Statistically Speaking

As far back as I can remember, I never wanted to be grouped with the majority. I never wanted to be a statistic. It's the reason I was a virgin all through high school. I didn't want to be a teenage mother. More specifically, I did not want to be a Black teen mom. There were too many of them around me. I wanted more, desired more. College was always in my future because I knew the world was bigger than my neighborhood. I wanted more than just a high school diploma. Education was a drug to me. I craved it.

For years, I wanted to be the opposite of what society said I should and could only be. I'm ok with that. I know who I am. I do believe that my intelligence  is one of my greatest traits. But, it has more to do with things I've taught myself. I value knowledge and the people who are always on the hunt for more. In my pursuit to be the anti-version of Black women splashed all over reality shows and the like, I realized something significant. I've been running away from some specific statistics that I've unwittingly landed in another one: I'm 30+, single, never been married, childless, Black woman. I'm suddenly a damn statistic! And, clearly, I'm not happy about it.

I'm days away from my 34th birthday. I'm depressed about this approaching age. Why? Because none of the dreams I had for 34 have come to fruition. The entire theme for this year can be summed up on one word: adrift. It's the only way to describe it. The realization that I am a statistic makes me sad. It makes me average, like everyone else. That is something I've never been comfortable with. Maybe there is a plan for me to not be trapped in this particular statistic. Who knows? But, I do find the irony in this entire blog. Sometimes I believe that my own worst enemy is no further than the reflection in the mirror. Anyway, these are just my thoughts.

Get Me Bodied

People will make an issue out of anything. I just read one of the most ridiculous articles ever. Of course , it was featured on Huffington Post, which seems to be the place for pieces like this. This article is insane. This doctor has condemned a pop star for taking a deal with Pepsi. Excuse me? When did it become a celebrities job to parent kids who aren't theirs? I will never understand this. It is a major issue when a celebs word has more say over your kids than you do. That is my bottom line. Beyonce' is the head of a global brand. She has been a Pepsi spokesperson for at least a decade. Why would she turn down a $50 million dollar deal that is beneficial for her? That makes no sense.

Yes, I know obesity is a huge issue in America, especially with kids. But, let us not forget that Beyonce' is also involved with the First Lady's Let's Move initiative. She also changed the words to her hit song "Get Me Bodied" and released a video to promote healthy eating and exercise. But, I guess all of that was for naught. Dr. Rockeymore comes across as a woman looking for an issue with a celeb. Her problem is with Pepsi and parents who contribute to the obesity of their child. I just don't get it. Maybe it's just me.

20

20. That number keeps repeating in my head. 20 kids whose lives were cut short by an evil bastard. 20 kids who went to school this morning happy that today was Friday. 20 kids who were in the place where they should have been safe. 20 kids who lost their lives today. I cannot believe this. What kind of monster walks into an elementary school and guns down 20 kids? I do not have a problem with guns. I don't like them. Guns don't kill people. People kill people. I will not write the killers name. He does not get to be infamous. He was a monster. I don't want to hear a damn thing about his mental state. It's a cop out that I don't adhere to. He purchased a semi automatic gun, ammo and a bullet proof vest. He killed his mom. He drove to a school, walked in and opened fire on kids. Unstable? Nope. Just plain evil, crazy.

My heart breaks for the murdered kids and their grieving families. I cannot imagine how they get over this. A total of 28 dead today. The killer took his life like the coward he was. He has d numerous families, a community and the little town of Newtown, Connecticut. Excuse my French but fuck the shooter. This is horrible. Now is the time to reform gun laws. Citizens should not be able to obtain automatic weapons. I don't want to hear a peep from those NRA freaks or the gun loving folks. A major change needs to happen. Now. 20 elementary age kids should not be dead today. This shouldn't happen. We have to do better for those 20 kids and all the people we lose to gun violence daily all over (especially in Chicago & New Orleans). My prayers are with the everyone in Newtown.

Condoms in a Marriage??

I was reading a discussion on Facebook where a rather odd question was posed. Condoms while married: Yay or Nay? I say it's odd because why would I want my husband to use a condom? We're married in this scenario, right? If you've spent you're sexual life being safe and protected, one of the rewards of marriage is not having to do that. I didn't plan on using condoms AFTER marriage. It's just not an option or even a thought.

The second part of the discussion was about making a unilateral decision about NOT having kids. I know that having children isn't for everyone. And, if someone has decided that they fall into this category, then I applaud them. But, to be married and make that final decision without any discussion with your mate is beyond selfish and just wrong. I know I wouldn't marry a man who didn't want kids because I do. I couldn't sacrifice that for any one. It's what I want. I also wouldn't be with someone that I have to force into anything. The decision to have children is serious and life changing. It's not a fly by night decision.

I found the question ridiculous on many levels. As well as the reasoning behind it. I just couldn't believe it when I read it. Condoms in a marriage are no bueno for me. When it comes to birth control once I'm married, I will pop a pill. I will take responsibility for that. I think that would be the easiest, most efficient thing. The discussion about children would happen way before marriage became a topic. I guess I'm just wired differently. Things work out another way in my head. This discussion was very odd to me as well as other folks. They seemed to are with me. What say you? Yay or nay to condoms in a marriage. Let's dish people!

Letter To My (Future) Firstborn

There's this seven day challenge in Tumblr that involves writing letters. I thought that on that had to be addressed to your future child was the most interesting. It was also the easiest on to write for me. I wrote it first. Thought I would share it here so I could have a way of keeping it to show my firstborn. Here goes...

Dear Ms. K,

I have loved you before you were even conceived. I dreamed of you for years. I was made to be your Mommie. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I never knew I could love one little person so much. I could stare in your little brown face for hours. You are my definition of perfect. Your Daddy and I are so proud to be your parents.

I’m gonna want to protect you from the world. Your Daddy won’t let anyone hurt you. We will teach you everything we know. Especially passing on our shared love of music, poetry, and literature. He will teach you all he knows about math, cooking, and computer programming. I will hip you to politics, the arts and the beauty of nail polish. We will encourage your active imagination. Knowledge will be a center theme in our house and your life. We will take great pleasure in watching your face light up as you learn new things and “teach” them to us.

Laughter is a must. It will be abundant in our house. We want you to do, be whatever you want. We will give all of ourselves to you in order for you to succeed. I want to have an open door policy with you. I want you to be comfortable enough to discuss any thing with me. I will be as honest as possible with you. I will tell you all the things I did that may not have turned out the way I thought they would. We will encourage you to express your emotions. And, no matter what, you should always remember that we love you. And everything we do is because of that. I know you won’t always be happy with the decisions we will make for you. But we will always have your best interests at heart. That’s our job.

And yes, we will probably spoil you. But it will be ok because you will be ours. The best thing your Daddy and I will ever do is to be the parents of you and your five (!!) siblings. We may not have all the answers but we will have an abundance of love. Because we love you now and this is only theoretical. We can’t wait to meet you, hold you, kiss you. We’ve talked about the possibility of you often. We have since the beginning of our relationship. Mommie and Daddy are ready to begin this journey with you. I know when the time is right, you will make your appearance so until we meet…

I Love You,
Mommie!