I am a writer. I declared this to be true a long time ago. The act of writing is a long and arduous one. But, it's the best thing I know. I am always looking for exercises or challenges to help me with my writing. So, when a poet I dig, Alex Elle, posted this on Tumblr, I was all in. #ANote2SelfJC is her October initiative. The goal is to write everyday of this day for 15 minutes in silence. I love journaling because it helps to clear my mind. Anything that gets me back in the habit of writing every single day is a great thing in my world. I have posted a view entries on my Tumblr page. But, most of it is way to personal for me to post. But, I started on the 1st and haven't missed a day yet. It's been very therapeutic for me. I am thoroughly enjoying it. It's funny because for years I kept journals. I haven't had one consistently in years. This is a great exercise for anyone but especially for those of us who love to write. I cannot wait to see how much of my journal that I can fill up before Halloween. Join in if you feel so inclined. Happy writing, folks!!
Hola, August!! In June, I made a pledge to blog every day in July. I did really good with that. I blogged every day of July except one. I am so proud of myself. I haven't been the best at keeping up with my blog for the last year and a half. I allowed my emotions to take me away from my passion. I will not make that mistake ever again. Writing is my thing. I gotta remember that no matter what happens, writing is the thing that helps me through it all. I am glad that I did it. I am just hoping that August will be a productive blogging month for me. I will not be making any proclamations though lol. I just pledge to be a better writer tomorrow than I am today. That I will write and post as often as I can. Thank you guys for reading and sharing my world with me. Hope that your August is amazing as well. One Love!!
Would you dance with me? C'mon. Get to it!! This is a dance break post. Yes, I am celebrating that today is August 30th. That means I am one day away from finishing the #31WriteNow writing challenge. It has been a very long, hot month. I had concerns early on that I would be able to finish this. My head hasn't been in the best place which leads to writer's block more often than an writer would like. I pushed myself through this. I was determined to do it. I needed to do it. I had to write this month. This challenge came along at the perfect moment. It was truly divine intervention. And, I welcomed it rightfully into my life and onto my blog. I sat down and wrote a few blogs that first week. That was the easiest week of this. Everything after that was a labor of love. There were some days when the words just wouldn't come. Those were the worst days. Prayer helped me through those days.
So, as I sit here blogging on the second to last day of the challenge, I am reflecting. This challenge wasn't always easy nor did I always feel like doing it. But, I knew that it would be the best thing for me. It has allowed to get all of the words, thoughts and ideas out of my head and on to the proverbial page. I am grateful for that alone. I do not know if people who aren't writers get how much goes through a writer's head all the time. There is never a moment when nothing is forming in my head. I can try to not focus on it. But, because I write, those words will demand to be written one way or another. That's just my truth. I have so many unfinished blogs sitting in my drafts right now. Things I felt like I wanted to say and ultimately decided I couldn't. Or things that I don't think I'm ready to finish yet. Some of my drafts are just things that have demanded not to be written...yet. Either way, I am always writing in some form or fashion. Now, I'm at the need of this challenge. I have grown because of it. There is only one day left. So, yes, I am dancing and celebrating myself!! Thank God that I made it through this month.
The MTV VMA's were a hot mess. Save for the Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars performances. Everything else was literally a clusterfuck of white folks behaving badly while appropriating Black culture. I'm disgusted in many ways.
The Foreign Exchange finally released their new single "Call It Home" this week. I love it. If you aren't up on FE, you need to give them a listen. Love Phonte and Nicolay and their music. Haven't stopped listening to it all week. Get into them.
This #31WriteNow writing challenge has been stressful. Extremely. I needed to do it. But, I am so happy that I can see the finish line. The light at the end of the tunnel is shining brightly. I am proud of myself for getting to this point. I'm also grateful for the new bloggers I've discovered through this challenge.
The appropriating of Black culture was at an all time high this week. ABC did this report which was just about my breaking point. Seriously, a report on twerking?!? Go home White America, you're drunk! Ugh. Oh, but Black Twitter did not disappoint. The trending topic of #ABCReports was golden earlier this week. Get into it for a laugh or 3.
The PR machine that is the Kardashians are up to new low tricks today. I find it hard to believe that Lamar Odom is a raging crack addict and has been for years. As if this man doesn't work for the NBA and has to pass random drug testing. Also, it seems very ironic that this drug story comes out after the cheating allegations arise. I call major bs and I'm looking dead at Kris Jenner for this.
Also, I really hate when mainstream media gets ahold of new terms/slang. They kill it quickly. Such as their new found fascination with twerking. It is being added to the Oxford English dictionary. I'm disgusted. BTW, what Miley is doing isn't twerking. It's making a damn fool of herself. Go ahead and watch. Cringe and be embarrassed for her.
All week, I've been obsessed with one project: TGT's "Three Kings" cd. It is just great R&B. Tank, Ginuwine and Tyrese have come together as TGT. They released their debut cd "Three Kings" this week. It is literally all I've been listening to. If you are a fan of soulful R&B, this is for you. Get into it. Especially "OMG," "Tearing It Down," "Weekend In Love," and most importantly "FYH."
I've been a fan of Michael B. Jordan since he was Wallace on "The Wire." *spoiler alert* I cried when Bodie and Poot killed him in season one. Hated it. I've watched him grow as an actor. I really dug him in "Chronicle." I LOVED him as Oscar Grant in "Fruitvale Station." Great actor but really he is just so nice to look at.
I can honestly say there is only one headline I want to see that ha the name of Trayvon Martin's killer in it. I'm not sorry about that sentiment. The lawyers of Martin's killer are moving forward to ask the state of Florida to foot the bill (between $200,000 - $300,000) for the trial. The murderer's wife was found guilty of perjury this week also. Like her husband, she too has skirted jail time. Still no justice for Trayvon Martin.
I've written a few stories.You can read them here and here. I've taken a new approach to it. Well sort of. It's been building 6 words at a time. I didn't have a goal when I started out. But, it's ended up being my thoughts this year. Read it here if you like. I was going to stop at 100. I'm on 105.
This has been sitting in my drafts for awhile. It's still relevant to life. So, here it goes. I believe that I am very good at saying what I mean and following through. I do not believe that most people fall under the same category. I don't like to play with any one's emotions or confuse folks. I say what I mean so that they get exactly what I'm saying. This has been a theme in my life this year. Me not knowing exactly what people truly mean and where they are coming from. It is the most frustrating thing ever. I hate have to decipher what every conversation really means or what that text actually meant. It would be so much easier if folks just said what they meant. There would be no mixed signals or miscommunication. It's really a simple practice. This is where signals get crossed and things are taken the wrong way. I can detect a different tone in a person's text that they did not intend. I've been wanting to scream "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN??" so many times this year.
I have decided just to take folks at face value. Whatever you say or text is what you meant. I do not have time to be Inspector Gadget every day. The people that want to be in your life will show and prove. And, those that don't won't. I believe in simplification. I can't keep holding on to people and relationships that have run their course. I hope that I am not guilty of doing the same. I just know that my life would be a lot better if folks didn't do this. I truly cannot deal anymore. I can't spend another moment trying to figure you out. I will be taking folks at face value from this point on. The miscommunication will be on your part. Whatever you said, emailed, texted, IM'd, tweeted, tumbled, or blogged will be your word. Nothing more, nothing less. Problem solved.
Forgive and forget is something I simply cannot do. I haven't found the right balance yet. How do you forgive those who have hurt you? Better yet, how do you forget the hurt you felt? It's not easily done. Forgiving is simple. Especially with time. I can pray on forgiveness. I can forgive anyone almost anything. That's the easy part for me. Oh but forgetting is another topic. Forgetting is something that my brain won't allow my heart to do. I remember every slight, every word, every action that caused me pain. I remember distinctly what that pain felt like. My brain will not allow me to let go of those moments. I wish I could remember to forget. Wish it were as easy as saying "just forget it."
My problem is that I internalize so much. And, when you hold so much inside, you're bound to explode. My "explosions" usually happen here on my blog or on my Tumblr. Or even worse, when I'm feeling rather low, text messages are sent. In hindsight, I know it's not the most productive way to work through my stuff. But, it's the most readily available way. I write to heal myself. It's therapeutic for me. Sometimes I'm not too proud of the work I create when I read it back. Other days, I couldn't be more prouder of myself. I'll think I've finally conquered the forgiving aspect. I can forgive you & still not want a thing to do with you. It's the forgetting that I struggle with. It's the letting go of it that pains me. I'm desperately trying to conquer it as well. It's all that I can do for now.
Did you know that "I don't know" and "I don't care" are both acceptable responses? They are. I use then frequently. You know why? Because sometimes I don't know the answer. Shocking, I know but true. But more often than not, I don't care. If I deem it stupid or offensive or just plain dumb as hell, I don't care. When I get to that point, I can't fake it. I don't care about many things these days. That may sound selfish but it's true. There are some days when my ability to not care astounds even me. I pride myself on being a thinker. So spending time thinking about things I truly don't care for seems silly. So, I don't.
I have the the right to truly not care. I don't like small talk either. I want to learn something. Teach me something new. Tell me something old in a new way. In return, I want to educate you. Let me hip you to some new poetry or an author I love. That's what I know and care about. I don't want to talk about things that don't interest me. Furthermore, I'd rather not talk with people who don't interest me. The polar opposite of interesting is boring. And, I can't stomach boredom. It isn't for me. I've been that way since I was a kid. I've always been drawn to people I could learn something from. I was a curious kid who grew into a even curiouser woman. I like to know things, learn stuff. I'm not happy being stagnant. But, if I don't care about the subject matter, my mind wanders. That's where the problem can arise. I think too much. It's my gift and my curse. But, when I'm not interested in what's before me, my thoughts tend to go left. Way left. ¡Es no bueno!
I can't attempt to care about the mundane things some people do. It's not in me to do so. I care about myself and my family and the arts and politics. I know about literature and music and hair and family. Those are things that pique my interest. They are things I know and care about. I could care less about what offends you because it isn't my problem. I don't want to waste time on things that don't interest me. Why should I? If I've learned anything it, but that life is short and nothing is guaranteed. Life is for living not planning or pretending. So don't be surprised if you ask me a question and I reply "You know, I really don't care!" I don't have time to waste. I'm secure enough in myself to say I don't know or I don't care. It isn't about you. It's about me. And, I'm more than on with that.
