Not The Right One

Last night I was watching BET's "The Game" while attempting to go to sleep. I wasn't feeling that well. And, while I would normally be all into the show, my mind was elsewhere. So, I was dvr'ing it to watch later. Until I heard Jason Pitts utter the words above. I felt like I had been shot. I sat straight up and had to rewind it because I didn't really know what led to such an honest and hurtful admission. I watched that scene at least three times. Watched as Chardonnay's heart broke and face cracked as her husband said those words to her. How could he?? How do you fall in love with a woman, marry her, plan your future with her, re-propose, give her a big fancy wedding only to humiliate her in front of everyone?? I will never understand the mindframe of a man who is supposedly in love with a woman doing anything to hurt her. Ever. 

But, then I got to thinking about this situation. If you really love someone, you should want the best for them. Even if that means that they aren't with you. I've spent a lot of time thinking since my last breakup about love. I've seriously doubted his love for me on many late nights. I felt as if he didn't love me enough to stay. And, for far too long, that thought killed me. It made me feel less than and not worthy of love because the man I loved left me. The absence of his love filled me with self-doubt. And, honestly, I haven't worked my way totally through it. Even after the breakup, he would (and still does) compliment me and I find it hard to believe him. Hearing that I'm a good woman or a great person or that I'm pretty or sexy or intelligent doesn't have the same appeal as it did before. But, then I had an epiphany. Whatever his reasons for leaving, whether I think they were credible or not, were his own. And, the reality is, he no longer thought I was the right woman for him. In hindsight, I'm thankful for him. Because it could've been worse. We could've been married with kids. This way, I was the only one hurt. I didn't think I would survive but I did. Getting back to "The Game," I hope this heartbreak for Chardonnay leads her to the man she is supposed to spend the rest of her life with. Hell, I hope the same thing for me as well. 

Black and Natural

Love is indeed the new Black. It is the thing none of us can get enough of. ("Everybody wanna know what my Achilles' heel is. Love I don't get enough of it." -- Shawn Corey Carter) Last Sunday, Solange Knowles got married and pictures were released via Vogue. Those wedding pictures literally shut everything down. It was the only topic of discussion on Twitter that night. The Knowles-Ferguson wedding did indeed #BreakTheInternet. The pictures were breathtakingly beautiful. What I loved the most was Solange's natural hair in her signature afro for her wedding. As a woman who has been natural for over 3 years now, I am totally biased on this subject. I LOVED it. Solange has been a carefree Black girl for years. She does things her way with no apologies. And, that is a sentiment I can get behind. This is actually the second wedding in the last few weeks were the bride's were natural. The other was Demetria Lucas (aka A Belle in Brooklyn). I loved her look for her wedding as well. I never put much thought into wedding day hair. But, I love this trend. I love seeing women being unapologetically themselves, especially on what is dubbed as one of the most important days in one's life.

What I find deplorable is the backlash on social media. I am so glad that I do not follow any of these idiots who thought Solange's hair was ugly or nappy or looked bad. It did not take me long to find the clusters of idiot who had that frame of mind. This was a woman who married her love. It was her wedding day and she did it her way. She, also, slayed effortlessly in every single photo I saw. The sad part is those negative thoughts came from other Black people, mainly Black women. I'm sad to say I wasn't even shocked. The hair that grows naturally out of your head is not bad or wrong or ugly. It's God's work. I was offended on so many levels. This article was written by a Black woman. Why is natural hair such a taboo topic? Why do you care how a woman wears her hair? Her hair, her day, her choice. And, I , for one, am a fan.  Natural hair is not a movement, it's a way of life. Go ahead and accept it. Get into it. 

I Was Reborn, When I Was Broken

 This line from Maxwell's song "Lifetime" has been stuck in my head all week. I know it's because it seems essential to my life. For the last 18 months, I have been living in a state of brokenness. And, for a long time, I let my broken heart define who and what I was. I was sad and angry and confused. I shrunk away from the world because I didn't want anyone to really know what was going on with me. I have a problem with accepting help from others. I am not good at asking for it or even admitting that I need it. There is no other way to describe how terrible it is to getting your heart broken. It's the worst thing ever. When you are in it, you feel like you won't ever feel whole again. It feels like you're drowning in the emotions. I don't remember the sun shining or laughing or feeling happy for at least a year. 

And, then, one day, I woke up and I felt better, lighter. I wasn't whole again or healed. But, it felt like I was on the road there. So, this is why that particular Maxwell line resonates with me. I feel like I've been reborn through the fire that was my broken heart. Now, I wouldn't wish my last 18 months on my worst enemy. There were days when I felt like living with a broken heart wasn't living at all. For far too long, I was only existing. I didn't know how to pick myself up from my pain. How I made it through, I'm really not sure. But, I was reborn in a way. I am a different woman today that I was on January 27, 2013. I lost a special part of me and I am certain that I won't ever get it back. I've grown in ways I wasn't sure I could. There are things about myself that I do not understand. Things I won't ever comprehend. But, for better or worse, I am me. And, that makes it all worth it in the end. 

  

                                         

Ladies Love Lyrics: Trey Songz "What's Best For You"

Love is a strange emotion. It can be the very best and the absolute worst thing ever. They say that if you love someone, you should want the best for them. Even if that means letting them go because you aren't it. This is a concept I have been struggling with for the last year in a half. I believe I am too selfish in love. If I am in love with you, then I want you with me. I cannot see past my love for you to see you loving someone else. I am totally NOT there yet. I don't know if I'll ever be. Trey Songz new single discusses this issue. I dig the song a lot. I have a feeling u will too. Get into these lyrics. 

Don’t make this hard for me
It’s not about who’s right or wrong, no
If it’s how it’s supposed to, really supposed to be
Then this love will carry on, girl
If we leave how we began
Then just know, that

I only want what’s best for you
It’s not what’s good for me
It’s not about what I want
But it’s all about what you need
I want what’s best for you
But I don’t want you to leave
It’s not about what I want
But it’s all about what you need
I want what’s best for you

Cause you're the sweetest thing I know
If I said I loved you, really loved you so
Then I could let you go
Doesn't mean I'm giving up, no
So just know that..."

April 10th Is...

...National Siblings Day! I am the proud older sister to 5 of the dopest people I know. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. They range in age from 28 to 18. All different and unique in their own way. I love the relationships I have with each of them individually. Would not trade them for the world. These are #tbt pictures as well. I couldn't have prayed for a better group of men and women to call my own. Happy National Siblings Day to all the siblings out there. 

"What Did Your Ex Teach You?"

On this week's episode of "Being Mary Jane," Mary Jane asked her date Sean a great date question. "What did your ex teach you?" While that was my favorite scene from the episode, it made me think. I'm a 34 year old woman who has been on love twice and been in a few other relationships. What have I learned thus far is that I've been taught some incredible lessons. I want to focus only on the positive things I've been taught by the two men I've loved. The more I think about it, the more evident their impact on my life is. It's funny the little things you pick up along this journey called life. The people you meet and have in your life leave pieces of themselves with you when they leave. I am also very interested in what any of my exes responses would be to this question. I hope that they have learned something great from knowing me. 

My first love taught me a few things. I was very self conscious as a 14 year old. He would compliment every inch of me. I was a very serious kid. He taught me to not be so serious and to laugh more. We did that a lot. He taught me all about football because he played. Up until then, I was strictly a basketball girl. We were kids with big dreams. We both wanted more than the neighborhood we grew up in. He taught me about being comfortable with voicing my dreams. I would tell him everything and vice versa. In hindsight, neither of us knew a thing back then. We are pretty clueless while trying to find our way through our teenage years. We grew up together. I am thankful for that love at that time. In that moment, it was innocent and pure and right. I actually never thought I would look back and think of KG in a positive light. 

The love of my life taught me the most. He taught me what love truly is. I never knew that I could ever love someone with my entire heart. He broaden my horizons on the way I see things and the way I evaluate them. He taught me about complete communication in a relationship. We talked everything put before it became a problem. With him, I was no longer a hot head. We didn't argue. I'll always say this was my first real adult relationship. Spiritually, he has been the most influential person in my life. We would discuss the Bible in great detail and religion and spirituality. He fed that part of me. Because of him, I've read books I never would have, watched movies outside of my normal box, watched shows I never even heard of. He taught me compassion. No matter what happened in the end, I cannot forget all the goodness that I received because of and through him. I am not too far removed from this love with KB to reflect fully. But, these things are self evident and true. He loved me in a way that I never knew possible. I am thankful for that. 

My favorite uncle once told me "If you aren't learning something from your mate and them from you, leave. Because that isn't a healthy relationship for either of you." I've always kept that in the back of my mind. I hope that I've taught my exes something as well. Things that have made them better, more rounded men. Things that years from now will make them smile if I happen to cross their minds. Through life, we meet people who change us in small or big ways by the things they teach us. They become a part of us and our journey. It's amazing how that happens. What has an ex taught you?

This Reader's Review: Part XX: Demetria L. Lucas "A Belle in Brooklyn"

I cannot recall how I first heard of Demetria L. Lucas. I didn't know her real name at that moment. She was just "A Belle in Brooklyn." She is a relationship expert, a blogger, journalist, an author and now a reality tv star on Bravo's "Blood, Sweat, and Heels." I've been following her for some time now on Twitter.  She gives great advice via her ask.fm page and she tweets interesting things daily. I feel like I know her and I like her. I've been wanting to read her debut novel "A Belle in Brooklyn:  The Go-to Girl For Advice on Living Your Best Single Life" for some time now. But, I have an enormous to be read list and stack. But, I was in the library last weekend and couldn't pass it up. I dived right into. From the opening paragraph, it was everything I wanted it to be and more. I could not put it down. I needed to know more about these men and the dating scene in New York. I finished it in a day and a half. 

I kinda live tweeted some of my favorite parts of the book. This book is one woman's dating journey. I love Lucas' take on men and dating. I love the way she paints the pictures. I felt like I knew all of the characters in her book. Her voice and tone are very distinct. I love an author that makes me feel like I am right in the center of their literary world. Lucas does this effortlessly. The setting of her book is mostly New York with trips to DC and L.A. The men are different and varied. She dispenses real life advice for single women  about men and dating. I learned a lot from reading this book. There was one paragraph that hit me like a ton of bricks. I've included it below. It was like a ton of bricks fell on my head. I was deeply invested in her dating tales, especially those involving Greg. "A Belle in Brooklyn" was an easy, fun read. I loved it. Lucas will be releasing her second book, "Don't Waste Your Pretty:The Go-to Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life & Love" this year. I cannot wait to read it.