My Movie Review: "Top Five"

Chris Rock's movie "Top Five" is easily one of my favorites from this year. I laughed from the opening until the closing credits. Chris Rock plays Andre Allen a once very hot comedian/actor who had it all and lost it all. He is on a comeback promo tour for his new serious movie. Because he is a comedian, no one wants to take him seriously. Coupled with the fact that he is embroiled in this high powered engagement with a reality tv star, it seems like Allen cannot win. Enter a New York Times critic to shake things up via a profile. I love the journey this movie takes us on. You get to see the highs and lows of celebrity. Chris Rock did a great job weaving this tale. I like that Allen is loosely based on himself but there is enough difference between the two to not get clouded by it. It is absolutely wonderful to see Rock in a role like this. I believe the world has been missing his brand of comedy.

I loved that this movie starred some of the dopest comedians. Cedric the Entertainer, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Hart, Whoopi Goldberg, Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Pharoah, Leslie Jones, Adam Sandler, JB Smoove as well as Hassan Johnson (wee Bey Brice from "The Wire") Rosario Dawson, and Gabrielle Union. Everyone was great in this movie. But, I have to give all the props for surprise cameos to DMX. His scene was hilarious and unexpected. It was my single favorite standout moment in the film. This was the definition of a romantic comedy. I enjoyed it. I cannot wait for it to come out on dvd because I will be purchasing it. It's a must see movie in my opinion. Get into "Top Five."

Just Because I Felt Like It: J. Cole

J. Cole has had my attention since I first heard his mixtape. I've been a fan. But, there is something different about his mindset and music this time around. He has been visible in the Michael Brown/Ferguson protests. He's used his voice to give this cause some shine.  His new cd "2014 Forest Hills Drive" is so dope to me. I love the growth in his lyrics and his beat selection is great. During his promo run, he performed "Be Free" on David Letterman. Which is amazing for two reasons. This song is not on his new cd. It's the song he recorded after Brown was killed. It was such a raw performance. I loved it. I wish he would've included it on his new project. He followed that up with a very open and honest interview with Power 105's Angie Martinez. Both are videos you need to watch. J. Cole is amazing to me. He has solidified it with this project. Get into this. 

Merry, Merry

Merry Christmas to you!! Christmas is my favorite holiday. It has nothing to do with gifts though. I love the decorations, the music, and the lights. I love it all. I love seeing all of my family and spending time with them. I hope everyone has an amazing day and that you get to spend it with people you love and who love you right back. I hope you get your heart's desire. Merry Christmas from me to you!!

The List

There are so many things I want to work on in this my 35th year. I decided to come up with a list of things I will and will not be doing as a 35 year old Black woman. I want so many things out of life. But, I know the only way to get them is to work on this list of things. I am my own worst enemy. This is my life and I deserve the world so I'm going to get it. By any means necessary. Get into my list.

1. Talking down to myself. 
2. Second guessing myself.
3. No more word vomit. 
4. I'll no longer feel sorry for myself about one specific thing.
5. I won't compare my life/story to any other person.
6. I won't stay up late at night contemplating the universe.
7. I won't look back anymore. What's done is done.
8. Even if I'm having a bad hair day, I won't complain about my natural hair.
9. I won't get a relaxer (perm).
10. I will no longer say "I'm ok" or "I'm fine" when I am not. 
11. I won't hang onto the possibility of things. 
12. I will no longer pretend that I'm not feeling what I'm feeling.
13. I will no longer hide.
14. I won't pretend with anyone anymore. If I do not like you, sorry for you.
15. I will no longer compromise my feelings for anyone else.
16. I will not shed another tear over people/places/things that wouldn't do the same for me.
17. I will no longer write about my past.
18. *Things I will do* Laugh more.
19. Be more social and less active on social media.
20. Be more prayerful.
21. Read my Bible more.
22. Complain less.
23. Compliment people randomly.
24. Go to bed earlier so I can sleep more.
25. I will own every single thing that happens to me, for me, because of me. 
26. I will jump head first into the next big thing.
27. I will ask for what I want and go after everything I deserve.
28. I will smile and enjoy my life more.
29. Write something daily. 
30. I will step out on faith in all areas. 
31. Clean out my closets, literally and figuratively. 
32. Love me more. 
33. Appreciate and love on the people who came into my life and stayed.
34. I will exude my Black Girl Magic everywhere I go. 
35. I will be unapologetic about being myself in all arenas. 

My Movie Review: "Annie"

When I was a little girl, I fell in love with "Annie." Every single time it came on, I had to watch it. I tortured my parents with it. I knew every word and every song. My love for it has never gone away. Even now, I will still watch it any time I can catch. I own two dvd copies of the original "Annie." Suffice it to say, I am a FAN. Have been since the first time I saw it in 1982 as a 3 year old. It is my absolute favorite musical. As much as I loved the original, I did not care for the 1999 made-for-tv movie. It was just ok. When I first heard that Jay Z & Will & Jada Smith were redoing "Annie," I was over the moon excited. They had chosen Willow Smith to play "Annie" and I thought that was perfect. But, then a few years passed and I lost hope. Until Oscar nominated Quvenzhane' Wallis replaced Willow and the movie was a go. I knew that I would have to see this version. I was  excited for months.

"Annie" was released on Friday, December 19, 2014. The movie stars the aforementioned Wallis, as well as Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz and Rose Bryne. Jamie Foxx takes on the Daddy Warbucks role as tech savvy billionaire Will Stacks who is running for Mayor of New York City. Cameron Diaz is Ms. Hannigan and Bryne takes on the role of Stacks' assistant, Grace. This "Annie" keeps a lot of the original moments. But, this is an updated, 2014 version of it. The songs are all a little remixed. I did miss one of my favorite musical numbers though. It would be "We Got Annie." I really enjoyed this movie. Wallis was adorable as a street tough but sweet Annie. She lights up every scene she is in. I loved that the directors/producers/writers were able to still add a few twists to a story I hold so dear. Diaz as Ms. Hannigan is comedic gold to me. I loved Foxx as Stacks. This movie really made me anxious for another Foxx cd. The movie was really cute and very family friendly. I want to see it again and will be purchasing it when it is released on dvd. Must see for me. I cried more than once while watching it. Representation really matters. There is something very significant and important about Wallis, a Black girl playing "Annie" in 2014. Little Black girls need to see themselves on a screen in a positive light. And, Black women need to see their younger selves represented as well. It is necessary. At the end of the movie, the entire theater clapped. Everyone loved it. Get into "Annie."

Just Because I Felt Like It: Dope Interviews

I learned of Nicki Minaj by word of mouth a few years back. I instantly became a fan once I heard "Itty Bitty Piggy," "Go Hard," & "Still I Rise." Actually, "Still I Rise" is STILL one of my fave Nicki tracks. I knew she had it and she would be a big deal. Fast forward to the release of her third project aptly named "The Pinkprint," and I was more than right. I loved her debut "Pink Friday." I thought it was dope. I liked her second project "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded" a lot less. Her features on everybody's songs made up for it though. But, "The Pinkprint" resonates with me. This album shows growth and maturity. It's the album of a 30+ woman who's been through some things. The album has an air of heartbreak to it, which is why I think I dig it so much. My favorite tracks are "Favorite," "I Lied," "Feeling Myself," "Want Som More," & "Get On Your Knees." I do not think that "Anaconda" fits the album nor did I like it. But, it's a solid project to me. 

What I am loving about this promo run are her interviews. Nicki has been so relatable in every one. Her best interviews have been with Angie Martinez on Power 105, Ebro on Hot 97, and Elliott Wilson's "CRWN" series. I had to include them here. Great material. I do not think I could be going through my first real heartbreak with the world watching. Nicki is handling it well. She said something that has stuck with me. "This breakup feels like a death" is something that I can identify with on so many levels. I do feel sorry for her because breakups suck and they are even worse when you're in love. I loved seeing this real side of her. Seeing her vulnerable makes her more relatable. I feel like this is the real Nicki on this project. I am glad to finally meet her. She has made me a renewed fan. Gone are the days of the crazy outfits, colorful wigs and "safe" pop records. "The Pinkprint" feels familiar in so many ways. Get into it and these dope Nicki Minaj interviews.  

It's My Hair: A Year In Review

The year is almost coming to a close. It has been a fabulous hair year for me. Going into my 3rd natural year, I decided to experiment a little bit more this year. I watched my hair grow longer which is a plus. But, since returning to my natural state, I've been moved by the volume (or bigness) of my hair as opposed to length. I am all about big hair these days. There is something to be said about the extra boost of confidence that I've gained since I changed my hair. I do not miss those days of getting a relaxer. But, I cannot lie, I miss the days of sitting in the hair salon and my old hair stylist. Haven't been to a shop in almost 4 years now. It has been the most interesting journey with me learning how to do my natural hair. It has gotten easier once I was fully natural. The transitioning stage was tough.

This year has been the easiest ons so far. I attribute it to the fact that I've gotten use to my hair now. I know what works for the most part and what doesn't. I dyed my hair this year for the first time in years. It came out great. I will be redoing it soon. I have had the most fun learning to love the hair that grows out of my head naturally. I have only had two moments when I contemplated returning to the relaxed life. They were both after failed twist outs. They were also very fleeting moments. I really just love the way my hair feels and looks. This has been the defining year for me and my hair. As you can tell by all the pictures, I've really enjoyed my hair. I've mastered the braid out, the wash n go, the bantu knot out and the blow out. In the following year, I will make it my business to master the two strand and three strand twists. I am looking forward to more growth, healthier hair and lots of width in my hair. Big hair or nothing in 2015. Hope every other naturalista has had a great 2014 hairwise as well.  Get into my hair 😇 🎉

My Poetry Corner XVII: Poetry Inspired By The Clock

"1:43 am"

A dream awakens me 

Now I’m yearning for the relief only you can bring 

Need to hear your voice, feel your touch 

It’s been far too long since you’ve told me to cum for you 

I need it, need you 

Fingertips glide over wet lips 

Slowly touching the innermost piece of me 

All soft and pink and tight and wet 

It’s your name on my lips as my fingertips bring me closer to ecstasy 

Your voice I hear in my head 

Hard nipples and shallow breaths  

As my fingers go in dry and come out wet  

I am chasing your voice to euphoria 

My body is hot 

I need this release 

Have to do this 

I curse as my leg starts to shake 

Run my thumb over my clit pretending it’s yours 

Panting your name while fucking myself 

I can hear you so clearly talking to me 

coaxing my orgasm from me while I quiver deeply 

"That’s it sweetheart" and then with you in mind, it occurs  

my soul shakes and I am calling out your name 

Sleep comes quickly and I meet you in my dreams 

I guess anything is better than a reality where you no longer exist

********************************************************************************

"2 am..." 

It's 2 o'clock in the morning & I cannot sleep. 

It's 2 o'clock in the morning & all I'm really craving right now is you.  

Your very sleepy voice saying my name. 

That thought really shouldn't comfort me the way it does. 

I am very good at faking how I'm feeling when it comes to you. 

I pray all the time to be free from the ache of you. 

I don't like being this woman. 

I feel less than more often than I should. 

It's been way too long and I should be totally over you, right? 

I shouldn't want you anymore.  

The memory of who you were to me shouldn't haunt me. 

Loving you should be past tense. 

But, it's 2 o'clock in the morning & you're the only person on my mind. 

I can't figure out if this is my definition of heaven or hell. 

Love?

I've been contemplating the idea of well everything. At 35 years old, I thought I would have so many more things figured out in my life. Love being the one I just knew I would have down. But, life has a way of throwing curve balls fast in your direction. The older I get, the more I realize that there is always something new to learn. When I write about love now, I always type it out like this "love?" The question mark is important. The question mark symbolizes all that I do not know or understand. I thought falling in love this last time was the beginning of the rest of my life. That has been bugging me for almost two years now. The fact that I was so incredibly wrong about love. I know what I know and that is a lot of things. But, I'm wise enough to admit that I have so much more knowledge to gain. 

Being in love was an amazing experience. It was the sudden absence of that love which led to me spiraling. That love walking away without rhyme or reason messed me up emotionally. I used to say I love you all the time. Now, I hardly ever do. I’m afraid of love because I’ve been hurt. That is the reality of where I am right now. I do not want that heartbreak to steal another moment from me. It's been too long. I’m over being that version of me. What I've had to admit to myself is that it wasn't meant to be. The future I was planning with the man I love didn't belong to us. It wasn't part of God's plan. I am still very unclear about where I am headed or if marriage and children are even in my cards. There is a saying that "you're either a lesson or a blessing" and I think it applies here. Maybe me loving my ex was both. During, it felt like every blessing I could imagine. Afterwards, it serves as merely a lesson. One I have yet to truly figure out. I do not know what I was supposed to learn from loving someone that much and losing them. I am working my way through this and trying to get a better understanding of what love is. How does it look and how does it feel are important for my future development Right now, I am treating it as an abstract thought. So, it's still love? to me. And, I'm ok with that.

Get Into It: "Black Messiah"

It's been almost 15 years since D'Angelo (And The Vanguard) blessed us with a new project "Black Messiah." It's been almost 15 years too long since we heard his melodic tone. I've decided that this was a birthday gift for me. I have been a lifelong fan. His music has always been an experience for me. I couldn't wait to dig into this "Black Messiah" project. I listened to it early this morning. I was pleasantly surprised with every single track. It's an effortless flow of songs that speak to me. It is the perfect follow up to "Voodoo." It has that same funk era feel that made "Voodoo" so classic to me. There isn't one song that I dislike. My standout early favorites are "Another Life," "Really Love," "Betray My Heart," and "1000 Deaths." Those are the four that I've played the most today. D'Angelo sounds amazing on these tracks. 

 The above video has the whole project on it. It is also available on itunes and you can stream it for free on Spotify. I cannot stop playing it. It has been the soundtrack to my Monday and second full day of being 35. This is grown folks music at its best. I just know that this project will sound amazing with a live band in concert. Whenever he goes on tour, I will be there. I love the very earthly feels of "Black Messiah." It feels like home. It's odd how something so new can still feel old and very familiar. I love that he took the Beyonce' approach a full year after her with this surprise release. We all knew D'Angelo was working on new music but none of us had any idea when or if we would get it. This project is a gift that I am fully prepared to enjoy for weeks to come. If you are an old fan, you will deeply enjoy this. If you are new to D'Angelo, this is a great introduction. Get into everything that is D'Angelo and the Vanguard's "Black Messiah." It's worth it. 

All I Want For My Birthday...

Today is Sunday, December 14th, 2014. It is 2:39 am. At this exact moment 35 years ago, I was born. It's my birthday!!! I am beyond humbled and grateful for the gift of life. I was blessed to wake up this morning to see this day. I don't know how I got to 35 so quickly though!! I don't feel 35 and more importantly, I don't look 35. So, there is all the win I need right there. Today is my day. I've always loved my birthday and the month of December. Even when I'm not too sure of what the day will bring, I embrace and enjoy it. Thank you God for blessing me with 35 years on this Earth. The first 35 has been a full on roller coaster ride. The only thing I want for my birthday is peace and growth. I want to continue on this adventure to being my most authentic self. And, if I can find laughter, happiness and knowledge along the way, I would deem it a success. I already know the next 35 will be even better. I am claiming it. Happy Born Day to me! Happy New Year's to me!! I am excitedly looking forward to all that my 35th year will bring my way. :)

Ladies Love Lyrics: K. Michelle's "Hard To Do"

K. Michelle released her sophomore cd "Anybody Wanna Buy A Heart" this week. I am no fan of hers, mainly because of her horrible attitude on "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta." But, I cannot deny, the woman can sing. I gave AWBAH a listen because I love "Maybe I Should Call." I enjoyed the whole project. But, I instantly connected to "Hard To Do." It's my favorite song on the cd. The song sample's Total's "Kissing You" which was one of my favorite songs growing up. The hook and chorus are the parts that cemented it for me. This one has already gotten a lot of play in my house. Get into this song and these lyrics.  

"Cause what you gon do
When I put that pretty thing on you?
I usually don't do this,
But I'll do it for you.

[Chorus:]
Oh, baby cause...
Missing you is way too hard to do.
I'd rather be fucking you.
Do you mind if I give you love?
Cause I just wanna give you love.
Won't you tell me if I'm doing too much?
Missing you is way too hard to do.

Lately I've been in my feelings.
Dealing with the daily thoughts of missing you.
I ain't dialing but my body's calling for ya,
breaking down.
Gotta give it to you..."

December 4th

Today is December 4th. That means it's the birthday of my favorite rapper, Shawn Corey "Jay Z" Carter!! If you've been reading my blog for a while then you already know how much of a fan I am. He is the G.O.A.T. of rappers for me. Don't debate me bro. And, not only is he a dope rapper but he is also a Sagittarius which makes me like him even more because I am a Sag too. So, below are a few of my favorite Jay Z songs. Today he is 45 years young. Happy Birthday, HOV!!!

No Justice For Eric Garner

Another day, another cop getting away with killing a Black person. Today, it's Eric Garner. Garner was killed via an illegal choke hold by NYPD cop Daniel Pantaleo in July. This murder was filmed and is currently on Youtube. The whole world watched it. The Medical Examiner ruled Garner's death as a homicide. And, the Grand Jury still decided not to indict Pantaleo. Un-freaking-believable!! I am not even shocked but I am in disbelief. How many more ways can white people tell Black people that we do not matter? They are killing us with witnesses and on video and walking. These officers are free to live the rest of their lives. This is not justice. I hate this. I am mad. Black people are mad. We have all the reasons to be. This is awful. RIP to Eric Garner. 

My Last Random Thoughts of 2014

• I had the absolute best Thanksgiving holiday! I enjoyed my family so much. It was good to see them and hang out. The holiday was filled with so much laughter, which I can never get enough of. It was chicken soup for the soul. 
• I took some time Thanksgiving morning to reflect on all the things I have to be thankful for. I need to do that more often. It's far too easy to get caught up in all the things that I want and do not have yet. I am so thankful. 
• When my hair looks good, I feel great. Which is why my weekend was so dope. My perfect braid out was perfect. And, even on day 4, it was still fab. You gotta love natural hair, right?
• This week, I fell off my emotionless wagon. I'm sad because I was doing so well with it. It's hard for a woman like me to hold all of my emotions in. But, I have been doing just that. I slipped. I'll live. 
• Mary J. Blige's new cd "The London Sessions" was released today. It's a new sound for her. "Whole Damn Year" is still my absolute fave. I'm not totally sold on the whole project. I gotta give it another listen or two. You should def get into it. 

• I really need something to read. A series preferably. Something good. I haven't read in a few weeks and I'm annoyed by that. I have to correct that soon.
• There is a quote that reads "Remember you were beautiful before he told you" and I swear I repeat it to myself a lot. When you are used to hearing terms of endearment and being compliment daily by one person and then it ends, there is a part of you that will always long for it. I hate that I yearn for it because it makes me feel weak in a way. But, honestly, who doesn't want to be seen in the best light by people? It is an ongoing battle. 
• Mike Brown's killer was allowed to walk free without an indictment or a trial. He killed a boy and got a paid vacation. Eric Garner's killer, also a cop, wasn't indicted either. His death was ruled a homicide, the choke hold was illegal and yet his killer walked free. I do not feel safe here. I don't feel that my brothers, nephews, friends are safe here. I am the epitome of an angry Black woman today and I have every right to be.
• A Charlie Brown Christmas was on last night. I watched it because I love it. I saw Frosty the Snowman last week. All I need to see is Rudolph and Frosty returns to complete my Christmas cartoon trip down memory lane. I still love them all. 
• It's been a hard lesson to learn when you realize other Black folks are not as concerned with certain Black issues. There is nothing worse than a self hating Black person. I can never understand it. Nor can one reason with that level of ridiculousness. All you can do is pray for them to be enlightened and to stay 100 feet from around me. Please.