally agree with Tamar. It's odd and I would not, could not do it. I do not want to sit up and kiki with a woman who has had sex with a man I've had sex with. The basis of said friendship would be that odd connection. Es no bueno!! No ma'am to this. Even if I thought she was hella cool, I couldn't fathom this. I do not want to sit up and compare notes on this man. I do not care to know what kind of relationship she had with him. I definitely do not care to know about their sex lives. Eww. That is gross. I don't want to know if he used the same moves on her. Or if he used something I taught him on her. That's a mind game that I do not want to win.
I did have this almost happen to me before. I was in college. My ex's new girl wanted to be cool with me. He and I were on good terms. There was nothing left between us romantically. She was of the mind that we couldn't just be friends. It had to be more there. She lived in my dorm. She would always randomly run into me in the library, on the porch, in the stairwell. It was just creepy. She would seek me out for general conversation. I was cordial at first because of him. But, my spidey senses were quickly alerted after the third run in. I distinctly remember being on the elevator with her. Her asking me something about him post-coital. I literally changed colors. I lost it. "Look, boo, this ain't a conversation for you and I. Also, we aren't friends. So, stop it." I got off that elevator and couldn't dial his number quick enough. I told him to keep his "single white female" girlfriend away from me. I was freaked out for a while. It had nothing to do with him. I wasn't secretly still pining away for him. I just did not want or need that specific relationship. I do not understand anyone who would condone them. It's just not the kind of energy I want or need in my life. In the words of Aubrey Drake Graham, "no new friends, no new friends, no, no, no."
I wish I was one of those women who believed that aging was a graceful art. One who welcomed aging with open arms. I am a not that woman. Getting older is not something I look forward to. In a little bit over four months, I will be 34. Thirty freaking four! What?!? When did this happen? Where has the time gone? How is it possible for me to be 34? Not to sound conceited but I don't look 33. In the last week alone, three separate people had be pegged as a 24/25 year old. I was, of course, flattered. I mean that's an enormous compliment. I don't feel like a woman who's almost 34. They say you're only as old as you feel. And, I don't feel a day over 30.
I remember being 16 and thinking that 30 was old. I used to believe that my life would be completely mapped out by 30. What a damn joke! Do you know what I figured out at 30? That I didn't want any if the things I coveted in my 20's. I changed my thoughts on marriage and kids and where I wanted to live. Now, almost four years later, I've changed my mind again about most things. What I know to be true is that my birthday is fast approaching. I want to accept the fact that although I don't feel old, I'm getting older. I want to welcome my 34th year with happiness. I owe that to myself to be happy about making it through another year. Especially a year like this one. If I can survive this, I will be smiling every single day.
What I've learned in my 33 years is there is always more to learn. I've made plan after plan. God has laughed at most of them. I've succumbed to the fact that his plan is bigger and better than my own. I've prayed for clarity and direction. It's what I need most. My plans don't matter. I just know that God will order my steps. Anything that hasn't worked out before is because it wasn't supposed to. I've tried too hard to make reason/season people into lifetime people to no avail. It hurts to recognize that I was wrong. Incredibly, stupidly wrong about so much. But, life is all about lessons learned. If we're lucky, with age cones maturity. I've definitely matured this year. I can't pretend that any of this has been easy. I've learned the true definition of growing pains. Thirty four years of wisdom and knowledge. I'm thankful and grateful for every single day of those years. Isn't that what it's really all about? Growing gracefully. Age ain't nothing but a number. I'm glad to be alive to greet a new age soon.
Feelings. Emotions. I've spent most of the year analyzing mine. Why I feel what I feel. What to do about what I feel. How to act on those feelings. It's all a balancing act. The one thing I will never do is apologize about how I feel or why I feel that way. Why do you ask? Because no matter what, what I feel is real to me. My feelings are just that, mine. I will no longer apologize to anyone about the way I feel. You say something that hurts me? I will speak on it. You do something that bothers me? You're going to know about it. Why? Because my feelings matter. I've spent far too long holding my tongue in order to not hurt others. But, what does that solve if in turn I am hurting myself? I am my number one priority. It's been proven that no one will ever be as conscious of my feelings as I am. I have to look out for myself.
Emotions can be a funny thing. They can take us out of character. That has been my biggest issue with really showing my emotions. But, I'm human and I can break. I try very hard to not react to folks. Sometimes I fail. I either will cuss you the hell out which can be deadly. I have a really slick mouth and smart brain. It's a deadly combo when I'm angry. OR I will break down and cry. That's the worse to me. I hate that reaction the most. Because it shows that I was so upset and I didn't have a rational solution. Crying is still the worse thing ever in my world. I hate it. It drains me mentally. And, once I start to cry, it takes forever for me to calm down. I'm totally inconsolable most o f the time. It's why I don't like to cry in front of people. I write when I feel too emotional. It's my creative outlet. I have to write to get it all out. I've learned how to channel my emotions into something productive. In that way, I've been really lucky. I have over 1000 blogs in draft mode right now. They may never see the light of day. But, they were written to save me. In the end, I had to learn to not let my emotions control me. That was a great lesson to learn.
Words are important. I am very cautious of the words I use. I only use words I know the definition of and can spell. That is just a personal issue for me. Words are wonderful. They can help or they can harm. I try my best to not cut people down with my words. I am not a perfect being so some times I fail at it. I have a very slick mouth and very intelligent mind. I think before I speak. I feel the full weight of a word in my mouth before I use it. Words mean that much to me. I believe it is rude to be so callous and careless with one's words. People do it too often. Maybe it is because I'm always in my head. I don't ever want to misrepresent myself. My words are all I have in the end. I have to stand on my words, my beliefs, my convictions. They are the foundation of who I am. When I write, I am using my words to tell my story. Whether I'm happy or sad or hurt or excited, my words express that to you. Sometimes my words scare me. They show my vulnerability and my heart. That is the best worst thing ever. Without words, how could I ever express myself? I crave words like I need air.
My love of words does not come from talking. I fell in love with words when I started reading. The fact that there are people in the world with the talent to create another world within their words is still portable magic to me. I have this same relationship with song lyrics. I love to take people at their word. What you said is what you meant. Your word is your bond. If you say "Kenda, I'm going to do x, y, and z," then that's what the hell you better do. What I say I mean. It's why I am so protective of saying those three little words. Outside of family and friends, I don't say them freely, easily or often. Because "I love you" is huge and it matters. They are words that can build you up or break you down. Strange how three little words can carry so much power. It's been said that we give words power. This is true in a way. I think the people saying those words have power. I have a tough exterior but words cut straight to my heart. The things people have said to me or about me have all altered me in ways I can't even describe. Words mean things to all of us. All of the words in this post mean the most to me. I write to clear my mind and heart. I use my words to express my art. Words create things that did not exist before. How dope is that? It is all art. In that way, we are all artists. So, going forward, be careful with your words. You never know who could need those words to save them.
I am in transition. That is the only way to describe my life currently. I've spent my life helping others fix their problems and situations. What I haven't done is allowed anyone to return the favor. Why? I'm not that type of girl. I have oldest sibling syndrome. I am the Olivia Pope of my circle, the fixer. It's what I do. But, that hasn't worked out the way I hoped it would. I am left here with the most important person in my life broken. There are so many things that I feel need to change. I went to a movie premiere the other night ("Battle of the Year") and one quote stuck out. "Change your mind, change your life." Simple but true. I can't move forward with the thoughts I've been thinking. So, change is the word of the moment. It's my only option. I cannot continue to live the way I have. It's not what I was destined to be or do. I am the only project I am working on right now. It's the most important one. It may sound selfish but I have to do it. I've given parts of myself to others to my own detriment. Those days are over. It's time to look out for number one.
I have to guard my feelings and my heart. I've been mulling over going back to school. I just need to do it. I have to decide what route is best for me. Either getting a Master's in Education to teach English or taking the LSAT to head to law school. I've also put out some pitches for online publications. I feel like my literary voice needs to heard on a grander scale. I've wasted too much time this year thinking about what I felt I've lost. That won't do any longer. I have so much to be thankful for. I also need to accept what is. The world will continue to spin either way. I haven't had fun or been any fun for a while. That's over as well because it isn't me. I know it as do my friends. They've mentioned it. No more anti-social Kenda. I have too much life left in me to live to not do anything. My smile above needs to be permanent. No more numbing the pain with vices. The Kenda Project is in full effect. And I couldn't be more excited about my life, my future. What's done is done. I will leave all of my past behind me. If it doesn't help me, it cannot move forward with me. No one else can do it for me. It's that simple. I decided."Change your mind, change your life." Indeed.
He's my absolute fave. He's your favorite rapper's favorite rapper. He is Hip Hop. This is art. Get into Jay'z "Picasso Baby" video. It's simply dope. Oh and word is the "Holy Grail" video is being filmed now. Cannot wait to see it.
Hi, readers, new and old. Allow me to re-introduce myself! I'm Kenda. A 33 year old Louisiana born and raised woman. I love music and literature equally. They are my two favorite things ever. I could possibly exist in a world of only good music and great books. I'm my Mommie's only daughter, big sister to 5 wonderful sinlings, Teedy to 8.5 wonderful little kids, Nanna to 3 great kids, cousin to a bunch, and friend to a few. I'm a politics fanatic. I blog about everything. I am so random. I am in an intense love affair with words. They are my thing. I dig social media. You can find me on Twitter, Tumblr, and IG. I'm @katchkenda on each. Writing has been my heart's desire since at least the 4th grade. It's the one thing I feel the most like myself doing. My blog is just about navigating my life. Basically this is who I am. Get to know this blogger.
