Two Whole Weeks

Truth is, I'm tired. I took a week off from blogging to give myself a break. It's been two agonizing weeks since Michael Brown was executed in broad daylight by police officer Darren Wilson in Ferguson, Mo. Two weeks of protests, over policing, tear gas and tears. Two weeks full of trying not to hate all white people. Two weeks of being fed up with racism and respectability politics. Two weeks too long. It was the tipping point for me. I am still disgusted with the entire situation. Yes, this happened in Ferguson but this is America so we all live in Ferguson. Michael Brown could have easily been my brothers or nephews or friends. Same with Trayvon and Jordan and Oscar and Johnathan. It's just like Renisha could've been me. I am tired of people who look like me being gunned down and no one other than Black people caring. I am sick of it.

I had to take a break because I was tired of crying, tired of hurting. And, most of all, I was exhausted of trying to get white people to understand my plight. I do not get how there can be a GoFundMe account for Michael's killer which has raised over $200k. I do not get the racist and ignorant things that have been tweeted to me and others. It's situations like these that could easily make one lose hope and faith in humanity as a whole. No parent deserves to lose their kid. No parent should have to see their child shot dead in the streets and their body left for hours. Is this not America?? The last two weeks have been too much for me. I had to take a timeout from it all. The sad part is this is far from over. Today, Michael Brown was laid to rest. 18 years old and his life was cut down for no reason. It's not right or just. All I can do is stay diligent and prayerful. Rest in Paradise, Mike Brown. We won't let them forget your name. We will get justice for you.

Just Because I Felt Like It: BeyMA's

Mrs. Carter came to slay the MTV VMA's. And she did. Last night, Beyonce' was the recipient of the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. She performed her entire "Beyonce'" visual cd in a little over 16 minute set. From the first note to the final one, Bey was e-very-thing!! Iconic. Flawless, Fearless. Dope. She gave a great performance. She was worthy of this award. She also took home 3 other Moonmen from the night, making her the 2nd most awarded woman behind Madonna in MTV VMA's history. Get into this performance!!

Ladies Love Lyrics: Eric Roberson's "Mark On Me"

I do love good music. Eric Roberson released his new project "The Box" this month. I haven't stopped playing it. I love it. Especially two tracks "I'm Not Trying To Keep Score" & "Mark On Me." They are the two tracks that I listen to first. And, I always come back to them. Get into the lyrics of "Mark On Me" because they are so dope. I remember that feeling so this song is sorta nostalgic. 

"It didn’t go like I have plannedI thought after we shared an eveningThat I would have the upper handBut the thought of this girl ain't leavingShe’s constantly on my mindAnd I thought it would be the love the way aroundAnd I found, the games I play are played on me right nowBecause I smell her hair, and I smell her perfumeEven though my love she’s not thereAnd I can resume
Oh, she left a mark on meShe left a mark on me…”

A Little Saturday Randomness

• This week has been way too much emotionally. I am drained. I am tired of all of the insane and unjust things occurring right here in America. Being Black is not a crime.
• I am really liking "The Killing" so far. The storyline is very interesting. It's a show set in Seattle. The only thing I hate is that it rains all the time. I mean all the time. That makes the background of every scene dreary and miserable. Other than that, it's a dope show. 
• I was tweeting about the Mike Brown shooting yesterday and used the term white privilege. That brought some certified idiots to my mentions. I love reported people as "spam" on Twitter. It's like voting them off the island. I don't argue with fools. 
• Strangely, I keep waking up with odd bruises on my thighs. I do not know why. Maybe I am running into the door in the middle of the night when I get up to use the bathroom. I am not sure but it's the weirdest thing. 

• I was talking to an associate about long distance relationships. She's concerned about her bf potentially cheating because they are not in the same area. I was in an ldr. Cheating was never a concern for me. That never crossed my mind with him. I don't know if it was confidence in him or confidence in myself but it was never an issue. 
• I'm going to a baby shower today for triplets. I kinda feel some kinda way about it. And, I know rationally I shouldn't. But, the older I get, the louder my biological clock is ticking. I really don't like it. I just don't know how to make it go away.
• On a brighter note, I get to see my favorite cousin tomorrow. Which is always a great time and I need it.
• It's one o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Insomnia has returned in a huge way. I am so tired but cannot get rest. I have some Ambien that I'm gonna take. Because I have too much to do later.
• Cramps are a gift from Lucifer and the pits of hell. I do not deserve such pain & anguish every. single. month. Fix It, Jesus!!

Get Into It: J. Cole "Free" (Mike Brown Tribute)

This is why I love J. Cole. The raw emotion in this track echoes my own. There isn't much to say about it. Praying for justice for Mike Brown and his family and his community. Thank you Cole for this track. Get into it. 

Around These E-Streets (XIV)

• KeKe Palmer is heading to Broadway as the first ever Black "Cinderella!!!" I cannot even express my excitement for this. Slay Black girl, slay!!!
• He has a name: Mike Brown. Another day, another unarmed Black teen killed by the cops. The cops have their ever-changing version of what happened, eyewitnesses have another. I believe the witnesses. 
• Because of the killing of Mike Brown, riots started last night. Prayers sent up for everyone there.  
• And, another one, John Crawford,22, killed by cops in a Walmart for holding a toy gun. 
• Here we have white people doing more racist stuff because well, they can. Smdh.          

• Beyonce' Giselle Knowles-Carter will be honored with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award @ this year's MTV Video Awards. The show airs August 24th @ 8pm. She will be presented the award by her husband, Jay Z and daughter, Blue Ivy Carter. I cannot wait to see her performance. 
• I do not understand why President Obama decided to do an airstrike in Iraq. We need to stay out of the Middle East period. 
• I read the most interesting article on Essence. The topic: freezing eggs. It's a topic that intrigues me for so many reasons.
• The great and incomparable actor/comedian Robin Williams is gone. He was 63.
• Social media can be a tool of greatness. Over the weekend, the hashtag #IfTheyGunned MeDown became a trending topic. My contribution is below. For some reason, I always had my middle finger up during college pics.

Gone Too Soon, Robin Williams

 

The actor/comedian legend Robin Williams is gone. He was 63. It seems that Williams committed suicide yesterday morning. I am heartbroken. I am a fan. Have been since the first time I saw "Mork & Mindy." It was a weird show and I was a weird child who grew into a weird woman. My love of his greatness grew more with every movie. I specifically remember the day I saw his "Hook." It was during a class field trip with my Speech and Debate Coach Mr. Block. I loved it. Loved. I still feel the same way about it every single time I watch it. It is one of my favorite movies from my childhood. Then, there was the hilarious "Mrs. Doubtfire." A movie about a man who would do anything including don a dress, makeup and wig, to be with his kids. That touched a special part of me. I think the movie that affected me the most has to be "Dead Poets Society." As a writer/poet, it made me want to be more, explore more. The quotes from that movie still stick with me. I am sorry that Mr. Robin Williams battled with a depression so deep that he he took the only way out he knew how. I hope that he has found his peace. Rest in paradise, Robin Williams.

It's My Hair: Dye Job

I love color. Always have. Dying my hair has been my thing since I was 14. But, I haven't dyed my hair in four years. FOUR! So, to say I was apprehensive is an understatement. I got some great advice from my dope friend Reese. I purchased L'Oreal Technique Excellence HiColor (Browns For Dark Hair Only) in Light Auburn. I got three boxes because I have thick, coarse hair. I also picked up one bottle of L'Oreal 30 Oreo Developer. I parted my hair into four sections. I mixed them in a plastic applicator bottle. I then applied it to my hair starting at the back left fourth. It took a while to apply all of the dye to my entire head. I did not let it sit for long. I rinsed it out with warm water. Then I shampooed and conditioned my hair. Below are my results which I am now ecstatic about. I wasn't that happy about it the day after. But, this weekend, a braidout made me realize how deep my new shade was. In the pics, my hair looks purple but it really isn't. I know that next time, I will leave the dye on longer to get a lighter shade. I am happy with my results. Happy Kenda is happy. Get into my color, honey!

Before:

After:

Justice For Mike Brown

Police kill another unarmed Black teen. ANOTHER. When will this stop?!? The police are supposed to protect and serve. They are not supposed to kill at will. They are not supposed to take life as if they gave it. There are conflicting reports about what happened. I am inclined to believe the words of witnesses on the scene. These witnesses bombarded Twitter with their accounts mere moments after it happened. They say Mike Brown was walking in the street on his way home. The cop who executed him passed Mike and his friend and told them to use the sidewalk. Words were passed between the two parties. Mike and his friend kept walking. The cop put his cruiser in reverse and almost hit the two young men. The cop swung his door open in an attempt to hit Mike. Mike pushed the door back towards the car. The door hit the cop who in turn pulled out an M16 rifle and shot into the car. Mike ran away from the car. Then raised both hands in surrender. The cop shot Mike in the back of the head, execution style. Mike's body fell to the ground. The killer cop walked up on Mike's body shot him four more times. He stood over Mike and shot him some more. For what?!? What did he do to deserve this? Nothing. No cop is judge, jury and executioner. None of them. 

Mike's body lay in the streets of Ferguson, MI for over 5 hours. In that time, a large crowd grew. They were shouts of "I am Mike Brown" as well as "No Justice, No Peace." Mike's parents were a part of the crowd as well. The crowd left the crime scene and marched to the Ferguson police department. They were back this morning for the Chief of Police's press conference. The spin is already on in this case. They are report's that Brown stole candy and was running from the police. Another report is that he walked up to a cop's car, pushed the cop and tried to take his gun, which makes no sense. The victim is seemingly on trial in the court of public opinion. I hate it. It's as if Black lives do not matter in this supposed world of post-racial America. Brown just graduated from high school. He should not be dead. This disgusts me. I am heartsick about this. I am an auntie, a sister, a Godmother and a friend. There are too many Black boys and men in my life for me to take this sitting down. This is a travesty. I am so pissed. Justice for Mike Brown. 

Get Into It: "Get On Up"

The James Brown biopic "Get On Up" premiered last Friday. I went to see it on Sunday morning. Going into it, I did not know a whole lot about Brown's history. I knew his music well though. So, for me, the movie was a history lesson. And, I thoroughly enjoy history. The movie is a good look into the beginnings of James Brown and all the things he eventually became. I did not know that he was he first Black person to own his own private plane. I also did not know that Mick Jagger, who is a producer of this movie, was a fan of turned friend to Mr. Brown. I loved that it showed how differently Brown saw and felt music. This goes to show how his mind created the best music. He has been sampled by almost every artist in every genre of music. He was simply amazing. That's what this movie showed me. 

Can we just talk about Jill Scott in this black lace dress above?!? She was awesome in the movie. I now need a black lace dress in my closet because it was everything.  The movie is good. I really enjoyed it. My only gripe with the movie is "James Brown" talking to the camera. I hate that. Actors, do not break the 4th wall. I despised it during the first season of "Sex and the City" when Carrie did it as well as the first season of "Girlfriends" when Joan did it. Hate it. Also, the fact that James referred to himself in 3rd person all the time. In my mind, only unstable, narcissistic people do that. It freaks me out. Other than that, the movie was a win. The casting and acting were both A1. I recommend this film to anyone who has any interest in the story of James Brown. Get Into It: "Get On Up."

Justice For Renisha McBride

Today, Renisha McBride and her family received justice. It came in the form of a GUILTY verdict for McBride's killer, Ted Wafer. I've written about this case before, here and here. Wafer faces a sentence of life with the possibility of parole. This case struck a chord in me for a few reasons. McBride was looking for help after crashing her car. She knocked on the wrong door. Wafer, who claimed he was afraid, shot McBride in her face. She died on his porch at the age of 19. I am so glad that the jury did their job this time. I loved this Ebony article by dream hampton. She played an integral part in this case/ His sentencing is scheduled for August 25, 2014. I hope he gets life since he took one willingly. Justice for Renisha indeed. 

***Flawless On An Early Sunday Morning

Beyonce' Giselle Knowles-Carter and Onika Tanya Maraj just killed the internet. The remix to "***Flawless" was casually dropped on a late Saturday night like it was nothing. I am a fan of both and the original song. I did not think it could get any better. I was oh so wrong. Bey is rapping on the remix which is dope as hell. And, Nicki is spitting that realness that I need. It's just perfection in my eyes. And there is a outkast "SpottieOttieDopalicious" sample in the middle of the remix which is super dope. Listen to it Beyonce's website or down below. Enjoy. 

I Was Reborn, When I Was Broken

 This line from Maxwell's song "Lifetime" has been stuck in my head all week. I know it's because it seems essential to my life. For the last 18 months, I have been living in a state of brokenness. And, for a long time, I let my broken heart define who and what I was. I was sad and angry and confused. I shrunk away from the world because I didn't want anyone to really know what was going on with me. I have a problem with accepting help from others. I am not good at asking for it or even admitting that I need it. There is no other way to describe how terrible it is to getting your heart broken. It's the worst thing ever. When you are in it, you feel like you won't ever feel whole again. It feels like you're drowning in the emotions. I don't remember the sun shining or laughing or feeling happy for at least a year. 

And, then, one day, I woke up and I felt better, lighter. I wasn't whole again or healed. But, it felt like I was on the road there. So, this is why that particular Maxwell line resonates with me. I feel like I've been reborn through the fire that was my broken heart. Now, I wouldn't wish my last 18 months on my worst enemy. There were days when I felt like living with a broken heart wasn't living at all. For far too long, I was only existing. I didn't know how to pick myself up from my pain. How I made it through, I'm really not sure. But, I was reborn in a way. I am a different woman today that I was on January 27, 2013. I lost a special part of me and I am certain that I won't ever get it back. I've grown in ways I wasn't sure I could. There are things about myself that I do not understand. Things I won't ever comprehend. But, for better or worse, I am me. And, that makes it all worth it in the end. 

  

                                         

I Made It!

Hola, August!! In June, I made a pledge to blog every day in July. I did really good with that. I blogged every day of July except one. I am so proud of myself. I haven't been the best at keeping up with my blog for the last year and a half. I allowed my emotions to take me away from my passion. I will not make that mistake ever again. Writing is my thing. I gotta remember that no matter what happens, writing is the thing that helps me through it all. I am glad that I did it. I am just hoping that August will be a productive blogging month for me. I will not be making any proclamations though lol. I just pledge to be a better writer tomorrow than I am today. That I will write and post as often as I can. Thank you guys for reading and sharing my world with me. Hope that your August is amazing as well. One Love!!