My life is in transition. Transitioning into what? I'm not entirely sure. There was a time when I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to become. But, things have changed drastically. There are moments when I actually have no clue as to what's going on. There are days when I don't feel pretty or smart or together or focused. And, these are things I cannot lean on others for. Yes, accolades and compliments are great. But, if I don't believe them then they don't mean as much. My life has been spiraling for some time now. I have no destination and that scares the hell out of me. My reaction to a certain situation has caused me to cut people out. I am not as open with my friends as I used to be. I'm not as available either. I know this isn't the right course of action but it's the only way I know to protect all I hold dear. If I don't let anyone in, then no one can hurt me. This makes me a little colder I know. But, it's a practice that I've adapted.
I can no longer hold onto the woman I was because, sadly, she no longer exists. But, I am apprehensive about the woman I am becoming because I do not know her yet. What my future holds? I really do not know. I want a few things that I have no clue how to achieve them but I will. I really thought I wanted to write but I've changed my mind about that. I've spent too much time feeling adrift in the last year and a half. I honestly don't have the luxury of time on my side. I will be 35 soon. It's the age I just knew I would have it all together. You know the marriage, the kids, the house and the career. I am so far removed from that ideal. I almost feel like this is my mid life crisis. I used to have the answers and I swear I do not anymore. I know that I'm not supposed to have it all figured out but I'd feel more secure if I knew more. Or if the answers were simpler. Transitioning is a must in life. It's just my season. A season of uncertainty and restructuring. Fingers crossed and prayers sent up that I end up exactly where I am supposed to be: in the middle of my own future. A future I can be proud of and exist happily in. I couldn't ask for anything more.
I DID IT!!! I have been natural for a year. I cannot believe I stuck to it. This was the undoing of 20 years worth of relaxers. That's a long time and it became a habit. It was what I did because it was what I knew. So, I made a decision and stepped out on faith and a prayer. I had NO idea what I was doing. None. But, I just knew I had to try it. I contemplated the natural route for almost a year. I started here and worked my way to there. I tried some new styles and experienced some growing pains during this year. I experimented with new products made specifically for transitioning and natural hair. I fought the urge to become a product junkie. I was lucky. I found what worked for me. Hair may not be a big deal to some of you but it is to me. And, getting my hair to revert back to its natural state has been a learning experience. I did not get caught up in the natural hair care boards or products or nonsense. I did what I wanted to do in the way I wanted to do it. I flat iron my natural hair because I still like the look of ultra straight hair. I don't do it often but I do it. Some say that this does not make me natural. I disagree. To me being natural means my hair is without the altering affects of harsh chemicals. I am natural by my and most others definition of the word.
My hair journey is far from over. I am basically just beginning. But, today I have passed a major milestone. I did it. I am so proud of myself. This has been one of the most difficult moves I have made concerning my hair. I have dyed it various shades of brown, burgundy, and black. My hair has been highlighted with brown and blonde. It's been short as a pixie cut or a bob or when I wore it longer. It's been ultra straight, shagged, and super curly. Since going natural, I've relied heavily on a few go to styles: like this or this or a bunI never had to pay much attention to my hair because it was trained to do what I wanted. I wrapped it every night it wasn't curly with a silk scarf. This was learned behavior. It's what Black girls were all taught to do at a young age. Hair is important in the Black community. But, it isn't everything. I have hair envy a lot these days. I have chronicled it here on Pinterest. I always see pictures of gorgeous Black women with the prettiest natural hair. I aspire to be that. I have a clear picture of my hair and what it truly looks/feels like. I cannot wait to wear my hair like this.
I will not say it has been easy. It has been a very exploratory road. There are days when I am completely over it. Over talking about, thinking about, and dealing with my hair. Those days are few and far in between. But, they do happen. They also happened when I had a relaxer as well. What I love is feeling my natural hair texture. I love the feeling of my hair in my hands. All of the kinky, coily, curliness of it. It's my hair. Changing my hair came with a change of mind state as well. I had to unlearn the lie hat I've been fed my whole life that relaxed hair is natural. No, relaxed hair is acceptable. But, it is not the only choice. I am 100% natural when it comes to my hair. My hair is the way God intended because this is the way it grows out of my head. How can that be wrong? I know now that it isn't. I am a better version of myself than I was a year ago. So, I'm excited. I set a goal and I stuck to it. One year later, I'm still here. Still loving my hair. I'm curious as to what's next. Don't worry, I'll keep you guys informed. It's my hair and it is amazing!
It's that time again. It's my hair and I need to talk about it some more. As of this week, I have been transitioning for 45 weeks. I've invested my time in YouTube videos, natural hair care forums and advice from other natural women I know. For the most part, I've had really good look with products working for me & my hair. I haven't had a lot of trial and error. Which is pretty great because I haven't wasted a lot of money. I did not big chop because I was not comfortable with my hair being really short or nonexistent. I entered a contest on a whim via Tumblr & Facebook. I was behind surprised when I actually won. The prize was a Carol's Daughter 1-2-3 Transitioning Kit. I was very interesting to try the products out. A few days after receiving my prize from Sassy Nation, I put them to work. The picture below is where my hair started.
First off, I loved this kit! Absolutely loved the effect it had on my hair. I am not a fan of the smell. I'm not sure what the exact scent is. But, it's not one I'm fond of. The low poo cleanser is great. You don't need to use a lot to feel it working. All three products have this tingling aspect to them that I love. I wet my hair before applying. I worked it into my scalp and from the roots to the tip. While washing my hair, I could feel a major difference. My hair wasn't tangled. It was easier to detangle while using this product, which is a major plus. The second step was my favorite. It's the spray that goes directly onto your scalp. It was tingling the whole 15 minutes it was on my scalp. After rinsing it out, I applied the repair breakage cream. I sat under a hooded dryer for 15 minutes. The heat plus the tingling was an experience. The picture below is halfway through. I used parts 1 & 2 so far.
After I was finally done, I was very satisfied with this product. My hair was soft and manageable. It took me less time to do my hair. I didn't have to spend time detangling. I used my hands instead of a wide toothed comb. I am completely sold on this kit. Even though I am getting towards the end of my transition, I am glad I found this product. I would recommend it to anyone who is thinking about transitioning as well. My natural hair goal was to transition for a year. October 2, 2012 will be my one year anniversary. I'm so proud of myself for sticking to it. Carol's Daughter has given me a product that should make the next few weeks a breeze.
The last picture is what my hair looks like now. It's so soft and I love the way it feels. I suggest all you transitioning naturalistas get into these products.
I feel like I've been talking about and obsessing over my hair a lot lately. I think this comes with the territory. I am at the four month post relaxer mark. I'm not happy with my hair. It's taking so much time to get my hair to do what I want it to. It's been a hectic journey. I am just at the growing out stage. I have been doing it all myself. I want the satisfaction of conquering my hair myself. I do not know what my hairs natural texture is just yet. But I'm still excited about finding out what it is.
I'm almost to the point of needing a transition hairstyles. I'm leaning heavily towards getting twists. I've never been a huge fan of weaves and I've never worn a wig. So twists seem like a good way to go. I'm now on the hunt for a good stylist to get this done. I know that a transition style will take some of the stress off of me. Weaning myself off of the creamy crack has not been easy. Just last week, I wanted to go get a relaxer and throw it in my head. It was just a fleeting feeling but it did happen. I'm so used to my hair looking, feeling a certain way. And now it doesn't. So change can be hard to accept.
This is hard. But I'm committed to it. I want to see it through for myself and for my future daughters. I know going natural is the in thing right now. But that is the furthest thing from my mind. My hair wasn't growing. It wasn't as healthy as it once was. I want to get it back to there. I'm going to do my best to do it. I have read some product reviews and al excited to try some new things. Especially the Jamaican Black Castor Oil. Things are progressing slowly on the growth front. That's the most annoying part so far. I know things will move when they should. My hair is a work in progress. I'm just dealing with it. This natural hair journey is on it's way.
