Ran-dumb

• This winter weather is going to kill me. It should not be 73 one day and 40 the next in February!! That is insane. And, of course, now I have the cold from hell. I just want to breathe normally and sleep through the night. Last night, Nyquil became my new best friend. Let's pray that I can shake it soon. Oh, and that this weather regulates itself accordingly. 
• Sometimes we get the answers to the questions in our heart and they leave even more questions. This happened to me this week. My questions left more questions. I hate when I cannot figure something out. Hate when I cannot get to a logical conclusion. But, the reality is the answers don't make sense still. One cannot say I love strawberries, they are my fave AND I've decided to never eat them again. Why would one do that? It's illogical at best. So, the very analytical part of me has given up on trying to make the answers work. 
• I've been emotionally drained for weeks now. I am so tired of it. Life would be so much easier if I didn't care so much. I haven't figured out how to be that version of myself though.
• Rediscovering old music you've forgotten about is like running into an old friend you haven't seen in a while. It's been the best part of my week. I am obsessed with Anthony Hamilton's "Broken Man" and Justin Timberlake's "Still On My Brain." They've both been played a ridiculous amount of times this week.
• So, I am an old school NKOTB fan. They were my group in elementary school They are coming here in May. I have to be there. For nostalgia sakes. I have to see Jordan with my own eyes again.

• The older I get, the more in love with my Blackness I become. To me, there is nothing better than melanin. I love our skin. I love being Black. I'd love it if people would realize that I can be pro-Black (aka "All BLACK everything") and still not be anti-white. They two can coexist. i am eternally thankful for God making me Black. You can take that anyway you want but I am so amazed by the skin I am in. 
• And, I have to admit that there is a small part of me that still holds on to a certain dream. The dream of me falling in love, marrying and building a life with a Black man. Having Black kids and living a very dope life. I may be skeptical about the whole falling in love again thing but I know my end game leads me to a life where Blackness is the center. It's the one thing I've always dreamed of.
• With age comes wisdom. I have become more involved with things that affect the state of Blacks in the U.S. today. Maybe I have more activist in me than I thought. 
• OAN, I am simply over the white washing of everything. I am not watching the Grammy's or the Oscar's because of it this year. I am just done with white folks columbusing everything that Black people have created. It's annoying and it's never as good as the originals. Just stop it, 2520's. 
• Been listening a lot more than talking lately. It's worked out tremendously for me. I don't want to talk about my issues. I just want to listen and offer help when I can. That's it. At least for right now.